


Unexpected

by K17L53



Series: And Theo makes three... [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, F/F, Football | Soccer Player Lexa (The 100), High School, Modern Setting Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Pregnancy, Pregnant Clarke Griffin, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Lexa (The 100), Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 135,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K17L53/pseuds/K17L53
Summary: Clarke Griffin, 17. Lexa Woods, 18. Happily and hopelessly in love, and the school's favorite couple. Life is good, life is going according to plan, things are going the way they should. But what happens when Clarke's period is late? And there's a possibility of a baby? How does that fit into their plan? Their relationship?orThe teen pregnancy AU
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: And Theo makes three... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069829
Comments: 525
Kudos: 1419





	1. Late

**Author's Note:**

> okay so, lexa is trans and i'll explain her situation in the story. clarke is cis. they are both sexually active. so you can tell how exactly clarke might end up pregnant.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're setting the scene. setting their dynamic and how these two are in this universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this idea kinda came out of nowhere and i started writing it. now i have like 5 chapters drafted because why not???? anyways. i'm planning on it getting kinda angsty. and i have a timeline already written out for the fic so i'll be good with the updates.

Clarke chewed on her bottom lip absentmindedly, a crease forming between her brows as she stared at the phone in her hands. Maybe it looked a little weird how much she was focused on her period tracking app, but she couldn’t help it. But staring at it didn’t change the fact, the fact that her period was late by almost two weeks, something that never happened. Her period was always on time, it was never late, not even by a couple of days. It was always on time, her tracker app was always accurate, from the entire time she had been using it, it has never been wrong. So there had to be a reason for it right? Stress from school, stress in general because well, being a teenager wasn’t easy. Or maybe it was just hormonal changes, Clarke was still going through puberty and changes and _disruptions_ were normal…right?

_Yeah, yeah, it was something like that_. Clarke tried to tell herself, _It has to be_. There wasn’t anything else that it _could_ be, nope. It couldn’t be _that_ , they were always careful, they always used protection, they never _slipped up_ when it came to sex. There was no way Clarke could be pregnant.

But god, what if she was?

“What are ya looking at?” Raven’s voice brought her out of her thoughts with a jolt, making her almost jump, as she slid into the bench next to her. It was lunch time, Clarke had gotten out of her class five minutes earlier than she was meant to because Mr. Jaha got a text and kind of just…left, he just walked out on the class without saying anything. They all waited a few minutes, thinking he would return but he never did, so they all eventually left too. It wasn’t too surprising actually, he was…a peculiar guy, in Clarke’s mind, _weird_ didn’t describe him the way _peculiar_ did. There were rumors that he was part of a cult and no one would be surprised if that turned out to be true, there were weird symbols on his things and his clothes were never… _normal_.

“Nothing important.” Clarke answered, giving her friend what she assumed looked like a smile as she put her phone away immediately. Actually, she may have put it down on the table face-down a little too hard, the noise it made almost made Clarke worry that she might have broken the screen. “I was just waiting for you guys.” Clarke told her casually, well, she hoped her voice sounded casual when internally she was freaking out a little. “Where’s Octavia?” She asked instead, trying to get the focus off of her because Raven was looking at her weird.

“She texted me and told me Pike asked her to stay back.” Raven replied simply; Raven was a senior, their other best friend, Octavia was a junior, same as Clarke. “I think it might have to do with the last math test.”

“That bad?” Clarke asked, pushing her plate between her and her friend.

Raven nodded, “She might have failed it?”

Clarke’s eyes widened as Raven picked up a french fry from her plate. “The one that’s like 30% of our final grade?” She asked her – Clarke was also a junior, she didn’t really like the thought of one of her best friends and her girlfriend leaving by the end of summer.

“Yeah,” Raven let out a dry laugh, stealing another of Clarke’s fries. “She’s screwed.” She took a bite, “Where’s your girl?” She questioned, asking this time about Lexa.

“It’s football season,” Clarke started, “Where do you think she is?” She rolled her eyes. Yes, she absolutely loved the fact that her girlfriend played quarterback for the school football team. But at the same time…there were some things about it that she didn’t like. Lexa was…small compared to the other guys, slimmer, more fragile, and Clarke knew it was irrational because Lexa was _very_ strong and could give the guys a run for their money, but she was still worried about Lexa every time they were out – they could break her in half if they wanted to, especially when they piled on top of her. Clarke was just worried about her girlfriend, that’s all. Don’t get her wrong, she loved watching Lexa play, loved hearing the whole school cheer for her. She was an incredible player and well…it was kind hot, let’s be real, the confidence, the intensity in her eyes, the determination. And Lexa tended to get really cocky after a good game, which was actually really endearing to Clarke.

Lunch was mostly quiet, Octavia didn’t have much to say because she wasn’t in a great mood after her little talk with Pike. She _did_ fail her math test, and Pike wasn’t going to give her another chance on it. The thing was, Octavia wasn’t big on studying or on tests, she simply couldn’t be bothered no matter how much everyone told her she needed to step up. There wasn’t anything in particular that made her _not care_ , Octavia just felt like she had better things to do than study. But her friends were worried, her brother was worried, she was a junior and it would soon be time to move on and figure out what she wanted to do with her life. At this rate though…she might not even graduate.

Clarke went up to get more food, for herself and for Raven, the fries were just to get her through until her friends showed up. On the other side of the table, Raven was tinkering with something Clarke didn’t entirely trust, she had some sort of a reputation for blowing things up. Or melting surfaces. Her science teachers liked her, but other than that, everyone knew better than to leave Raven Reyes unsupervised. Clarke was preoccupied with her own worries, hoping lunch wouldn’t be as quiet as it was, wanting their friends to say or do something that would distract her. She couldn’t stop her mind wandering, thinking about all the possibilities, all the things that could end up happening _if_ she was pregnant. She shook her head, trying to shake the word out of her brain. She wanted to see Lexa right now more than anyone else. But at the same time, Clarke also didn’t. She had a feeling she would just end being awkward around her to try and make up for the fact that her _period was late_.

The rest of the day wasn’t that great, Clarke lost in her own little world, not able to pay much attention to anything. She didn’t even realize it when Lexa walked up into class behind her until she had her arms wrapped around Clarke’s shoulder. Okay, this wasn’t Lexa’s class but class hadn’t entirely started yet. But the teacher was here at the front, the room was full but Lexa didn’t really care because she hadn’t seen her girlfriend all day. She leaned down, kissing the top of Clarke’s head and receiving a smile, no one really gave them a second look, this was pretty common with these two.

Clarke rolled her eyes, stifling a smile “Get out before you get yelled at.”

Lexa only frowned at her in response, wanting to stick back a little bit longer.

“Miss Woods.” The teacher finally called out, wanting to start her class. “I don’t think you’re in my junior lit class.”

“That I am not.” Lexa replied calmly, giving Ms. Diyoza one of her trademark smiles.

“Would you mind telling me why you’re here then?” She crossed her arms over her chest, watching Lexa carefully. That smile was infectious, but Diyoza wasn’t going to give in.

“I just came to see my beautiful girlfriend.” Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa, her smile rubbing off on her now. She couldn’t help it, Lexa had a way with people, the smile, the confidence, the charm, it won Clarke over after all. The rest of the class let out a small laugh, they were all used to this by now. Well, the entire school was used to these two and them being like _this_. It was cute, they were the school’s favorite couple; it helped that Lexa was the quarterback and Clarke was head of the student council, and the prom committee, and the year book community, and leader of the debate team…basically, she did a lot of things that made her very popular amongst her peers.

Lexa waited a moment, gauging the teacher’s expression before giving in, “But I am leaving right now.” With that, she took off, practically running out of the classroom. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning miss.” She flashed her another smile.

This time Diyoza had to fight off a smile, rolling her eyes at the senior, “Go to class Woods.”

She waved her goodbye from outside the door, receiving another eye roll from the literature teacher. Okay the teachers didn’t really like it, they didn’t really like her, Lexa knew that very well and she actually got told off every five minutes for one thing or another so it might as well be for disrupting class to see her girlfriend. The teachers Lexa actually liked stopped caring about her by now, actually that was why she liked them. She had ADHD and that didn’t really help her sit still in class or pay attention. Well, she wasn’t entirely hyperactive the way you’d see in a TV show or a movie but well, she would go on her phone, tap her pencil while the teacher was talking, scribble instead of taking notes, or even just walk right out of the classroom if it got too much. Not only that but she was kind of what people could call… _difficult_. It wasn’t the ADHD – or well, it wasn’t _just_ the ADHD – she just didn’t do well with authority, or being told what to do. She liked to be on her own timetable, speaking and doing as she pleased. But there was something very endearing about her, Clarke found her a little annoying at first but her charm eventually won her over. She went as far as to call Lexa an asshole but in a very nice way, she still said Lexa was kind of an ass sometimes but she was…? Very charming, and just generally very nice, it made it difficult for people to not like her.

English literature finally finished, her last period, after what felt like an eternity. Walking out, Clarke was pulled aside by familiar hands, “Hi,” Lexa said to her, giving her a smile.

“Hi yourself,” Clarke let out a soft laugh, “How did you get here so quick?” Lexa’s class was on the other side of the school, there was no way she made it here in less than a minute of the period finishing.

Lexa shrugged, “I left early…?” It came out almost as a question, unsure of why Clarke was even asking her that, it wasn’t the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. “Drive you home?” She offered instead of giving her an explanation. Well, there wasn’t one really, she was done with her work and Lexa didn’t want to sit around.

* * *

Another week had passed, Clarke desperately hoping for her period to come. This was probably the only time in her life she has wanted to get her period. Maybe Clarke should be doing something about it other than just waiting but she couldn’t get herself to even seriously consider _that_. But she had been acting a little weird around Lexa, quieter, unsure of what to say without being awkward, hell, Clarke hasn’t even been texting Lexa as much as normal – not even half as much. She would eventually catch onto it if she hadn’t already and Clarke didn’t really know what she would tell Lexa when she asked her why she was acting weird. There was a pretty good chance that she was…pregnant right now. And that it was Lexa’s. No, actually that second bit wasn’t a chance, if she was pregnant then it was most definitely Lexa’s. It couldn’t be anyone else’s. Who else could have gotten her pregnant other than her girlfriend, the only person she has been with for the past almost two years?

Okay, getting pregnant by your girlfriend might not be something most people think is even a possibility. But Lexa was transgender. No one really knew other than Clarke and her parents, she was stealth in school. She had known for as long as she could remember, and so did her parents. They were amazing through it all, they loved her, accepted her, supported her since she was just a little kid and brought it up for the first time. She was lucky, Lexa knew that, with parents like that, she was lucky. (And she also knew you shouldn’t have to be lucky to have parents who love you unconditionally – it made her sad to think about other people who weren’t as fortunate as her). So, Lexa has always been able to present as female, live as herself, be herself, and be loved for the person she was.

Lexa had wanted to medically transition as soon as she could, as soon as she hit puberty actually because up until then, things were alright. Her parents supported her through it, listened to her, listened to what she needed, and did all that was possible as long as it was safe for Lexa. She had gotten on hormone blockers at around the age of thirteen, to stay in it until she could start hormone replacement therapy. But that didn’t really work out the way they were hoping, for some reason the blockers didn’t agree with her and had to go off of them. It was a long wait between then and starting hormone replacement therapy; it just wouldn’t be safe for her to take hormones at thirteen, and she had to wait till she turned sixteen before she could.

So yes, if Clarke was pregnant, it was most definitely Lexa’s. But god, they were always careful. They always used protection, if Lexa didn’t have condoms on her, Clarke did, if Clarke forgot, Lexa did. They have never had a slip up, never even a broken condom. So how could this have happened?

“You’re acting weird.”

Clarke heard as the bedroom door flung open and Lexa stepped inside. It took her a moment to register the fact that her girlfriend was here, with no warning, or text, or anything to let her know she was coming. “What?” She asked her, more confused by how she was here than by what Lexa was saying. “How did you get in?”

Lexa shrugged, “Your mom let me in.” She told her calmly before returning to the subject at hand. “Clarke what’s going on?” She asked her.

“What are you talking about?” Clarke questioned.

“You’re acting weird.” She said again. “I haven’t seen much of you, heard from you in like…a week.” Lexa explained. “What’s going on?”

“You know you could have just texted me, right?” Clarke tried to keep her voice calm, she knew exactly what Lexa was talking about.

Lexa let out a deep breath, “I tried.” She told her calmly, “Multiple times but well, no reply.” Her demeanor changed, a little worried now, softer. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No, no.” Clarke shook her head immediately, sitting up straight from where she was laying on the bed. “You didn’t do anything.” She added. Lexa tapped her foot restlessly on the floor, watching Clarke for a moment, unsure where this was heading, she just wanted to know. “Sit down, come on.”

“You’re worrying me.” Lexa told her quietly, coming to sit down next to Clarke.

“It’s nothing Lex,” Clarke tried. “I just…haven’t been in a great mood the past few days.” She told her, only half lying – she hasn’t been feeling great and that was because she was worried about being pregnant. “It’s not you,” She added immediately. “It’s not because of you or because of us.” Clarke looked her, eyes soft as she took Lexa’s hand in her’s. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

“What’s going on?” Lexa asked her, concerned more about Clarke now than anything else. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Clarke nodded, leaning her head against Lexa’s shoulder. “Just rough couple of weeks.”

“Weeks?” Lexa questioned, “I thought it was a few days.” She added, “Clarke, what’s wrong?” Clarke remained silent, thinking about it, thinking about what to say to Lexa. But she just shrugged, not having an answer. “I’m here, okay? You can talk to me.”

“I don’t know…” Clarke muttered.

“Tell.” Lexa pressed on, if there was something worrying her girlfriend, she wanted to know. Maybe she couldn’t fix everything, but Lexa could at least try – and if she couldn’t, she could still be there for Clarke. “I’m here, always here.” She made little circles on the back of Clarke’s hand with her thumb. “Whatever it is, I promise it’s okay.”

Clarke remained silent and unmoving, then finally gave in and reached for her phone that was laying on the bed. She knew Lexa was watching her, probably confused as she unlocked the screen and tapped on the app she was looking for. She didn’t say anything, only handed it to Lexa.

“What is this?” Lexa only asked, taking the phone from her. “What am I looking at?”

Clarke chewed on her bottom lip, watching Lexa intently and unsure of what to say. “That’s my cycle.” She explained, “You’re looking at my cycle.”

“Your what?” Lexa wasn’t catching on what Clarke was saying.

“My menstrual cycle.” She explained then she let out a sigh, finally spitting it out, “Lexa I’m late. My period is late.”

Lexa didn’t know when she stopped breathing but the words came out strained, “What?” She didn’t know how she could ask what her mind wanted to. Clarke’s period being late could only mean one thing, “What does that mean?”

Clarke sighed, “You know what that means,” She looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

“Are you…?” Lexa managed to get the words out, the last one refusing to come out.

“I don’t know.” Clarke shook her head, stopping her.

“How late is late?” Lexa asked carefully.

“Almost three weeks.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” It was involuntary, escaping her lips in a small whisper.

Clarke finally looked at her girlfriend. “Lexa, my period is always on time, the latest it has ever been is a couple of days.”

Lexa remained unmoving, not even blinking as she tried to breathe again. “Did you…uh…” She started hesitantly, doing her best to stay calm. “Did you take a test?”

Clarke shook her head, her voice small and worried when she spoke, “I’m scared.”

Lexa gave her a soft look, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “What do you…want to do?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke answered. “I have. No idea.”

She fell silent for a moment, unsure of how to ask what was on her mind, “Do you think you’re pregnant?” Lexa finally asked, maybe there was something else that was causing this. But also…three weeks was a long time.

“Lexa, I don’t know.” Clarke’s lips trembled this time, shaking her head and doing her best to fight tears. “I don’t know what to do.”

Lexa was rarely the one to think with a calm mind, or even rationally but there was a first time for everything. “Well, there’s only one place to start, right?” She asked her, “We won’t know what to do until we…know what’s happening.”

“We?” Clarke looked a little surprised by that, she was expecting Lexa to jump off the bed and run out the moment Clarke mentioned she might be pregnant.

“Yeah, of course.” Lexa nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She didn’t know why Clarke looked so surprised by it, of course it was _we_ ; if Clarke was pregnant, she was going to be here for her no matter what her girlfriend wanted to do. “I’m not going anywhere, Clarke.” She gave her reassuring smile, “Whatever it is, I’m here alright?”

Clarke let out a sigh, a soft smile curling her lips up as she leaned her head up and kissed Lexa’s cheek. “You sure?”

“Of course I am.” Lexa nodded. “I’m not going anywhere,”

“Where do we start?”

“Pregnancy test.” Lexa replied simply. “I think that’s the only place to start.” They couldn’t really do anything or think of what to do without knowing exactly what they were dealing with.

“No,” Clarke whined, pouting as she leaned against Lexa’s chest. “Don’t say that, it makes it real.”

“I’m right here by your side.” Lexa leaned her cheek against Clarke’s head. “We can’t do anything until we know what’s happening right?” Clarke nodded against her, “Don’t worry,” She tried, “You’re not going to be alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked that one. i'm having fun writing it and i'm planning on updating same time next week. let me know what you thought, leave me a comment, a kudo, an ask on tumblr.


	2. Positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a pregnancy test is hard and it's nervewracking and they know the result can completely change their lives. Clarke is scared, Lexa's scared, but they know everything will be okay as long as they have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is an early update. and the next one will be next week. the first two chapters just go very closely with each other and i originally planned on posting them on the same day but i didn't have it ready. so yes, here you go. also wow. thank you all for reading. and thank you for all the comments. i did not expect so many to like it or read it. so that was amazing and i'm so happy and its motivating me to write faster and write more. 
> 
> also @ the person who said i turned lexa into a man??? listen. listen. lexa was born a boy or assigned male at birth. but she has always known she wasn't one. she's presented and identified as female for as long as she can remember. and that makes her a woman not a man. so like. if you're calling a very clearly out-and-proud trans woman a man, then than is incredibly transphobic. you can't call a trans woman a man. because she isn't one. sorry but that made me really mad because no. stop misgendering trans people. its so clearly stated that lexa is a girl. anyways, there were a few transphobic comments but i deleted them, no one needs to see those.

Lexa stood in the drug store, staring the rows of pregnancy tests on the shelves and trying to decide on which one to get. Clarke told her to pick whichever looked the best, saying there wasn’t much of a difference between them anyways. But Lexa spent a few minutes on google on her walk down here, actually she spent most of her walk reading through reviews for the most popular brands. And Clarke was right, they were all practically the same, just in different packaging and different names. They had decided on more than one, just to be sure they wanted to get two but after reading all the reviews on her little walk, Lexa decided on five. Okay, that might seem like a lot but according to Google, these five were the best and she didn’t want her and Clarke to have any doubt after the test.

Lexa hadn’t realized it but the ovulation tests were by the pregnancy tests and well, she didn’t even know those were a thing until now. So it took her a moment, reading the labels carefully before picking out the ones she was looking for. She piled them into her arms, carefully making her way to the till before setting them down. The slightly older lady behind the till gave her a weird look, and Lexa wasn’t sure whether was sorry for Lexa or judging her. She didn’t say anything, only waited impatiently for her to ring up the items so she could leave. But the lady was staring at her, her eyes glued to Lexa, scanning over her as she mindlessly passed the boxes over the barcode scanner. If anything, it was a little unsettling.

“Don’t give that look to the next person who buys pregnancy tests, alright?” Lexa’s voice was a little annoyed, almost bitter as she picked up the boxes and walked away while shoving them into her bag. She was glad that it wasn’t Clarke who had come down to buy the test.

Clarke was too nervous to come down herself. Or even come with Lexa. She didn’t have it in her to do that, it made it all feel too real and Clarke could feel herself trembling the moment they started talking about which ones to get. Lexa picked up on it, but Clarke was a little unsure when she asked her girlfriend if she could go to the drug store alone and get a couple of pregnancy tests. She didn’t know if Lexa would be comfortable with that, or if she would want Clarke to go with her. But Lexa only got up, kissing her forehead to reassure her that it was fine by her before leaving with the promise of being back in ten minutes.

Lexa walked back to the Griffin’s house, true to her words, no later than ten minutes had passed when she walked up the driveway. She noticed Abby’s car was gone; she must have gotten called into the hospital, it was her day off after all so she would have otherwise been home. Maybe that was for the best, it would give her and Clarke some privacy. So Lexa went up to the door, ringing the doorbell and waiting for Clarke to come down to open it. She came in less than a minute, not even bothering to ask who it was before unlocking it and smiling at her girlfriend. It didn’t look like her normal smile, it didn’t reach her eyes, didn’t make Lexa want to mirror it, it was more forced, nervous.

“Hi,” Lexa greeted her, a small peck on the lips as she stepped inside and let Clarke close the door.

“Hey,” Clarke forced out as she led Lexa back up to the stairs and to her bedroom.

Lexa held up the unmarked paper bag once the door was closed behind them, “I got the goods.”

That received a smile from Clarke and an eyeroll, Lexa speaking like she had managed to get her hands on something illegal. “Which one?”

Lexa looked sheepish, looking away for a moment as she distracted herself with emptying the contents of the bag on Clarke’s bed. “All of them.” Clarke scoffed. “There were five brands google recommended and the drug store had them all.” She shrugged, “So I got them, just to be sure, we don’t wanna have any doubts after the results.” She started opening the boxes. “You ready?”

“I don’t think I have enough pee in my bladder for all that.” Clarke answered with a small laugh, unsure if she actually was ready for it.

Lexa exaggerated her shrug before offering, “Pee in a cup?”

It wasn’t long before they were sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the results. The pregnancy tests were on the counter, waiting for the timer to be over as the two of them sat on the floor with their backs against it. Lexa’s phone was on the floor between them, the timer counting down, the two of them holding hands and just…waiting. Neither of them spoke, Clarke more fidgety than Lexa, something Lexa didn’t think was really possible as she shook her leg nonstop – she wanted to get up, do something, her mind was racing, but she stayed next to Clarke, holding her hand. She was relatively calm, by her standards anyways, and Lexa was actually surprised by it. But she knew she had to hold it together, a little longer at least for Clarke; she could see how she was taking it, how scared she was, how nervous she was.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Lexa spoke quietly, gently squeezing Clarke’s hand. “I’m here.”

Clarke forced another smile, trying to hide just how scared she was about all of this. But before she could say anything, the timer on Lexa’s phone went off, almost making her jump as it alerted them that the tests were ready. They had their answer. “No matter what those tests say?” Clarke questioned, watching as Lexa reached forward and picked up her phone to turn the alarm off. Yes, she was still scared that Lexa would walk out. She was still here, longer than Clarke thought she would be but maybe Lexa was just waiting to see what the tests said, and she would walk out the moment they came back with a positive.

“No matter what.” Lexa answered with a nod. “I’m not going anywhere.” She took a deep breath, “You ready?”

Clarke remained silent before shaking her head slightly, “I can’t look.”

Lexa nodded, pushing herself up to stand up as Clarke remained seated. Her hand was still holding Clarke’s as she looked over the counter and at the five tests waiting for them, not really wanting to let go. Lexa took a deep breath, her free hand picking up the first test to look at the result.

“What’s the verdict?” Clarke finally asked after a long moment. She could hear Lexa looking through them, the sound of the pieces plastic moving and if that was anything to go by, Lexa had already seen the results on all of them.

“Five for five.” Lexa breathed out, her voice small and uncertain as she stared down at the tests below her. “They’re all positive.” She finally turned her head to look at Clarke, her voice shaking as she spoke, “Clarke, you’re pregnant.”

Her shoulders slumped as Lexa’s words hit her, a distant look coming on her eyes, not really knowing where to look or what to even think. Clarke didn’t know how to react, this was certain, the results were definitive; if it was just one test, there would be room for error, and they could’ve waited until seeing a doctor to be sure. But all five couldn’t be wrong, five from five different brands too, that couldn’t be wrong. Clarke didn’t know what to say to Lexa, explain what she was feeling, hell, Clarke couldn’t even look at her right now. It was all too much, it was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions inside her head, too overwhelming to form words.

She must have zoned out for a minute, because when Clarke came back to reality, Lexa was kneeling next to her with a hand on her shoulder and asking if she was okay. No, no she wasn’t. “What do I do?” Clarke finally met Lexa’s eyes, the words coming out on their own. “Lexa, I don’t know what to do.” Her voice sounded scared, lips trembling as tears stung her eyes, threatening to spill. Clarke was looking at Lexa with desperate eyes, like she had all the answers, wanting to know what their next step was now. Was Lexa still going to be here? Did she still want to be here? Or was she just getting ready to leave?

Lexa let out a worried sigh, her arms going up around Clarke and pulling her into a hug. She was just as confused as Clarke was, she wasn’t expecting this, god no one ever expects this. They were still in high school, they weren’t ready for a child, they were children themselves for god’s sake. “Whatever you want to do Clarke.” Lexa spoke, her voice soft. It was her choice at the end of the day. The walk to and from the drug store felt longer than it actually was, and Lexa had a lot of time to think about it. She didn’t know what Clarke wanted to do, but Lexa knew this, she knew she was going to be here for her no matter what. There was a chance that Clarke wouldn’t want to keep the baby, but there was also a chance that she would. Lexa didn’t really have a preference about it right now, she didn’t know how she felt about it either way, but also because it was Clarke’s decision – it was her body after all, and Lexa respected that. “I’ll be here.” She told her, kissing her hair and waiting for a reaction or a response or just something from Clarke.

“What do I do?” Clarke asked her again as they finally pulled back from the hug. She watched Lexa with pleading eyes, like she had all the answers. “Tell me what to do.” The tears filled her eyes, threatening to spill.

Lexa thought about it for a moment before speaking, “Come on,” She took Clarke’s hand, helping her up to her feet and walking her back to the room, towards the bed. “Let’s talk.” She sat her down before taking her spot beside her. “I can’t tell you what to do.” Clarke only scoffed, wanting to object because Lexa had a say in it as well, this was going to be her baby too after all, it wasn’t just Clarke’s. “It’s your body, it’s your choice.” Lexa shrugged. “But look,” She took Clarke’s hand in her’s. “I’m going to be here.” A tear escaped Clarke’s eye. “No matter what you want to do, I will be here,” She reached up, brushing the tear away from her cheek. “You won’t be alone.”

“Even if I keep it?” Clarke asked her hesitantly, but Lexa only nodded, not even taking a moment to think about it.

The truth was, yes, she was terrified about it, Lexa was terrified about it all regardless of what Clarke did – whether she kept it or not – but Lexa knew she had to hold it together right now, for Clarke. Clarke needed her, she needed someone to hold on to and lean on because her whole world was crashing down, this would change everything. Yes, it would change everything for Lexa too, but right now, in this moment, Clarke was going through a lot more than Lexa was; if she did decide to keep the baby, then it was going to be her body physically having to deal with that for nine months. Lexa knew what this would mean for her, but at least for a moment, or for a few months, she wouldn’t be physically going through anything.

So yeah, she could freak out about this later if she needed to, but Lexa was actually pretty good in handling stressful situations. “Do you _want_ to keep it?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke replied honestly. “I don’t know yet.” She added, looking up at Lexa, “What do you want?” She asked her, she wanted to know what Lexa wanted too, this was partly her decision too – _right?_ “And before you say it’s my choice again, just listen to me,” Clarke stopped her, Lexa opening her mouth to speak but nodding instead. “I know it’s my body and all that, but that thing inside me,” She nodded towards her stomach, “It’s your’s too.” Clarke looked away, “I want you to have a say in this.”

But really, she couldn’t. The next nine months would be just Clarke, she should be the one to make the decision. And also, Lexa was fine with it either way. “I’ll support you with whatever you want to do.”

“Lexaaaa,” Clarke whined, “That doesn’t help.”

Lexa took a deep breath, “Tell you what,” She started, thinking about it, maybe Clarke was right that it wasn’t only her decision, they should both have a say in it. “Let’s decide together,” With that, Lexa left the bad and made her way to Clarke’s desk for a writing pad and a pen. Clarke watched her quizzically, not knowing what Lexa was up to as she silently searched the mess of a desk for what she wanted. Finally she returned, a pen and notebook in hand, “Pros and cons list,” Lexa finally explained, receiving a laugh from her girlfriend. “No, I’m serious,” Lexa insisted, “It helps, trust me.” It helped her, it was a way for her to get her thoughts out in a way that made sense to her. Important decision, choosing a topic for her essay, what new series she wanted to watch even; pros and cons lists were her way to get things out, it just made sense, she got to see all her options laid out in front of her. Maybe it wasn’t applicable for everything, but it worked for her so it was a start.

Clarke nodded, it was worth a shot. She watched Lexa draw a line through the middle of the page, writing out pros and cons on top of each of the columns. “Hey,” Clarke asked, bringing Lexa’s attention back to her as she looked up. “You’ll be here, right?” She wasn’t sure why she was even asking it again, Lexa said she would be. But at the same time, Clarke didn’t know how she felt about tying Lexa down if she did choose to keep the baby. She didn’t deserve that, Clarke was the pregnant one, why should Lexa have to give up on her life as well for this? This was Clarke’s cross to bear, so why drag Lexa down with her?

Lexa nodded, “No matter what,” Clarke looked worried, but not in the way she last time when the tests came out as positive, it was something different this time. “Listen to me.” Lexa put the notebook and pen away, taking Clarke’s hand instead. “I will be here no matter what happens with this,” She started, “If you don’t want to keep it, I’ll take you to the doctor’s and hold your hand and then take care of you after.” Lexa gave her a reassuring smile, “And if you want to keep it, I’ll be here every step of the way, though it all. Doctor’s appointments, and morning sickness, and late night cravings, and whatever else.” She leaned forward, kissing Clarke’s forehead, “You got me.”

Clarke nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She had thought about it, about what she wanted to do about the baby but she wanted to get Lexa’s input on it too. Actually, Clarke had her own pros and cons list crumpled up somewhere in the bottom of her drawer or her backpack – hidden away in hopes of no one finding it. And everything told her the sensible thing to do would be to not keep it, to not have a baby at 17, to just forget it like the accident it was, and just move on with her life. But there was something within her that told her the complete opposite. Something about her wanted made her want to keep it, she couldn’t bear the thought of getting rid of it, the thought of having an abortion. No, there was nothing wrong with that, and Clarke didn’t think so either, but it wasn’t something she wanted to do for herself – despite the circumstances.

“I actually have one of those lists.” Clarke admitted with a small smile.

“Oh?” Lexa raised her eyebrows, “And?”

Clarke took a deep breath, “Everything says I shouldn’t keep it.” She answered honestly. “There’s so many cons and so few pros.” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking in a shaky breath. “But there’s this part of me that…wants to keep it.” Clarke wasn’t looking at Lexa anymore, unsure how to as she diverted her eyes to their joined hands instead. “I know the sensible thing to do would be to not, it would be to get rid of it and just move with our lives.” She shook her head slightly, “But I don’t think I want to do that. I don’t think I _can_ , I’m so scared and I’m terrified by it all but…” Clarke was speaking fast, not even pausing to breathe so when she finally stopped, she had to catch her breath. She looked up at Lexa who was only watching her, her eyes soft and understanding, “I can’t go through with an abortion.”

Something shifted inside Lexa at that, she didn’t know what it was or what to call it but well, Clarke just told her they were going to have a baby. And they were in high school; just barely able to take of themselves. But that sudden shift inside her, it made it all okay somehow, none of that scared her. Suddenly she felt more protective, more okay with it, more sure, just _more_ in general, more than she even ten seconds before Clarke told her she wanted to keep the baby. “Then you won’t.” Lexa told her seriously, “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

“But what about you?” Clarke asked. “This is your life too.”

“It is, yes.” Lexa nodded. “But I mean, we both did this, not just you. One person can’t make a baby.” She shrugged. “And if you want to keep the baby, then I guess this is our life now.” Lexa paused, her expression neutral, unusually calm and put together. Somehow…Lexa wasn’t scared. Maybe it would hit her later, the reality of it all and what exactly it meant to be having a baby, but she was sure about one thing, and that was that they were going to be okay. “We’re having a baby.”

Hearing it out loud felt the air being knocked out of her lungs, it made it feel so much more real. “Oh my god.” Clarke brought her hands up, rubbing her face. “Lexa are we making a mistake?”

“No,” She sounded so sure, so certain of herself. And Lexa was, although she was worried and had no idea how things were going to play out, she knew this wasn’t a mistake. “It’ll be okay, we’ll be fine.”

Clarke watched her girlfriend, studying her face, her tone, “How are you so calm?”

Lexa shrugged, “I’m just as scared as you are.” She told her, “But I just have a feeling that everything will be okay.” She gave Clarke a smile, trying to explain it. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels like something just got unlocked inside of me and I’m ready to do whatever I need to for you two.” She could see the tears welling in Clarke’s eyes as she gave Lexa a smile – a real one this time, “Don’t cry.” Lexa brought her closer, Clarke leaning against Lexa as she waited for her to speak. “You’re not alone. And you’re not going to be.” She told her. “I’m here and I will be every step of the way. Through it all, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp they're having a baby


	3. Gr8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it's been decided, they're having a baby. But what's next? Telling their parents apparently. Clarke is worried Abby is going to be mad, and very much confused given how she doesn't know Lexa is trans. And Lexa is also nervous about telling her parents, especially her dad because she doesn't want him to be disappointed in her. So we get to see quite a bit of Lexa and her dad, and what their relationship is like. Also Lexa doesn't like it when Clarke types out "gr8" instead of "great".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so clexa took one of those pregnancy tests where it shows how many weeks along you are. so after the bit that's continuining from the last chapter, i've put in what week it is. and i'm gonna do that throughout the fic to help with the timeline. 
> 
> you can stop reading now if you want to but woah. i have done so much research on being pregnant and having kids and giving birth. like y'all. if i wasn't sure i never wanted to carry a baby, i would be sure now. like gOd it's sO damn scary. how do people do it?? 9 months, something growing inside you and everything that comes with it. also giving birth. like holy shit. i always impressed and respected moms, dads, and others who decided to get pregnant and have a baby, but now i am way more impressed. not only that i'm coming down with baby fever yet again because aww they're gonna have a baby. i love babies so much.

So they had decided, the baby was staying, they were keeping it, they were going to be parents and raise a child together. It was a scary and terrifying thought and they were both nervous, neither of them were sure what it was going to be like, or even how to prepare for it all. They had spent the entire day talking in bed, Lexa holding Clarke close and reassuring her again and again that it wasn’t a mistake as long as this was what she wanted to do. But at the same time Lexa didn’t want Clarke to think she didn’t want her to keep the baby – she just wanted Clarke to know that she was going to be here for her no matter what she did. They were in this together, Lexa was going to be with her every step of the way.

“What’s next?” Clarke asked Lexa, laying in her arms. “What do we do now?”

Lexa thought for a moment, unsure of what to say, “See a doctor maybe?” She suggested. “I know I need to do some research; I honestly have no idea what to expect like with the pregnancy or the baby” She admitted and Clarke nodded in agreement. “Have you maybe mentioned this to your mom?” Lexa asked her carefully, she probably knew the answer was a no – but maybe Clarke got worried about her period being late and asked her mom, who was a doctor.

“God no,” Clarke shook her head immediately, “I don’t know how I’m going to tell her,” She turned her head to look at her girlfriend, “Babe she doesn’t even know you’re trans, how am I going to explain this?”

“Sometimes,” Lexa started, her voice overly serious, causing Clarke to sigh and roll her eyes, knowing whatever Lexa said right now would be the opposite, “Lesbian sex is that good. And I made you come so hard, it got you pregnant.”

“Shut up,” Clarke laughed at her, smacking her arm lightly. “You’re an idiot.” She rolled her eyes, shrugging lightly before speaking, “To be fair though, she might even buy it, the whole gay thing makes her uncomfortable.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded, “I’ve seen how she avoids looking at us when we’re even standing next to each other.” Then she shrugged, “But she is a doctor you know, if she wasn’t, I’d say that excuse would work.” The words just managed to come out before she was laughing again, Clarke pretended to be annoyed by it, rolling her eyes but smiling nonetheless – it was hard not to, Lexa’s laugh was probably her favorite sound in the entire world. “In all seriousness though,” She gathered herself. “How are we going to tell our parents?”

Clarke leaned back against Lexa, shaking her head as her hand absentmindedly went up to her stomach. “I don’t know Lexa.” Her voice was small and unsure. “I’m terrified, my mom is going to freak out.”

Lexa made small circles on Clarke’s shoulder, taking in a deep breath and thinking about it for a moment. “We could tell mine first.” She offered, “Or I can, if you don’t want to.” Lexa added, “My mom might be a bit more understanding, I think so anyways.” In reality, there was no way she could know, nothing even remotely close to this had ever happened that Lexa would know how her parents might react to the fact that she got her girlfriend pregnant.

“What about your dad?” Clarke asked. Gustus was probably the kindest hearted person Clarke has ever met; he looked a little scary though, the tattoos and the beard had that effect, but once you got to know him, he was just a big softie, very much like Lexa. And he loved Lexa more than anything, it made Clarke smile every time she saw her with him, reminded her of her and her dad. Chances were, Gustus wouldn’t be too happy to know his daughter got someone pregnant, no one ever is. But Clarke had a feeling her wouldn’t be angry or disappointed at her.

“I mean,” Lexa shrugged. “It’s my dad.” She told her, “He won’t be happy about it but I don’t think he’ll be mad.” She had a special place in her dad’s heart, no matter what she did, he would always be on her side. Lexa could show up saying she killed someone and her dad would help her hide the body, that’s what her dad was like. “You know what he’s like, I can do no wrong in his eyes.” She didn’t entirely believe it herself this time, sure he was always on her side, through her growing up and transitioning and all the complications with the doctors and even the rest of their family, he was always on her side, he fought for her, stood up for her when she couldn’t. But this was very different…this was Lexa’s _fault_.

“Tell him first.” Clarke told her. “You know it’ll be easier than telling either of our moms.” She added.

Lexa felt silent this time, she had been doing good with this so far, doing her best to be here for Clarke and be her shoulder to lean on – after all, she was the one who had to carry the baby. Yes, it was going to affect her too, just as much as Clarke once the baby came, but right now it was just Clarke, she was going to have to deal with it for the next nine months. So, the least Lexa could do was stay strong and be there for her. “I don’t know how I’m going to.” Lexa finally spoke, voice barely audible and unsure. “What if he gets upset? What if I disappoint him?” She wasn’t expecting an answer, just voicing her thoughts. “I don’t think I can handle that.” Lexa shook her head. “It’s my dad.”

“I know.” Clarke raised herself slightly, turning around in Lexa’s arm so she was facing her, “It is your dad. And that’s why I _know_ he’s not going to be upset at you, let alone disappointed.” She tried telling her but Lexa didn’t seem to be convinced. “Okay, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

“Gotten you pregnant.” Lexa couldn’t help but joke, it was true though.

Clarke only rolled her eyes, “Well, that is true.” She played along, Lexa giving her an exaggerated-offended look this time. “But seriously, what’s the worst thing you’ve done that’s gotten you into trouble?”

Lexa shrugged, thinking about it. She was…one of the good kids so to speak; didn’t get in trouble, didn’t cause problems, teachers didn’t like her though but that because of her _disruptive tendencies_ as they called it. But she just wasn’t someone who got into trouble much. “Punched another football player from the opposing team in freshman year.” Lexa muttered, she wasn’t proud of it. No wait, yes she was. He was transphobic and Lexa could’ve let it pass if it was directed at her, but then again, no one really knows she’s trans. But there was – still is – a trans guy on the cheerleading squad and the football player who got punched had some very unkind things to say about him. “Got me suspended from playing the entire season.”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at that, “I remember that.” She told her. “Okay what did your dad do? Was he mad at you?”

“No,” Lexa shook her head. “Took me out for ice cream actually, told me the other guy deserved it.”

“God, I love your dad.” Clarke shook her head, “But going back to the original point,” She started again, “We need to see a doctor.” Lexa nodded and Clarke fell silent. “How exactly…do we…do that?” She asked uncertainly, “Like where do we find a doctor? Someone who’s not going to judge the fact that we’re teenagers. And also someone who’s going to be understanding of our…uh, situation.”

Lexa let out a small laugh at the thought of that, “Two girls don’t usually make a baby.” Clarke rolled her eyes, nodding nonetheless. “And the answer to your question is,” She brought out her phone from her pocket, “Google.”

* * *

_ **WEEK 4** _

She was terrified, despite knowing how her dad was, Lexa was still terrified to tell him what was happening. He wouldn’t be happy that was certain, but she was more worried that he would he be angry. Or worse still, disappointed. And Lexa wasn’t sure she could handle that, not from her dad. Right now, her Gustus was in the study, working on something or maybe he was doing something completely irrelevant. He was…kind of a nerd, and a lot of it rubbed off on Lexa too; her and her dad spent a lot of weekends working on model ships and other vehicles – there were way too shelves full of them in the basement. His study was full of books, very random ones at times too, ranging from crime novels to biographies to comic books and well, Gustus was kind of a sponge for information and so was Lexa. Most of Lexa’s _useless_ knowledge came from her father.

Lexa had been standing outside the study for a couple of minutes now, trying to will herself to go inside, speak to him, tell him about Clarke, about what _she had done_. She didn’t know how to, she didn’t even know how to start that conversation. How do you tell your parents something like this? _Hi dad I got my girlfriend pregnant and we’re having a baby now_. Lexa shook her head at herself, trying to figure out how to word it because well, that was pretty much it.

“Lexa you have been standing outside for the past five minutes.” She heard her dad call out. “If you have something to tell me, just come inside.” Lexa sighed, stepping inside this time. Her dad looked up at her from his laptop and closed it. “What’s wrong kid?”

“How do you know something’s wrong?” Lexa asked him in response, walking inside and to the armchair at the corner of the room.

“You stood in one place for five minutes without doing anything.” Gustus explained with a teasing smile. “I don’t think that has happened in a very long time.”

“Rude.” Lexa said lightly.

“So, go on, what is it?”

Lexa chewed on her bottom lip, thinking about how to tell him, she still hadn’t figured out the best way to word _I got my girlfriend pregnant_. “Promise you won’t get mad?” She sounded like a little kid who did something they weren’t supposed to.

“I’m never mad, not at you.” He rolled away on his chair from behind his desk, kicking it on the floor and rolling across the room towards Lexa. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“So…” Lexa finally started, her eyes cast down, looking at the floor. “You know how I’m dating Clarke?” She asked him.

“The one you’ve been dating for almost two years now?” He asked her with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah I think you’ve mentioned her a couple of times.” Lexa smiled at him this time. “Did you two have a fight or something?” He finally asked, she looked upset, a little withdrawn and worried.

“No, no.” Lexa shook her head. “We’re fine.” She paused. “I don’t know how to tell you this dad.” Gustus didn’t say anything, only waited patiently. “I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

That took him by surprise, he could never be disappointed at Lexa. Well, she would have to do something _really bad_ for that to happen, actually even then, Gustus wouldn’t be disappointed at her. “I don’t think that’s possible Lexa.”

Lexa stood up this time, unable to keep herself seated any longer. She paced around the study, stepping back and forth, not saying anything until she made her way to her dad’s desk and leaned against it. “You’re gonna be mad.” She said again and her dad only shook his head. “You are, you don’t even know what it is.” She argued but her dad still only watched her calmly.

“Then tell me.”

Lexa remained silent, thinking about it, fidgeting with her hands. A couple of moments passed before she pushed herself to stand up straight and shook her head. “I can’t.” She spoke mostly to herself, still shaking her head. “I can’t do this,” Lexa started to walk away, making her way for the door to leave. But her dad stopped her, kicking against the floor again on his chair and rolling up to the door to block her.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.” He told her, voice a little sterner now. That wasn’t something Lexa was accustomed to hearing from her dad. “You’re worrying me Lexa.”

“Clarke’s pregnant.” She blurted out, looking away from him immediately.

Gustus opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, trying to form the right words, hell, trying to form any words right now. “What?” He finally asked, “Is…is it…?”

“Mine?” Lexa finished the question for him, suddenly feeling very anxious and overwhelmed. “Yeah.” She nodded, trying to breathe but it felt like no oxygen was getting to her lungs. “It’s mine.” She stepped away, back into the room and her dad stood up this time, the chair still blocking the door as he followed her. “I got someone pregnant.” She sat back down on the armchair, it felt like she was mostly talking to herself. “We were so careful,” Lexa rambled on, “We always use protection, we did everything right and it shouldn’t have happened but it did an-”

“Okay, well.” Gustus started, kneeling down in front of Lexa, she looked upset and scared and overwhelmed, she was speaking really fast. “First of all, calm down then we can talk.” He placed his hands over Lexa’s. “I’m not mad, and I’m definitely not disappointed.” He spoke slowly, he didn’t want Lexa to get too worked up. “I’m here okay, take a few deep breaths, calm down.”

Lexa did as he instructed, taking a moment before speaking again, “Dad I’m scared.”

“I know.” He nodded. “When did you find out?”

“Last week.” Lexa took a deep breath, “I didn’t know how to tell you, mom doesn’t know yet. Clarke hasn’t told her mom either.”

Gustus nodded, he didn’t know how to react to this to be honest. No parent wants to be told that their teenager was going to have a baby, and if anything, he was a little in shock too. “I’ll talk to your mom.” He offered and Lexa muttered a small _thanks_ , she really didn’t want to tell her. “What about you and Clarke?” Gus asked, since it had been a week, they had most likely talked about it. “What are you guys thinking about doing?” It was their choice after all, as a parent, Gustus knew what a huge responsibility it was, and how it might be too much for a couple of teenagers, and he just wasn’t sure if Lexa and Clarke were ready for that.

Lexa waited a moment before answering, “We wanna keep it.” She told him. “I told Clarke it was her decision to make because she was the one who was pregnant. But she didn’t want to decide on her own, so we talked it through and decided to keep it.”

“Okay slow down.” Gustus told her before replying, Lexa was talking really fast, not looking at him and just letting the words spill out. “What do you want?” He asked her.

“To be there for Clarke.” Lexa replied with ease, the first thing she said that didn’t sound worried or uncertain. “We both did this, it wasn’t just her, and I want to do this with her.”

“Good.” Gustus nodded, “I knew I couldn’t be disappointed in you.” She was taking responsibility for it, she wasn’t running off, she wasn’t putting it on Clarke and Gus was proud of that. Yes, Lexa looked scared but he knew it wouldn’t be fair on Clarke to leave her alone with this, especially when, as Lexa said, they were both responsible for it, not just Clarke. He stood up, pulled his chair towards them and sat down across from Lexa. “Okay so, knowing you two, you have some sort of a plan. What is it?”

“Well first step is to see a doctor.” Lexa answered. “Clarke has an appointment on Friday.”

He only smiled at her, “Are you going with her?” Lexa nodded. “Wait, if you haven’t been to a doctor, how are you sure Clarke’s pregnant?”

“We took five pregnancy tests.” Lexa answered, giving him a dry smile. “They all came back positive.” She shrugged. “It can’t all be wrong, they were all from different brands too.”

Gustus nodded, still unsure of how exactly to feel or react to this. Lexa looked worried, understandably so, and he wasn’t entirely sure how his wife would take the news. She might be a little angry about it, but Gustus was certain he could talk her down before she spoke to Lexa. “What about Clarke’s mom?” He asked. “Does Abby know?”

Lexa widened her eyes, not looking at him as she shook her head, as though that was an impossible thought. “Clarke’s worried. She thinks her mom’s going to be mad.” She fell silent for a moment. “I think mom’s going to be mad at me.”

“She’s not,” Her dad shook his head, “She’s going to be worried and frankly, I am too, but we’re both going to support you and Clarke.” He gave her a comforting smile and Lexa did her best to return it. “Your mom might be a little worried about it, but I’ll handle it, you don’t have to worry about her.”

“Thanks dad.”

.

Clarke was lying in bed later that night when she heard her phone buzz from the nightstand. She was supposed to talk to her mom today, tell her about the baby, much like how Lexa was meant to tell her parents but she couldn’t do it. It wasn’t really a great day though, Clarke thought it would take a little longer before the pregnancy symptoms started but when she mentioned she was getting cramps and had a weird taste in her mouth, Lexa had sent her a pregnancy timeline with all the symptoms to expect. So that was a great way to start her day. It only got worse at school, specifically at lunch. To be fair, the cafeteria never smells great, but her sense of smell must be heightened already because within five minutes of being in there, Clarke was running to the bathroom to throw up.

**Baby momma**

**10:23**

I told my dad

Clarke saw the text as she unlocked her phone, eyes widening as she quickly typed out a reply. Yes, that was the name she had Lexa saved as; she only changed it a couple of days ago, once they had gotten over the initial panic of it all.

**Love Of My Life**

**10:23**

How did it go

**Love Of My Life**

**10:23**

What did he say?

**Love Of My Life**

**10:24**

Are you okay?

Lexa smiled at her phone, Clarke not giving her the chance to reply until all her texts had come through. Clarke was a multi-texter, Lexa on the other hand preferred to type out everything before hitting send.

**Baby momma**

**10:24**

1) Yes I’m good. 2) He’s not mad and he was actually really understanding about it. Said he’s here to support us both through it all. And 3) It went well but I was terrified.

**Love Of My Life**

**10:24**

Okay good. I knew it would be fine, ur dad’s gr8

**Baby momma**

**10:25**

Please

**Baby momma**

**10:25**

Please don’t type like that.

**Love Of My Life**

**10:26**

Gr8?

**Baby momma**

**10:26**

Yes

**Love Of My Life**

**10:26**

But it’s gr8

**Love Of My Life**

**10:26**

You’re gr8

**Love Of My Life**

**10:27**

We’re gr8

**Love Of My Life**

**10:27**

Ur dad is gr8

**Baby momma**

**10:28**

Clarke…

**Baby momma**

**10:28**

Pls stop

**Love Of My Life**

**10:29**

Gr8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lexa's dad is great. i love him. also yeah, jake is dead. he died when clarke was 12-13, so it's been a long time and clarke has moved on. obviously she misses him but its not something that constantly makes her upset. anyways, thank you for reading, thank you for all the kudos and comments. because woah i was shook by all the comments i got and its seriously motivated me to keep writing. i have a lot of it drafted out so i'm pretty happy and updates should be regular.


	4. Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first doctor's appointment is today and Clarke is very nervous. Also a little worried given their little situation and the fact that Lexa is trans - Clarke just doesn't want anyone making Lexa uncomfortable. After that it's finally Clarke's turn to tell her mom that she is pregnant. And that she is keeping the baby. Abby didn't know Lexa was trans up until this moment and well...it could've gone a lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets do 2 updates a week huh? one on wednesday and another on saturday. how's that? also, mild transphobia around the end of the chapter with abby. maybe a bit more than mild but it's nothing too bad.

_**WEEK 4** _

It was a little past 2pm, Clarke and Lexa sitting in their new doctor’s waiting room. It was busier than they were hoping it to be, given it was a weekday at 2pm, they figured most people would be at work right now. They had both left school early, Clarke forging a doctor’s note – well, she was going to the doctor’s but she didn’t really want anyone to know _what_ doctor – and Lexa had just…walked out – it wasn’t the first time and it definitely wouldn’t be the last, so she knew no one would worry about it. The waiting room wasn’t as intimidating as Clarke thought it would have been, no blank white walls with medical charts, it looked a lot more…friendly. There were some bright colors around the place, children’s toys given how a lot of the parents here were definitely not expecting their first child. The chairs were more comfortable too, Clarke leaning back and doing her best to not get anymore nervous at the sight of parents-to-be who looked a lot more prepared than the two of them did.

To be fair, they didn’t really need to be here right now. From everything they read online, it said that the home pregnancy tests were _very_ accurate and they didn’t need to see a doctor till about the 7th week or so. And well, they did trust that the results were accurate, after all, all five of them couldn’t have been wrong, but they still wasn’t to make sure everything was alright with Clarke and what would soon be their baby. Lexa came prepared, more so than Clarke who was mostly just nervous and unsure of how to deal with this. She had done some research, more so than necessary, even had a few questions written down that she wanted to ask. Clarke had looked into it too, but she couldn’t make herself read too much about it without panicking, the best thing to do right now seemed to be just to take it one step at a time, she didn’t want to read ahead and find out what was going to happen.

Not only that, but Clarke was very worried about meeting this Dr. Tsing. Lexa had been the one to book the appointment, but it was online so Clarke had no idea what awaited them inside the doctor’s office. She was almost worried that the doctor would be a little judgy, they were teenagers after all. Everyone else in the waiting room looked considerably older, or at least proper adults. And not just that, but Clarke was mostly worried about…her and Lexa. This wasn’t the most common occurrence, was it? And they both knew from experience that no one ever expects there to be a trans person, apparently they don’t exist outside of the internet or TV shows or movies. So, Clarke really didn’t want it to be awkward for Lexa, having to explain how the two of them – two teenage girls – led to an unplanned pregnancy.

“How do you look so calm?” Clarke finally spoke, looking up at Lexa and withdrawing her hand from her girlfriend’s hold, noticing for the first time how sweaty it was. She wiped it on her jeans, trying to get them to stay dry.

“I already spoke to Dr. Tsing.” Lexa explained, taking Clarke’s hand back in her’s – the clammy palms didn’t bother her. “She’s very nice, very open-minded, and not the least bit judgmental, to be honest.” She told her, Clarke only listening with a surprised look on her face, this was all new information. “I told her about us, about me and explained how…this happened.” She nodded towards Clarke’s stomach. “There was that initial surprise when I told her,” Lexa lowered her voice, “I got you pregnant.” She shrugged, returning to normal, “But it only lasted like five seconds before she asked me a bit more about me so she didn’t accidentally say something to make me uncomfortable.”

“That definitely puts me a bit more at ease.” Clarke let out a small sigh. “When did you call her?” Lexa wasn’t one for phone calls, it was either face to face or texts.

“This morning.” Lexa answered with a nod. “She sounds nice Clarke,” She tried to tell her, “It’ll be okay.”

Clarke nodded, leaning her head back on the chair and looking up at the ceiling. She remained silent for a moment, trying to clear her mind before finally speaking, “I hate going to the doctor’s.” She brought her head back, leaning it against Lexa’s shoulder this time. “This is probably going to be the worst part of the pregnancy.”

“Well, I’ll be here every time.” Lexa told her with a small smile, surprising Clarke as she leaned forward and placed a small kiss on her lips. “Besides, it’s not going to be much today anyways.” She shrugged.

“That’s easy for you to say.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “She’s going to be poking around inside me, not you.” A small shiver went down her spine, Clarke exaggerating it as she shook her whole body, “That does not sound fun.”

Another peck, this time on the cheek, “It’ll be over before you know it.”

.

Dr. Tsing really was nice, Lexa was right; she was very open and understanding and absolutely not at all judgmental about their situation. It wasn’t as bad as Clarke was hoping it would be either, sure there was a decent bit of uhh…poking and prodding, but she was at ease with Lexa right there next to her holding her hand. And besides, Dr. Tsing wasn’t very intimidating. Clarke was still nervous though, practically trembling as she laid down on the examination table, but at least it was over now. She couldn’t explain it, but hearing the doctor say it, say that she definitely was pregnant, made it all seem so much more real. Yes, she knew she was pregnant for about a week now, and they had both accepted it, gotten over the initial panic. But hearing it out loud from the doctor, it made it seem more real somehow.

Dr. Tsing also sent the two of them off to get some tests done to ensure everything was alright with the baby and there wasn’t anything that would cause complications later on.

“Hey,” Lexa gently nudged her shoulder against Clarke’s as they walked back through the parking lot and back to Lexa’s car, “You okay?” She asked her gently, doing her best to keep her tone light. Clarke seemed awfully quiet since they left Dr. Tsing’s office, and as much as Lexa tried, she couldn’t really read her face.

Clarke turned to look at her as they continued to walk, forcing a smile and nodding, “Yeah, I’m good.” It was a lie, she wasn’t good, she wasn’t even okay right now. Everything felt so much more real now and Clarke wasn’t sure how to process it. God, she had no idea how she was going to do this; she was pregnant. With a baby. With an actual baby. There was an actual human being growing inside of her this very moment – okay it wasn’t an _actual_ person yet, but it was going to be soon. The more Clarke thought about it, the more panicked she got, the scarier it felt. And she was currently too overwhelmed to even think about what was going through her mind.

Lexa didn’t push, only nodded as they continued to walk, making their way to the car and unlocking it. She wordlessly opened the door for Clarke, closing it as she sat down before circling to her side of the car.

“How am I going to do this?” Clarke asked absentmindedly once Lexa was sat down. She wasn’t even expecting an answer but just saying what she had been thinking. “I can’t be a mom.”

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed out, turning in her seat to look at her girlfriend. “You’re going to be fine okay?” She tried to tell her, tried to comfort her but she could understand where Clarke’s anxiety’s came from. “And look,” Lexa took her hands in her’s. “You still have time okay?” She told her, wanting to make it clear that this was her decision and she was allowed to change her mind now if she wanted to. “If you’re having second thoughts and don’t want to do this anymore, you don’t have to. You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want to.”

Clarke shook her head, that wasn’t what she wanted to do, she knew the thought of getting an abortion made her feel worse than anything else – it just wasn’t for her, she couldn’t do it. “I do. I want to keep it.” She answered. “I just…I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it.” Clarke shook her head slightly, “It’s all so much, and it seems like such a huge responsibility, what do I know about raising a child?” Her eyes went down to where Lexa was holding her hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand lazily.

“You’re not going to be alone.” Lexa reassured her, a gentle look in her eyes. She knew Clarke was worried, and she had every reason to be. Lexa just wanted to make her believe they were in this together. “I’m here, and I will be.”

“What if it’s too much for you?” Clarke asked instead. “And besides, you have a life too, it’s not fair that I tie you down with a baby.”

Lexa shook her head, “I told you,” She tried again, “It’s not just me and it’s not just you anymore.” She told her, her eyes soft as she tried to reassure Clarke. “I do have a life, yes. _This_ is my life. This is our life. You’re not tying me down with a baby, it’s mine too, I wouldn’t want to just get up and leave.” She squeezed Clarke’s hand gently. “I’m staying, no matter what, I’m staying.”

Clarke still felt guilty about it; maybe everything would have been easier if she didn’t want to keep the baby, easier for both of them if she could have it in her to…get rid of it and move on from this mistake. “I can’t do this on my own.” She spoke quietly, unable to look up at Lexa. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Lexa when she said she was going to be here, she did, she really did, Clarke probably didn’t trust anyone as much as she trusted Lexa. But she just felt guilty about it, because well, it wasn’t Lexa’s problem. Actually yes, it was, she didn’t get pregnant on her own. She didn’t know why this was so hard to get into her head, Lexa wanted to be here because this was her baby too, she didn’t want to leave, she wasn’t going to leave.

“You’re not going to be on your own.” Lexa told her again, leaning forward this time and kissing her gently, she wanted to reassure her, convey exactly how she felt in this kiss if words weren’t getting through to Clarke. “I promise you.” She started once back in her seat, “I’m not going to leave, you won’t have to do this alone.”

“I’m sorry I’m just-” Clarke tried to apologize, it wasn’t fair that she was thinking Lexa would leave. It wasn’t fair on Lexa when she had already told her multiple times that she was going to be here.

“Scared, I know.” Lexa finished for her, giving her a soft smile. Clarke had every right to be scared; anyone else in Lexa’s position probably would have left, not wanting to deal with the pregnancy or the baby. “I am too.” She admitted. “But we have each other okay?” Lexa waited until Clarke nodded before continuing. “I’ll be here with you every step of the way.” She looked down at Clarke’s stomach, “And that baby is going to have two amazing moms who love it to the moon and back.”

“Yeah it is.” Clarke smiled this time, not having to force it this time, her eyes a little teary from all the overwhelming emotions. She shook her head, hands coming up to rub her eyes as she let out a soft laugh, “Stupid hormones.”

Lexa let out a small laugh in response, proud of herself for successfully putting Clarke’s mind at ease. “Get it out before we get back to your place.” She told her lightly, but actually Lexa was terrified more of what was to come than their doctor’s appointment, “You don’t wanna cry when you tell your mom about this.” She finally started the car, putting it in reverse and pulling out of the parking spot.

“Okay but,” Clarke started, “Do I _have_ to tell her though?” She asked.

“I think you do, yes.”

.

It didn’t go well. Telling Abby _really_ didn’t go well. It’s not like either of them were expecting it to go as well as it did for Lexa telling her dad, but Clarke was expecting it to have been this bad either. First off, which almost made the two of them laugh actually was the fact that Abby was absolutely furious by the fact that Clarke had even slept with someone. That really wasn’t the main issue here, but it was a little naïve to think that hadn’t happened given Clarke and Lexa were seventeen and eighteen _and_ had been together for two years now. Secondly, she was against Clarke keeping the baby, saying how she was only seventeen now, still in high school, and how this was going to ruin her life. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. The worst of it was when Abby asked who the father was because _you and Lexa have been together for two years and Lexa is a girl_. That was when Lexa explained that she was transgender, assigned male at birth which meant she had the _parts_ you would normally expect a guy to, so she was the one who had gotten Clarke pregnant.

That was when it all went to hell; Abby was mad to say the least, saying how Lexa had lied to her and she wouldn’t even let Clarke get a word in to defend her girlfriend. So, Abby’s stance on Clarke keeping the baby actually got worse after finding out that Lexa had gotten her pregnant; continuing to say how she was the _father_ – something that Lexa absolutely hated and Clarke kept correcting every time Abby said it. It seemed like Abby truly believed there was going to be something wrong with the baby because Lexa was trans. She didn’t say it outright, but it was definitely implied. You would think as a doctor, her views would be a little more progressive than that, but from the way Abby spoke, it was very clear that she didn’t like the fact that Clarke was dating _a transgender_.

“Aren’t you a senior?” Abby finally asked Lexa. One of the things she pointed out when Clarke said she was keeping it was the fact that Lexa would be off to college very soon.

“Yeah, I’m graduating in June.” Lexa nodded in response. She was still calm, unsure how she had kept her cool after hearing the way Abby talked about Clarke and the baby and even her. But Lexa knew better than to be _rude_ to grownups, no matter how much they deserved it, her parents wouldn’t approve of that.

“Great,” Abby gave them both a sarcastic smile, looking between the two girls, “Then what?” She asked, she settled on Lexa, “You go off to college? Find yourself another girl or whatever?” Abby asked her, “And what happens then?” She questioned, “What happens to Clarke and your baby then?”

“I’m not leaving Clarke.” Lexa argued, “I’m not going to just drop everything here and find someone else,” She scoffed at just the thought, like there was even anyone she would want to be with that wasn’t Clarke. “I’m staying with Clarke and the baby.” Lexa turned to look at Clarke this time. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I know.” She looked at her mom from Lexa. “You’re being impossible mom.” With that Clarke stood up, “I can’t do this anymore. Not right now anyways.” She told Abby, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand as Lexa stood up as well, “I needed to tell you and I did, and how you feel now is your problem.” She shrugged, “And you really need to deal with whatever you have against Lexa for being trans because I am not going to put up with this again.” Clarke sounded upset, she looked it too, her mom’s attitude towards Lexa was probably the worst part about this _conversation_. “You’re not changing my mind about anything. Not Lexa, not the baby.” Clarke looked at Lexa this time, taking her hand, “Can we please get out of here?”

They drove in silence once they had left the Griffin’s household; Lexa trying to ask Clarke how she was given what just happened, but Clarke didn’t really have much to say. She was looking out the window, lost in her thoughts and the couple of times Lexa glanced at her, she was sure there were tears rolling down her cheeks. It made sense, if she was in Clarke’s place, she would be upset right now too. But Lexa had been lucky, her dad had taken it well, and he had told her mom. Who also seemed alright with it by the time she talked to Lexa about it. She had a feeling that wasn’t her mom’s initial reaction but her dad her talked to her. And right now Lexa just wanted to do something to make her feel better but Clarke didn’t want to talk.

“I’m not leaving for college after graduation.” Lexa spoke after a while, Clarke finally looking at her with a questioning look. “I’m going to defer my entry or maybe I’ll just apply the same time as you, and go a year later.” She gave Clarke a smile. “The baby’s only going to be a couple of months old by September, and there’s no way I’m going away then.” Lexa explained. “You’re going to need me, the baby’s going to need me, I’m going to need you both. There’s no way I can leave then.”

She had thought about it, a lot actually, ever since Clarke had told her she was pregnant. It made no sense to go away next September, Clarke was going to need all the help she could get with the baby, the baby was going to need a lot of attention, and Lexa didn’t want to miss the first year of her baby’s life. They were both going to the same place for college anyways so staying back a year made perfect sense. The both had their heart set on Seattle; Lexa going to Polis University on a football scholarship that she was already practically guaranteed, and Clarke’s first choice was Arkadia University that was also in Seattle. She was applying to Polis too as her backup, and a couple of other places but her heart was set on Arkadia. So it made sense to go away together the year after, once Clarke had also graduated and the baby was a little older.

“You don’t have to do that.” Clarke told her with a small smile, shaking her head. Okay, she would be lying if she said she didn’t want that. But she couldn’t make Lexa stay. “I’m not my mom, I don’t think you’re just going to leave us when you go off to college.” It took her a moment before she realized she had said _us_ and not _me_.

“I want to.” Lexa answered. “I physically cannot make myself leave you and our three month old baby.” She smiled and gave her a small shrug. “I don’t want to be away from you two for that long. And I really don’t want to miss those early months.” She added. “Besides, you’re going to need more help around with the baby the first few months, I can’t just not be here.” Lexa told her, “Giving birth isn’t easy.”

Clarke gave her a warning look, finger pointed at Lexa, “Don’t make me think about that now.” She really didn’t want to think about it now, Clarke didn’t plan on thinking about giving birth up until she was at the hospital waiting for the baby to come out if she could help it.

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh, Clarke’s features softening at it as she came to a halt at the red light. “Basically, my point is, I’m not leaving in September.” She told Clarke, the pedestrian crossing in front of her car and the traffic light changing back to green. “I don’t want to.”

Clarke let out a small sigh as she nodded, taking Lexa’s free hand as she continued to drive. “I love you.”

Lexa could hear the small waver in her voice, feel the slight tremble in her fingers before her grip tightened around Lexa’s hand. “Everything is going to be okay.” She told her, tried to convince her when it really just looked…difficult. “I promise.” Clarke nodded, she believed it when Lexa said it, she knew Lexa would do just about anything to make sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah abby is.....kinda sorta transphobic in this. and it will come up again.


	5. Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food cravings and aversions. Late night cravings are fine up until it's for McDonald's ice cream because it's not like the machine works even half the time. The aversions are already getting worse and Clarke can't really stand to be in the cafeteria and around the food or the smell. So Lexa has taken it upon herself to ensure there is always snacks available for Clarke throughout the day that won't put her off. Also, Octavia is eyeing one of Lexa's teammate and Clexa are looking to set them up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the update was meant to me yesterday but i uhhh wasn't feeling well and i realized the chaper wasn't long enough so i couldn't update it. Two new characters in this chapter. AND lexa being an absolute sweetheart to clarke. mentions of abby too.

_**WEEK 5** _

**Clarke**

**2:57am**

Lexa

**Clarke**

**2:57am**

Lexa

**Clarke**

**2:58am**

Are you awake

**Clarke**

**2:58am**

I want a McFlurry

She had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to keep her eyes closed for more than a couple of minutes. Clarke was restless and her mind was occupied with the thought of this stupid ice cream. It wasn’t really her fault though, it was the baby’s – the baby that wasn’t even a baby yet actually. She didn’t particularly want to wake Lexa up, but chances were, her girlfriend was awake – Lexa and sleep didn’t really go together.

**Baby momma**

**3:00am**

Clarke it’s 3am

**Clarke**

**3:00am**

Baby’s asking for it it’s not my fault.

Lexa rolled her eyes as she read the text, that was technically true if Clarke was craving it. She rubbed her eyes and rolled out of bed reluctantly, looking for a pair of sweatpants before typing out her reply. She didn’t particularly want to get out of bed, but at the same time, Lexa didn’t feel like she could say no to the baby. Well, she wasn’t sleeping and that meant she wanted to spend time with Clarke but if it was up to her, she would be in bed with Clarke. Not having to get up and leave the house at 3am in November.

**Baby momma**

**3:01am**

I’ll be at your place in 5 mins

**Clarke**

**3:01am**

Love you

**Baby momma**

**3:07am**

I’m here. Parked a few houses down to be quiet and not wake your mom.

Clarke smiled at her phone, pulling on her hoodie before leaving her bedroom. It was a chilly outside but she would get into Lexa’s car soon enough so she couldn’t be bothered with a coat. She didn’t want to wake up her mom, things weren’t particularly great between them at the moment, they hadn’t been since Clarke told her about the pregnancy, and she was doing her best to not have to speak to her. Her mom was stressing her out and it had only been a week of her knowing, so the best thing Clarke could do right now was keep her distance and stay out of her way. And besides, Clarke had a lot of experience with sneaking out in the middle of the night without waking anyone up. And also sneaking back in before her mom woke up. So it was fine, she’d get to spend an hour with Lexa, get some ice cream, quieten this little thing inside her, and go to sleep.

“You are _the best_.” Clarke said as she sat down in the car, smiling at Lexa. It didn’t look like she had even been asleep.

Lexa only smiled back, “I know.” She told her. “How’d you get out of the house?” She asked she waited for Clarke to buckle her seatbelt before pulling off.

“I have my ways.” Clarke shrugged. “And you don’t look like you were asleep.” She looked her, eyes accusing because Lexa should know better on a school night.

“I got distracted.” Lexa replied casually. She did, it actually started with worrying about Clarke and the baby and then doing more research, but by the time Clarke had texted her, she was down a deep hole in YouTube, watching what happened if you boiled an iPhone in Coke. _Why would anyone want to try that?_ “You know what YouTube’s like. Especially for me.”

“Now I don’t feel bad for making you pick me up.” Clarke replied. “I would have if I’d woken you up.”

The rest of the drive was relatively quiet, them speaking only a few times. It was a short drive, the closest McDonald’s was about ten minutes away from Clarke’s place; a 24 hour drive through, open to sit inside too, but Lexa was certain neither of them actually wanted to get out of the car. For one, it was cold outside and Clarke didn’t have a coat, they were both in mostly their pajamas, and neither of them had a bra on – sitting in the warmth of the car sounded much nicer.

Driving into the McDonald’s and towards the drive through lane, Lexa turned to Clarke, “Oreo McFlurry?” And Clarke nodded. “Anything else?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Clarke replied, Lexa pulling in. “I haven’t actually been feeling most foods lately to be honest. It all just puts me off.” She shrugged. “But it’s a little early for stuff like that right?”

Lexa shrugged in response, bringing the car to a crawl to give them time to finish their conversation before having to roll down her window. “I mean, you did run out of the cafeteria to throw up,” She reminded her. “So it wouldn’t be surprising if the aversions are coming up already.” Clarke nodded as the car came to a stop and Lexa rolled her window down. “Hi,” She said into the microphone, Clarke unable to help her smile every time Lexa spoke to someone. Okay, it did sound a little stupid, but she always sounded confident and at ease and she always had that smile that put the people around her at ease too. Clarke on the other hand, absolutely did not like talking to strangers. “Can I get two Oreo McFlurries and a large fries please?”

“I’m really sorry,” The lady said from the other end of the speaker. “But they ice cream machine isn’t working.”

Clarke let out a huff of frustration, Lexa rolling her eyes, “That seems to happen quite often,” Lexa joked lightly, the girl on the other side agreeing with a small laugh. “That’s okay, thanks anyways.”

“Do you want the fries?”

“No, we’re okay.” Lexa answered. “I think I might try somewhere else.”

They remained silent as they pulled out of the drive through and left the McDonald’s lot. “We don’t have to try somewhere else, Lex.” Clarke told her with a small smile, it was quite late after all.

“There’s one about 15 minutes away.” Lexa answered. “I don’t mind driving.” She told Clarke with a smile.

“Yeah, but it’s late.” Clarke tried. “And we have class in the morning.”

“I’ve gone to class with a lot less sleep.” Lexa tried, “Besides, if the baby wants something, I can’t say no.”

Clarke smiled at her, a soft look coming on her eyes that was mostly admiration. “We can say no this one time.” She told Lexa, she didn’t want her to have to drive any longer now, she needed sleep.

“Nope.” Lexa shook her head, “Unless you’re tired and wanna go to bed, I’m getting you the flurry.”

She was tired, yes. But Clarke was very much craving that stupid ice cream and knew she wouldn’t be able to go to sleep unless she got her hands on it. “Okay well, then let’s go.” Clarke smiled at her, “I’m not saying no to a drive with you.” She added, “But there’s no telling that they’re going to have a working ice cream machine, Lexa.”

* * *

Lexa laid in her bed, back against the headboard with her laptop on her lap. Maybe she was doing probably a little too much research on being pregnant and having a baby but Lexa wanted to be prepared. She wanted to know what to expect, and what she could do to help once more of the symptoms started to come up. Clarke wasn’t really eating much, Lexa had been noticing that, and according the sites she had visited, that was perfectly normal and chances were it would be getting worse. Lexa probably hasn’t seen Clarke eat anything at all during lunch at school for the past week – actually she hadn’t even been in the cafeteria because the smell puts her off enough to make her want to throw up. Maybe some snacks instead would be a good idea, she didn’t really like the idea of Clarke not eating anything between breakfast and till she was back home from school.

Their friends were picking up on them acting weird too. Clarke not joining them for lunch, Clarke turning down parties on the weekends which literally never happened until now. Okay, the whole school had noticed that actually, Clarke Griffin, certified party girl, turning down parties had to mean something was wrong, right? But Clarke pretended not to even know something was off, she tried to put it off as everything was and normal. She wasn’t sure about how to explain it to anyone, not even her friends because Clarke wasn’t ready to tell them what it was. There was actually quite a big party last weekend, Raven and Octavia looking forward to it and thinking that this wasn’t something Clarke would miss. But then she said she was…busy. _Too busy for a party?_ They knew something was wrong but they didn’t know how to even ask her.

Clarke was doing her part in researching as well. She had actually ordered a few books, slowly making her way through them and making notes as she went along. Clarke worked a little differently than Lexa did, Lexa preferred to read through a bunch of different sites at the same time, letting her attention move from one tab to the other. And Clarke preferred books, she didn’t absorb much information from websites or screens in general for some reason. She had even gone down to the pharmacy yesterday, picking up some multivitamins and supplements. Things were still rough with her mom, they were talking more but it wasn’t anything good. Her mom didn’t want her to keep the baby and every other conversation seemed to be about that no matter how many times Clarke said she wanted to keep it. Abby was convinced Clarke was making a mistake, and felt that as her mother, it was her responsibility to prevent that. It didn’t seem to matter to her what Clarke wanted to do.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked as Clarke walked up to her locker next to Lexa’s. She looked upset, tired, there were dark circles under her eyes; if anything her eyes looked a little puffy like she had been crying. “Clarke are you okay?”

Clarke nodded, letting out a sigh, “Yeah I’m good.” But she wasn’t, and she couldn’t help it when she stepped up into Lexa’s space, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

Lexa hugged her back without question, looking more concerned now than anything else. “What’s wrong?” She asked her again, holding her close.

Clarke remained silent for a moment, just holding onto Lexa and breathing her in. “Just,” she started as they came away. “It’s been a long morning.”

Lexa kept her hand on Clarke’s back, watching her carefully. “What happened?” She asked her, concerned.

“My mom.” Clarke replied, pushing her hair back and out of her face before stepping away to open her locker, she didn’t want to be late for class. She remained silent, leaving her backpack inside and grabbing her notebook and history book. “Why doesn’t she get,” Clarke slammed the locker shut, Lexa widening her eyes out of surprise at the force behind it, “That I don’t want to talk to her about this?”

She looked angry and upset and just…not in a great place right now. Lexa knew things weren’t great at home with her mom right now, Clarke was spending a lot of time with the Woods instead, or just in her room alone. Just anywhere she didn’t have to spend too much time with her mom. “Did you have breakfast?” Lexa asked after a moment, Clarke wouldn’t want to talk about what happened with her mom, it didn’t seem like she did and Lexa didn’t want to push.

“Nope.” Clarke gave her a sarcastic smile, “Because my mom was frying bacon when she _knows_ just the thought of it makes me puke.” She told Lexa. Mostly the aversions happened randomly and Clarke couldn’t find a pattern, but it seemed like anything that had bacon or ham or well, pork in general made her want to throw up. Most other meats were fine really, so far anyways, eggs seemed to put her off sometimes, but god bacon, she couldn’t stand it right now. And that in itself was sad to her because that had always been her favorite part of breakfast. “And after throwing up for a good chunk of my morning anyways, I didn’t want to stick around for the bacon to send me back to the bathroom.”

“Wait,” Lexa leaned in closer, not wanting anyone else to hear, “You’re getting morning sickness?”

“Apparently.” Clarke shrugged. “This was the first morning.” She told her, “First time it wasn’t set off by food.” She leaned against Lexa, letting her head fall on her shoulder, “I’m tired.” She complained. “And hungry but the thought of food makes me sick.”

“Here,” Lexa started, bringing her backpack in front of her, causing Clarke to have to stand up straight. She unzipped it, “I have some snacks that I think should be okay for you.” She said to her, there were more than a few in there; rice cakes, dry cereal, wafers, cookies, mostly dry and sweet snacks. “You should eat something before class.”

Clarke looked up at her from the open backpack, giving her a small smile, “Why do you have so much food?”

“It’s for you.” Lexa replied matter-of-factly, grabbing a chocolate covered rice cake and handing it to Clarke. She smiled at Lexa, not really saying anything. “I know you haven’t been eating much, or well anything at all between breakfast and till you’re back home.” Lexa explained. “And that can’t be good for you. So I thought I’d get some stuff that won’t set you off that you can snack on throughout the say.”

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from smiling, forgetting all about her mom and this morning for a moment. “You’re amazing.” Her eyes were soft, full of love, hoping to convey everything she couldn’t say. Maybe this seemed like something small and unimportant, but it meant a lot to Clarke, Lexa cared about her so much and she already knew that. But the past few weeks, she had been amazing, more so than Clarke could’ve hoped for. The late night trip to find a McDonald’s with a working ice cream machine, easing her anxiety about the baby, keeping her company during lunch time because she couldn’t be around the food, and now this. “What did I do to deserve you?” She asked her lightly, unwrapping the rice cake.

“I’m kinda amazing.” Lexa replied jokingly, watching as Clarke took a bite and didn’t gag on it.

“Wait that’s good.” Clarke said, clearly surprised. “I mean it tastes like cardboard with chocolate on it.” She added, “But I think that’s exactly what I need right now.” She looked down at her watch, still chewing before her eyes widened, “Shit I gotta go.” Clarke said in a rush, leaning forward and kissing Lexa on the cheek. “I’ll see you later,” She stepped away, about to leave, “And thanks for the cardboard.”

Lexa shook her head, smiling as she unwrapped one for herself. It didn’t taste _that_ bad, but maybe Lexa was just used to it; she was in pretty good shape, if she said so herself. And well, Lexa liked to take care of her body, her body was her temple; she worked out, she ate right, she took care of herself. And in all honesty, Lexa kind of preferred the taste of healthier snacks that Clarke would consider cardboard rather than _regular_ snacks like cookies and candy. _Oh, I have to get to class_ , Lexa snapped out of her thoughts, tearing her eyes away from her girlfriend walking away before zipping her backpack and taking off.

* * *

“What the actual hell are you eating right now?” Octavia gave Clarke a weird look. The two of them had a free period, their history teacher wasn’t in today so they had a substitute. Who also didn’t show up, and given there was an unsaid rule you could leave if the teacher wasn’t here within fifteen minutes of the class starting, Clarke and Octavia decided to leave. Lexa was currently in football practice, hard at work for their next game so the whole team was out of class for the next hour. There was also a guy on the team that Octavia had her eyes on, neither of them knew much about him, only that his jersey number was 81. Clarke had suggested maybe talking to him but Octavia shook her head like that was the craziest idea in the world, saying she needed to know more about him before she could talk to him.

“You know, you learn more about people when you talk to them right?” Clarke asked her friend, sitting on the bleachers watching the team practice. “Like maybe his name.”

“Your girl should know.” Octavia nodded towards the field, number 81 passing the football to Lexa as she ran past him. “They play well together.” Then she turned to Clarke, a hopeful look in her eyes, “Get his number for me?”

Clarke scoffed, “And how exactly do I do that?” Her friend rolled her eyes, motioning towards Lexa. “You ask her.”

“I can’t, I’ll seem desperate.” Octavia shrugged. “She’s your girlfriend, she won’t question it.”

“She probably will.” Clarke told her instead. “You go talk to Lexa after practice, be a little stalker for the cute guy.” Octavia only rolled her eyes, but to be fair, Clarke wasn’t wrong. “Wait, I thought you had a thing for Raven.”

“Nope, she’s just my friend.” That was a lie. She did have feelings for Raven, until this year probably, and now this new guy had gotten her attention. “Besides, she’s been talking to this college chick lately.” Clarke tilted her head in curiosity, clearly wanting to know more. “She’s in LA I think.”

“How’d they meet?”

“They haven’t yet.” Octavia answered. “They started talking online a couple of weeks ago, Raven really likes her.”

“A few weeks?” Clarke questioned, a little offended, “Excuse me, how did I not know about this?”

“Well, you’ve been busy.” She shrugged. “I don’t know with what, but we don’t really see you or Lexa much anymore.” Octavia narrowed her eyes, “What are you two hiding?”

Suddenly Clarke could feel herself getting nervous, doing her best to brush it off. “Nothing.” She shook her head. “Lexa’s a senior so she’s busy with school stuff and football.” Clarke tried, “And I have a lot going on you know? I do more extra-curricular stuff that I can keep track off.”

“Nerd.”

Clarke let out a small sigh of relief, glad that had worked. They weren’t ready to tell anyone yet but Clarke was a little preoccupied because of the pregnancy. The morning sickness, and the food aversions, and not being allowed to drink meant she couldn’t hang out with her friends much after school. “So, tell me about this girl?” Clarke asked instead.

“Her name’s Anya.” Octavia started. “I think she’s 20, and majoring in political science.” She shrugged. “Raven hasn’t said much about her, she’s being very secretive.” She looked back at the field, looking at the players still running around. “You going to ask Lexa for his number or what?”

“I’m not.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “I might tell Lexa you want it though and she might be nice about it.”

Before Octavia could speak, the coach’s whistle went off, indicating practice had finished. Clarke got up, walking up to the steps and making her way down to meet Lexa while Octavia practically skipped down the bleachers.

“Hey,” Lexa gave them a smile, changing directions and walking towards her girlfriend instead of the locker room. “What are you doing here?”

“Class got cancelled.” Clarke answered. “Hey, who’s number 81?” She asked Lexa, nodding towards the player who was helping clear up the field.

“That’s Lincoln.” Lexa answered, tilting her head a little, “Why?”

Clarke smiled this time, a mischievous glint in her eyes, Octavia a couple of steps behind her now. “Octavia thinks he’s cut-”

“Clarke shut up!” She yelled, running up to her to shut her up.

Lexa mirrored Clarke’s smile, not giving much thought Octavia before turning around to look at her teammate. “Hey Lincoln.” She called out, him looking up with a slightly confused look. “Come say hi to my friend.” He dropped the football he was currently holding, walking towards Lexa and the two other girls. “She think you’re cute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not 100% happy with this chapter tbh. the next one is much better i promise. i hope it wasn't too bad though, leave me a comment, let me know what you thought. the next chapter is a bit more angsty whoops.


	6. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are...complicated. Well, they're starting to get complicated. First off, Abby still isn't on board with the pregnancy, or Lexa even for that matter. Clarke has a past with body issues and they're starting to resurface due to the fact that she's gaining weight because to the baby. Raven is considered for her friend, seeing Clarke spending so time throwing up and not eating is making her think she's falling back into old habits. So Raven decides to ask Lexa about it but it's very hard to explain without giving away the fact that Clarke is pregnant. Lexa is dealing with some stuff of her own, somewhere in the realms of coming out and having to tell people she's trans when she has been stealth her whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a long chapter. i aim for like 3.2-3.5k per chapter but this went beyond 4k. but hey i don't think anyone's complaining right? a lot is happening basically. and we're really starting to get into the story whoop whoop.  
> ok so i have two trigger warnings for this one. **TW: mild transphobia/misgendering** and **TW: mentions of past eating disorders and body image issues**

**_ WEEK 6 _ **

“Mom please.” Clarke whined as she pulled the comforter over her face at her mom pulling the curtains open. “It’s Saturday, let me sleep.”

“No,” Abby replied simply, “It’s past 10am, you need to get out of bed.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, pulling the comforter down just enough to peak at her mom. She squinted, it was too bright, it was sunny outside today, and Clarke needed more than a moment to let her eyes adjust to it. “I’m tired, please just leave me alone for a couple of hours.” She really was, she was getting more tired, more often lately. Even just getting through school was becoming difficult because god, she was so tired. It was normal though from what Clarke had read, growing a person inside of you took a lot of energy, and when you were puking out most of your calories because they wouldn’t stay down, you just got even more tired. Thank god for Lexa though, her backpack was constantly stocked up with snacks she could actually stomach, that was probably her main source of food right now.

“I want to talk to you, please get up.” Abby said again, sitting down next to her daughter on the bed this time. She waited impatiently for Clarke to at least look at her but she didn’t. “Clarke come on.” She tapped her lightly on the arm.

“Mom please,” She tried again, she was exhausted; Clarke had spent a good chunk of her night hunched over the toilet. She didn’t actually know how she could be throwing up so much, surely everything she had eaten was out by now, she wasn’t even managing to stomach that much food. “I had a really long night, and I need some sleep.” Clarke snuggled further into the bed and away from her mom, burying herself under the comforter. “Baby didn’t let me sleep.”

“You’re only like five weeks along.” Abby rolled her eyes.

“Six.” Clarke corrected. “And it’s perfectly normal for me to be tired and need more rest.” Her mom only let out a sigh of frustration, and this time Clarke turned to look at her, “Fine, what do you want to talk about?” Hoping that maybe, the sooner she talked to Clarke, the sooner she would leave.

“Are you sure about this?” Abby asked her, “Are you sure you want to have a baby?”

“Mom, please.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “Not this again, okay?” She really didn’t have it in her right now, she was tired, she wanted to sleep, and her mood was just…really down right now. It had been since last night, and Clarke wasn’t entirely sure why. All she really wanted right now was Lexa, she wanted to be with her, and Clarke was planning on texting her after actually waking up on her own terms. “I’m not in the mood right now. I just want to be alone.”

“He’s not going to stay you know.” Abby started, ignoring what Clarke just said about wanting to be left alone.

_He?_ “Who are you even talking about?” Clarke asked, confused and ensure if it was because of the fact that she was half asleep. “Who’s not going to stay?” She brought herself up slightly, doing her best to be a bit more alert.

“The one who got you pregnant.” Abby replied simply, “Lexa, he’s not going to stay.”

“It’s _she_.” Clarke started, suddenly wide awake and angry at her mom for misgendering her girlfriend. “And _she_ is going to stay, Lexa’s not going anywhere.” Clarke added, putting extra emphasis on the _she_.

“And how are you so sure of that?” Abby questioned, “Because he told you?”

“ _She_ mom.” Clarke corrected her again, sitting up this time, her voice louder. She held the comforter up to her chest, she could feel her nipples stiff and poking out through her shirt – and the chill in the room didn’t help either. “It’s _she_.” She told her, jaws clenching. “And yes, because she told me. I trust her and she’s not the kind of person who just gets up and leaves when things get complicated.”

“How would you know that?” Abby raised an eyebrow at her daughter who only rolled her eyes.

“Well, first off, I trust her.” Clarke replied matter-of-factly. “And if she was going to leave because of the pregnancy, she would’ve left by now. And she hasn’t.” Clarke believed that, sure she was still worried and at first, even felt bad about _making_ Lexa stay, but Lexa was right, she wasn’t making her do anything, this was on both of them.

Abby only shook her head, not entirely convinced. “You’re only seventeen, Clarke.” She told her daughter. “You’re not even done with high school.” She added. “You have your whole life ahead of you, do you really want to ruin it because of one mistake?”

“Now my life just includes this.” Clarke answered simply, shrugging lightly. “My future now includes a baby, so I’ll have to make some changes. That’s all, I haven’t ruined anything.”

Abby only let out a sigh, not agreeing with her daughter. “You can’t raise a baby on your own, Clark-”

“I’m not going to be alone.” Clarke interrupted abruptly, not letting her mom finish. “Lexa is going to be here, how many times do I have to tell you that?”

“You don’t know that Clarke.” Abby tried again. “Lexa’s here now because he’s still in school, what about when he’s in college, when you’re in college?” She asked again, ignoring the look in Clarke’s eyes. “Who’s going to take care of the baby then? Who’s going to support it?”

“ _She_ ,” Clarke said again, her voice much louder, angrier. “It’s _she_ mom.” She tried again. “Lexa is a girl, _she_ is my _girlfriend_.” Her voice kept rising, “I really don’t care that you don’t approve of this, I don’t care that you think I’m making a mistake. But fucking _stop misgendering her_.” She was yelling at this point, but Clarke couldn’t really help it. “Lexa’s not a boy, she’s not the _father_ of this baby. She’s a girl, she’s my girlfriend, and she’s this baby’s mother just as much as I am.” Clarke shook her head, catching her breath, doing her best to bring her voice down. “Lexa is doing everything she can for me, for the baby, she’s not going to leave or give up on us.” Clarke told Abby, doing her best to calm down but all she wanted to do right now was yell at her mom for continuously referring to Lexa as a boy. “She’s not going to college in September. She’s going to defer her entry so she can stay back with me and the baby.” Abby didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. “She knows I’m going to need her, the baby is going to need her, and she doesn’t want to be away from us either.” Clarke sighed, “Maybe we don’t have it all figured out, and maybe we are practically just kids ourselves, but we’re in this together. I’m not worried in the slightest that Lexa will leave me alone with all of this.”

Abby didn’t reply, only stood up, “Clearly I’m not going to get through to you.” She told her calmly, “You’re stuck in your own little bubble thinking all of this is going to work out just fine.” She stepped away, making her way towards the door. “But it’s not.” She told her again, “And by the time you realize it, it’s going to be too late to do anything about it.”

“Whatever happens, we’re going to make it work, we’re not going to regret anything.” At this point, Clarke didn’t know why she was even trying, it was pretty clear that Abby had made up her mind.

Abby scoffed at Clarke this time, stepping up to the door and about to leave, “I don’t trust him.”

“ _HER!_ ” Clarke shouted this time as her mom left. “It’s her!” She added, not lowering her voice. “She’s a girl, why is it so fucking hard to get right?” She was expecting her mom to leave, not say anything else to that and Clarke was about to get out of bed and get dressed so she could leave the house, go over to Lexa’s.

But Abby stepped back inside, “I girl couldn’t have gotten you pregnant, Clarke.”

“Fuck this,” Clarke shook her head, scanning the floor for some pants that were acceptable to wear out. “I can’t deal with this right now, I can’t deal with you. I’m going out.”

.

“No, no baby.” Lexa tried as she held Clarke close, “Please don’t cry.” She told her, unsure what was even wrong right now. Clarke had shown up to her place unannounced and upset, she didn’t say anything until they were in Lexa’s room when she broke down in her arms. “What happened?” Lexa asked her again, but Clarke didn’t reply, only buried her face further into Lexa’s chest. “Please talk to me, what’s wrong baby?”

Clarke finally brought herself away a minute later, still in Lexa’s arms before looking up at her. They were on Lexa’s bed, Lexa leaning against the headboard and Clarke half-lying half-sitting in her arms. “Everything,” She breathed out, but she didn’t want to tell Lexa about why she practically yelled at her mom this morning. “I didn’t sleep last night till I think four am.” She started, “I was stuck in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet because my mom made meatloaf,” She explained, “When I told her multiple times that _anything_ with pork makes me sick.” She shook her head, she was sensitive to a lot of different foods right now, but this seemed to be the worst one. “Like she could be making anything else for dinner or even just have used beef instead but nope.” Clarke rolled her eyes before falling silent, “Okay so…this is stupid.” Her voice was smaller now, “But it’s been getting to be and I know it shouldn’t because it’s _really_ stupid.”

“If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” Lexa gave her a gentle smile, leaning forward and kissing her forehead, “What is it?”

“I’ve been putting on weight.” Clarke finally admitted, not looking at Lexa. “I know it’s because of the baby but the baby isn’t showing yet and it’s kind of hard to look at myself in the mirror or when I’m getting changed because I’m getting bigger and it’s just…” She let out a long sigh, lowering her voice, she was embarrassed to admit how much this was bothering her. “Making me feel kinda gross about myself again.”

Lexa let out a knowing sigh, her arms around Clarke tightening and letting her rest on her chest. Clarke has always had issues with her body, feeling like she was too big, or too heavy, or just that her body wasn’t…good enough. It wasn’t quite as bad now as it was when she was younger, she still had her off days, days when eating was difficult because she felt like she didn’t _need_ to. Lexa has known from the start, they had been friends for a very long time. She had been there through some of Clarke’s worst times, and Lexa had watched Clarke get better, a lot better, even with the rare bad days, Lexa knew she was a lot better now than a few years ago.

“It’ll be different once the baby is showing, I know that.” Clarke continued. “I’ll be able to see the weight going there, but now…” She shook her head, letting out a sigh, “Now it just looks like I’m getting fat.”

“Clarke, no.” Lexa finally spoke. “That’s not true.” She told her, holding her close. “What can I do?” She asked her, somethings helped more than others, and Lexa didn’t know what her girlfriend needed right now.

“Just…” Clarke started hesitantly, “Tell me you love me, and that I’m not putting you off.”

“No, no, no.” Lexa said immediately, “Of course you’re not.” She kissed her forehead as Clarke came up to look at her, “Clarke you’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” She told her honestly, Lexa didn’t really even have to try to find things to say about her. “You took my breath away the first time I saw you, and you still do years later.” Her voice was soft and gentle, a hand on Clarke’s shoulder making mindless patterns as Clarke laid her head on Lexa’s chest. “Not to sound superficial but like…you have an amazing body.” That received a small laugh from her girlfriend. “Those perfect lips, the eyes I keep getting lost in,” Lexa went through her mental list, checking them off as she went long. “Your amazing legs, that I absolutely love having wrapped around my head,” Clarke smacked her lightly on the chest at that, “You have the cutest tummy too and no one will ever change my mind.” Lexa added, Clarke was probably the most insecure about her stomach and Lexa just wanted her to see why she shouldn’t be. She had a thing for tummies, _any_ tummies, they were just cute; they were the perfect place to kiss, to rest her head on. “And god, don’t even get me started on your boobs.” She could feel Clarke smiling against her now. “They are getting bigger by the way, and I am absolutely thrilled about that.”

“You’re impossible.” Clarke brought her head up finally, rolling her eyes at her girlfriend. She was such a useless lesbian.

Lexa only smiled at her, watching her for a moment before speaking, “And you’re smiling.”

* * *

“Lexa is Clarke okay?”

Lexa was standing at her locker when her friend approached her, not so much as saying hello before asking. “What?” She gave Raven a confused look, unsure what she was talking about.

“Clarke.” Raven repeated, a little exasperated. “Is she okay?”

Lexa closed her locker, still looking at her confused, “Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?”

Raven let out a sigh and rolled her eyes, grabbing Lexa’s arm, “Come on,” Lexa’s eyes widened, unsure of what was happening as Raven pulled her away and towards an empty science lab.

“What is happened?” Lexa asked, looking around like a deer in headlights, “Are you planning on killing me or something?”

“No dumbass, I’m worried about Clarke.” Raven deadpanned instead.

Another confused look.

“She hasn’t been eating.” Raven stated, Clarke issues weren’t really a secret. “I haven’t seen her in the cafeteria in weeks for lunch.” She told her. “And she has been throwing up kinda often.” Raven pulled out one of the stools and sat down a few feet away from Lexa. “I’m worried about her.” She let out a small sigh, “It looks like she’s slipping back into old habits.”

Lexa thought about it, honestly, that is what it looked like; given Clarke’s history, Lexa wasn’t surprised this was the conclusion Raven had come to. But she didn’t know how to explain to their concerned friend that everything was fine, and that Clarke was doing okay in terms of this. She most definitely was not falling back into old habits.

“I thought maybe it was a bug at first,” Raven spoke again, “But that doesn’t last for weeks.” She watched Lexa, getting a little frustrated at not getting a response from the other girl. “You must have noticed it Lexa, come on.”

“It’s not what you think.” Lexa tried, but she didn’t know how to explain it without telling Raven that Clarke was pregnant. And outing herself in the process. _Oh shit, I’m going to have to come out when everyone finds out Clarke is pregnant_ , well that wasn’t something Lexa had thought about until right now. “Clarke isn’t falling back into old habits, she’s okay.” She was having a bit of a hard time though with gaining weight, but it really wasn’t noticeable if you weren’t looking – actually it wasn’t noticeable at all unless you saw Clarke without a shirt on. Even then, it wasn’t much. And although Clarke hasn’t been feeling great about it, Lexa hasn’t noticed any changes in her behavior or her eating habits – minus the obvious ones due to the pregnancy. Lexa was making sure Clarke was eating, she was making sure Clarke was talking to her if she wasn’t feeling great, and it seemed like after that day, Clarke has been doing much better. She had said it helped to finally tell Lexa, get it out of her system, and since that she has been coping with it a lot better.

“How do you know?” Raven asked. “I’m worried Lexa.” She let out a sigh, voice gentler now. “We’ve all seen her when she was bad, and I don’t want it to get like that again.”

Lexa nodded, “I know.” She agreed, “But trust me, Clarke is fine.” She tried to tell her. “You really don’t have to worry.”

“Then why isn’t she eating and spending about half her day in the bathroom?” Raven asked impatiently.

“It’s…” Lexa thought to herself, there really wasn’t any other explanation for it that she could give her friend without telling her the truth. “It’s complicated.” Before Raven could say anything else, Lexa looked at the watch on her wrist, “I’m gonna be late for class,” She jumped up on her feet, taking off after the door. “See you later Raven.”

Raven let a moment pass before realizing, and calling out after Lexa, “You don’t have a class now asshole!”

* * *

**_ WEEK 7 _ **

“Raven’s been asking me about you.” Lexa said to Clarke later on in the night. They were at Lexa’s place, laying on the bed together just having finished their homework; Clarke was staying here tonight.

“Asking what about me?” Clarke asked, turning her head up to look at Lexa, she was lying with her head on Lexa’s chest.

“Well,” She started. “She’s been noticing that you haven’t been having lunch and…throwing up a lot.”

“Baby’s fault, not mine.” Clarke replied instantly.

“Yes, exactly.” Lexa nodded. “But she thinks it’s because you’re…falling back into…old habits.” Clarke let out an _ohhh_ as realization hit her. “And I didn’t know what to tell her.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Ran off.” Lexa answered simply, “Said I was late for class. But like, I didn’t even have a class.”

“Idiot.”

“I need to talk to you about something,” Her voice sounded more serious this time. “I only realized this when Raven asked me, it didn’t even cross my mind until then.” Clarke watched her questioningly. “We are going to have to tell our friends eventually, and the whole school is also going to find out too once you…start to show.” Another _oh_ from Clarke, “And we’re going to have to explain it because…” Lexa trailed off, “Two girls don’t usually equal a baby.”

“Oh god Lexa I didn’t think of that.” Clarke moved to sit up straight, she really hadn’t. The fact that Lexa was trans didn’t come up a lot between the two of them, it wasn’t something that Clarke even consciously thought about. Like, yes, her girlfriend was transgender and there were some things that very obviously said that but by this point, to Clarke, they were just the norm – Lexa wasn’t any different to her than she would have been if she was cis. To Clarke, she was just Lexa, she was her girlfriend, she didn’t stop to think for a moment that it wouldn’t be the same to everyone else. Like her mom.

“I don’t know what to do Clarke.” Lexa admitted. It had been a few days since her talk with Raven, since she had been thinking about this. “I don’t want to come out.” She told her, voice uncertain, “I don’t want people to know I’m trans.” She was upset and she couldn’t hide it from her voice. She didn’t know what to do, there didn’t seem to be much options here but Lexa knew things would change the moment her peers found out she was trans.

“I know.” Clarke nodded, hand going up to Lexa’s cheek, thumb rubbing the corner of Lexa’s lips. “What do you want to do?” She didn’t like seeing Lexa upset, it was rare really, Lexa was always smiling and happy – the personification of an overactive puppy really – and it took a lot to bring her down.

“I don’t know.” Lexa leaned against Clarke’s hand, closing her eyes and letting out a shaky breath.

“God, Lexa I’m so sorry.” Clarke apologized, it looked like she was about to cry. And Clarke could count on one hand the number of times she had seen Lexa cry.

She shook her head slightly, wanting to say it wasn’t Clarke’s fault. “I’m not ashamed of being trans, it’s just,” Lexa looked at her, but not moving, “It’s something very personal to me, I don’t want everyone knowing that.” She explained. “And you know people are going to start seeing me differently once they know I wasn’t always a girl or whatever way they wanna say it.”

Clarke let go of her face, pulling her into a hug instead and Lexa resting her head on Clarke’s chest. “I know.” She told her. Lexa was comfortable in herself, in her gender, and in her sexuality. But to her, the history of it, so to speak, was very personal and Clarke knew that – Lexa didn’t like other’s knowing about her transness, to her it was part of her medical history and she didn’t like sharing it. “I’m here okay?” God she was crying, Lexa was crying and that broke Clarke’s heart, it took a lot to make her cry. Honestly, Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she had seen her girlfriend cry. “Tell me what to do,” She tried, “How can I help?”

“I don’t know.” Lexa choked out through the tears, voice shaking. “Clarke what do I do?” Now was her turn to ask, just like Clarke had when they had found out she was pregnant.

“Whatever you want to do.” Clarke told her, her voice soft and hiding the worry. She kissed the top of Lexa’s head, holding her close.

“I know I don’t want to come out.” Lexa answered, not moving. She didn’t think it was anyone else’s business to know about her personal life, or what was between her legs – because let’s face it, that would be the first question. “I don’t want people knowing I’m trans.” She brought herself up this time, “I’m not ashamed or anything, I just-”

Clarke gave her a soft smile, reassuring, “I know.” She did, Lexa has told her before about why she wasn’t _out_ to anyone – she just believed it was no one’s business. The only reason Clarke knew, as Lexa said, was because she _needed_ to know because well, they were going to be intimate. Actually, Lexa had told Clarke as they were taking their clothes off the first time they had sex – first time ever that Lexa was intimate with someone. She was scared, terrified actually that Clarke was going to be disgusted or angry and leave – maybe even out her to everyone for _lying_ to her. But instead she had just nodded, _yeah that’s fine, just take off your pants_ , was all she had said before kissing Lexa again, and that was it really.

“But I don’t think there’s another option right now.” Lexa sighed, bringing her hand up and rubbing her eyes, brushing the tears away.

“Well, we have a couple of months I think before I start to show. And maybe longer if I’m careful with my outfit choices.” Clarke told her. “So, we have time to figure it out.” She shrugged, “Or…” She trailed off, Lexa looking at her with a curious look. “You don’t say anything.” Lexa tilted her head in confusion, not really knowing what Clarke meant. “Okay hear me out, it might be a little stupid but,” Clarke told her, “Don’t say anything. You don’t have to come out. Let’s see what conclusion everyone comes to when they find out I’m pregnant.”

“Clarke that is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.” Lexa couldn’t help but smile. “That’ll never work.”

“You don’t know that.” Clarke shrugged. “You know how cis people are, they don’t think trans people exist without them knowing.”

“You were one of them,” Lexa quipped.

“Shut up,” She rolled her eyes, “But seriously, I know you don’t want to come out and you already had to because of me. To my mom. And that didn’t go well.” Lexa shrugged, brushing it off, not wanting to show Clarke that she was upset because of it. “So don’t say anything at school and let everyone come to their own conclusions.”

“Okay,” She thought about it, nodding. “I’m still think that’s an awful idea and will never work but,” Lexa shrugged, “What the hell, why not? And it’ll be fun to see what conclusion everyone comes to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i was supposed to update this fic on wednesday right? coz i said two updates a week. yeah i over shot it, i can't do that. i'm really sorry. saturday night updates. once a week. i can be consistent with that. also thank you guys so much for all the comments on the previous chapter. it really does make my day when i see the notifications for comments. and kudos. so thanks you so much for reading. i hope you liked this one.


	7. Boobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's boobs are starting to get noticeably bigger and it's really fun when all your friends are bi or gay. Not to mention the gay disaster her girlfriend is when it comes to her boobs. They also have their second appointment with Dr. Tsing and get to see the baby for the first time (they're both very soft about it).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update on time??? heck yeah. the first part of this chapter was so fun to write, ok most of it was a lot of fun because there's a lot of boob talk. also lexa is soft af. they get to see the baby and they're both soft about it. also the Woods are really chill and awesome about the baby thing.

**_ WEEK 7 _ **

“Close your mouth, you’re gonna catch flies,” Octavia said as she rolled her eyes at Lexa.

“What?” Lexa snapped out of her thoughts at her friend’s voice. She was staring…at Clarke’s boobs; they were getting bigger and now it was very much noticeable – not like anyone was questioning it though. And the top she was wearing today was…more than just a little revealing – Lexa had a feeling Clarke was going to get called out of class for that, it had to be a dress code violation. But Lexa didn’t care about that right now, her mouth was gaping, and her eyes were glued to Clarke’s chest, not even having it in her to put the effort of _trying_ to look away.

The school had a football game this morning, earlier than most for some reason, but their school won so that’s all that matter to Lexa right now. Her first stop after the final whistle was up the bleachers to where her girlfriend and friends were standing and cheering the team on. But it was difficult to get much out of her, Clarke had kissed her the moment she walked up to them, practically lunging on Lexa and pressing her lips to her’s – her way of congratulating her girlfriend on the win. But the moment they pulled away, Lexa was just…staring at her chest.

“Close your mouth babe.” Clarke repeated what Octavia just said. “You’re staring.”

Lexa blinked a few times, shaking her head and bringing her focus back to reality. “Right, right yeah.” She nodded to herself, looking up at Clarke’s face this time, “That’s a really nice top by the way.”

“Can’t blame her though,” Raven quipped from the side with a small shrug, “Your boobs – and I can’t stress this enough – look _great_.”

Clarke only rolled her eyes, biting back a smile. “She’s right.” Octavia added from the other side. “Like damn Clarke if you were my girlfriend I wouldn’t take my eyes off of them.”

Clarke gave a smile of disbelief, almost wanting to laugh as she looked between her friends and her girlfriend, all of whom were currently, once again, staring at her boobs. This is what happened when all your friends were either gay or bi. “Guys stop staring, it’s not like you haven’t seen them before.” She didn’t mind it though, Clarke liked the attention when it came from the right people. She let out a small laugh, giving them a small wiggle; okay it was actually funny the way their eyes widened at the movement. “Alright gays, eyes up.”

They weren’t wrong though and Clarke knew it, her breasts were definitely getting bigger. The weight gain was a little difficult but in all honesty, Clarke didn’t mind the boobs, not yet anyways. The only bad thing about it at the moment, was that her bras were getting tight and her tops weren’t fitting properly. But she knew it would get annoying because they were likely to get bigger, it’s not like they were ever on the smaller side anyways, quite the opposite. Lexa was definitely appreciating the change in size; she was never shy in showing how much Lexa enjoyed Clarke’s _assets_ and now it was almost like she was physically in pain trying to remain subtle about it.

Speaking of them getting bigger.

“Can we go shopping after the doctor’s appointment tomorrow?” Clarke asked Lexa as they laid in bed together. Well, Clarke was half lying with her back against the headboard, Lexa walking back into the room with a hot bean bag in a raccoon shaped cover.

“Yeah sure.” Lexa replied, making her way to the bed. “Anything specific?”

“Bra.” Clarke replied, “The girls are getting bigger,” She looked down at her chest, “And other than the fact that they were incredibly sore, my bras also don’t fit anymore.” Lexa nodded, coming up to sit next to her before pressing the warm raccoon against her left boob. “Hmm, that already feels so good.” Lexa gave her a small smile, it was the left side that was giving her more trouble and after debating between a hot or cold compress, Lexa settled on hot and went downstairs to get her one. “You’re the best.”

Lexa settled in next to her, doing her best to soothe Clarke’s sore breasts – this felt like the opposite of a chore. They talked for a while, about school and about their day, Clarke more at ease from spending more time with the Woods than with her mom. Lexa’s parents were so much more supportive; the first day Clarke saw them after they knew she was pregnant was right after she had told her mom. Indra had hugged her, Gustus too, telling her that they were here for her as much as they were here for Lexa – they were all in this together now. So she liked spending more time here, it was a lot less stressful than being with her mom. Speaking off, it was so tense with them; back handed comments, the passive aggressive attitude, Abby unable to talk to Clarke without the conversation turning into about the pregnancy – and how she felt Clarke shouldn’t keep the baby.

“I’m kind of excited about tomorrow.” Clarke said after a while, talking about the doctor’s appointment. “Is that weird?”

“Nope,” Lexa shook her head, “We get to see the baby for the first time.” She couldn’t help but smile, “I’m excited too.”

“I mean,” Clarke started, “I don’t think we’re going to be seeing much, the baby’s not even a baby yet. It’s like, the size of a blueberry or something right?” She asked and Lexa nodded, “I’ve been reading those links you sent me.” Lexa looked happy, she was too, yes the whole pregnancy was unexpected and not something they would have wanted if it hadn’t happened. Not for a few years at least. But now that it had happened, now that there was a baby on the way, they both really wanted it, and although they were still scared and nervous and terrified, they were still looking forward to it all. “I still can’t believe we’re having a baby Lexa.”

Lexa nodded, “I know, me neither.” she agreed. “But like,” She thought about it for a moment, unsure of how to explain how she felt, “I’m really excited for it now, you know?” It felt weird to say she was excited, she was scared out of her mind because raising a baby and being a parent was terrifying. But this was their life now, they were actually having a baby, and Lexa wanted it, so she was excited.

“Me too.” Clarke agreed. “I know it wasn’t planned and we wouldn’t have wanted it unless it happened,” She shrugged, “We would have waited a few years,” Lexa gave her a small laugh in response, nodding. “But now that it has happened, I’m looking forward to all of it.”

Lexa leaned closer, kissing Clarke softly. “Yeah,” Another kiss, much longer this time, her lips slow against Clarke’s, trying to convey all her emotions about this because god, she really didn’t have the words for it. It was confusing, straight up, it was confusing how she felt; it was scary but also exciting right now, she was unsure about how it was going to go but Lexa knew one thing for sure, and that was the fact that she wanted this baby. “I know it’s still incredibly scary but we’re gonna be okay as long as we have each other.”

“What a sap,” Clarke couldn’t help but kiss her again, smiling against her. “But you are right.” She added as they pulled away, “I’m still so scared about having a baby, like…” She took a deep breath, shaking her head to keep herself from going off on another rant, “But I got you,” Clarke told her instead. “I’m not worried.”

“Oh hey,” Lexa remembered suddenly. “How are things with your mom? You haven’t said anything about home lately.”

_Bad, awful, stressful, making me cry every other night_. But instead Clarke just settled on, “Fine, things are fine.”

Lexa watched her for a moment, not really convinced. “Are you sure?”

Clarke didn’t answer her, “Can we talk about something else, please?” Truth was, things were really stressful at home and it was affecting Clarke. She wasn’t getting enough sleep or eating much when she was around her mom – it was actually really great that her mom worked long hours. Clarke was just hoping things would get less stressful soon, she knew it wasn’t good for her now, good for the baby but she didn’t want to tell Lexa, she didn’t want to worry her.

* * *

Everything was fine, Dr. Tsing was happy with how things were with Clarke and the baby and now she was laying on the table waiting for the first ultrasound. Clarke’s vitals were normal, the test results from last time came back fine so they didn’t have to come back for it earlier – Lexa had received a phone call, to let her know there was no cause for concern, quite the opposite, her and Clarke were both healthy. Lexa was at her side now, a chair pulled up as she held Clarke’s hand and waited impatiently. She was a little fidgety, foot tapping against the floor, Lexa hoping it wasn’t loud enough for Clarke or the doctor to hear.

“Lex, baby calm down.” Apparently, she was being loud. Clarke squeezed her hand, noticing the tapping of her foot.

“Sorry,” Lexa stopped herself, tapping the finger from her free hand on her knee instead. “I’m just nervous.”

“There’s no reason to be.” Dr. Tsing told her with a reassuring smile, “Everything so far has been absolutely fine,” She looked at Clarke this time, “The gel is cold,” The warning didn’t do much because Clarke let out a small yelp as she squirted it on her stomach. “Clarke you can calm down too.” The doctor told her lightly, noticing the rapid heartbeat and breathing. “Now let’s see,” She turned her attention to the screen as the ultrasound wand went on Clarke, spreading the gel out evenly over her abdomen and scanning over before focusing on one area. The room fell silent, Clarke and Lexa both looking intently at the screen. It didn’t look like much, just static and blobs really but they couldn’t take their eyes off of it. Lexa’s fingers kept tapping, but Clarke felt herself calming down as the seconds passed.

“So, if there was more than one in there, we would know now?” Lexa spoke, breaking the silence and Clarke only rolled her eyes.

Dr. Tsing nodded, Clarke speaking before she could. “Don’t even joke about that.” And Lexa only smiled teasingly.

A small laugh left the doctor’s lips, asking sarcastically, “Are you hoping for more than one?” She could spot one but wanted to make sure that was it before letting the couple know.

“Nope,” They both said at the same time, shaking their heads at her.

“Okay good, because there is only one.” She held the wand steady on Clarke, the other hand coming up to the screen. “Right there,” She pointed at a blob, and it took them a moment to actually find what the doctor was showing them. “Do you guys see it?” Dr. Tsing turned to look at Clarke and Lexa, they could see it, they were staring at the blob in awe.

“That-” Lexa started, but unable to get the words out, it was really overwhelming, but in a good way. “That’s the baby?” Her voice was small and gentle, Clarke didn’t have it in her to speak.

Dr. Tsing nodded at them, giving a comforting smile and letting the young couple take it in. It wasn’t much to look at now, mostly just a small shapeless blob and nothing more. But the first time parents saw their baby was magical, it was like that was the most amazing thing they had ever seen – sometimes they couldn’t even spot the actual fetus, but it didn’t make the moment any less special.

Clarke let out a shaky breath, not really knowing when she had started crying but there were tears rolling down her cheeks as she watched what was going to soon be their baby. She squeezed Lexa’s hand, noticing as her girlfriend got up and kissed her cheek, her lips trembling against Clarke, this was surreal. Neither of them really had the words for what they felt right now, it was just a lot…of everything, and everything positive too. Yes, Clarke knew there was this thing growing inside of her but to see it now really brought everything into perspective. There was an intensity in Lexa’s chest, love and protectiveness and who even knows what else because she really didn’t at just the sight of what would be their child.

“We’re going to try and see if we can hear a heartbeat.” The doctor said after a minute, Clarke and Lexa letting it all sink in. “But it’s still very early,” She explained, “So if we can’t hear anything, that’s absolutely normal, okay?” The two of them nodded and she flicked a switch. The wand moved around slightly, trying to get the best angle but there was nothing yet, the heartbeat wasn’t strong enough to be heard. “It doesn’t look like it wants you to hear it just yet.” Dr. Tsing told them reluctantly, “Don’t worry though,” She repeated, some parents panicked, thinking this must mean something was wrong. “It’s normal to not hear anything just yet. Why don’t we pen you in for another ultrasound in a couple of weeks, and we’ll again then?”

Clarke nodded, still watching the screen, watching what was going to be their baby in a few more weeks. Lexa tore her eyes away, looking at the doctor instead, “Can we get a picture?” She asked, “My parents are going to be mad if I go back home without one.”

.

“Where’s mom?” Lexa asked the moment the two of them walked back into her house and into the living room. Her dad was sitting on the couch in front of the TV, watching an episode of _Mindhunter_.

“Still at work.” Gustus answered, looking between the two of them as he pressed pause. They both looked happy, Lexa had that excited grin on her face, practically vibrating with excitement. Clarke looked happy too, but a lot calmer than his daughter. “You look excited,” He said with a small laugh. “Just a little.”

“Oh, very excited.” Clarke nodded in agreement. “I drove back because this one was practically bouncing.” She couldn’t help but smile, pointing at Lexa, it was cute, it was really cute how excited and happy she was right now. Clarke was too, just not showing it the same way Lexa was.

“The doctor’s appointment went well, I take it.” He watched as the two girls sat down, Clarke on the armchair that was usually Lexa’s spot usually, and Lexa next to her dad.

“We got to see the baby.” Lexa explained, her voice as calm as she could make it sound. Clarke smiled, nodding in response.

A smile broke out on Gustus’s face, eyes widening as he looked between the two of them, “You better have brought a picture for us.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 8 _ **

The morning sickness was…getting annoying at this point. It had been every single morning for the past couple of weeks and Clarke was annoyed to say the least. It wasn’t going to stop anytime soon either, maybe, hopefully it would be less frequent in the upcoming weeks. The bathroom door was closed now with Clarke hunched over the toilet inside, Lexa had spent the night with her at her place and she was still asleep. They had school later today, but Clarke wasn’t really feeling well, unsure if she was feeling well enough to even go. She was tired, exhausted, more than usual and she knew this was to be expected but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. She fell asleep early last night, Lexa telling her she should just take the day off if she wasn’t feeling it. And Clarke was seriously considering it, she had a near perfect attendance and she didn’t want to ruin that but god, the baby was making it hard to get through the day.

“Morning mommy,” Lexa said lightly as she pushed the door open and stepped inside to Clarke. This wasn’t the first time Lexa had woken up to Clarke throwing up in the morning. She kneeled down next to her, pulling her hair back as the other hand rubbed her back gently.

Clarke brought her head up for a moment, “Morning momma.” And back to throwing up. “Baby’s being mean,” Clarke whined, unable to bring her head up again, it was particularly bad this morning.

Lexa didn’t say anything, only held her hair back and placed a small kiss on the back of her shoulders and waited. It was a couple of minutes before Clarke finally stopped, coming up as she tried to catch her breath. Lexa stepping up to fill a glass of water from the sink before handing it to her. “Are you okay?” She looked worse than usual, more tired, taking longer to catch her breath.

Clarke nodded, taking the glass from Lexa and taking a sip. Her throat was burning, and she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t grown accustomed to it yet. It had been _weeks_. “Yeah, yeah I’m good.” She told her, trying to give Lexa a smile. But Lexa wasn’t convinced, she didn’t look great right now.

“Are you sure?” Lexa scanned her eyes over Clarke, not really sure what she was looking for before helping her up on her feet. “Okay, you’re staying home today.” She told her, leading Clarke into the room, a hand on her back as she guided her to the bed.

“I’m fine Lexa.” Clarke tried, but her voice came out small and strained. “This isn’t the first time it’s happened.”

“I know.” Lexa nodded, sitting down next to her, “But you look tired.” She tried to tell her, Clarke just…didn’t look well and it would help if she took the day off. “Clarke you didn’t sleep well last night, I heard you tossing and turning and I think at one point you were sitting by your desk, not even in bed.”

“Did I disturb you?” Clarke asked instead.

Lexa shook her head, “That’s not the point, and no, you didn’t.” She told her. “Just rest today, maybe?” Lexa tried. “You look really pale and really tired and not getting enough rest isn’t good for you or the baby.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, only leaned against Lexa; she wasn’t wrong. The last couple of days have just been…difficult and Clarke wasn’t sure why. The morning sickness was worse, she wasn’t getting much sleep at night, she was getting worse headaches – and she was just exhausted. It was mostly normal to have a couple of bad days, right? But she didn’t want to worry Lexa with it, it was nothing. “I have debate practice today.” She told her, “Everyone’s expecting me.”

Lexa sighed. “Okay fine.” She nodded, “But take it easy.”

Clarke nodded, bringing her head up, “I would kiss you but I smell like barf so I’m going to go brush my teeth, and then we can head out.”

“Oooh,” Lexa started a minute later, knowing Clarke wouldn’t want to sit across her mom and eat breakfast, “Wanna stop at McDonald’s for breakfast before class?”

Clarke poked her head out from the bathroom, the toothbrush in her mouth, “Yeah that sounds good.” She nodded, “I think I can stomach food right now.” She gave Lexa a smile, “Pancakes sound really good actually.”

It was no more than a few minutes before they were both standing half naked in Clarke’s room trying to find what they wanted to wear. It was the little moments like this that made everything feel so normal, getting ready, getting dressed, reminding the other to not forget their homework or their water bottle, or something else. They fell to a comfortable pace, it was getting more normal now, since Clarke found out she was pregnant because they were spending more nights with each other so they were spending more mornings with each other as well. It was cute, it was comfortable, it gave them almost a glimpse into the future and what things might be like. They worked well together – Clarke knew she wasn’t the best person first thing in the morning, especially when she was pregnant and tired and more grumpy than usual.

“This is the third top you’ve tried on,” Lexa said as she looked over at Clarke who was watching herself in the mirror, “What’s wrong?”

“Tight around the tummy.” Clarke sighed, “I know its early and you can’t really _see_ it, but it they’re a little tight around the stomach.”

Lexa nodded to herself as she finished buttoning her shirt. “Let’s see.” Clarke turned around, she was wearing a t-shirt right now and yeah, she was right, it was clinging against her stomach. “Try a shirt, don’t worry I’ll change so we won’t match.” Lexa smiled at her, hands going on either sides of Clarke’s hips. “You’re going to start to show soon.” Her eyes were on Clarke’s stomach, it wasn’t really visible yet, not unless you were looking really closely while she was wearing something that clinged against her.

“You’re taking me shopping again.” Clarke told her. “I need some looser stuff.” Lexa nodded, “I’m only two months in though, shouldn’t it be a little longer till its visible?”

“I mean, it’s not really noticeable unless you’re looking for it.” Lexa tried, “But the t-shirt is kind of tight around there, so it might be a little suspicious.” She leaned closer, kissing Clarke’s forehead, then her nose, and then finally her lips. It was soft and slow, not lasting too long, Lexa pulling back and letting Clarke get dressed, they needed to leave soon if they wanted to stop for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i'm trying to make my chapters shorter and keep it to like 3.2-3.4k idk what's happening that they're getting so long. but anyways. thank you for reading. please let me know what you thought because comments are what motivate me the most to write fast.


	8. Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow-up appointment with the doc where they finally get to hear the little baby and it's very easily the most beautiful sound either Clarke or Lexa have ever heard. There's more of Abby, Abby walking in on Clarke and Lexa being a little intimate and not really handling it that well, possibly saying some unkind things. And guess who's getting bigger and starting to show (just slightly)?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a mix of fluff and kinda angst. the baby bit is really cute coz they're very soft when they hear the heart beating. and then abby kinda ruins everything for a little bit coz she's still misgendering lexa. but the woods are really nice and clexa have each other's backs. also the baby is getting bigger, so it was a bit of a fluffy bit there to write as well coz it's starting to show. 
> 
> So trigger warnings apply. **TW: transphobia and misgendering**

_**WEEK 9** _

“I’m going to cry again.” Lexa said as she sat next to Clarke lying on the table, waiting for Dr. Tsing to find the fetus with the ultrasound wand. “Probably more than last time.” Clarke rolled her eyes, but chances were, she would too. Lexa looked up at Dr. Tsing, explaining “I’m not as cool as I look.”

“Dumbass.” Clarke added, shaking her head.

They were cute, they were very cute together and there was no way anyone wouldn’t see it. Their doctor did, a little surprised by how well the young couple was handling this – she had seen actual adults dealing with accidental pregnancies worse than these two. Their next proper appointment wasn’t for another month, this was just to check on the baby’s heartbeat since they couldn’t hear it last time. “Okay, are we ready?” They both nodded, eyes on the screen although they were more interested in hearing it. “Okay, so right now the fetus is about 2.5cm, around the size of an olive.” She told them as she pointed it out on the screen for them and the two of them smiled. “Okay let’s see if the little guy or gal wants us to hear it today.”

They watched intently, waiting a second as the doctor flicked a switch and a sound resonated in the room. It was a thumping noise, unmistakably the sound of a heart beating; much smaller than you would expect from a person. But god, that was the most beautiful sound they had ever heard. The feeling that it sparked inside them, although similar to having seen it for the first time, was completely new and neither of them had a name for it just yet.

Lexa was crying not even a second later, watching the screen as she let the sound fill the room, taking it in. It made her feel so protective, like she was ready to do whatever she had to for the baby, she wanted to keep it safe, wanted to keep Clarke safe. God, it shifted something inside her for Clarke too, Lexa didn’t think it was possible to love her any more than she already did but now…she didn’t know what it was, but it was just intense and it was love and she was ready to give whatever Clarke wanted from her. Their baby was in there, inside Clarke, and hearing it today, hearing the little heartbeats, it really hit her that there was going to be someone else joining them very soon.

Clarke closed her eyes, hand holding onto Lexa’s tightly as she listened. It was…comforting, it was beautiful and it was comforting, and for a moment she wasn’t scared or worried or nervous about the baby – she was just happy, the sound of their baby’s heartbeat put her at ease. It almost made it feel like they had no reason to be scared right now. Everything would be okay. She let out a shaky breath, noticing Lexa kissing the back of her hand. “Are you okay?” She asked Clarke quietly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

Clarke only nodded, opening her eyes to look at Lexa, “I love you.” She told her, voice soft and gentle, almost a whisper. “I love you so much.”

Lexa returned it with a smile, “I love you too,” She brought herself up, kissing Clarke softly before leaning her forehead against her’s, “I love you so much Clarke.”

* * *

They were lying on the couch at Clarke’s place; her mom was still at work and they were planning on going upstairs before she got back so Clarke wouldn’t have to deal with her, or with the her having to say something bad about Lexa. Her clothes were getting tighter around the chest now, her boobs causing more discomfort than anything else and so Lexa held Clarke in her arms, gently massaging them as they watched tv. It was a little difficult to keep her mind in check with Clarke’s boobs practically in her hands, but there was no chance of anything sexual happening tonight. Clarke wasn’t in the mood and that was fine, Lexa was actually waiting for when her sex drive was higher than usual, but now it was just very low. So right now, it was just to try and lessen the soreness.

Clarke was tired, she had actually fallen asleep in class today, something that has never happened to Clarke. She knew the tiredness would start to reduce as the weeks went on, but for now it was hard to get through the day. And things weren’t great at home either; the Woods were incredibly happy when they saw the picture of the ultrasound of what would soon be their grandchild. They hugged her and Lexa, told them they were happy for them and how well they were doing. Sure, it wasn’t easy for them either, their daughter was only eighteen and having a child, but they were still being supportive. They respected Lexa’s decision – and Clarke’s – to keep the baby, and well, Indra and Gustus were proud of them, so far they had been dealing with it in a really mature way.

“Excuse me,” The sudden voice made them both look away from the TV and at the door, it was Abby, “Not on my couch.” She told the two girls, eyes wide at the sight of Clarke laying in Lexa’s arms with her hands on Clarke’s chest. “Or anywhere in my house please.”

Lexa pulled her hands away immediately, looking away, not wanting Abby to see her roll her eyes. “We’re not doing anything.” Clarke sighed at her mom, “My boobs are just sore.”

“Then try a hot compress.” Abby watched them with a look that was mostly…disgust. “Come on, put some distance between you two, please.”

“Mom, we’re just watching TV,” Clarke tried, Lexa nodding, still not meeting Abby’s eyes as she withdrew her hands from her girlfriend. “And what’s the worst that’s going to happen?” She asked rhetorically, “I’m gonna get pregnant?” That one made Lexa laugh, doing her best to stifle it and failing.

“Well forgive me for not wanting to watch my daughter and her boyfriend grop-”

“What did you just say?” Lexa stopped her, clearly looking hurt as she stopped Abby. “Did you just call me Clarke’s boyfriend?” She sat up straight, Clarke having to get up as well. Her lips trembled slightly, this is why she was scared of coming out, it was going to be like this at school too, especially when people found out she got Clarke pregnant. Maybe it would be different if Clarke wasn’t carrying her baby, then maybe everyone would have just shrugged it off because they had always known Lexa as a girl – but she got someone pregnant. _Guys usually get girls pregnant_ and Lexa was scared of everyone seeing her as that, a guy.

Abby didn’t say anything, only crossed her arms over her chest and watched the two girls. “Aren’t you?” She finally asked after a long moment of tensed silence.

Lexa scoffed, shaking her head. There was a sick feeling her stomach, making her want to cry, or scream. Or maybe both. Abby was always nice to her, she wasn’t all for her and Clarke dating but she was always nice, and now it was like a switch had been flicked. She turned to Clarke, “I’m sorry I have to go.” Lexa pushed herself up, not giving Clarke another look before rushing out of the living room and towards the front door.

“Lexa wait,” Clarke tried, going after her, trying to stop her to at least talk. “Please.”

“I can’t,” She shook her head, pulling her arm away as Clarke went to grab it. “I need to go.” Lexa opened the front door, stepping out, she couldn’t even meet Clarke’s eyes. “I’ll see you later.” She told her instead, about to leave, “Call me if you or the baby need anything.”

Clarke was angry, furious actually. Her mom had been continuously misgendering Lexa since she found out she was trans, and Clarke had been continuously correcting her. There were a lot of arguments, and fights, either over Abby not respecting Lexa’s gender, or over the baby. But at least when Abby misgendered her behind closed doors, it was only Clarke who heard it and could stop her to correct it – not that it did anything – but saying it to Lexa’s face…that was a lot different.

“What is your problem?” Clarke practically shouted as she went back to the living room to her mom. “Why is it so hard to get it right? Lexa is a _girl_ ,” She yelled, “She’s my _girl_ friend mom.”

“Whatever you say,” Abby sighed, walking away from Clarke, not wanting to argue with her again. “Go to your room Clarke, I’m not in the mood for this again.”

“Not in the mood for what?” Clarke asked her, voice not as loud but still just as pissed off. “You just misgendered my girlfriend, made her run out. So, are you not in the mood for me to correct you? Again?” She asked. “Well, I’m not in the mood for your blatant transphobia mom, all you had to do was not say anything.” Clarke shook her head, reaching into her pocket as she made her way to the coffee table. She brought out a folded piece of paper, and placed it before walking out.

“What is this?” Abby asked, stopping Clarke right outside the living room.

“Your grandkid.” Clarke answered. “From the first ultrasound two weeks ago.” She sighed, going upstairs to get a hoodie so she could leave to go see Lexa. Her mom didn’t reply as she went upstairs, Clarke not sure what she was expecting. But she came down only a minute later, pulling on the school’s team hoodie – Lexa had gotten it for her, something she could wear to the football games instead of stealing Lexa’s ones.

“It’s not a baby yet.” Abby spoke as Clarke made her way to the front door, walking up to her. “Still just a bundle of cells.” She shrugged, “It’s not too late Clarke.”

“For fuck’s sake?” Clarke said in disbelief, “You’re still trying to convince me to not keep the baby?”

“It’s not a baby yet.”

“I’m going to Lexa’s.”

.

“I am so sorry.” Clarke said as she stepped inside the Woods’ house, Indra opening the door.

She remained silent for a moment, letting Clarke step inside and closing the door behind her. “She’s upset.” Indra said about Lexa.

“I know,” Clarke looked at her apologetically. “I am so sorry Indra, I-”

Indra brought her hand up, stopping Clarke, worrying her for a moment that she was upset at her, “It’s not your fault.” She told Clarke, it really wasn’t. “But it might be best if Lexa doesn’t go over to your place, not while your mom is there anyways.”

Clarke nodded understandingly, “Yeah, yeah I get it.” She let out a small breath, “It’s probably best with my mom being like _that_.” She shook her head, “I’m really sorry about my mom, nothing I’ve said has worked, about the baby, about Lexa, and I’m just not sure what to do.”

Indra saw the tremble in Clarke’s lips, heard the sadness in her voice. “Oh honey, it’s not your fault.” She pulled her into a hug, Clarke unable to hold it in any longer as she felt the sobs coming out. “Things are hard at home?”

Clarke waited a moment before bringing herself up and nodding, “She doesn’t want me to keep the baby.” She admitted, “Even now, she’s still trying to talk me into getting an abortion.”

Indra let out a long sigh, not sure of what to say or do to that, maybe a call to Abby might help. But it might just make things worse. “Well, you’ve got us.” She gave Clarke a reassuring smile. “Lexa’s not leaving your side. I’m here, you’ve got Gustus too.” She brushed Clarke’s tears away. “Everything will be fine with the baby, you don’t have to do what your mom says if that’s not what you want.”

“Thank you, Indra.” Clarke gave her a small smile. “Can I go see Lexa?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Clarke nodded, walking towards the back of the house. She made her way to Lexa’s bedroom, knocking on the closed door before pushing it open. Lexa was sitting cross-legged on her bed, headphones on and controller in hand, her complete attention to the small flat screen TV on her wall. Clarke walked inside, knowing Lexa was immersed in the world of _Call Of Duty: Whatever_ – Clarke had lost track of them by now. She was only a few minutes behind Lexa when she left the house, but Clarke stopped to pick up some snacks. First stop was McDonald’s for some chicken nuggets, and then at a 7-Eleven for some chips and candy – and Lexa’s version of candy which was Grenade protein bars; there were these new Snickers and Mars protein bars too and Clarke grabbed a few of those, Lexa would probably like them considering they tasted more like actual candy.

She sat down on the bed, letting Lexa finish up before hitting pause and turning to her with a soft smile, “I’m really sorry about my mom.” Clarke apologized as Lexa took her headphones off.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Lexa shook her head. “I didn’t leave because of you, I left because of her.” She sighed, looking down at the controller still in her hands. “I didn’t know how to react to it, and I don’t think I wanted to respond so I just left.”

“That’s fine.” Clarke brushed it away. “I’ve been so stressed out by her Lex,” She finally told her, “I showed her the ultrasound from the first appointment, and you know what she told me?” Lexa only looked at her questioningly, “She told me that it’s still not too late to get rid of it.”

Lexa made a face, half horrified, half confused. “Jesus Christ, has it really been that bad?”

Clarke nodded, “Doesn’t matter though,” She didn’t want to tell her, she didn’t want to worry her. Things were just stressful at home, that’s all, maybe she needed to talk about it, share it with Lexa and get it off her chest because the stress couldn’t be good. But this was her problem, she didn’t want to put it on Lexa, there was enough going on as it was. “I brought snacks to say sorry for my mom.” Clarke said instead. “Protein bars for you,” She reached into the plastic bag, bringing them out and dumping it on the bed, “Candy for me.” She added, “And also chicken nuggets.”

Lexa smiled at her this time, picking up a birthday cake flavor protein bar and unwrapping it, “You really didn’t have to.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 10 _ **

“Lexa look,” Clarke called her, she was standing in front of the mirror, shirt pulled up and exposing her stomach. They were at her house, Abby was out of town on a conference for the next few days so that worked out great for them. Lexa got up from the bed, walking over to her, not sure what Clarke was telling her about. “Babe I’m starting to show.” Clarke looked at her, Lexa coming to stand behind Clarke. Her hand was resting on the sides of her stomach; she was right, the bump was just starting to show, protruding out just slightly.

Lexa sucked in a short breath, it was very clearly there now that she was looking for it. “Baby’s getting bigger.” Clarke smiled in response, nodding as she leaned her head back against Lexa. “Is it too early to start talking to it?”

“What do you wanna say?” Clarke asked her gently, she wasn’t actually sure when you could start talking to the baby. _Probably after it’s born_ , her mind told her.

Lexa shrugged, “We can like, kinda see it now.” She told her. “Makes me want to talk to it,” Her voice was quiet, feeling a little stupid but oh god this was their baby, this was her baby. “Tell her how much I love her?”

“Her?” Clarke questioned, turning around to face her this time. “You know something I don’t?” She asked her girlfriend with a quirked eyebrow.

It slipped out actually, she wasn’t even thinking about it when she said it. It kind of just came out. “I don’t know.” Lexa breathed out. “I mean, I’ll be happy with whatever gender the baby is, and even if they realize its different to what we thought when they’re older I’ll be happy.” Clarke only smiled at her, she was speaking really fast, no of course she didn’t have a _preference_. “I don’t know,” She paused, “Call it a hunch I guess,”

“You think it’s a girl?” Clarke asked her, the smile still just as wide as she watched Lexa. Her eyes were soft and gentle, more love than anything else in them.

Lexa nodded, “Yeah I think I do.” She returned Clarke’s smile but she wasn’t quite sure how she felt about assigning a gender to their _fetus_ right now. No, no, it was okay, Lexa told herself, it’s not like she had a preference, she just had a feeling. “Is that bad?”

Clarke laughed, “No, not at all.” She told her, “You think it’s a girl, you’re not saying you absolutely want it to be a girl or else you won’t love it or whatever,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “Exactly, it’s not bad to have a hunch.”

It wasn’t long before the two of them were in bed, it wasn’t late, they were cuddled into bed with Clarke’s laptop and Netflix. They had school in the morning though, so they would need a little self-control to go to bed at a reasonable hour. “What do you think the baby’s going to be like?” Clarke asked out of nowhere, ten minutes into the new season of Drag Race.

“Hmm,” Lexa thought about it. “I think they’ll have your eyes.” She told her with a smile, “My nose.”

“Hopefully not your sense of humor.” Clarke joked.

Lexa matched her note, “And definitely not your stubbornness.”

Clarke laughed at that, “Can you imagine that?” She asked her, “A mini-us with my stubbornness?” Clarke smiled, “You will never be able to say no.”

“You are probably right.” Lexa sighed, exaggerating it. “I can just barely say no to you.”

“Ha,” Clarke laughed at her again, “You’re so screwed Lex.” She relaxed against her, “Is it crazy I’m looking forward to this?”

Lexa only shook her head, “I am too.” She told her honestly. “It’s still scary and uncertain, you know?” Clarke nodded, “But I’m looking forward to this next chapter.” Lexa paused, smiling to herself, “Wasn’t expecting this to be the next chapter but…”

“Yeah,” Clarke let out a small laugh, the next chapter was supposed to be college, not a baby. And well, they just wanted to make the most of it, embrace it. “But I’m still happy,” She turned to look at Lexa, who nodded, returning the feeling, she was too, she looked happy. She was so supportive, doing everything for Clarke and their baby right now and it was quite easy to tell that she was happy too. “Scared, but happy.”

“Scared but happy,” Lexa nodded, “That sounds about right.” She kissed Clarke’s head, “Excited too.” She added. “Kinda worried about raising a baby though,” Lexa admitted, she knew Clarke was too, but on top of _everything else_ – like money, and the responsibility, and looking after a baby, and all of that at only 18 – Lexa was worried she wouldn’t be good enough for the baby. “What if I’m not a good mom, Clarke?” She had been thinking about it for a while, it was on the back of her mind since she had seen their baby for the first time. She wanted to give it the whole world, do whatever it took to keep the baby safe and happy and healthy. But what if she couldn’t?

“You’re gonna be great.” Clarke brought herself up, turning to look at Lexa, she looked worried. “Hey, look at me,” She took her hands, Lexa was looking down, it was clear that this had been bothering her but Lexa never brought it up. “Baby you’re going to be a great mom.” She smiled at her.

“What if I’m not?” Lexa asked, “I know nothing about babies, like what if I don’t know what it needs or when its hungry or sleepy or if something’s wrong?”

“I know about as much as you do, Lex.” Clarke gave her a comforting smile. “But we’ve both been reading up on things, and you know, the one thing that’s very common is that it’ll become intuitive.” She told her girlfriend. “But look,” she started, “You’re an amazing person, you’re caring, and gentle, and understanding, and loving, and so many other things. They’ll all make you an amazing mom.” Clarke tried. “I know you’re scared, I am too. Like, what the hell do we know about babies? We’re still just teenagers.” She paused, “But I know that together, we’ll figure it out.” Lexa nodded this time, it did put her at ease, knowing that Clarke believed in her and trusted her put her mind at ease even if it was just slightly. She didn’t say anything, and Clarke only moved closer and wrapped her arms around Lexa, pulling her into a hug. “It’s scary, I know,” Her voice was small, a whisper almost as she spoke into Lexa’s ear. “I’m terrified too.” Clarke added, her hand coming up along Lexa’s neck and running her fingers through her hair, “But I know you’re going to be great, you’re going to love this baby with all your heart and I think that’s the most important thing.”

Lexa nodded against her, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're so soft. also i've been working on this new fic and i'm impatient to post it. but i've been slacking a little on this one. its ok tho, i have a lot of chapters written so i won't be slow with the updates. i'm just currently really into this new fic i'm working on.


	9. Stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's sex drive is kind of spiking *wink* *wink* and Lexa can't really keep her eyes or hands off of Clarke's chest. On a more serious note, things are getting stressful for Clarke; there's her mom at home, and then there's everything at school and Clarke is kind of struggling right now. Lexa's worried, she wants to fix it, make things okay but there really isn't anything she can do right now. There's also a lunch date with Raven and Octavia, who are very suspicious of Clarke and Lexa at the moment because they haven't been seeing much of them lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abby? she can suck it. i'm so glad you all agree with that too. it starts off all cute with clexa getting kinda hot and steamy. but ye clarke is stressed tf out with everything. and its kind of starting to manifest physically. also clexa have a little talk with raven and octavia because they're like "where the hell have you two been we barely see you?"

**_ WEEK 11 _ **

“I want you,” Clarke said breathlessly against Lexa’s lips. They had just barely gotten to Lexa’s room before Clarke had grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and pulled her in closer. Her parents weren’t home, it was only a little after school now, both Indra and Gustus still at work. Clarke’s sex drive had been quite high lately, more so than usual and this was actually the first time they were about to do _it_ since finding out Clarke was pregnant. She couldn’t keep her hands off of Lexa the last couple of days, but they didn’t really get much time to themselves – their parents being home, and Lexa having practice after school, or Clarke having something after school with one of her numerous extra-curriculars. “Fuck Lexa, I need you.” Her hands roamed over Lexa’s body, settling to the waist of her trousers before pulling out the tucked in shirt.

Lexa didn’t speak, only kissed her, hard and messy just wanting to reconnect with Clarke’s lips. Her hands were on Clarke’s hips, holding her as close to herself as possible. “Anything you need baby.” Lexa spoke quietly, her eyes closed as they stumbled further into the room. “I wanna give you everything you need.” She could feel Clarke’s fingers working her buttons, trying to get her shirt off. But Lexa was more interested in her jeans, she could feel herself getting harder, pressing against the fabric and wanting to be freed. God it had been a while – well, she had uh, taken care of herself a couple of times but it wasn’t the same as being with Clarke, nothing was like being with Clarke. And besides, Lexa couldn’t keep her eyes off of Clarke, especially her chest. It felt a little ridiculous to admit it, but well, given how her boobs were getting bigger, and given how Lexa has always been a _fan_ of them, it was a challenge trying to keep her eyes on Clarke’s face and not look down at her boobs.

Clarke needed Lexa, needed her on top of her, touching her, kissing her…doing _a lot more_ to her. They were still standing in the middle of the bedroom and Clarke was getting impatient. “Take off your pants.” Clarke brought herself away, still working on the buttons of Lexa’s shirt. “Then take me to bed.”

.

“Good morning,” Lexa said sleepily as she opened her eyes to find Clarke already awake. She had spent the night here. And well, they may have gone for another round after earlier that day. They had to be quieter though, Indra and Gustus were home and asleep and they didn’t want them to wake up. Or know what the two of them were up to. It wasn’t too difficult though, Lexa’s bedroom was downstairs; their house had two garages and one had been converted into a room. So that was Lexa’s, it was bigger than the rooms upstairs and there was also a back door right next to her room so it gave her her own space and more privacy. “I see you’re not puking your guts out today.”

Clarke let out a small laugh, Lexa was right though, her morning sickness was getting a lot better now, the nausea in general wasn’t nearly as bad as it was a couple of weeks ago. “Good morning to you too.”

“Do I have to get up?” Lexa asked, her way of asking what the time was. She was…a little tired out, they were up quite late.

“No, not if you don’t want to.” Clarke answered lightly, reaching forward and brushing Lexa’s hair out of her face. It was Saturday, they didn’t have plans for the day other than to just relax and take it easy. Clarke was actually a little behind on her biology class, she had missed quite a bit when she took a day off last week so she was hoping she would spend the weekend getting some work done. Or well, she could spend it in bed with Lexa, that sounded better actually. “We might wanna put some clothes on though.” Clarke added. “Before your mom comes in to check on us.”

Lexa only shrugged, holding a pillow to her front, unsure why exactly when Clarke was laying there completely exposed from the waist up. “I mean, I’m not complaining.” She told Clarke, trying to keep her expression serious, “I really like the view.”

Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile, gently smacking Lexa’s arm, “Shut up,”

“What?” She asked mock-defensively, “I really can’t stop looking at your boobs.” Lexa smiled this time, “Remind me to thank the baby for that.”

That earned her a laugh, “You’re impossible.”

“And you,” Lexa let out a small breath, looking at Clarke like she was the most beautiful being she had ever laid her eyes on – well, she was. “Are beautiful.”

* * *

_ **WEEK 14** _

Clarke let out a long sigh, dragging herself out of bed. She was tired, exhausted, things at home were just tense – still – and it was starting to take a toll on Clarke. Not to mention that growing a child inside of her was hard work and draining out her energy. She had been feeling faint lately, lightheaded, but from everything she had read, that was normal. But it was probably a bit worse than it should be given the stress. Clarke wasn’t really uh, sharing this with Lexa, she knew her girlfriend was already worried about how things were with Abby. So Clarke really didn’t want to worry her even more. For all she knew, the exhaustion and lightheaded-ness was just because of the pregnancy and not the stress. Besides, she wasn’t spending that much time with her mom anyways.

Getting dressed was also getting more difficult, her and Lexa had gone shopping recently – again – for some more looser fitting tops. It wasn’t quite the time for maternity clothes just yet, but sizing up was kind of necessary right now. And even with that, it was getting more and more challenging to not _show_. The bump was getting bigger, more obvious and to Clarke it still felt a little too early for that – but then again, it had been about 12 weeks. Being able to see it was actually helping though, Clarke was right when she had told Lexa she would be dealing with gaining weight better when the baby started to show. Now she could see it, she could see the baby growing, getting bigger, telling herself what she already knew – that the weight was because of their growing baby.

But a lot of the more annoying symptoms were gone, or at least subsiding. The morning sickness, the food aversions, most of the nausea, so it wasn’t really all bad. Clarke was actually managing to eat actual meals rather than just snacking throughout the day – she had still been getting enough food, it was just through snacking rather than proper meals. So, it wasn’t a bad day, today was the first day in a _long time_ that Clarke had lunch with her friends. Well, it wasn’t what they were eating, but just more snacks from Lexa’s backpack, it was still a big deal that she was _here_ and not running off to puke because of the smell. It did earn her some weird looks though, Clarke wasn’t known to snack on rice cakes and granola bars.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked as the two of them made their way out of the school, walking towards Lexa’s car. Lexa usually ended up driving her home, despite Clarke living only about a ten minute walk away. She touched her arm gently, getting Clarke’s attention; she looked more tired than usual.

Clarke gave her a smile, nodding as they walked through the parking lot, their arms linked. To be fair, she wasn’t feeling all that great, much like this morning but the rest of the day had been fine. “Just a little tired.” She was almost leaning against Lexa, keeping herself walking and that required a lot more effort than she wanted to admit. “Really want to take a nap after I get home.”

“That sounds like a really good idea.” Lexa agreed, stopping next to her car. But suddenly something was wrong, Clarke looked pale and swaying on her feet. “Clarke?” Lexa asked her, voice full of concern as her hands went on Clarke’s hips, trying to hold her steady. Clarke blinked slowly, feeling like the ground beneath her was spinning. And suddenly her legs were giving out, almost falling but catching herself on Lexa. Lexa could feel her heart pounding, rushing as she opened the door to the car and guided Clarke to sit down. “Hey, hey what’s wrong?” She asked her in a panic, Clarke seated in the passenger seat, leaning back and Lexa down on her knees by the door. “Clarke look at me.” She looked dazed, out of it, almost like she was going to faint.

“I just,” Clarke managed to speak breathlessly. “I need a minute.” She closed her eyes, trying to keep herself grounded, everything was spinning right now. “Lex hold my hand.” Her voice almost sounded scared and Clarke wasn’t sure if she was actually moving or still right now.

Lexa did as asked, grabbing Clarke’s hands in her’s as she watched her, unsure of what to do. “I got you,” She told her, noticing as Clarke’s grip on her tightened. “Just breathe.”

Clarke nodded, taking deep breaths and trying to focus only on Lexa, the feeling of her hand in her’s. “I feel like I’m gonna pass out,” Her head hurt right now, and it was getting difficult to stay upright.

“You’re okay,” Lexa tried, but she was panicking too, she didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it and Clarke didn’t look well. “Just keep breathing, you’re going to be fine.” She brought their joint hands to her lips, pressing a kiss to it and holding them there, only watching Clarke as she tried to get her breathing back under control.

A long minute passed, Clarke opening her eyes slowly and looking down at her girlfriend. She took a deep breath, her mouth felt dry, the light feeling a little too bright on her eyes. “Can you get me some water please?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, immediately letting go of Clarke’s hands and reaching back into her backpack for her water bottle. She unscrewed the top, handing it to Clarke. She took it from her, taking a few gulps before returning it to Lexa. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take you down to the ER or something?”

Clarke shook her head, regretting it immediately as her head felt heavy. “I think I’m just tired.” She told her, forcing a small smile, trying to ease Lexa. “Don’t worry.”

“You almost fainted.” Lexa stated, watching Clarke carefully, her cheeks were drained of any color, her eyes tired and glassy. “That can’t be okay.”

Clarke remained silent for a moment, thinking to herself but well, she didn’t faint, _almost_ but she didn’t. “It’s just been a long day I think.” Lexa didn’t seem to be convinced, her eyebrows forming a crease in worry. “Can we go? I wanna lie down.”

Lexa nodded, pushing herself up to her feet before kissing Clarke’s forehead and walking around to her side of the car. She sat down, making a note to call Dr. Tsing asking if this was something they should be concerned about. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Lexa asked her, watching as Clarke leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

“Yeah,” Clarke gave her a smile, she was just tired, Lexa nodding as she started the car. “I think I just need some sleep.”

Apparently, it _was_ normal for Clarke to be feeling like this, Lexa had called her doctor, mildly panicked after she dropped Clarke home. Dr. Tsing reassured Lexa that it was because Clarke’s body was using a lot of its energy for the baby as it grew and got bigger so it was normal. She recommended more rest for Clarke, maybe also trying to eat a little more but she knew that was difficult now with…how picky the baby was about food. Lexa had taken Clarke up to her room, helping her out of her clothes and into bed before making sure she had everything she needed. She wanted to stay with her, but Lexa didn’t think it was going to be good for either of them if Abby came home to Lexa in bed with Clarke. So Lexa sat with Clarke for a while, running her hands through her hair, and talking to her softly, trying to ease her mind before kissing her goodbye.

Clarke was a little worried, even after reading the text from Lexa letting her know Dr. Tsing said it wasn’t anything concerning. Things were stressing her out with her mom and it was starting to manifest itself physically. This may have been expected, but the headaches were getting worse, she was constantly on edge when around her mom, anxious, not eating as much when around Abby. Maybe it would help to talk to Lexa and get it off her chest, she didn’t want to worry her but it would help to have her to lean on. Lexa was here for her no matter what, she had been so supportive and understanding through everything, she was here.

“Lexa I’m stressed.” She said into the phone the moment Lexa answered. It was a little late now, Clarke had napped longer than she had intended, and by the time she woke up, it was time for dinner. Her mom called her down and Clarke went, but she didn’t stay, only grabbed her plate and came back to her room.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked her from the other end, concerned at not even getting a hello.

Clarke hesitated, “I’m…I’m not really doing great.” She admitted, “I probably should have told you sooner.” She let out a sigh, keeping her voice low, Abby was asleep but Clarke didn’t want to wake her up.

“Why, Clarke what’s going on?” Lexa was suddenly more worried than she was earlier today, sitting up in her bed as she waited for Clarke to answer.

“Things aren’t…great at home.” She finally told her. “It’s my mom, everything is just so tense and weird and it’s all stressing me out.”

Lexa let out a sigh, “She’s still trying to convince you to not keep it.” She nodded to herself knowingly and Clarke gave her a small hum of agreement. “It’s been months why does she think that’s going to work?” Lexa sounded a little annoyed, she was a lot more than just annoyed. Her and Clarke had decided, they wanted to keep it, they wanted to keep the baby, and they had agreed to everything that came with it too. So it was kind of hurtful to know that _Clarke’s mom_ wanted them to just…get rid of it.

“Well it’s not working and it’s not going to.” Clarke answered. “All it’s doing is annoying me and stressing me out.” She paused for a moment. “Lexa I’m worried about the baby.” She finally admitted.

“What?” Lexa asked, her mind suddenly panicking. Clarke remained silent, not saying anything, she didn’t want to worry Lexa, maybe she was just overreacting. “Clarke,” Lexa spoke again, wanting to ask what Clarke meant by that.

“I’m just under a lot of stress.” Her voice wavered, about to break. “I thought school would be enough for me to worry about,” Clarke sucked in a shaky breath. “But things are just so hard at home right now and I’m not sure how to put up with it.” Lexa didn’t know what to say, she knew it was bad with Abby but she wasn’t sure just how bad it was. “My mom and classes and homework and debate practice…I’m just…not dealing with it all.”

“What can I do?” Lexa asked her after a moment, “How can I help?”

She knew Lexa would ask that, but the truth was there wasn’t anything Clarke wanted her to do. Actually, Clarke didn’t think there was anything Lexa could do to help with this. “I don’t think there is anything babe.” Clarke told her lightly. She was also worried about everyone knowing about this, it wouldn’t be long till the bump was noticeable, and that also meant everyone questioning how she got pregnant. “I have to just find a way to deal with my mom.”

Lexa wasn’t convinced, she knew that was the main source of Clarke’s stress right now. “I’ll help you out with school.” She offered instead, “I still have all my notes from last year somewhere on my laptop and I took a lot of the same classes you are taking.” Lexa tried. “It’s not much, but-”

“No, no.” Clarke stopped her. “That’s…that’s actually a lot of help. Thank you.” She couldn’t help but smile but it didn’t last long, “I might quit the debate team.” Her voice was small this time, she didn’t want to do that, it was something Clarke really enjoyed. “It’s a lot of work and I think its best I don’t put myself under that kinda pressure willingly.”

“But you love debate.” Lexa told her.

“Yeah but it’s a lot of work.” Clarke told her. “I don’t want to give up on it, but I don’t think I’m in the right headspace for it now.” She added. “There’s always next year.”

Lexa nodded to herself, she didn’t want Clarke to have to give up on something she cared about because of her – well, she is the one who got her pregnant. “What about at home?” She asked her. “What are you going to do about your mom?”

“Avoid her.” Clarke replied. “I don’t know.” She rubbed her eyes, looking up at the clock on her desk. “I’ll let you go Lex, it’s getting late.”

“Yeah,” Lexa muttered, nodding to herself. She wasn’t entirely convinced and well, Lexa kind of wanted to have a word with Abby. But she knew her parents wouldn’t let her, they didn’t want her around Clarke’s house when Abby was there so there was no way they would agree to Lexa having a talk with her about the baby. “I’ll see you in the morning okay?” Clarke hummed in response. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 15 _ **

Octavia and Raven were coming to meet them for lunch, it had been a while since they all hung out together that wasn’t at school. They were growing suspicious actually, especially of Clarke, she kept turning down invitations to go out, go to parties and that wasn’t like her. Lexa on the other hand, it was a lot more understandable, as much as she was a people’s person at school, parties weren’t her thing. And usually, she only went because Clarke did. So they were meeting for lunch at the diner Octavia’s brother ran – if you met Bellamy, you wouldn’t think he was the owner of a diner, it took everyone by surprise. But he also happened to have the town’s best mac and cheese and that also happened to be what Clarke – _the baby_ – was craving right now. Lexa was more than a little glad that Clarke’s cravings were mostly normal so far.

“Can I get the chocolate egg cream and the blueberry pancakes?” Lexa asked with a smile, finishing up with their order. She could see the disgusted look from Clarke, she wasn’t a fan of the egg cream, something about seltzer and milk being a combination made in hell.

They waited till the waiter had walked away before Octavia spoke, “Alright, what’s up with you two?” She asked them. “You guys have been acting weird the last couple of…” She looked at Raven, unsure, “Months?”

Her friend nodded, “Yeah months,” She agreed. “We haven’t seen you guys outside of school up until today.” Raven pointed at Clarke, “No parties either?” Raven placed her elbow on the table this, resting her chin on her hand as she watched them. “What gives?”

Clarke looked away, suddenly very interested in the saltshaker. She could feel Lexa’s hand on her thigh, tapping her finger gently and Clarke took it as a gesture to take her hand. “Well, we kind of have something to tell you guys.” Lexa started, squeezing Clarke’s hand slightly, “And I have a different thing to tell you guys.” She had decided she was okay with telling Raven and Octavia she was trans, Clarke told her she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to, her parents said the same thing. But Lexa trusted them, they were her friends.

Before the two of them could ask what it was, their waiter returned with their drinks. The four of them muttered small thanks as their drinks were set down and the waiter left. Lexa held the straw to her lips, about to take a sip when Clarke stopped, “If you drink that, I will _not_ kiss you all day.” She warned – seltzer and milk tasted gross and Clarke couldn’t make any promises that it wouldn’t make her throw up.

Lexa let out a small laugh, “I’ll brush my teeth after I get home.” She told her, finally taking a sip and Clarke only shook her head, making a face.

“Okay, speak.” Octavia interrupted impatiently. “What’s up?”

Clarke turned to Lexa, and Lexa to her, unsure of which to start with. “Okay, I’ll start.” Clarke let out a small breath, Lexa smiling at her with a small nod. But she was terrified, how was she supposed to tell her friends she was pregnant? And what if someone heard them? It wasn’t like most of the diner was empty or anything – _it was, it was almost entirely empty save for a couple of people_. “Like you already said, you haven’t seen much of us.” Her friends nodded. “And I wasn’t even with you guys for lunch up until a couple of weeks ago.” Clarke added. “Also, you most definitely noticed by now, but it looks like I’m putting on weight.” Neither of them said or did anything now, it was true but you don’t tell your friend she’s getting fat. “Well, it’s all pretty much because of one thing.” Raven and Octavia watched her intently, Lexa still drinking her absolutely vile concoction of a drink and Clarke paused. It was a long moment before Clarke finally spoke, “I’m pregnant.”

“ _What?_ ” Octavia pushed herself away almost, like the news had physically knocked her away and Raven only gave Clarke a questioning look. “Wait, wait, wait.” She shook her head, looking between the two of them, “Go back, you’re what?”

“Pregnant.” Lexa answered for Clarke this time.

“Wait, you knew?” Octavia asked Lexa, almost sounding offended.

Lexa nodded, almost wanting to laugh but before she could say anything, Raven spoke, “No, but you two have been together for like two years.” Clarke and Lexa nodded. “With, like no breaks.” The two of them nodded again. “So how in hell are you pregnant?”

The two of them looked between each other, they could feel their friends’ eyes on them. “Okay my turn.” Lexa finally said.

“No, wait. Clarke didn’t answer the question.” Octavia stopped her.

Lexa smiled, almost laughing, “Yeah, I’m going to.”

“Lexa knows?” Raven exclaimed, “And you didn’t tell us.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the waiter returned with their food this time. Octavia and Raven looked annoyed, smiling at him nonetheless and Clarke and Lexa welcomed the little break. “Okay go on,” Octavia said once he was gone. “I really thought I was your best friend Clarke.” She gave Clarke a fake-hurt look, shaking her head disapprovingly.

“You are.” Clarke nodded. “And so is Raven, and so is Lexa.” She shrugged.

“Okay, you wanna know or not?” Lexa asked, taking a bite of her pancake. Her friends nodded. “So…” She started slowly, “I didn’t think I’d have to tell this to anyone because, I didn’t think I needed to.” Now was Lexa’s turn to look down, and Clarke only gave her an encouraging smile. “But I kinda do now, or none of this makes sense.” Octavia had half the mind to tell her to just spit it out, but whatever it was Lexa looked…worried and a little nervous about it. So she remained silent. “I’m trans.” Lexa finally told them, looking up to find confused eyes.

“What do you mean?” Raven asked. “Are you telling us…you’re a guy…or…?”

Lexa clenched her jaws, she wasn’t really expecting her friends to misgender her the moment she came out to them. She wasn’t expecting it at all, to be honest. “I’m not a guy.” She told Raven, “Yes, I was born in biologically _male body_ but I’m-”

“OH!” Raven stopped her, “No, no I wasn’t-” She shook her head, realizing how Lexa must’ve interpreted what she said. “I thought you were coming out as a trans guy, like haven’t transitioned yet and all that.”

“Oh,” Lexa’s features changed, letting out a sigh of relief as she smiled, “No, I’m a girl.” She nodded, “Who happens to be trans.”

Suddenly, it seemed like Clarke’s reveal was forgotten, for a little while anyways. “Wait, we’ve known you since you were like thirteen,” Octavia started, “How long have you known you were trans.”

“Forever I guess,” Lexa shrugged. “I knew, my parents knew. So, no one else really knew I was trans.” She turned to Clarke, “Other than this one.”

Clarke leaned towards her, kissing her cheek, “She’s seen me with my pants off.”

That earned her a small laugh from her friends, still reeling from both the revelations. “WAIT!” Octavia exclaimed suddenly, “So the baby?” Her eyes widened and Raven had to shush her to stop her from yelling. “It’s Lexa’s?” She was looking at Clarke, finger pointed at Lexa but her voice much quieter this time.

“It’s our, yeah.” Lexa nodded. Her friends looked more surprised than anything else, but there was no shred of…anything negative.

“Okay so…” Raven started, it seemed like everyone but Clarke and Lexa had forgotten about their food. “Are you two like…” She paused, unsure of how to ask, “Having a baby or…?”

They nodded, trying to contain the smile. As scary as it was, they were embracing it now and looking forward to it as much as they could. “Yeah, yeah we are.”

This time they both smiled, clearly happy for their friends, “So we’re gonna be aunts?” Octavia asked.

There was a relief in the smile that broke out on their faces now, nodding, “If you wanna be aunts yeah,” Lexa agreed, “But we were just gonna let the baby call you by your names because _aunt_ just sounds old.”

“And mom doesn’t?” Octavia asked lightly.

They finally looked back at their food. Raven taking a bite of her burger before looking up at Clarke, “How when does the baby pop?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “June.” She answered. “19th if it comes on time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are raven and octavia great or what? and also??? thank you all so much for the comments and kudos it really does motivate me to write more. also i'm working on a new fic and i might post the first chapter to it tonight so keep your eyes open.


	10. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa really likes talking to the baby and Clarke isn't convinced that the baby is actually hearing any of it, but she has to admit, it's really cute. Clarke and Indra have cute a little moment, talking about the baby, talking about Lexa as a baby and how they Woods are here for her. Also, the fact that Clarke is pregnant has been getting around at school, its pretty obvious now given the baby bump, but the biggest issue right now is the question of how Clarke got pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly a happy chapter. its cute and clexa is cute and indra is great. i had a great time writing the scene with indra and clarke, i really like their relationship in the fic. things are a little weird at school though, coz its like "hmmmmm who got clarke pregnant because lexa's a Girl and trans people don't Exist". also yeah, this chapter ended up a lot longer than i was expecting it to be.

**_ WEEK 17 _ **

Things were going alright so far, Clarke was doing okay and so was the baby. They had a doctor’s visit two weeks ago, a routine checkup and everything looked alright. Clarke’s stress was concerning, and Dr. Tsing was worried it would possibly lead to other issues later on, but right now, everything with the baby looked okay. Clarke almost fainting wasn’t too concerning, Dr. Tsing telling them it was normal at this stage in the pregnancy, but more rest would definitely help and trying to remove herself from the source of stress would be a good idea. But she understood that it was not going to be easy given that the main source of her stress was coming from her mom at home. She had asked Clarke if she had any other complaints or concerns but she didn’t, nothing besides the expected symptoms.

They were in Lexa’s bed now, Clarke against the headboard with a book and Lexa at her side. She was rubbing lotion onto her stomach, Clarke had been feeling some discomfort with the skin stretching and the stretch marks starting to show. So, Lexa was doing her best to help out and keep Clarke as comfortable as possible. Clarke was spending less time at home, the Woods having convinced her that they didn’t mind at all having her around – especially given the fact that she was carrying their grandchild. Indra and Gustus had been great so far, baby stories about Lexa, tips for after the baby was born, they had even bought a few things for the baby already. Lexa and Clarke both agreed that it was too early, but they argued that a couple of stuffed toys now couldn’t hurt.

Clarke looked up from her book, she hadn’t been reading anyways, Lexa was a little too distracting. She was talking to her stomach, to the baby as she continued to rub lotion on her. According to her, the baby’s ears were almost completely formed, so now she could talk to it. The _her_ still slipped out every now and then, from both of them, it was more than just a feeling right now that the baby was going to be a girl. Either way, they would know at their next appointment, Dr. Tsing would be able to tell them the gender of the baby. They both wanted to know, helped with the nursey because they didn’t really want to paint half of Lexa’s room yellow. Yes, they didn’t want to impose gender roles on the baby _ever_ let alone now before it was born, they didn’t really care about what gender the baby was going to be, but they definitely didn’t want a yellow room.

They were converting half of Lexa’s room into the nursery, well a part of it anyways, they hadn’t talked about it much yet but they had decided on it. Her room was more than just a little big, and she didn’t use most of it. Sure, there was a free bedroom upstairs but they both wanted the baby close to them – and besides, running up the stairs in the middle of the night did not sound fun, or running up and down the stairs throughout the day even. So it would take a little work, and they were hoping to get started on that soon, before the baby got any bigger and started to effect Clarke’s mobility. The plan was to clear about half of the room, paint the walls on that half, get a rug, and eventually more things the baby would need – they were both already working on a list for it.

Lexa looked up finally, noticing the way Clarke was watching at her. “What?”

“You’re cute.” Clarke said with a smile. “Baby saying anything back?” She teased.

Lexa rolled her eyes, bringing herself up to Clarke. “You can make fun of me all you want.” She started. “But a few more weeks, and you’re going to be talking to her too.” She told her. “And, when she’s here and being fussy at night, you’re going to be begging me to go and talk to her so that it soothes her to sleep.”

“Baby can’t hear you.” Clarke told her again. “And I know you said the ears are almost completely formed, but it’s not going to remember your voice from now.” She smiled nonetheless, “A little later down the line, yes, she’s going to remember your voice. Or my voice. Or even music if we play for them.”

“Someone’s been reading.” Lexa kissed her cheek, laying down now with her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “How are you?” She asked her quietly, Clarke hadn’t mentioned home or being stressed or her mom in a while.

“Tired.” Clarke replied honestly, “How are you?”

“I’m good.” Lexa nodded, “I’m lying in bed with the love of my life, I’m very good right now,” She turned her head, kissing Clarke’s jaw that was right above her. “Regular tired or more than usual?” Lexa asked her after a moment.

Clarke remained silent, she was doing okay but at the same time…she was kind of struggling, mostly physically that she didn’t quite understand. She wasn’t as worried about having a baby as she was at the start of the pregnancy, she was a lot more at ease about it because well, it’s going to happen so might as well embrace it. And she had Lexa, she knew she wasn’t alone. But physically, Clarke was tired, more so than she thought she would be, her headaches were getting worse, and she starting to get backpain, and just getting through the day was difficult. All of that was normal though, all the symptoms were normal but there was something else there, something Clarke didn’t know or understand, a feeling deep within her that something was wrong. “I don’t know.” She answered Lexa honestly. “Baby’s draining my energy.”

.

**Love of my life**

**1:59am**

Hey

**Love of my life**

**1:59am**

Lexa

**Love of my life**

**1:59am**

Are you awake

**Baby momma**

**2:00am**

I am

**Baby momma**

**2:00am**

Are you okay?

**Love of my life**

**2:00am**

Yeah I’m good

**Love of my life**

**2:00am**

Are you sleeping

**Baby momma**

**2:01am**

I am currently awake

**Love of my life**

**2:02am**

Were you asleep before I texted you?

**Baby momma**

**2:02am**

Nope. What do you need?

**Love of my life**

**2:04am**

You up for a trip to Mc?

**Love of my life**

**2:04am**

Kinda craving fries and ice cream but like maccy’s fries.

Lexa couldn’t help but smile to herself, this wasn’t that weird and it was still probably the weirdest craving Clarke has had so far. They tended to usually be in the realm of ice cream and Oreos.

**Baby momma**

**2:05am**

Get dressed, I’ll be there in a few minutes.

For once, Clarke didn’t worry about sneaking out of the house, honestly at this point, she didn’t care about what her mom thought. It wasn’t like Clarke was sneaking out to go to a party or meet her friends; her girlfriend was picking her up so they could go to McDonald’s. And well, it wasn’t technically her fault, it was the baby’s, Clarke didn’t particularly want to get out of bed right now, it was cold outside and drizzling. Actually, what Clarke wanted right now was to be in bed with Lexa, nice and warm and comfortable. Not that she was spending that long in bed at a time anyways, it seemed like the moment she got comfortable, she needed to pee again.

“Hi,” Lexa said with a smile as Clarke opened the door and sat down in the car.

Clarke returned the smile, “Hi you.” Lexa looked wide awake, like she hadn’t slept and Clarke had half the mind to scold her for it, it was 2am after all, she should’ve been asleep. Clarke couldn’t help but watch her girlfriend as they drove off, their local McDonald’s saw them very often, especially the people working late nights. Lexa looked…cute, that was the one word that came to mind as Clarke watched her with the softest smile on her face. Her hair was a little messy, pulled into a ponytail, she was still wearing her pjs, in addition to a pair of sweatpants – Lexa usually only wore underwear and a t-shirt to bed. Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the shirt she was wearing, it was black with the Cookie Monster printed on it.

“Love the t-shirt.” Clarke teased, unable to help the smirk.

“The Cookie Monster is awesome and you know it.” Lexa replied. “Oh my god!” She suddenly exclaimed, Clarke giving her a questioning look. “Can we get a Cookie Monster onesie for the baby?”

Clarke was about to smile and say yes, stifle the laugh, but instead she shook her head, “Nope,” Lexa almost looked offended, giving her an exaggerated frown. “We can get _you_ a Cookie Monster onesie, and we’ll get an Elmo on for the baby.” This time she laughed, just the mental image of that was too adorable for her to handle.

“And you can be Oscar.” Lexa added, not missing a beat.

It took Clarke a moment to place what character Lexa was talking about. But as soon as it clicked, “Hey!” she swatted Lexa on the arm. “Isn’t that the one that lives in the trash can?” A laugh bubbled out of Lexa as she nodded and Clarke pretended to be offended, “You’re so mean.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 18 _ **

Clarke was sitting in the Woods’ living room right now, looking though an old photo album that Indra had just handed her. Lexa was here too, doing her best to not turn bright red as her mom told Clarke stories of her as a baby. Lexa was adopted; her birth mom put her up for adoption while she was still pregnant and the Woods had all the paperwork filled out and ready so they could take her home the moment she was born. The first person that held her after she was born was actually her dad, Gustus, Indra was a little too nervous because Lexa was a small baby, smaller than your average newborn. Clarke knew all of that, it was a known fact that Lexa was adopted but no one ever made it seem like for even a moment that Indra and Gustus weren’t her _real_ parents.

“She was so cute, oh my god.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she looked through the photos, the ones she was looking at right now Lexa was around 6-8 months old.

“Was?” Lexa looked taken aback by the comment, giving a faux-offended look to her mom and girlfriend. “Excuse you, I’m still cute.”

That earned a laugh from the two women, Clarke nodding before kissing her cheek and Indra only rolling her eyes at her daughter. “Don’t let that fool you.” Indra said to Clarke. “She was a little nightmare.”

“I was not.” Lexa argued, “I was the perfect little baby.”

Her mom laughed, Clarke watching between the two of them. Indra was, simply put, an amazing mom; Clarke loved the relationship she had with Lexa, and well, now with her too. Indra wasn’t the mom you were afraid of, but Lexa did say she was the stricter on, and Clarke had always gotten along with her. But lately it was different, since the last month or so, they were getting closer, talking more, sharing more; Indra asking about how the baby was doing, telling her that her and Lexa weren’t alone, actually Indra had started a scrapbook so to speak, of the baby’s progress. They were pictures from the ultrasound, Clarke and Lexa making sure they got one from all their appointments, and Indra was planning on keeping it going once the baby came with all of it’s milestones.

“You were,” She started, looking at her daughter, “A nightmare Lexa.” There was a smile there, nonetheless. “Me and your dad didn’t sleep the first two months of you being born.” Lexa shrugged apologetically, half meaning it – it wasn’t her fault after all. “She would not sleep in her crib.” This time Indra turned to Clarke, almost warning her about their baby. “You couldn’t leave her unattended for five seconds – and by _unattended_ , I mean not looking at her. We could be the same room, and I could step away a couple feet away and she would start screaming.”

“What can I say?” Lexa started, smiling at her mom, “I like attention.”

“You really do,” Clarke nodded, moving a little closer to her on the couch and leaning against her side. “But that’s okay,” She wrapped her arm around Lexa’s torso and snuggling into her. “I like attention too.”

“Get it while you can.” Indra told them casually, “Because once the baby comes, all your attention is going to it.”

Lexa nodded before turning her head to kiss Clarke’s hair. Her mom was definitely not like Clarke’s when it came to the two of them; Indra actually really liked Clarke, she has since the first time Clarke had met her, back when Lexa and Clarke were just friends. Gustus liked Clarke too, both her parents thought she was a good influence on their daughter; Clarke was kind of a model student and since the two of them have been friends, Lexa’s grades have been a lot more consistent. Might have something to do with the fact that Lexa found it easier to do homework while being with someone else, gave her the opportunity to do something else when overwhelmed by the work or just distracted but still have someone to divert her attention back to it.

“How far along are you Clarke?” Indra asked after a moment, she wasn’t really keeping track.

“18 weeks.” Clarke answered with a smile, “Almost halfway,” She let out a long breath this time, suddenly being hit by how soon everything was going to change. Okay, everything had changed, but it was going to…change again. “Oh wow, that’s…that’s soon.”

“It’ll be fine honey,” Indra tried to reassure her, she suddenly looked very worried. The smile on her face was gone now, instead replaced by a worried frown and a crease between her furrowed brows. “Oh hey,” Indra got up from her seat and made her way to the couch where Clarke and Lexa were sitting. “Listen, I know you’re scared.” She said as she sat down. Lexa tightened her arm around Clarke, she was scared too, another 22 weeks, and that was it. “But everything is going to be okay.” Indra was speaking to both of them now, she knew her daughter was worried too, who wouldn’t be? But at least Lexa knew her parents were here for her, Clarke’s mom definitely wasn’t. “You have us, alright?” She placed a hand on Clarke’s knee and she nodded. “You have Lexa, and you have me, and you have Gustus.”

“You’re not alone.” Lexa spoke quietly, nodding to what her mom just said. “We’re all here.” She added. “I’m not leaving your side, no matter what.”

Clarke nodded, pressing her head into Lexa’s chest as she let her hold her. Indra was still there too, sitting on her other side with her hand on her knee. Clarke didn’t have it in her to look up, she didn’t think she wanted to actually, she was very close to crying right now; it was scary, it was very scary and Clarke just wasn’t sure she was ready for it. She didn’t want to move, she didn’t want to speak, she just wanted to disappear of the face of the Earth right now because everything was too much and she…wasn’t ready for any of it. She knew Lexa was scared too, in only 22 more weeks, they were going to have a baby. _A baby_. Like, an actual living, breathing human being that was a part of them.

It must’ve been a while because eventually Clarke felt Indra move to get up. She touched her shoulder, trying to comfort her for a moment because leaving. Clarke could hear the footsteps, leaving the living room and possibly going up the stairs to give the two girls some space. Then she felt Lexa next to her, kissing the top of her head, and lingering there for a moment. “I’m scared too.” Lexa told her quietly, and Clarke only nodded. “But it will be okay.” She tried again, her arm around Clarke tightening.

“What if I can’t do it?” Clarke finally spoke, her voice muffled against Lexa. “What if I mess up Lexa?” She looked up at her this time. “I know nothing about taking care of a baby, what if I mess up and can’t give the baby what it needs?” Clarke asked, almost expecting an answer but spoke again before Lexa could respond. “What if I can’t be a good mom?”

Honestly, Lexa was worried about that too – for herself, not for Clarke, she knew Clarke was going to be amazing. “I know you will be.” She gave Clarke a smile, her voice soft and gentle, wanting her to believe. “Clarke you’re going to be amazing, I know it seems scary and almost impossible, but baby I know you’re going be a great mom.”

“How can you know that?” Clarke wasn’t convinced.

“Because I know you.” Lexa’s hand came up to Clarke’s face, cupping her jaw and running her thumb on her cheek. “You’ve already done so much for the baby.” She gave up on debate club, stepped down from being head of the prom committee, two things Clarke really enjoyed but knew she just couldn’t keep up now. It was stressful and put a lot of pressure on herself, and Lexa was expecting Clarke to make changes so she could keep doing them but instead she just stopped. She did it for the baby, didn’t want to take any risks, instead wanted to relax, take away her sources of stress as much as she could, and give herself more rest. And that wasn’t like Clarke, she never knew when to stop, never thought she _needed_ to stop, so this was definitely new, and definitely not something that was easy for her to do. But she did it for the baby. “And I know you’re going to keep doing more when it comes.”

“What if I can’t? What if it’s too much for me?” Clarke was worried she was going to get up one day and regret it, realize her mom was right, realize that this was all too much for her to handle.

Lexa shrugged, maybe she had thought of that too. “Then you take a break and I pick it up.” She smiled at her, Clarke didn’t really like the thought of that, of Lexa having to do everything if she one day decided it was too much. Not that she ever wanted that to happen, Clarke was just scared it would. “Look, being a parent is hard, and it is draining.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better, Lexa.” Clarke responded lightly.

“Let me finish.” She gave her a smile. “We’re a team, okay? We’re doing this together and we’re going to split the responsibilities so it’s not too much on either of us.” Lexa paused, “Well, so that we’re both equally tired actually, because it will be a lot no matter what.” Clarke smiled this time, “But,” Lexa intertwined her fingers with Clarke’s. “If one day you wake up, and it feels like a lot, and like you need a break, you tell me so you can do just that.” Clarke was about to protest, “I’ll take over and you’ll get a day off.” Clarke was about to speak again, but Lexa stopped her. “And when I feel like I need a day off, I’ll know you’re going to have my back and take over.”

Clarke nodded this time, that sounded doable, possible, fair for both of them. “Yeah,” She agreed, “Yeah, I like that.” Clarke looked at her, “That sounds good actually.” Lexa smiled, nodding. “That could work.”

“It will work.” Lexa sounded very sure of it, “I know we’re both going to love this baby more than we know, I mean, we already do. But I also know it might get a little overwhelming from time to time.”

Clarke nodded, continuing for Lexa. “And since we’re a team, we should be able to count on each other to make things as smooth as possible right?”

“Exactly.” Lexa kissed her forehead, then her lips but it was mostly a peck, “We’re going to be fine.”

.

Abby had a night shift at the hospital, Lexa taking this opportunity to be with Clarke at her place for most of the day. Clarke was seated on her bed without her shirt on, a pillow against her front as Lexa rubbed her back. The back pain was getting a little annoying, made it difficult to stay on her feet for too long, and it seemed like it just kept getting worse the bigger the baby was getting. So Lexa offered her a back massage and Clarke was more than happy about it. She wasn’t in the best mood right now though, school was…a little rough. Everyone knew at this point that she was pregnant; Clarke didn’t have to say anything, the baby bump was more than just a little obvious. And that meant she was getting weird looks, hearing people talk behind her back and almost avoiding her. The biggest reason for that was probably the fact that everyone thought Clarke cheated on Lexa. No one for a moment thought that _oh, not everyone is cis_ , no, almost the entire school thought she had cheated on her.

“You’ve barely said anything.” Lexa spoke after a long couple of minutes. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke didn’t know how to tell her, “Everyone thinks I cheated on you.” She finally told her. “Thinks that’s how I got pregnant.”

“Wait, really?” Lexa sounded shocked, well, it wasn’t like she paid attention to what people were saying around the school about anything. “Who said that?”

“Everyone, Lex.” Clarke sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she felt Lexa’s hand pressing down with just the right pressure along her spine. “I’m getting these weird looks because…everyone think I cheated on you. And how could I do that to the school’s favorite quarterback?”

“Everyone loves you too.” Lexa argued, moving up to the space between Clarke’s shoulder blades. It was no secret that Lexa was more than just a little popular at school, Clarke too.

“Not anymore.” She told her, “Everyone loves you and it seems like I broke your heart.”

“We’re still together, how could you have broken my heart?” Lexa questioned, people were…stupid. They were happy together, things were the same with the not-so-subtle PDA in school, Lexa showing up to classes that weren’t her’s to steal a kiss from Clarke, Clarke refusing to let go of Lexa’s hand as they walked down the hallways. So…why would anyone assume Clarke had _broken her heart?_ It seemed like it was bothering Clarke, rightfully so, “Do you…want me to…do something about it?” That mostly just meant _come out_. And Lexa didn’t want to, but she had a feeling she would have to eventually because of the baby. But so far Clarke’s idea of not explaining anything was working, it was keeping any suspicion off of her – which was hilarious actually because if people weren’t so cis-normative, it would be very clear that Lexa got her pregnant. But it wasn’t really working for Clarke.

“No, no.” Clarke shook her head immediately. “It’ll pass.” She didn’t want Lexa to have to come out. It really was something very personal to her and chances of everyone being as good about it as Raven and Octavia were slim. “It’s just a little annoying.” Clarke turned around this time, facing Lexa, “I love you so much, and I would never do something like that.” She told her, “I hate people thinking I would.”

“They don’t know you.” Lexa shook her head. “They don’t know us.” She smiled at her. “ _I_ know you would never do something like that.” Clarke nodded, returning the smile. “And maybe,” She started lightly, a hint of mischief in her eyes, “I need to up the PDA.” Lexa grinned, “Really convince people that there isn’t anything wrong between us.” Clarke brought her arms up, snaking them around Lexa’s neck and listening intently. “And that there was never anything wrong.”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke questioned, “Wanna show me what you mean?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was tempted to take out the scene with the drive to mcdonald's and the sesame streets talk. it was really cute but didn't do much for the story and that made the chapter longer than it should have. but also like. its a cute scene. and with like. all the angst. i thought a little fluff was nice.


	11. Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodies are weird. Clarke has always had a strained relationship with her body, always had difficulty loving it and seeing it for what it was. And being pregnant has changed somethings, the stretch marks, the weight gain, the baby bump. It has definitely changed her relationship with her body, just not in a way Clarke was expecting. Lexa, too, has a complicated relationship with her body. That kind of comes with being trans. We haven't really seen much of Lexa's relationship with her body, and we will in this chapter. Yes, she's comfortable in her body, she loves her body, but there are still parts of her that she doesn't like, parts she can't even look at sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a positive chapter i'll give y'all that much. clarke is actually doing really well with how her body is changing. and we get to look at lexa's relationship with her body. as a trans person, that's very important to me, and i never brush over the fact that lexa is trans in this story, so i thought i'd bring in this v important thing too. but contrary to what it may sound like, its a very nice and very positive chapter.

**_ WEEK 18 _ **

There was an excited look on Clarke’s face as the door to Lexa’s house opened. Indra greeted her, a smile and then a questioning look, unsure of what had gotten her in a good mood. She looked happy, and it was a pleasant change from the other day. “Someone looks happy.” Indra said as Clarke stepped inside, closing the door behind them.

“I can feel the baby move.” Clarke told her, still smiling. “It’s still early, I know and you can’t really feel it from the outside,” She rambled on, “But there’s definitely some movement going on in there.” Indra returned her smile, nodding at her excitement. “Where’s Lexa?” Clarke asked this time, wanting to share the news with her girlfriend as well. Oh, and news of the stretchmarks, they were actually very much visible now. Clarke didn’t know why exactly, but she…felt proud of it for some reason. She had been a little worried that all the physical changes on her because of the pregnancy would worsen her already-bad relationship with her body. But after the initial weight gain, once the bump started to show and Clarke could see where the baby was growing, it was doing the exact opposite – she hasn’t felt this in tune with her body in…who knows how long.

“In the bath.” Indra pointed in the general direction of the downstairs bathroom. “Sore muscles after practice yesterday.” She rolled her eyes. “I’d be a lot less worried if that girl would choose a less intense sport.”

“You and me both.” Clarke sighed, walking off in the general direction of the bathroom, maybe she shouldn’t have given the fact that Lexa was in the bath and so, completely naked right now. Okay, it was no news that they _had_ seen each other naked. On more than one occasion. Clarke _was_ pregnant after all. But maybe it was best to show some sort of modesty and restraint in front of Lexa’s mom.

“Clarke,” Indra called out, stopping her in her tracks. Maybe she should have just offered to wait in Lexa’s room instead. “Tell her to get out please.” She asked of her instead. “She’s been in there for over an hour.”

Oh, okay, definitely not what Clarke was expecting. So she just nodded, giving her a small _yeah, sure_ before walking away. There was a small hallway at the back of the house, connecting the kitchen, garage, bathroom, back door, and Lexa’s bedroom; you had to go through the kitchen to get to it and the bathroom was the door right after Lexa’s. Clarke stopped by her room first, dropping her bag off before stepping up to the bathroom door and knocking. “It’s Clarke.”

“Come in,” Lexa called out from the other side. “Hi,” She pushed herself to sit up in the bath, giving Clarke a smile. She had been laying in the water, knees bent so she would fit in the tub completely, half her head submerged and just listening to the water. Lexa liked baths for the most part, enough bubbles or even a colorful bathbomb so she wouldn’t be able to see what was under water. As much as Lexa was comfortable with her body now, there were still some things she didn’t really like; namely what was between her legs. She didn’t hate it, she liked how it felt and how it made her feel but…not always. And that’s not to say she liked looking at it and knowing it was there.

It was complicated, her relationship with her body was complicated. Her dysphoria was lower than the next trans person’s but that was due to the fact that she was lucky enough to have been on hormones so early on in her life. But there were still parts of her body that Lexa did not like looking at; her shoulders were too wide, hips a little too narrow, chest not quite as big as she would want it to be. She didn’t think she would be physically comfortable to show her body to anyone really, not until Clarke had come along.

Their first time was a little awkward, there were mistakes and reasons to laugh even, but it only got better from there – not for a moment did Clarke make her feel like anything she wasn’t, Clarke never made her feel any shame for her body or what it looked like. Clarke saw her as a girl, all of her, even on the bad days when Lexa was down and couldn’t see it herself, even the parts of her that Lexa wanted to change so badly so they would look more like _feminine_ , Clarke never saw her as anything other than her, never anything other than Lexa.

The casual nudity wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for the two of them. The moments where they saw each other naked or partially naked and it wasn’t necessarily sexual. “Hey hot stuff.” But that didn’t stop the suggestive comments and eyebrow wiggle.

Lexa couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped her, rolling her eyes slightly as she straightened up. “You should’ve told me you were coming, I would have gotten out of the bath.” She told her, “And I’d be wearing clothes.”

Clarke shrugged, sitting down on the closed toilet. “I mean, I’m not complaining.” There was a little smirk and a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Your body’s one of my favorite things to look at.”

“One of?” Lexa scoffed, feigning disbelief. “I’m offended.”

Clarke couldn’t help but just watch her, she meant it when she said Lexa’s body was one of her favorite things to look at. And there was no subtly in the thirsty look in her eyes. The glitter from the pink bathbomb paired with the hot water from the bath making her skin glisten, her hair damp, and some of the water dripping down her forehead. “I take that back,” Clarke told her instead, eyes trailing down from her eyes, the bridge of her nose, her cheeks that were flushed red from the heat of the bath, those perfect lips that Clarke loved kissing so much. Lexa could see what Clarke was doing and Clarke wished she had stopped her because her eyes only kept going lower, trailing to her neck, then her upper chest which was the same shade as her cheeks, and god, the soft swell of her breasts and Clarke almost gasped but then her eyes shot up, the rest of Lexa was hidden under the pink shimmering water. “It’s my favorite thing to look at.”

Lexa only nodded, a smug grin on her face, “Yeah, I could tell from the way you were practically eye fucking me.”

“Shut up, your mom’s home.” Clarke chastised, “Oh right, she told you to get out the bath, apparently it’s been over an hour.”

“I don’t wanna get out.” She whined, Lexa liked being in the water, liked how it felt, and she couldn’t help but wonder why she never got into swimming. _Oh right, swimsuits are tight_. She didn’t like to tuck, it was uncomfortable, and sometimes even painful, so most of the time just form fitting underwear was more than enough. It definitely would not be enough in a swimsuit.

“Stay in there any longer and you’re going to turn into a mermaid.”

“Do you think I would say no to that?”

They talked for a while after that, Clarke sitting on the closed toilet and Lexa half laying in the water. These little moments felt surreal, it was similar to the mornings spent together getting ready, or the nights where they were getting into bed after a long day. There was just…a certain type of comfort in it, in the little domestic moments they had with each other. Conversation flowed quite easily between them, they were both in a good mood today – Clarke knew that had to do with the fact that she hadn’t seen her mom all day. She told Lexa why she was here, telling her the baby was moving and the excited look on Lexa’s face made her smile. Lexa was a little disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to feel it just yet, not for another couple of weeks at least, but she still found comfort in knowing their baby was moving now.

The two of them were in Lexa’s room now, Lexa on the bed face down and Clarke sitting on her, rubbing her back. She did warn Lexa that she was heavier now and didn’t want to accidentally hurt her back or something but Lexa had only laughed, saying it was fine, the baby wasn’t that heavy. She was sore from practice yesterday, it was kind of rough and Lexa is certain there had been at least a dozen guys on top of her by the end of the two hours. Clarke had told her about the stretchmarks too, Lexa was worried for a moment, thinking it was upsetting Clarke to see the marks on her body but was relieved to know it was doing the opposite.

“It’s weird Lexa.” Clarke commented, “Like…I feel like I’m closer to my body than I ever was.” She shrugged, “I know a lot of moms have issues with getting bigger and the stretchmarks and everything else that comes with being pregnant but…” She trailed off, “I feel closer to my body and I can’t really explain how to be honest.” Lexa only nodded. “I think it’s because it’s doing something like this, it’s growing a baby inside me.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile. “And in my head, it’s like…wow that is amazing and I still can’t believe it. It feels unreal that _my body_ is doing that.” She got off Lexa this time, moving over and settling on what had become her side of the bed now.

“It’s amazing.” Lexa muttered, her hands going on either sides of Clarke’s stomach before leaning down and pressing a kiss to it. “Your mommy is amazing, isn’t she?” She spoke to it before turning her head and pressing her ear to it. Lexa looked up at Clarke who only rolled her eyes, and she pretended to be listening, speaking after a long moment, “Baby thinks you’re amazing.”

The smile on her face was starting to hurt her cheeks with how wide it was. “God, you’re such a dork.” Clarke couldn’t really stop the laugh, shaking her head a little as Lexa brought herself to lie down next to her, “I love you so much.”

Lexa kissed her, soft and slow, Clarke kissing back almost immediately. It was lazy and slow, like they had all the time in the world. And in this moment, it really felt like they did. Clarke tugged on her bottom lip, Lexa smiling against her as she took her hand and intertwined their fingers. Clarke hummed against her, breathing out another _I love you_ , quiet and just a whisper, Clarke pretty sure that Lexa didn’t even hear it. But she did, Lexa letting out a small breath that almost sounded like a moan at what Clarke just said. “I love you so much,” Lexa said against her, her nose nudging against Clarke’s. “You’re so amazing,” She kissed her again. “And so so beautiful,” Lexa spoke again, trying to catch her breath, “I’m so lucky to have you,” Clarke didn’t say much, only smiled against her and kissed her harder in response.

It lasted longer than they thought it would, it was still soft and gentle when the knock on the door made them separate. “Yep, door’s open.” Lexa called out, chewing her lower lip and waiting for the door to open. “Hey mom,” They were still holding hands, still in each other’s personal space and Clarke was almost worried about Indra’s reaction to it. She definitely remembers her mom’s. But Lexa looked relatively calm.

“I’m heading out,” Indra told them both, she was actually leaving for the weekend, a girls’ weekend out or something with her friend. Lexa had mentioned it, telling Clarke they would have the house to themselves for most of it with a suggestive wink. “There’s some money on the coffee table for dinner.” Then she turned to Lexa, “Your dad’s not going to be home till late,” And then between the two of them, adding lightly, “So behave you two.”

Clarke couldn’t help but give her a nod, relieved to…not get yelled at, “I’m gonna make this one rub my back and then I’m taking a nap.” She told her honestly. “I am exhausted.”

“And I have homework, so don’t worry.” Lexa told her mom, “We’ll behave.”

It was almost unreal to Clarke how easygoing Indra was about things like this. She never felt awkward for being close to Lexa when her parents were around, but it was very different at her place with Abby. They waited till the door had closed behind Indra before speaking.

“You want a back rub?” Lexa asked her knowingly.

Clarke nodded, “My lower back is killing me.” She complained. “Doesn’t help that I can’t lie flat on my back anymore. But god, Lex everything is sore and achy.” Lexa nodded, it looked like she already knew that. “My hips and lower back are getting the worst of it.”

“Yep,” Lexa nodded, waiting as Clarke got up and took her shirt off before holding a pillow to her front and leaning against it. It would definitely help being able lie on her front for a _back rub_. “It’s pretty normal.” She told her, hands going on her back. “It’s this hormone your body is releasing called Relaxin.”

“Nerd.” Clarke quipped. “It sounds like it should make me relax so why is it making everything-” Lexa hands interrupted her, causing her to let out a content sigh, “Hurt?”

“Because it’s making everything relax.” Lexa answered simply. “ _So_ ,” She started, Clarke knew this tone, Lexa was about to tell her everything she about it. It was cute actually, she was good with retaining information, and most of the time it was just useless facts. “It makes your ligaments relax by loosening it. And that’s a little weird because it loosens it’s hold on your bones.”

“What the fuck?” Clarke gasped, turning her head to look at Lexa. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.” Lexa nodded, her hands continuing to massage Clarke’s back. “It also relaxes your muscles and joints, that’s why everything hurts now. Especially the hips and the lower back because that’s where Relaxin effects the most.”

“So what’s good about any of this?” Clarke questioned.

“Helps when you’re giving birth.” Lexa answered. “’cause the joints and ligaments in the pelvis are loosened, makes it easier to get the baby out.” Clarke didn’t say anything this time, only remained silent and Lexa didn’t really know what it was. “What’s wrong?”

“Giving birth sounds scary.” Clarke answered. “I can’t think about it for more than a minute before panicking.” She rubbed her eyes, she was a little tired. “How the hell am I going to push a baby out of me?”

Lexa remained silent, she didn’t really have an answer. She had done her research, she knew exactly what giving birth was like and saying _It’s not going to be that bad_ would be a lie. “You’re going to be fine.” She tried instead.

“You don’t have any words of comfort Lexa, that never happens.” Clarke commented, it really never happened, Lexa tended to always have something to say to put her mind at ease. “Giving birth is terrifying and should not be a thing anyone has to go through. How am I going to do this?”

Lexa gave her a small smile, “Okay, well it is true I don’t have anything to say that’ll make you feel better because giving birth really sounds hard and I’m also kind of scared.” Clarke laughed this time, “But hey, you’re not going to be alone, I’ll be there the whole time holding your hand.”

“I might break your hand.” Clarke quipped.

Lexa shrugged, “Don’t worry I won’t complain.” She told her. “You’ll get through it babe, you’re strong.” Clarke scoffed. “It’s true, you’re doing great so far,” Clarke wasn’t too sure about that, she hadn’t mentioned anything to Lexa, but she wasn’t feeling too well physically. “And you never know, giving birth is easier on some than others.”

“It’s also harder on some people more than others.” Clarke turned around this time, coming face to face with Lexa. “You’re going to be there, right?” She asked her and Lexa only nodded. “Through the whole thing?”

“Every second of it.” She smiled at Clarke, wanting to comfort her.

Clarke nodded before looking away for a moment, chewing on her lip as she thought about what she wanted to ask. “Can I ask you something?” She finally asked.

“Anything.”

“Trans related?” Clarke asked again, a little uncertain.

“Yep, go for it.” Lexa nodded, she knew Clarke, and she knew she would never ask anything _offensive_.

“Did you ever want to have kids?” Clarke asked and Lexa gave her a questioning look, they _were_ having a baby. “No, I mean, did you ever want to carry a baby?” She asked, clarifying. “Like get pregnant, give birth-”

“Nope.” Lexa was shaking her head before Clarke could even finish. “As much as I know I’m a woman, and as much as I know I want this baby, I have never wanted to carry one.” She shrugged, looking at Clarke sheepishly. “Being pregnant just sounds…really scary and I could never do that.” Clarke leaned in, kissed her forehead. “Like, wow, I am amazed by everyone who does it, and I honestly have no idea how.” That got a giggle out of Clarke, “I mean, you’re doing it and it’s unreal that there is a baby growing inside of you, like?” She looked down at her exposed stomach, the bump protruding out. “God, it’s beautiful and amazing and pretty much a goddamn miracle.” She was smiling now as she thought about it, thought about how there was a baby inside of Clarke, something that was a part of the two of them _inside_ her.

“So, this isn’t something that causes you dysphoria?” Clarke asked her, wanting to be sure. There used to be moments before when Clarke caught Lexa looking at her hips or her boobs with almost sadness in her eyes, because her body wasn’t entirely like that. They did talk about things like that, and it used to happen earlier on in their relationship more than it did now, the hormones finally doing what they were meant to and changing Lexa’s body in ways she wanted it to change. So, Clarke wanted to make sure her being pregnant wasn’t causing Lexa any _discomfort_.

“Nope,” Lexa shook her head. “Not at all.” She gave her a smile, meaning it. “Even if I was cis I wouldn’t want to carry a baby.” She shrugged. “Being a parent sounds absolutely fine but carrying a baby…I think that takes a lot more than I could give.”

Clarke nodded, agreeing, “It definitely takes a lot.” She snaked her arms around Lexa’s neck and kissed her. “Takes a lot of support from the other parent too.” She kissed her again, “And I don’t think I could’ve asked for anything more than you.”

Lexa smiled into the kiss, “I’m a catch.”

“A dumbass actually,” Clarke replied with a soft laugh but Lexa kissed her, muffling it. “Wait,” Clarke pulled away a second later, Lexa pouting in response. “Baby’s moving.”

Lexa looked at her stomach, she was happy to know that and she just wished she could feel it, but it would be a couple more weeks till that. “Already interrupting us huh?” She narrowed her eyes at Clarke’s stomach, Clarke giving her that soft laugh again, “What am I going to do when you’re actually here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are they??? not the absolute cutest???? all three of them??? are they not adorable?? and lexa talking to the baby?? what a couple of saps.


	12. Kicking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baby has been moving more recently. A lot more. And Lexa is a soft mess about it. It's not her fault really, she just really loves the baby, and Clarke. As overwhelming as the prospect of being a mom is, Lexa knows that no matter what, she's going to be happy, she's going to love this baby, and she couldn't have asked for a better partner than Clarke. There's also a bit about Abby and Clarke and Clarke is kind of struggling, she's not feeling too well. And the chapter kind of ends in a cliffhanger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'know. i hate writing the summaries for the chapters. its hard. and like? is it even important? can i skip them from the next chapter on? but anyways. this was a fun chapter to write. its got a nice little mix of cutesy fluff and bit more serious stuff. like. they're both about the baby, they love this kid so much already. and well, the rest of the world isn't the kindest to teen parents. it also ended up being pretty long.....

**_ WEEK 19 _ **

“Are you sure about painting half your room?” Clarke asked as her and Lexa set about rearranging her bedroom. “I mean, the walls are white, we could just leave it like this.” She shrugged, Lexa wouldn’t let her move anything around, but Clarke was still helping, making sure Lexa didn’t topple things over as she pushed the furniture around and cleared about half the room for what was going to be the baby’s nursery. They were making progress, they had cleared off a corner so far, Lexa starting to put some of her things away to make space. It wasn’t going to be _half_ the room, it was mostly going to be a corner, well, it was starting from one of the corners until there was enough space for all the baby’s things.

“Maybe,” Lexa shrugged. “Painting will probably make a mess.” She thought about it, “But I mean,” She looked at Clarke from just having moved the dresser. “It’ll look cute. We want cute backgrounds for pictures, Clarke.”

Clarke nodded, “You’re not wrong.” She agreed. “When do we start shopping for it though?” It had been on her mind for a little while, actually, Clarke had been looking at baby things online and everything was so small and so soft and so cute, she was a little impatient to start shopping.

“I mean, we have started a list of the things we need.” Lexa answered. They had been working on it for a while, a shared document on Google Docs because why not. There were a lot of things that weren’t obvious, and it was Lexa’s idea because she wanted to be able to write things down as she thought of it. “We could start anytime.” She shrugged, coming to sit down next to Clarke on the bed. “And we’re not too fused with the whole blue and pink thing so it shouldn’t be a problem before we know the gender.”

“Oh, speaking off,” Clarke suddenly remembered, “We get to find out at the next appointment.” She gave Lexa a smile who looked at the date on her phone’s lock screen.

“Less than two weeks?” Lexa asked, gasping when Clarke nodded. “Wow, that’s…” She trailed off, eyes wandering down to her girlfriend’s stomach, “We’re really having a baby huh?”

Clarke have her a small laugh, nodding, “We really are.” She leaned against Lexa, her head resting on her shoulder. “It’s crazy isn’t it?” Lexa only nodded. Clarke opened her mouth, about to speak, tell her again how weird this was, how unbelievable it was when she suddenly felt the baby kick. “Oh,” She yelped instead, sitting up straight, Lexa shooting her an equally concerned and confused look. “Baby’s kicking,” Clarke explained, grabbing Lexa’s hand in a rush and placing it over her stomach where she could feel the baby.

“Oh my god,” Lexa almost jumped, instinctively withdrawing her hand for a fraction of a second before placing it back on the underside of Clarke’s belly. “Oh wow,” She breathed out, and Clarke only laughed at her reaction. This wasn’t the first time Clarke was feeling it, but it definitely was the first time Lexa was. At first, it was small movement that only Clarke could feel from the inside, it was very recently that the kicking and possibly even the punching could be felt from outside. “God, there’s a baby in there. A part of us.” Her hand stayed in place, but her eyes came up to meet Clarke’s. There was a soft smile on Lexa’s face, a gentleness in her eyes and Clarke couldn’t help but smile back.

Her hand came up to Lexa’s face, noticing the baby still kicking as she rested it against her cheek. Her eyes were misted, like she was about to cry, “You okay?” Clarke asked and Lexa only nodded, closing her eyes for a moment and leaning into her touch.

This felt different, every stage of the pregnancy, the more Lexa got to _see_ of their baby, the more she felt. She didn’t know more of what, just _more_ , like when Clarke had told her they were having a baby. Every time Lexa thought she couldn’t feel anymore love, that her heart was full, she was proven wrong. So far, she had only really seen the baby in ultrasounds, this was the first time she got to feel it – feel _her_ as they both kept saying. And honestly, it was overwhelming in the best way imaginable. This was a part of her, a part of Clarke, a part of them and as cheesy as it was, this was the result of their love for each other.

Yeah, maybe if they had their way with it, there wouldn’t be a _physical proof of their love_ for a few more years, but here it was. And all Lexa wanted to do right now was be close to it, protect it, keep it safe, keep them both safe – the baby and Clarke. Lexa finally opened her eyes, letting out a shaky breath, “I love this baby so much already.” Her voice wavered, tears threatening to spill and unsure how to voice what she was feeling. There was a small huff of laugh, Lexa bringing her hand up to rub her eyes as Clarke let go of her face. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when it’s finally here.” The smile didn’t seem to go away, “If I’m a mess when all it’s doing is kicking from inside you, imagine what I’m going to be like when I hold her for the first time.”

Clarke mirrored her smile, unsure of how she got so lucky to have found someone like Lexa. She was so sure Lexa would’ve left when Clarke found out she was pregnant, or at least when she said she wanted to keep it. But she was here, through it all she was here and god, she was so amazing about it all. And the way Lexa talked about the baby, about their baby, it looked like she was happy, like she was looking forward to this, and that was so much more than Clarke could have ever hoped for – back then she had been hoping Lexa would just tolerate it in all really. “You’re a sap.”

.

**Love of my life**

**7:02am**

Hey babe you don’t have to pick me up for school today.

**Love of my life**

**7:02am**

I’m really tired and don’t think I can get out of bed.

Clarke rubbed her head as she hit send, honestly it felt like every day was harder than the last and she wasn’t sure why. It felt more than the expected tiredness of being pregnant, she just…felt off. This wasn’t the first time Clarke was missing school because of this either, it had happened last week and she was expecting it to happen again this week – it was only Tuesday. But she knew Lexa would be worried, last week Clarke had put it off as just a headache and not being able to sleep enough because she had to get up too many times to pee. Now that she had sent the text, she was worried that that wasn’t the best way to word it. _I can’t get out of bed_ didn’t sound too good, did it?

Apparently not, because no more than a minute later, her phone was ringing, the screen lighting up with Lexa’s face. Clarke took a deep breath, gathering herself, today just wasn’t a good day.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked from the other side, the concern and almost panic evident in her voice.

“I’m just tired.” Clarke answered, doing her best to not let her voice waver. She had a fight with her mom, it seemed like the days her mom stressed her out, her body punished her for it. “I just want to stay in bed today.”

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked her again, that wasn’t much of an answer. “You sound upset.”

“I’m tired.” It came out more curtly than Clarke was expecting it to. Lexa didn’t say anything, and Clarke just sighed, “Sorry, I had a long night.” She apologized, sucking in a shaky breath. What Clarke really wanted right now was to not be here, not to be home, because she knew her mom was going to come in before she left for work and tell her off for not being in school; go back to how _Lexa was ruining her life_.

“It’s okay.” If anything, that just made Lexa worry about her more.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke repeated, closing her eyes as she pressed her head into the pillow, maybe if she wished really hard, she wouldn’t be home anymore. “I’m just cranky.”

“It’s okay, really.” Lexa told her again, her voice gentle and comforting. But she was still worried, she didn’t know what was wrong, or why Clarke wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school. Clarke didn’t miss school, even in the first trimester of the pregnancy when Lexa was asking her to take the day off, she still mustered the energy to get through the day. So Clarke willingly not going had to mean something was wrong. “I’ll come over after school.” Yeah, she would need an excuse for her parents, they really didn’t want her being around Abby.

“My mom’s going to be home at five.” Clarke told her reluctantly.

“I don’t care, I want to see you.” She paused, going silent for a moment before asking, “Did something happen last night?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” She wasn’t, Clarke knew she wasn’t. She was tired and upset and cranky and her whole body just felt like it was going to shut down. “I just need some sleep I think.” Maybe she’d bring it up on her next appointment with Dr. Tsing, tell her that she’s not feeling well and it feels worse than what’s expected.

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded to herself, not entirely convinced especially given the tone of Clarke’s voice. There was a slight waver in it, she sounded upset and tired and just…exhausted. “Call me if you need anything, okay?” She asked her, knowing very clearly that Clarke wouldn’t. Lexa knew Clarke wouldn’t want to bother her with anything when she was in school.

“I will, don’t worry.” Clarke replied, doing her best to keep her voice steady. She did need something though, she needed her, she needed Lexa right now. It would make her feel better to just be close to her, being held, and just made to feel like she had someone through it all; Clarke knew she had Lexa but today she just needed the reassurance. Staying home only made her feel alone, made her feel like there was no one for her as she went through this – her mom definitely wasn’t. And the way Abby talked about it, it felt like no one would be here either despite how much Clarke knew that wasn’t true. She had Lexa, and she also had Indra and Gustus, she knew they were all here for her and would be. But knowing her mom wanted nothing to do with it…it didn’t feel very nice, and the more time she spent talking to Abby, the more alone and hopeless Clarke felt. “Actually, don’t come over.” Clarke told her as they were about to hang up. “Pick me up instead, we’ll go back to your place.”

“Okay.” Lexa nodded, that was definitely a better idea, but Lexa didn’t want to suggest it incase Clarke wasn’t in the mood to leave the house. “I love you.” She said about to hang up.

“I love you too.” This time Clarke smiled, “I’ll see you later.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 20 _ **

Lexa’s bedroom looked a lot different to what it did a couple of weeks ago; there were a lot less things that’s for one, they had both gone through Lexa’s stuff, decluttering and either putting things away in the attic or putting it in a box for donating. Clarke didn’t feel it was fair that Lexa was having to _give up_ on her things for the baby but Lexa had ensured her most of the things they had put away weren’t of any use to her – not anymore anyways.

Actually, Gustus had come in when they were packing the two boxes away, and all he said was that he didn’t think a day would come where Lexa cleaned out her room of all her _useless junk_. He wasn’t wrong though, Lexa didn’t need to hold onto her 4th grade history essay where she got a C, or the old pair of sneakers that were 3 sizes too small now. Lexa just…never threw things out, it’s not that she wanted to keep them, she just never got around to throwing them out, they just accumulated because she was busy doing other things.

They were on the bed now, which was moved up against a corner so there a wall on its side as well as its back. Lexa liked it, it was Clarke’s side that was against the wall and this was the second time Clarke had to crawl over her to get into bed and there was no way she was going to complain about that. They had the laptop open between them, looking through baby things, currently looking at blankets and trying to decide how many was too many. They were leaving the bigger things till later, like the crib and the car seat and the baby swing, they didn’t really need it right away. Okay, they didn’t need anything right away, there was still quite a few more weeks till the baby came. But wanted to make a start with the smaller things, like blankets, and clothes, and stuffed toys.

So, money was an issue given how they were both teenagers without a job. But it helped that their parents were…relatively well off, well not like Abby wanted to help with anything; Indra was real estate agent, and Gustus was a data analyst. So Lexa knew her parents had her back; she was lucky enough to say this, but money had never been an issue. Clarke was relatively calm about it too, she didn’t want the Woods to have to pay for everything and she knew her mom wouldn’t help with the baby, but her dad had left her quite a bit when he died. And that was supposed to help with college really, but life seemed to have had other plans. So right now, they were just doing their research on baby things, and comparing prices, especially the more important ones like strollers, cribs, swings because there seemed to be too many options at a really wide price range.

“Oh,” Clarke said suddenly, straightening up in her spot on the bed. “Someone’s kicking again.”

There was an excited glint in Lexa’s eyes, “Oh?” She asked as she closed the laptop and scooted closer to her. “Can I feel?” Maybe by this point, Lexa didn’t need permission to do that, to touch her stomach, to feel the baby. But she still liked to ask, wanted to make sure it was okay because she didn’t want to end up annoying Clarke. The baby was kicking a lot more often now, and Lexa _did_ want to feel it every time if they were with each other. It might get annoying eventually, or maybe when the baby was bigger because Lexa had read in numerous places that sometimes you really did not feel like being touched.

Clarke rolled her eyes, yeah Lexa really didn’t need to ask because she just grabbed her hand and placed it on her stomach where the baby was kicking. “You know what I think we should start doing?” Clarke asked her, Lexa’s eyes were glued to where her hand was, she still wasn’t used to the feeling of the baby kicking.

“What’s that?” Lexa asked her, very much distracted, and Clarke knew she would be until the baby had stopped moving.

“Names.” Clarke stated. “We need to start thinking about names.”

This time Lexa looked up, she hadn’t thought about that. “Yeah,” She nodded, “Yeah I think that’s going to take a while.” She thought about it for a moment, “Do you have anything in mind?”

“Not really.” Clarke shrugged. “I can’t think of anything that sounds _right_.”

“Hmm…” Lexa thought about it, hand finally coming away as the baby eased down. “Can I make a suggestion?” She asked and Clarke nodded, of course she could make a suggestion. “It might sound a little stupid…” Lexa warned her, “But can we like, wait till the baby is born to finalize on the name?” She asked Clarke. “Like we can narrow it down to a couple and wait until we see them to decide what to go with?” Lexa watched her expectedly, a little nervous because it sounded stupider when she said it, all babies look the same so why would seeing it make it easier to pick the _right_ name?

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded as she thought about it, “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” She agreed. “See what name they actually look like before deciding on it.”

“Babies all look the same though, right?” Lexa asked with a small shrug.

“No,” She snorted, shaking her head, “They don’t all look the same Lexa.”

“They do.” Lexa argued. “They’re all small and bald and have really big eyes and tiny hands and tiny feet.” She told Clarke. “No discernable features.”

“We gotta make sure the name tag on our one is very clearly visible, so you don’t get them mixed up with someone else’s.” Clarke joked, shaking her head lightly.

* * *

**_ WEEK 21 _ **

Saturday practices were a little annoying. As much as Lexa loved playing football, she liked to have her weekends to herself, spending them with Clarke or her parents, or both really. The further along Clarke got with the pregnancy, the harder it was getting for Lexa to be away from her even if it was for a couple of hours or just for the night. She just wanted to be with her, close to her, close to the baby. Clarke was spending a lot of time at home, either her’s or at the Woods’, she was tired and achy and sore from having to carry the baby. And Lexa did whatever she could to keep her comfortable, backrubs and footrubs and making sure she was eating enough and drinking enough water. She felt protective, that was it really, she had this almost primal feeling that it was her responsibility to keep Clarke and the baby safe – although the baby wasn’t even here yet. Lexa was ready to do whatever she needed for them.

She was tired as she walked to her car after practice finished. Lexa didn’t bother changing, only getting out of her cleats and changing them for sneakers and leaving for the parking lot. Weekend practices usually meant she was the only girl in school right now, and that also meant the girl’s locker room was closed too – they seemed to forget there was a girl on the team. Sometimes Lexa didn’t mind changing in there, stepping into one of the shower stalls and changing out of her football kit. She was pretty close to most of the guys on the team, they saw her as one of them, but at the same time they saw her a girl and nothing else. It was surprising really, the way they had all embraced her as part of the team, well, it was a little weird at the start but everything was very much different now. The guys on the team weren’t what you would expect high school football boys to be like; there were actually decent human beings. Never even looked at Lexa the long way, they didn’t make it weird when she walked into the locker room with them, and honestly Lexa couldn’t have asked for a better set of guys to call her teammates.

Lexa checked her phone as she buckled her seatbelt, there weren’t any important notifications. Clarke hadn’t sent anything, she was spending the day with Raven and Octavia at her place, movies and snacks and just having a girls’ day. Lexa was definitely invited, she had told them she would be over after practice – and a shower. Abby was supposed to be out for the day with a friend of her’s, also having a girls’ day, so Lexa was glad she could be with Clarke without having to worry about her mom causing another scene. And it had been a while since she had spent time with Raven and Octavia, so Lexa was looking forward to it. Apparently Raven had a new girlfriend, someone no one had met and Lexa had an idea that today was going to involve Octavia and Clarke interrogating her a lot about that.

Once she had put her phone away, Lexa started the car, pulling out of the parking and making her way home. It was a short drive, ten minutes before she was pulling up in the driveway by her parents’ cars. They were home today, neither of them worked weekends, Indra did sometimes if she had to show a house and it didn’t fit in her schedule for the weekdays. Waking inside, she greeted them both, her parents giving her a disapproving look for the fact that she was still in her kit, Lexa apologizing sheepishly saying that she was headed into the shower straightaway.

Lexa took her sweet time in the shower, standing under the water that could be considered way too hot to any normal person. She let the water soothe her muscles, wash off the dirt and even grass from her body as she stood under it. For a moment her mind was blank, not a thought running through it as she focused on one thing, and one thing only, the feeling of the shower on her skin and Lexa let out a content sigh. Very few things were as good as a hot shower when she was tired. She liked showers more than baths, something about the way water hit the skin, said it made her feel calmer, cleaner and she didn’t have to constantly look down at the parts of her she didn’t want to see.

It must have been a good half an hour before Lexa emerged from her bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body and another around her hair. Stepping out, Lexa padded her way to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She made her way towards her bed where her phone was charging and unplugged it, picking it up. There were more notifications this time than when she had checked it after practice, they seemed to all be from Raven and Octavia, a few missed calls too and suddenly Lexa was very worried. She skimmed through the texts, most of them along the lines of _Lexa answer your phone_ , _Where the hell are you?_ and _This is important Lexa please call me back asap_.

Doing her best to stay calm, she tapped on Octavia’s name before hitting the call button and holding the phone to her ear. Lexa wasn’t sure what she was expecting to hear, why had her friends called her, why had they called her so many times, why hadn’t Clarke called her, was everything okay?

“Hey, what’s up I-”

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Octavia yelled from the other end, not letting Lexa finish. “We’ve been calling you for so long?”

“I…” She could feel her heart rate picking up. “I was in the shower,” Lexa explained. “What’s wrong?”

There was a sigh, “It’s Clarke.” Octavia’s voice was quieter this time. “Something’s wrong Lex-”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa cut her off in a panic. “Where’s Clarke?”

“We’re at the hospital right now.” Her friend answered.

“ _What?_ ” She didn’t know what to feel right now, her hands were trembling at just the words her friend said. “Is she okay? Is the b-”

“As far as we know, yes, they’re both okay.” Octavia didn’t sound entirely sure.

Lexa pulled the phone away from her ear, pressing the speaker button before setting down on the bed so she could get dressed, “Octavia what happened?” She asked again, letting the towel drop as she stepped up to the closet.

“She suddenly started hurting,” Octavia answered. “At first Clarke thought it was just cramps or something but then she said it felt really sharp and we got worried.” She let out a sigh, “And then she started feeling faint so me and Raven brought her down to the ER.”

“Where is she now?” Lexa asked in a panic, finishing getting dressed. “Are you guys with her?”

“Clarke’s inside, we’re in the waiting room. They wouldn’t let us in, we’re not family.” Octavia sighed, “Raven’s on the phone with Abby right now.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” She breathed out under her breath, Clarke wouldn’t want to see Abby right now. “Okay look I’m on my way,” Lexa said to her friend. “Stay there please, and if Abby gets there before I do, don’t let her see Clarke.”

Octavia was a little confused, unsure why Lexa was asking her to do that, but she agreed nonetheless. “Sure, no problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't edit the last scene. its past 5am. and i couldn't concentrate. and i really just wanted to update it. because like. things are gettig Real now. that was one hell of an ending. so yeah, let me know what you thought. and i'll keep the chapters coming, thanks for reading.


	13. Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right after the next chapter and we find out about Clarke and the baby. Lexa and Abby also hit a tipping point and Lexa loses it on her. Clexa kinda blame themselves for what happened, feeling like they could've done more. There's also a cute/heartfelt scene at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for angry lexa. she's so mad at abby. but other than that, its cute and angsty.

**_ WEEK 21 _ **

Lexa had been the first one to get to the hospital, Abby not showing for at least another ten minutes. They waited in the waiting room impatiently, Clarke still in the examination room and being…treated, looked at, Lexa didn’t really know which word made her feel any better. She couldn’t even keep herself seated, she was pacing the space in front of where her friends were sitting, her parents were on their way too, saying they were going to get dressed and head out as soon as possible because they were also worried about Clarke. God, she hated hospitals so much. Octavia and Raven were still here too, doing their best to stay out of whatever the tension was between Lexa and Abby and just trying to calm their friend down.

“Lexa?”

She heard a familiar voice, looking up from her current WebMD page to find Dr. Tsing walking up towards her. A couple of long strides and Lexa was standing across from the good doctor asking her how Clarke was, how the baby was, and if they were both okay. Dr. Tsing pulled Lexa aside, away from her friends and Abby and sat her down. Lexa would be lying if she said she didn’t feel like she was going to pass out from the suspense of it. When Dr. Tsing said both Clarke and the baby was alright, Lexa realized she had been holding her breath since seeing her. Right now, Clarke was being set up in a room, mildly sedated to help with the pain and to help keep her calm and Lexa could go see her soon.

The pain would pass soon too, Dr. Tsing telling Lexa that all of this was mostly due to the stress she was under and due to the fact that Clarke’s body wasn’t coping too well. Stress was a lot more serious when you were pregnant, and Dr. Tsing asked if there was any way Lexa could maybe remove Clarke from her main source of stress and tension and distress. This on its own wasn’t something that could lead to her losing the baby, but it wasn’t good for her health either, they could very clearly see that today. It also seemed like Clarke’s body wasn’t handling it all that well. There wasn’t a specific reason behind it, just that some people handle it better than others, and it seemed like Clarke’s body wasn’t doing too well with being pregnant. So that paired with the stress, it was a dangerous combination. Stress on its own couldn’t make Clarke lose the baby, but the effect it was having on the rest of her already struggling physical state definitely could. And they needed to be careful, Clarke was…weak right now.

Lexa went straight to Abby after returning to the waiting room, “What exactly is your problem?” Her voice rose, angry and impatient and upset all at the same time. She could feel everyone else’s eyes on her, and god her parents were here now too – Lexa didn’t raise her voice, she never even spoke loudly but here she was practically yelling. “Clarke is already dealing with _so much_ and she’s under so much stress, and all you had to do was not say _anything_ , not make it worse.” Lexa yelled at her, standing in her personal space, towering over Abby by a couple of inches but the older woman only glared at her, not saying anything. “Tell me Mrs. Griffin,” She started, voice a little quieter this time but her tone still the same, “Do you _want_ Clarke to lose the baby?”

Abby crossed her arms over her chest, nostrils flaring in rage, if it was anyone else, they would have stepped away at just the way she was looking at Lexa. But Lexa stood her ground. “Yes, yes I do.” She answered, no ounce of regret there, calm and collected. “She’s ruining her life by keeping _your_ baby, so yes, I don’t want her to have it.” The gasp was audible from everyone else standing there, Indra and Gustus, Raven and Octavia, watching the two of them with surprised eyes, unsure of how to even react at that. “Because you know what?” Abby asked, “When you leave, I’m going to be here picking up the pieces.”

“Miss Woods?”

Lexa heard a new voice call out from behind her, “I’m not leaving Clarke.” She told Abby once again, stepping back this time and towards the voice that had called her. “Yeah, that’s me.” Her voice was a lot nicer now, polite, not angry.

“You can go see your girlfriend.” The nurse told her with a warm smile, “Forth floor, room 407.”

“Thank you.” She forced out a smile, nodding at the woman, then turning to her parents and friends. “Clarke’s fine.” Lexa told them, not meeting their eyes, unsure how to really after her outburst at Abby. She never yelled, she never even spoke too loudly, and Lexa was a little embarrassed about it. Not at saying everything she did, but at the fact that her friends and family saw her. “So is the baby.” She pushed her hair back, “I’m gonna go see her,” Lexa finally looked up at her mom, “I’ll text you guys with updates,” She took off after that, turning away and rushing for the elevator to take her to the floor Clarke was on. Lexa pressed the button, flashing herself the briefest smile of relief at the doors sliding open immediately as she stepped in. She pressed the button with the number 4, her eyes glued to her feet and not wanting to look up and see how her parents or friends were looking at her.

.

Lexa took a deep breath, standing in front of the door as she steadied herself. She was stressed, and her heart was still pounding, and Lexa wanted to be calmer before she saw Clarke. She didn’t like being in hospitals, she was tensed as it was when she had gotten here and now the thing with Abby, Lexa was close to trembling from how overwhelmed she was. But at least Clarke was okay, and so was the baby, that’s all that mattered right now. So taking another deep breath, Lexa knocked on the door softly, waiting a moment for Clarke’s reply before pushing it open and stepping inside.

Clarke was lying on the bed, a few pillows behind her back propping her up. She looked tired, and sleepy, her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, eyes sunken, she was hooked up to an IV drip, and there were two monitors beeping away next to her and Lexa could tell one was Clarke’s heartbeat and the other the baby’s. But she gave Lexa a smile, soft and tired, her eyes drooping and wanting to close. “Hi,” Clarke spoke quietly, voice just barely audible as Lexa walked up to her.

Lexa only sighed, “God I think I had five heart attacks between the phone call and right now.” She told Clarke, closing the distance between them as she sat down on the edge of the bed next to her girlfriend. Lexa looked up at Clarke, frowning slightly, unsure of how to fix this or help or make it any better. “How are you feeling?” Her hand inched towards Clarke’s their fingertips touching as she waited for her to answer.

“Woozy.” Clarke told her honestly, taking Lexa’s hand. “It’s the sedative.”

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed out, nodding; she didn’t know what to say, everything seemed out of her control right now and Lexa just…wanted things to be okay. “You need to rest.”

Clarke ran her tongue over her dry lips, closing her eyes for a moment as she shook her head – not to what Lexa just said but more to herself. “I was so scared.” She admitted, swallowing the lump in her throat, “I thought something had happened to the b-”

Lexa shook her head, stopping her, Clarke’s voice was cracking, it looked like she was going to cry. Instead Lexa brought up her free hand, gently placing it over Clarke’s stomach, now covered with the thin hospital blanket. “It’s okay.” She told her gently, her voice soft and reassuring, doing her best to comfort her. “You’re okay,” Lexa rubbed her thumb over the expanse of her stomach, wanting to get through to the baby, wanting to feel it. “You’re both okay.”

Clarke brought up her other hand, nodding as she placed it over Lexa’s. It was true, they were okay, both of them. But what if they weren’t? What if something had happened to their baby? She let out a shaky breath, trying to push those thoughts away, she didn’t need to think about it, because the baby was fine.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke.” Lexa felt guilty, she knew there was nothing she could have done to stop this from happening. But she felt like she should have. Lexa felt like she should have done more to ensure they were okay, to keep them safe. Maybe it was irrational, but it felt like she had almost failed, she couldn’t protect the baby, she couldn’t protect Clarke, she couldn’t keep them safe. It wasn’t her fault, in any way, it was _neither_ of their fault really; whatever happened, happened, they couldn’t have stopped it. But god, what if Lexa couldn’t keep the baby safe once it was here? What if she fails to do the one thing their little one needs from her – to keep it safe? What if she wasn’t good enough? “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.” She looked down to where her hand was resting on Clarke, “I’m sorry I-”

“No,” Clarke’s voice was firmer now, shaking her head. “Shut up, I’m not hearing you say that.” Her lower lip trembled, and Clarke had to blink to keep the tears at bay. “You have been nothing short of perfect the past few months, since we found out we were having a baby, okay?” She asked her but Lexa didn’t seem to look up, “And you’ve been doing everything you can for me, for our baby.” She looked up this time, looking at Clarke questioningly. “This wasn’t your fault in any way.” Clarke told her. “I talked to Dr. Tsing, okay? If anything, it’s my body that’s not cooperating.” Her body was weak right now, it wasn’t coping well with being pregnant and that paired with the fact that she was under a so much stress didn’t do her any favors.

Lexa didn’t say anything, she wanted to change this all, she wanted to make it all better. Instead she leaned down, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s stomach and lingering there, lips still against her. She still looked worried, wanting to do something to put Clarke at ease. Then suddenly there was a movement under her lips, like a tapping coming from inside Clarke and Lexa’s lips curled up into a smile.

Clarke let out a small laugh too, the mood in the room suddenly a lot lighter and less tense than it was a moment ago. “I think someone wants to let you know they’re okay.”

Lexa brought herself up, smiling as her hand moved to where the kicking was coming from. “Someone’s getting stronger huh?” She asked down at it, the movements were more prominent now than the first time Lexa had felt it.

“Oh, definitely.” Clarke nodded, agreeing. She could feel it a lot more now too, whether the baby was kicking or punching it still felt a lot more than it did the first time. “She packs a mean punch.”

“Be nice to your mommy.” Lexa spoke, doing her best to sound firm but failing miserably as the smile wouldn’t go away.

“Okay, come on.” Clarke tugged at their conjoined hands, “Lie down with me, I’m going to fall asleep, the sedative is starting to get to work.”

.

Lexa was lying on her side, squeezed up against the side of the hospital bed as Clarke slept. It had been about an hour, she was fast asleep and Lexa was just lying there, finally relaxed, soaking in Clarke’s presence. It was hard to relax after everything but Clarke was okay, the baby was okay, and Clarke was peacefully sleeping by her side. The monitors next to her were comforting, the steady beaming reassuring her that their baby was okay. But Lexa couldn’t stop her mind from racing, she couldn’t stop thinking about what Abby had said, all she could think about right now was how to…deal with that really. She didn’t want Clarke around Abby, didn’t want Clarke subjected to any more of this stress and pressure. Abby wouldn’t try to talk Clarke into not keeping the baby anymore, it was too late for that. But that didn’t mean she would let go off how this was _ruining her life_ , how Clarke didn’t know what she was getting into, and then there was the whole thing of how she felt about Lexa.

**Mom**

**12:17pm**

How is Clarke?

The phone buzzing in her pocket brought her out of her thoughts, quietly reaching for it and pulling it out, doing her best to not wake Clarke. Lexa’s eyes scanned the text, quickly typing out a reply.

**Lexa**

**12:19pm**

She’s okay. She’s asleep right now.

**Mom**

**12:20pm**

Let me know when she’s awake, me and your dad will come by to see her.

**Lexa**

**12:20pm**

Cool

Clarke wasn’t going back home after this, Lexa was going to make sure of that. She put her phone away as she thought about, thinking about whether or not her parents would be okay with what she thought. Well, Clarke was spending more than half her time at the Woods’ anyways, it wouldn’t be _that_ different if she was living with them permanently. For a while anyways, actually, she wasn’t sure about that – wasn’t sure about how long. They hadn’t talked about the whole living situation once the baby was born, but it was a given that the baby was going to be at the Woods’ – with the nursery being in Lexa’s room and all. They never talked about Clarke living there too, but that should be a given, right? It’s not like the baby and Clarke can be apart, especially the earlier days.

The stirring next to her brought her out of her thoughts, yeah her parents would be okay with it; after all, they did see how Abby was today. Lexa straightened herself, sitting up slightly as she watched Clarke slowly opening her eyes. “Hey love.” She spoke quietly, Clarke blinking the sleep away.

“You’re still here?” Clarke questioned, almost surprised by it. She thought Lexa would have gone home by now.

“Where else would I be?” Lexa gave her a gentle smile. “I didn’t want to leave.” She shrugged. “How did you sleep?”

“Good, actually.” Clarke replied, watching as Lexa moved to sit up next to her. “I’m still tired.”

Lexa ended up staying the rest of the day, her parents dropping by to check on Clarke, making sure she was okay. Indra seemed to have the same idea as Lexa did, asking Clarke to stay with them for a while before Lexa had even brought it up with her. They had all seen how Abby was, heard what she had to say, no one wanted Clarke in that environment any longer than she already had been. And god, Lexa still felt guilty about it, she should’ve seen it; she knew things weren’t great with Clarke and Abby, but she didn’t know it was _this_ bad. _There’s no use feeling guilty now_ , Lexa reminded herself, trying to believe it but she felt like she could’ve done more. She pushed the thoughts aside, Clarke had been happy to see Indra and Gustus, they had hugged her and told her they were always here for her, and would be no matter what. Okay, Clarke was a little confused, but that was because she hadn’t been there to hear her mom in the waiting room.

Lexa had spent the entire day in the hospital, only stepping away for ten minutes while her parents were here to grab some food. And she was glad when her dad left a shopping bag full of snacks, knowing very well that Lexa wouldn’t want to leave Clarke alone, and she would be here for at least the weekend. They were right, she had no intention of leaving. There was school on Monday and Lexa was already considering skipping it, but she knew she shouldn’t. Dr. Tsing had stopped by once, saying she would be back tomorrow as well; she wanted to check in on Clarke, ask how she was doing. She assured them that the baby was okay, there wasn’t anything to worry about for now, but Clarke really needed to rest and just…take things easy.

Clarke was feeling better by the end of the day, even managing to stomach some food for dinner while Lexa sat on the armchair in the corner of the room with her Cup Noodles and an open packet of chocolate chip cookies. “You’re not eating those together, right?” Clarke questioned as she looked over at her, her own plate only about a third empty and currently poking at the bright green jelly.

Lexa put the now empty pot down, shrugging and doing her best to lie, “No…” She was, it had to be a crime somewhere in the word to have cookies and ramen at the same time. “Of course not.” Lexa tried but Clarke only rolled her eyes. “Are you eating what I think is a baby alien?”

“I don’t think this is meant to be eaten.” Clarke looked down at, bringing up a spoonful of _wobble_ and holding it up to her nose before dropping it back in the pot. “Nope.”

Lexa got up from her seat, cleaning up the remains of her dinner and then wiping the table down. “How long do you have to stay?” Dr. Tsing had mentioned, she’s sure, but Lexa couldn’t remember, she must have zoned out or well, just forgot – that happened a lot too.

“A few days.” Clarke sighed, she honestly thought it would be no more than 24 hours. “Dr. Tsing said four to five days,” She shrugged, letting out a sigh. “I didn’t know it was this bad,”

Yeah, Lexa didn’t either; she watched her carefully, picking up a cookie before walking back to the bed and sitting down on the plastic chair next to Clarke. “It’ll be okay.” She tried telling her, but Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn’t still worried. “Dr. Tsing just wants to make sure everything is fine before you go back home.”

Clarke looked away, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t know what’s wrong, Lex.” She started. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me because it just seems like my body is trying to give up.”

That wasn’t entirely wrong, Clarke was weak right now and her doctor wanted to keep an eye on her for a couple of days. The stress was making it worse and what Clarke needed right now was to rest, stay in bed, take it easy and let her body cope with all the changes. “Nothing is wrong with you.” Lexa told her, the way Clarke spoke, it sounded like she was blaming herself. “Everyone’s body reacts differently and deals with this differently.”

Clarke didn’t look convinced, she looked upset. “It feels like it’s my fault.” She finally looked up, chewing on her bottom lip as she watched Lexa. “It feels like I should have been…” She trailed off, she didn’t even know what she could have done. “More careful, like I should’ve taken better care of the baby.”

“Clarke, listen to me.” Lexa sighed, taking Clarke’s hands in her’s. “This isn’t your fault, okay?” She tried, but Clarke only scoffed, turning her head away. “You’ve been under a lot of stress, and that was out of your control.” Lexa brought their joined hands up, her movements gentle, not wanting to tug at the IV needle in her hand and gently kissed it. “The baby’s okay, you’re okay, that’s all that matters right now.”

Clarke closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about it; she was so scared earlier today, she was terrified at the thought of something happening to the baby. “I don’t want to mess up.” She told Lexa, “I want to keep her safe, I want her to be okay.”

“I know.” Lexa nodded. “Me too.” Her attention turned to Clarke’s stomach, watching where their baby was still growing, safe and sound, away from any harm. “You are keeping it safe.” She told her, “And you’re doing your best, okay?” Lexa tried to get her to listen, she was, she was doing her best, she was doing everything she could right now. But there wasn’t much Clarke could do about what happened today. “Some things are out of your control, and there’s nothing you can do about it baby, it’s not your fault.”

Clarke finally nodded, listening to what Lexa said, agreeing to some extent, maybe it wasn’t her fault. “I’m scared Lex.” She told her girlfriend, voice small. “I’m scared for when the baby’s going to come, I don’t think I’m ready.”

“There’s still time.” Lexa tried, but she was scared too, they were still teenagers, how would they be ready for a baby? “And I’m scared too, but we’re in this together.” She tried to reassure Clarke – and herself. “We’ll figure it out, we’ll be okay.” They were excited too, they were embracing it, and looking forward to it, but at the same time it was still so scary and uncertain and nerve-racking. “Talk to her.” Lexa suggested, “It helps, trust me.” She smiled at Clarke, Lexa talked to the baby a lot, every chance she got actually. Clarke on the other hand was holding off, saying she would once she knew the baby would remember her voice. But Lexa also realized it helped feel closer to the baby, eased her anxiety about it, because it almost felt like, to her, that she was getting to know this little thing that still hadn’t come into the world.

Clarke’s free hand came up to her stomach, thumb gently stroking it. “You won’t even remember this.” She started, looking down at the bump. “But your momma’s insistent that it’ll help.” Clarke joked, Lexa rolling her eyes next to her. “I love you,” She said more seriously, letting out a shaky breath, “So much, already.” Clarke could feel her voice cracking. “And I’m going to keep you safe. I know it seems like I’m doing a shitty job right now.” She let out a small laugh at herself, fighting the tears.

“Clarke, language.” Lexa chastised half-seriously, “It can hear you.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, going back to talking to their baby. “I am doing my best though,” She spoke quietly, “And I’ll keep doing everything I can to keep you safe once you’re here.” Lexa gave her a soft smile, wanting to tell her once again that she was doing great, that this wasn’t her fault. “I know I’m scared, I’m so scared for when you get here because I’m practically a kid but I’m going to love you so much.” Oh okay, there were tears now, damn Lexa for suggesting this. “I keep saying I’m scared, and I keep saying I don’t know if I can do this but sweetie I promise you, none of that means I love you any less.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “You’re a piece of me, a piece of your momma, and I love you so much. You mean the world to me already and I haven’t even met you yet.” Clarke looked up this time, wiping her eyes before withdrawing her hand from Lexa’s hold playfully to smack her arm, “Fuck you for talking me into doing this.” Lexa burst out in laughter at that, “You made me cry.” Clarke whined, her tone light, fighting a smile at Lexa’s response. “Do you want me to cry?”

“Baby made you cry, not me.” Lexa said defensively, trying to suppress her laugh and failing. “It helps, I told you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bbys. bbys with a baby. i can't wait till the kiddo is born. let me know what y'all thought


	14. Gender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is back home from the hospital, well, she's at the Woods' but that's technically home now. Things are a little rough, she's still recovering and her doctor has asked her to take things easy and stay home for a while. Which really, is just very boring. And as the chapter title says, they find out the baby's gender. They're both very happy and soft about it. Lexa has a little moment of panic around the end, worried she won't be good enough or be able to do enough for their baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a nice chapter. its mostly a happy and fluffy chapter to make up for that last one. and if you're reading my vet au, this is a nice change from that angst.

**_ WEEK 22 _ **

It was the third day back home, third day back at the Woods’ household, stuck in Lexa’s bed. Clarke was told to take things easy, spend the next few days in bed, rest up before she was ready to go back to school – which would be at least a week or maybe even later. She wasn’t sure how she felt about it, not really, it was hard being stuck in bed and all alone for most of the day. Lexa left in the morning when her parents did for work, and she wasn’t back till past 3pm. If it was up to her, Lexa would be staying home with Clarke, spending time with her, taking care of her; she did the first day Clarke was back, picking her up from the hospital and then spending the day with her. But now she was alone, and more than anything really, Clarke was bored.

She had been reading more, a little less of the baby books actually and just whatever fiction she could find on Lexa’s shelves. They were mostly comic books and graphic novels, Lexa saying something about how it was easier for her to pay attention to them rather than large blocks of text. But Clarke had found an old favorite, the Hunger Games series, and she couldn’t help but pick it up. Reading through it, it took her back to simpler times, when things weren’t as complicated as they were right now, when all there was to worry about was who Katniss would end up with. Yeah, as much as she hated to admit it now, she was more invested in the ships than the rest of the story when she had gotten into it back in 2013.

Before Clarke had realized it, she was reading to the baby; Lexa was right, talking to it was relaxing, it put her mind more at ease and even made Clarke feel more connected to it. Okay so maybe The Hunger Games wasn’t the best thing to be reading to a baby, but in her defense it didn’t know what she was even talking about. Clarke was almost halfway through the book, not really having realized how much she had read when she felt the baby moving again, either kicking or punching but the movements were a lot sharper now. Clarke put the book away next to her on the bed before placing her hand over her stomach.

“You’re getting stronger.” She commented, a thumping against her palm coming from inside her. You could almost see it now actually, if you looked at her skin carefully when the baby was being particularly active, the movement was almost visible. It wasn’t much yet, but it freaked Clarke out a little, she had seen some videos of hands and feet pushing out and it was…kind of terrifying. “Are you getting impatient to get out?” More kicking and Clarke smiled at it, almost like she was getting an answer. “Well, you gotta wait, we’re more than halfway there.” She let out a small sigh, “I’m getting a little impatient too, you know?” She asked lightly, “I can’t wait to meet you.”

“I can’t wait to meet her either.” Lexa spoke from the door, leaning against it with a smile as she watched Clarke.

“How long have you been standing there?” Clarke asked her, watching as her girlfriend stepped into the room and dropped her backpack before making her way towards the bed.

“Not that long.” Lexa shrugged, “It’s cute when you talk to it.”

“Still not going to remember any of it.” Clarke gave her half a shrug. “Not yet anyways.” They still didn’t know if the baby was a girl or a boy, they were supposed to last week but with Clarke being in the hospital, they had missed that appointment with Dr. Tsing. So, it had been rescheduled for tomorrow, and they were both equally nervous and excited. Well, technically they could’ve found out while at the hospital but everything seemed off and Clarke wasn’t well, so she decided to just wait, find out once things were better. She didn’t want anything to dampen the excitement of knowing. Lexa was looking forward to it too, and a little impatient so it was a little difficult having to wait longer. “You excited about tomorrow?” Clarke asked Lexa, moving to sit up.

“Yes,” She couldn’t help but smile, “I still have a feeling it’s going to be a girl.” Lexa admitted; yes, at first she felt bad for already _assigning_ a gender but then she realized she wasn’t actually assigning anything. She just had a feeling that it was going to be a girl, and Lexa knew she would be just as happy if it was a boy, she didn’t have a preference either way, but there was something within her that was telling her it was going to be a girl.

“Can we start painting the room tomorrow?” Clarke asked, hoping to stop by to get some paint after their appointment.

“You’re supposed to stay in bed.” Lexa answered, “We can do that later,” She tried with a small smile, she knew Clarke wanted to be involved in it too but right now she shouldn’t be doing much of anything other than just staying in bed. “When you’re feeling better.”

“I feel fine.” Clarke tried and Lexa only gave her a look, “What? It’s not going to tire me out or anything, we have to paint like a third of the room.” She argued instead, she wasn’t wrong about that, but Lexa was right too.

Lexa wasn’t convinced, so instead she took Clarke hand in her’s, shaking her head slightly, “Later baby, okay?” She tried. Clarke needed to rest, refrain from any kind of physical activity, and maybe this wasn’t much but it was still more than just staying in bed. Clarke nodded in response, to Lexa’s surprise, but she looked upset about it, she hated being stuck in bed and Lexa knew that. And recently, it felt like she wasn’t doing anything. “Let’s go shopping instead?” Lexa suggested, that should be okay, one store, that wouldn’t be too much walking for Clarke. “We’ll get some stuff for the baby. And maybe look at the cribs and strollers,” She shrugged lightly, they needed to look into that, Lexa knew they needed to do some research into it, especially the strollers and the baby swings, there seemed to be way too many options, each more expensive than the last.

“Yeah,” Clarke seemed to perk up a little at that, “That sounds good.”

* * *

“Okay,” Dr. Tsing started, her eyes on the screen as she watched the growing fetus. Everything was alright so far, after the scare last week, things were looking good now. “Do we want to know the baby’s sex?”

“Yes.” Clarke and Lexa said in unison, nodding as they continued to hold hands. Lexa looked more impatient than Clarke, Clarke a lot more relaxed as she watched the screen curiously – it wasn’t like she could make sense of what was on there. They could see the baby more clearly now, it actually looked more like a baby than just a blob.

“Hoping for anything particular?” Dr. Tsing asked lightly, she hadn’t heard the couple say anything about it yet.

“A baby.” Lexa replied, not missing a beat, her tone a little too serious that it took the other two women a second to catch on to the fact that she was joking. “Human, preferably.” It was surprisingly that she said it with a straight face because the others were laughing before she could even finish. Lexa grinned at Clarke, unable to help it from the way Clarke’s laugh sounded. It was her favorite sound, and it had been a while since Lexa had heard it.

“She’s funny,” Dr. Tsing finally spoke, looking at Clarke with a small smile. “Is she always like this?”

“All the time, you have no idea what I have to deal with.” Clarke answered seriously, doing her best to sound disapproving.

Lexa scoffed, “You love me.” She turned back to the doctor, “Sorry for interrupting like that,” It wasn’t much of an apology, she was still smiling. Lexa liked Dr. Tsing, she never made Lexa feel awkward, something she was really worried about because well…she got Clarke pregnant. She was even ready for their doctor to slip up on her pronouns a couple of times but it never happened. “Please tell us.”

“Well, for starters, it is a baby that’s growing inside your girlfriend.” Dr. Tsing told Lexa pointedly, “And it is also human.” Her expression changed this time, a soft smile as she looked at the two girls. “It’s a girl.”

A smile broke out on Clarke’s face, soft and almost clouded in disbelief but happy more than anything. She didn’t have anything to say, just those three words ringing in her mind as it started to sink in and made her realize what it meant. Images started coming, she didn’t even know from where but all Clarke could think about now was holding this little girl in her arms, or watching Lexa holding a tiny version of themselves and talking to her, maybe telling her some of her ridiculous jokes and stories. Oh god, they were going to have a daughter.

“What?” Lexa asked in disbelief, her eyes slightly wide, her voice small and just wanting to be sure she heard it right.

“It’s a girl.” The doctor repeated.

Lexa smiled this time, “We’re having a daughter?” Dr. Tsing nodded and Lexa turned to Clarke who was smiling up at her, “We’re having a daughter.” She choked the words out, eyes filling with tears as she heard herself. It sounded a lot different to _we’re having a baby_ , it made her feel a lot different too and Lexa couldn’t explain it. A daughter, they really were going to be parents. Clarke didn’t seem to have a reply, only nodding as she smiled at Lexa and in that moment, Lexa knew she could never love anyone the way she loved Clarke or their unborn daughter. She leaned down instead of saying anything else, pressing her lips against Clarke’s in a rushed kiss, trying to say what she was feeling, what she was thinking about all of this but didn’t have the words too.

“You were right.” Clarke spoke once Lexa pulled away.

She kissed her again, forgetting for a moment that there was someone else in the room with them, “I love you so much.”

Stepping out of the doctor’s office, Lexa hugged Clarke, wrapping her arms around Clarke and bringing her close. It was unexpected, and it took Clarke by surprise, letting out a small yelp before hugging her back. Lexa held her close, burying her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck and closing her eyes. “Hey,” Clarke said as she brought her hands up to Lexa’s neck, fingers playing with the hairs at the base. “Are you alright?” Lexa nodded against her, still holding onto Clarke. “You sure, baby?”

Lexa nodded again, bringing herself up this time. “Yeah,” She breathed out, eyes teary as she looked at Clarke. “I’m just happy.” She did her best to keep the smile under control, biting down on her bottom lip in an attempt. Her hands were still holding Clarke, lower now, resting on her hips. “We’re having a daughter.”

Clarke nodded, smiling up at her, “We are.” She told her, she was happy too, it was a nice change from the past week. “We’re having a little girl.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 23 _ **

Lexa’s parents were happy when they told them it was going to be a girl. Saying how they were going to spoil this little girl from the moment she was born – they would start now if they could – and Clarke almost started crying at their reactions. She hadn’t heard from her mom since the hospital, she had come in the second day to see Clarke and it didn’t go too well, ended up getting Clarke more worked up and upset. And Lexa arrived a few minutes later, having to ask Abby to leave. So to get this reaction out of Lexa’s parents, to see them happy and excited and oh so supportive, it was almost a little overwhelming.

A shipment of baby things had come in the mail today, it was from Indra and Gustus, a little gift for Clarke and Lexa for the baby. They didn’t ask them about it before placing the order, it wasn’t much, some toys and clothes, a couple of blankets; they were mostly soft and pink and yes, they didn’t want to impose any gender roles and they didn’t care much for colors because there were a couple of blues things in there too. The box got here around midday, before Lexa got home from school and Clarke couldn’t help but open it. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t almost cried at it, out of happiness though so it was okay. Indra and Gustus had told them they had ordered some things, Clarke telling them they didn’t have to but they insisted. Saying this was their first grandchild, and although they expected this to come at least a few more years later, they still wanted to play their part.

“Hey, wanna know something cool?” Lexa asked Clarke, they were in Lexa’s room doing homework. Clarke was still studying, trying to stay on top of school work and Lexa had a test tomorrow, so she was studying for that.

“Yes.” Clarke put her book down, looking up at her, “But not now, you finish revising for your math test tomorrow and then yes.”

“I’m done.” Lexa answered honestly, “It’s gonna be a B at least.” She said with a smile as she walked up to the bed. “Okay so, I’ve been reading.” Lexa stopped by her dresser, opening it and shuffling around for a small flashlight. “The baby can’t see or anything yet, but she can sense light. And there’s this thing called the flashlight test.”

“What’s that?” Clarke asked.

“You flash the light on the tummy, and the baby moves.” Lexa explained, “Well, supposedly.” She shrugged, “It sounds a little ridiculous and I don’t know if it actually works but I mean, I thought it’d be fun to try.”

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, “Get the lights.” She told Lexa and Lexa did as asked. She hit the light switch before making her way to the bed. Clarke grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and exposing the baby bump to Lexa. “Let’s see if she does anything.”

Lexa’s free hand went up on Clarke’s stomach, smiling down as she caressed it gently. “She’s getting big, isn’t she?” For a moment Lexa forgot about what they were supposed to do, completely engrossed in the thought of their little girl. She was getting bigger, and they were getting closer to actually meeting this little miracle.

“You good?” Clarke asked her, pulling Lexa out of her thoughts.

Lexa looked up, nodding at Clarke with a little smile, “I’m great.” She told her, “Now let’s see if this little thing reacts to the light.” She pressed the on button on the flashlight. Lexa pointed it at Clarke’s stomach, close to the skin and slowly moving it. A long second passed, then another, and still nothing. “Maybe nothing.”

“It’s been like three seconds.” Clarke told her with a slight shake of her head. “Give it a second.”

“Patience isn’t a virtue of mine.” Lexa reminded her instead, about to give up already when there was a movement from inside Clarke. “Oh!” She yelped. This was more movement than Lexa had seen before, then either of them really, you could almost see the hand or feet pushing Clarke’s stomach.

“What the _fuck_?” Clarke’s eyes widened, watching the baby push out against her. She had seen the videos and it wasn’t as bad those because Clarke wasn’t as far along. But it was very clear that the baby’s hand or foot was pushing out. “Lexa what is she doing?”

“Moving.” Lexa answered as she watched in awe. “It’s almost like something out of a sci-fi movie.” Her eyes widened slightly, she wasn’t expecting the baby to move quite as much as she was right now. “You sure it’s a baby and not an alien?” She joked.

“Shut up, it’s not that bad.” Clarke swatted at her arm, Lexa only smiling and moving the flashlight around. The movement changed, another direction this time, a different limb now from the looks of it. “What the actual fuck?” She laughed this time, looking down at her stomach moving.

“No swearing, she can _hear_ you.” Lexa shushed her, “We gotta work on your potty mouth.”

Clarke laughed again, “Shut up, it’s not that bad.” She joked, “I still have a lot of time to get that under wraps, baby won’t pick up anything from me for at least a year.” She shrugged, “Right? That’s when babies start talking?”

Lexa only shrugged, turning the flashlight off, “Earlier than that I think.” She told her, “They kinda start making word-like sounds much earlier but it takes a while from kids to actually start talking.”

“So I can still swear for a few more months?” Clarke asked seriously, mostly just wanting a reaction out of Lexa.

“Clarke no.”

* * *

Everything was starting to feel more and more real, Lexa was starting to realize how soon there would be a _baby_ in the picture. Don’t get her wrong, she was happy about it, they were going to have a daughter, a little girl, a part of her, a part of Clarke, but that also meant so many more responsibilities. Ever since Lexa had found out it was a girl, she had been looking forward to it even more than before, just knowing made it easier to…picture a future with her. She didn’t even know how, because at first Lexa was so scared, so unsure, well she still was, but now there were images of a little girl in her arms. Her nose and Clarke’s eyes, and the softest smile Lexa could imagine; she could almost see it, holding her, watching Clarke with her. And nothing seemed like it could top this feeling – well, probably when she saw their daughter for the first time, or held her.

There was fear at the back of her mind too. A baby was a lot of responsibility and well, for the most part, they didn’t know what they were doing. They were still in high school, they were just about getting the hang of taking care of themselves, and now there was going to be a baby. Lexa didn’t regret this decision, not even for a second, not since the moment Clarke had said she wanted to keep the baby; since then Lexa has been…fiercely in love with this little human growing inside of Clarke, she has been wanting nothing more of than to hold her, love her, protect her, and tell her that nothing in the world matters as much as she does to her momma.

But she was scared, she was worried, she didn’t know if she was going to be good enough. If she would be able to do all those things, be a good mom. Especially after that scare two weeks ago that landed Clarke in the hospital. Since then, Lexa’s anxiety has been through the roof, she shouldn’t but she blamed herself at least a little. She couldn’t help it, she wanted to have done something to prevent it, to have kept Clarke safe, to have kept their baby safe. And since then, Lexa has been worried about doing that when the baby got here. What if she wasn’t good enough? What if she didn’t know what the baby needed? What if she was hungry or needed to be changed or burped or something and Lexa couldn’t figure it out? What if she couldn’t keep her safe?

It was late now, or maybe early because Clarke could see light starting to come into the room through the curtains when she woke up. She didn’t know what had woke her up, it was too early – too late in her book, it was still technically dark outside. When they had fallen asleep, Clarke had her back to Lexa, her girlfriend’s arm around her waist. So, Clarke turned around to face her, wanting to snuggle into her chest and go back to sleep. _Oh, I need to pee_. Clarke thought to herself as she turned around, but it was cut short at the sight of Lexa. She was sitting upright, head in her hands, and if Clarke didn’t know any better, she would say she had been crying. _Oh, so that’s what woke me up_.

“Hey,” Clarke spoke quietly, sitting up and moving next to Lexa. She didn’t look up at her and Clarke didn’t really know what was wrong. She placed her hand on Lexa’s back, gently rubbing the space between Lexa’s shoulder blades. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Lexa only shook her head, not bringing it up to look at Clarke. “I’m fine.”

“Lexa,” Clarke tried, giving her a look that her girlfriend couldn’t even see.

She brought herself up this time, looking up at Clarke with worried eyes. “I’m scared Clarke.” Lexa admitted, her voice quiet.

Clarke only watched her, unsure of what Lexa was talking about. But she could see how worried she was, even in the dimness of the room, Clarke could see her eyes. “About what?” She asked her gently, her hand still rubbing her back.

“The baby,” She let out a sigh, “I’m so scared Clarke.”

“Talk to me,” Clarke straightened up, “What’s wrong?”

“What if I’m not good enough Clarke?” Lexa questioned, not even expecting an answer. “What if I can’t take care of her and give her what she needs?” Clarke only leaned forward, kissing her cheek and letting her speak. “What if I can’t take care of you?” She asked her.

“Me?” Clarke was a little taken aback by it.

Lexa nodded. “Both of you.” She answered. “I’m scared I won’t be able to do enough for you two.”

“Lexa…” Clarke started, “You’re more than enough for us, babe.”

“But you both deserve the whole world and god knows even more.” Lexa spoke. “And I want to give you that, I want to give the baby that.” She looked away for a moment. “I want to be able to take care of her the way she deserves, but what if I can’t? What if I’m not a good mom?”

Clarke shook her head, wrapping her arm around Lexa’s shoulder this time and bringing her closer to her. “That’s not possible.” She told her, voice gentle and soothing, “You are going to be amazing, both to me and to our daughter.” Clarke kissed the back of her shoulder, trying to reassure her. “You have been amazing so far, love. And I know you’re going to be when the baby gets here too.” She tried and Lexa only let out a small breath. “Lexa, what the baby needs more than anything is someone who’s going to love her and that’s you. I know you’re going to love her more than humanly possible, and I know you’re going to do whatever this little one wants.” Clarke lightened her tone, “I can’t picture you even saying no to her.” Lexa nodded this time, head resting against Clarke. “ _Can you read me a fifth bedtime story momma? Yes._ ” She started, “ _Ice cream for breakfast? Sure_.” Lexa was smiling now, Clarke was right about this. “And sooner than that, it’s going to be more of baby wanting to sleep on you all night, and you just giving in and leaving me alone in bed to sit on the couch with her.”

“Probably.” Lexa responded, “We’ll get an armchair for the room instead.”

Clarke smiled, happy to have been able to lighten her mood. “Okay picture this,” She started. “This teeny tiny little thing, she’s got our best features, the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen.”

“Like your’s.” Lexa quipped.

Clarke shook her head lightly, continuing, “Tiny hands that curl around your finger,” She was tearing up at it herself. “And you’re holding her, she’s just about the length of your arm. She’s looking up at you.” She could hear a small sniffle from Lexa too, nodding at Clarke. “And you look at her like she’s the most important thing in the world-”

“She is.” Lexa said instantly, “She already is.”

“Exactly,” Clarke nodded at her, “You’re going to do anything and everything for her Lexa, I know it. For me too, you have been so far.”

Lexa nodded to that, she knew she was going to do whatever it took to make her little girl smile. She moved slightly, lowering herself to be closer to Clarke’s stomach, resting her head against it. “I love you so much,” Lexa spoke to their baby, “I’m going to take care of you, both of you,” She pressed a shaky kiss against it, “I won’t let anything happen to you.” The tears weren’t stopping now, rolling down her cheeks and onto Clarke’s shirt covering the bump. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you smile, to make you happy.” Lexa’s voice cracked, sucking in a breath before continuing. “I’m gonna give you the whole world.” Clarke ran her fingers through her hair, just listening to her talk to their daughter. “I’ll bring the stars down from the sky for you if you ask me to.”

“She’s going to be so lucky to have you as her mom Lexa.” Clarke spoke through her own tears, everything was so scary and so terrifying but the love Lexa had for this baby and for her, it was enough to put her mind at ease. “I know I’m lucky to have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god they're so soft. so effing soft. and THEY'RE HAVING A LITTLE GIRL. its gonna be cute. hope y'all liked this chapter. let me know what you thought.


	15. School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a teenager is hard. High school is hard. And it's all hard enough without being pregnant. Clarke's back in school after her time off. But the rumors about how Clarke got pregnant has increased tenfold, it doesn't really help that she's showing more now too. Everyone is convinced that Clarke cheated on Lexa, the school's sweetheart. It's getting her down and Clarke isn't enjoying school half as much as she used to before all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last couple of chapters, they dealt with a lot of grown up problems. so with this chapter, we're back in high school and clarke is back to remembering that on top of carrying a baby, she's still a teenager. so yeah. its kind of a look into how those two worlds are working together for them (spoiler alert its not easy). but yeah. lexa's a sweetheart. they communicate. they talk. they work things out. also thirsty clarke makes an appearance. and there's a little about Lexa's body like as a trans person.

**_ WEEK 24 _ **

Clarke was back in school later this week, Wednesday to be specific, but neither of them were really looking forward to it. Lexa because she wanted Clarke to take it easy and rest and not strain herself at least for a while longer. And Clarke because well, she didn’t really want to be in school, there were weird looks from people because of the pregnancy and not to mention the fact that people thought Clarke had cheated on Lexa. It’s not like their relationship seemed strained or anything, they were still as close as ever, even publicly, but most of the school seemed convinced that Clarke had cheated on her because well, that was the only way to explain how she got pregnant. No had said anything to her personally, but she knew the rumors floating around, what people were saying behind their backs, and all of a sudden Clarke wasn’t everyone’s favorite anymore, she was just someone who broke the school’s favorite quarterback’s heart.

Lexa knew about that too, Clarke had told her, and she had heard people talking. And she had also stepped in to say that Clarke never cheated on her, that she never would, but without explaining how she got pregnant, that meant nothing. Being in school without Clarke the past two weeks, Lexa was starting rethink her stance on coming out, she didn’t like the way people were thinking about Clarke, talking about her, about them. And besides, it wasn’t like Lexa would be the only out trans person at school, there were at least half a dozen and they didn’t really have any problems with their cis peers. Not even with the school in general, bathrooms and locker rooms and sports teams, they weren’t a problem – her school was very good about all of that. But then again, none of the other trans girls had gotten anyone pregnant, Lexa was scared that that would be the factor that would make everyone see her as a guy and not a girl anymore. But she didn’t want Clarke to have to go through…all the _shit_ everyone was saying because of her.

So yes, driving back home, Lexa was a little stressed, tensed too, she just wanted to do what was right, she didn’t want to add to everything Clarke was already going through. But they all melted away as she neared her bedroom; a few steps away and she could hear Clarke singing, it sounded like Taylor Swift. By the time Lexa was standing by the door, she couldn’t help but smile at the sight in front of her; Clarke on the bed with her back against the headboard, her shirt pulled up exposing her stomach, with a hand gently stroking it while she sung to the baby. Lexa was rooted to her spot, leaning against the doorframe as she listened to Clarke sing the chorus of Everything Has Changed – very much off-tune – to the baby.

“God, you are not crying again,” Clarke said as she looked up a minute later. Very much knowing that it was like Lexa to be tearing up right now; no Lexa wasn’t much of a crier, she didn’t use to be anyways, but now with the baby, it was almost like her hormones were more out of it than Clarke’s were. But it was more happy than sad, the only times Lexa had cried because she was upset was when she was telling Clarke she didn’t want to come out, and a couple of nights ago when she admitted she was scared that she wouldn’t be good enough. But other than that, it was all happy tears; the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, the baby kicking, god she was crying more than Clarke was.

“So, sue me,” Lexa rolled her eyes jokingly as she stepped into the room and wiped at her eyes. “You were very off tune, by the way.” She dropped her backpack, stepping up to the bed to Clarke.

“Like she even knows what a tune is.” Clarke retorted before holding out her arms for Lexa, waiting for her to come closer and kiss her. And Lexa did, she closed her eyes and gently pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lips, hands holding Clarke’s arms. Then she moved away, moving lower and placing a trail of soft kisses along Clarke’s stomach, her way of saying hi to the baby.

“Mommy can’t sing kiddo.” Lexa spoke quietly, her voice a whisper and Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes at it.

“Momma can though,” Clarke interjected, her hand going to Lexa’s face and a finger tracing her jaw and cheek. “She’s got the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.” Lexa scoffed, shaking her head. “Sing to us?” Clarke asked, a little unsure, she had only ever heard Lexa in the shower or in the car, sometimes when she was alone and didn’t know Clarke was listening in. “Come on.” She tried, watching as Lexa’s cheeks started to blush a little. “Show the baby what being in tune is.” Lexa moved back next to her, taking in a deep breath as she settled in next to Clarke. “You can’t say no to me, I’m pregnant. With your baby.”

* * *

Today was the first day back in school, and Clarke really thought she was ready for it. She was feeling better after being in bed and resting, and Clarke was hoping by the time she went back to school, the rumors of her having cheated on Lexa would ease down. No one other than the teachers knew why Clarke had been gone; and if anything, that fueled more rumors, more about the baby’s _father_ and who it might be, maybe that’s where Clarke was for the past couple of weeks. And Clarke figured, at least now her friends knew about it, so she wouldn’t have to hide things from everyone – that should make things a little easier.

But it seemed like things were worse off than when she had left. A little past eleven, Clarke had had enough of it. She couldn’t take it, she couldn’t take the back handed comments, the weird looks, everything people had to say behind her back, and the fact that Clarke was showing a lot more now didn’t help. She wasn’t feeling well either, her headache was worse than it was when she had woken up, her back hurt, she couldn’t sit on those stupid plastic chairs for too long, and all Clarke wanted right now was to go home. So right now, Clarke was in the bathroom, away from everyone and everything, standing by the sinks as she tried to calm herself down. But she couldn’t, she wanted to get out of here, go back to Lexa’s, get into bed with her by her side. Things were just…unnecessarily difficult right now.

Walking out of the bathroom, Clarke looked around to make sure no one was in the hallway before pulling her phone out. Her head hurt and the chairs in the classroom weren’t doing her lower back and hips any favor, so Clarke decided to stop at the nurse’s office and maybe lay down until lunch. Nurse Mykulak was nice, she asked Clarke what was wrong before telling her she could spend as long as she wanted in here. It helped to lie down, helped to not have herself upright and on her feet, it was also definitely a relief that there was no one else in her. And Clarke hoped to god that no one would show up until she left, she really didn’t want to have to deal with anyone right now.

Lexa was sitting in psychology right now, tapping her pencil on her notebook instead of taking notes – or even paying attention to what Mr. Kane was saying. She tended to like this class, well, more than most anyways but Lexa wasn’t going to try and hide the fact that it was one of the easier classes to be taking in senior year. Zoning back in, Lexa couldn’t tell what was happening, but Kane looked engrossed in whatever he was writing out on the board and Lexa was feeling very tempted to walk out for a couple of minutes when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She wasn’t subtle as she pulled it out, forgetting that teachers didn’t really like phones.

**Love of my life**

**11:32am**

Baby are u in class?

**Baby momma**

**11:34am**

Yeah, I’m in kane’s. Why?

**Love of my life**

**11:35am**

Can you get out for a minute?

Lexa looked at her phone a little confused, brows furrowing as she read Clarke’s text. It wasn’t like Clarke to ask her to leave during class, quite the opposite really, she was the one who encouraged Lexa to stay for the entirety of her lesson.

**Baby momma**

**11:35am**

I should be able to, yeah. Everything okay?

**Love of my life**

**11:36am**

I’m just

**Love of my life**

**11:36am**

Not feeling that well

“Miss Woods,” The sound of her name brought Lexa’s attention up from her phone. “I think we all know that phones are not allowed in my classroom.”

Lexa was packing her things away before Kane had even finished speaking. “I’m really sorry,” She apologized, occupied as she shoved the notebook and pencil in her backpack. “Something’s come up and I really have to go.” She didn’t wait for a response, not asking if she could leave before getting up and slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Excuse me,” Kane stopped her as Lexa walked to the front of the class to leave. “You ask me before you can leave the classroom.”

“Fine,” Lexa muttered to herself before looking up Kane, doing her best to sound polite and not as annoyed and panicked as she felt. “Something important has come up and I really to go. May I please leave?” She asked.

“No,” He stated matter-of-factly, “There’s less than 15 minutes left of class, whatever it is, it can wait.” Kane glared at her, he liked Lexa most of the time but he was one of the teachers who didn’t like her walking out – _instead of getting used to it by now, like god, it’s been almost four years_. “Now go sit back down.”

Lexa let out an exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes. She could feel everyone watching her right now, and really, Lexa didn’t care. Clarke needed her and after what happened a couple of weeks ago, she wanted to be with her to make sure everything was okay. Clarke wouldn’t have asked her to leave class if it wasn’t important. “I’m really sorry sir, but it can’t wait.” She stepped away with that. “I have to go.” Lexa walked out, not giving Kane or anyone in the class a second look.

“Lexa!” Kane called out from the door as she continued to walk away from the classroom. “Detention, tomorrow.”

“Yep,” She nodded, turning around and looking at him as she continued to walk backwards. “See you then sir.” That was going to get some laughs from the others in the classroom, and Lexa couldn’t help but smile to herself as she turned back around and continued walking.

**Baby momma**

**11:41am**

Where are you?

**Love of my life**

**11:42am**

Nurse’s office. BUT DON’T WORRY I’m ok. Just needed to lay down.

Lexa pocketed her phone, looking around for a moment before taking off running. The nurse’s office was on the side of the building and as long as there was no one to tell her off for it, running was just fine. There was something oddly fun about running down the hallway when it was empty; school hallways were alright but hotel ones were the best. It just…made her feel faster. It was a little childish, yes, but what was the harm in a little fun? Especially when it would get her to Clarke faster too.

“Woods!” Clarke heard a couple of minutes later, it came from a few feet away. “No running in the hallway.” It must’ve been a teacher because of course her girlfriend was running, why wouldn’t she be? Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes when she heard Lexa call back an apology before poking her head into the nurse’s office.

“Running in the hallway, really?” Clarke asked as she pushed herself to sit up on the bed.

“It’s…fun.” Lexa shrugged and made her way to her, flashing a smile at the nurse before going up to her girlfriend. “Are you okay?”

Clarke gave her a nod, watching as Lexa sat down at the foot of the bed, “Just…really tired.” Lexa opened her mouth to speak but she stopped her, “I know, I know.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “You told me to stay home a bit longer, till I was feeling better. But I really was, I thought I was alright.”

Lexa placed a hand on her thigh, trying to comfort her as she spoke, “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t feel well.” Clarke admitted. “I’m tired, and I’m achy, and the chairs are uncomfortable, and everyone is talking behind my b-”

“Wait what?” That last bit slipped out accidentally. Clarke didn’t want Lexa to worry about it, they had talked about this a while ago, how the school thought Clarke had cheated but that was it. “What do you mean everyone is talking behind your back?”

Clarke shook her head, dismissing it. “Nothing important.”

“Clarke.”

She sighed this time, “Fine, but not now. After school.” Lexa nodded understandingly, they didn’t want to be overheard by anyone walking in her, or even by nurse Mykulak.

Lexa waited a moment, Clarke did look tired. “Do you want to go home?”

She did, she really did. “You have class.” Clarke reminded her instead of giving an answer.

“Nothing I can’t skip.” Clarke only gave her a disapproving look. “Well, it’s almost lunch. I can drop you home and come back in time, no problem.”

“I’ll be fine.” But she wanted that, Clarke wanted to be home right now. She wanted to be in bed reading another completely inappropriate book to the baby – _Catching Fire_ probably, she had finished the first one so it only made sense to read the rest of the series again too. “I need a hug and maybe some snacks.” She gave Lexa a reassuring smile, well, trying to. “Both of which I can only get from you.” Lexa still had a stash of snacks in her locker and backpack for Clarke.

Lexa leaned forward, kissing Clarke’s forehead before pulling away. Her girlfriend only frowned at her, she was expecting a hug. “I’m taking you home.” Lexa told her instead. “Then I’ll make you lunch, something the baby won’t want to throw right back up.” She added, “Then I’m going to get you into bed and give you a hug and kiss you and the baby goodbye.” Lexa smiled, “And come straight back to school in time for my next lesson.”

The drive back to Lexa’s place wasn’t long, she lived no more than five minutes away and Lexa was certain she’d even have time to get food before her next lesson. Probably. She wasn’t hungry. And it wasn’t long before Lexa was walking up to Clarke with her lunch. “Sandwich,” Lexa stated as she handed the plate to Clarke who was sitting on the couch. “Turkey breast, a tiny bit of mayo on one slice, ketchup on the other, crusts cut off.” She gave her a smile. Clarke was sitting on the couch, a blanket on her lap and a couple of pillows behind her.

“And cut diagonally,” Clarke smiled up at her, “Thank you.”

Lexa kissed her cheek, looking over at her and making sure she was alright. She still looked tired, and Lexa was glad she had brought Clarke home. “I think I still owe you a hug.” She told her and Clarke set the plate down next to her on the couch before nodding. “Because unfortunately I have to get going.” Clarke brought herself closer, Lexa wrapping her arms around Clarke and holding her close. They held onto each other but there was no heaviness in it, Clarke melted into her, feeling a lightness in her chest at being back home and away from everyone else.

“Okay,” Clarke said as they came apart. “Now go, you’re gonna be late for class.” She told her. “And don’t forget to eat.”

Lexa nodded, getting up, “Yep,” She leaned down, leaving a peck on Clarke’s lips before rushing out of the living room. She had made it to the front door when she turned around and called back, “I love you!”

It was louder than it needed to be, and Clarke only rolled her eyes. “I love you too, now get back to school.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 25 _ **

“Okay, you need to tell me.” Lexa started later that night. She just returned to the room after a shower, Clarke already in bed as she waited for Lexa to get dressed. “What’s going on at school?” She questioned, dropping the towel as she stood with her back to Clarke, digging into the dresser for her pajamas.

Clarke was a little too distracted by the sight in front of her; Lexa standing there, absolutely and completely naked. Her hair was still damp as it fell on her back, her skin still glistening from the shower highlighting the toned muscles of her back and shoulders. That was still nothing compared to the view a little lower. She let her eyes trail down, taking in every inch of that tan skin, unable to keep herself from thinking about everything she wanted to do to her. Lexa finally pulling on a pair of underwear brought her out of her thoughts. “What?” She asked. “Did you say something?”

Lexa turned around this time, a t-shirt in her hand as she looked at Clarke. She was still staring and Lexa couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh; Clarke seemed to appreciate her boobs more than she did. Well, they were kind of small, sure being on hormones helped and she actually had visible boobs now, but they not much bigger than an A cup, just about that really. If Lexa was any bigger, they wouldn’t be visible so she was glad she had a slim frame. She didn’t love it, she wanted them to be bigger, more noticeable, and Lexa was hoping on getting a breast augmentation a few years later – once she could afford it. But for now, it was okay, she recognized herself in the mirror, she saw the person she was. And she had an amazing girlfriend who loved every inch of her. “You’re staring.” Lexa stated with a quirked eyebrow.

Clarke only shrugged, “You’re naked.” She told her defensively, “You can’t blame me for staring.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, biting back a smile as she finally pulled on her t-shirt and Clarke let out a disapproving whine. “No, baby this is important.” Lexa finally told her, making her way to the bed. “What’s going on at school?” She asked as she sat down at the end of the bed. Lexa lifted up Clarke’s feet, placing them on her lap before mindlessly starting to massage them. It had been about a week now, and Clarke just…didn’t look like she was enjoying it. She liked school, she was popular and had friends, she did a lot of extra-curricular activities – okay, Clarke used to, not anymore. “You don’t look too happy.”

“I’m fine.” Clarke shrugged, not really wanting to tell Lexa. The truth was, there were a lot of unkind looks, and unkind comments. Clarke had gone from being very well-liked to almost being hated and it was all because everyone believed she cheated on Lexa. It seemed like no one was paying attention to the two of them and how they were at school, because if they did they would know the two of them were closer now than ever before. But there was nothing to do about it, everyone assumed Lexa was cis and Clarke didn’t want to make Lexa do anything she wasn’t comfortable with – besides, Lexa didn’t owe it to anyone to come out. This wasn’t her fault in any way, it has their peers’. But right now, it was getting hard to deal with everyone thinking Clarke cheated on the school’s sweetheart – everyone loved Lexa, it was hard not to.

“I don’t believe you.” Lexa responded. “You look upset and I see you falling behind on work, and it looks like you don’t even want to be at school.” She watched Clarke for a moment, “That doesn’t seem like you.”

“I’m just tired with the baby and the pregnancy.” Clarke tried, it was only half a lie. “Staying in bed sounds a lot better than being in class.”

Lexa didn’t buy it, okay sure she was tired and all, but there was something else there. Clarke just looked upset about something, and it looked like being at school was what was causing her distress. “I’m worried Clarke.” She sounded serious, “If there’s something wrong, you can tell me.”

Clarke let out a sigh, leaning back against the pillows. “Everyone is convinced I cheated on you.” She finally admitted. “And I’ve been getting weird looks and I can hear people talking an-”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Lexa asked her. She knew about it while Clarke was off school, and Lexa thought things would have gone back to normal or at least lessened by the time Clarke was back. And if not, Lexa at least thought that no one would actually say anything to Clarke.

Clarke shrugged, “I didn’t want to worry you with it.” She told her honestly. “There’s nothing you can do about it, we just have to let it pass.”

“But it’s upsetting you, its stressing you, and I see how reluctant you look every morning before we step inside school.” Lexa argued, she wanted to fix it. And there really was only one way to do it.

“It’s fine.” Clarke tried. “Everyone loves you, you’re the school’s favorite quarterback, you’re the sweetheart that no one can get enough of.” She gave Lexa a small smile, it was true, everyone loved her, everyone loved Lexa – and honestly, it was really hard not to, Clarke would know. “You’re sweet and kind and caring and an amazing football player. And on top of it, you’re hot as hell.” Clarke added. “And everyone thinks I cheated on all of that.”

Lexa nodded, thinking to herself about it for a moment. Clarke was right. Everyone did love her. There wasn’t a party she wasn’t invited to, there wasn’t a person who wouldn’t say hi when she walked past them. And no matter how much Clarke and Lexa looked like they were fine, Clarke was pregnant and to everyone that meant she _had to_ have slept with a guy. So regardless of how they seemed in front of everyone, they were certain Clarke had to cheat on Lexa.

But that was the thing though, everyone loved Lexa.

“I’m coming out.” She stated after a moment of silence. “That’s what I can do, I’m going to come out.”

“What?” Clarke shook her head, “No, Lexa you don’t have to do that.” She told her. She knew Lexa didn’t want to, knew how Lexa felt about telling everyone she was trans, it was very personal to her and no one _needed_ to know. Besides, Lexa was also worried about how people would treat her afterwards – if Clarke’s mom was any indication, she had every right to be worried.

“Clarke, like you said, everyone loves me.” Lexa replied. “It can’t be that bad if I come out.” She added. “I don’t think anyone’s going to hate me after they know.”

“But what if they see you differently after they know you’re trans?” Clarke questioned, she didn’t want Lexa to do this for her.

“Then they will, I guess.” She shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do about what people think but you’re right, everyone does like me, so I don’t think things will be _bad_ if I come out.”

“I don’t want you to have to do this for me.”

Lexa remained silent for a moment, “No, I’m doing this for us; for you, for me, for our baby.” She gave Clarke a comforting smile, “Because once she’s here, I don’t want anyone to doubt for even a moment that that perfect little thing is mine.”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“I am.” Lexa nodded. “And after that, we can go back to being the school’s favorite couple.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooh what's gonna happen now? hope y'all liked this chapter. thanks for reading, let me know what you thought.


	16. Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's following through with what she said in the last chapter. So this is how it all goes. Clarke is very supportive and understanding and there for her. Lexa comes out online and is a little impatient to see how people react. So Clarke has a few tricks up her sleeve to keep her girlfriend distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♬ I'm coming out ♬  
> ♬ I'm coming out ♬  
> ♬ I want the world to know ♬  
> ♬ Got to let it show ♬  
> anyways yeah, so lexa's coming out. also clarke is a horndog.

**_ WEEK 25 _ **

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked Lexa yet again. It seemed like Lexa had made up her mind about coming out, made up her mind about telling everyone in school that she was trans, and that Clarke was pregnant with her baby – not because she cheated her on with some _guy_.

“I’m sure.” Lexa nodded, typing out the rest of her coming out onto her Notes app before looking up at Clarke. “I am. Look, you’re right Clarke, everyone in school likes me, a lot, so how bad can it be?”

“You don’t have to do this for me.” Clarke told her. They were sitting in Lexa’s bed, it was a little past 10pm so they were both in pajamas now, relaxing but wide awake – it was too early to sleep. “I promise, it’s fine. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

Lexa leaned closer to her, kissing Clarke’s cheek, “I want to.” She gave her a smile. Lexa had decided, she was sure, she wanted to. “And like I said, I’m doing this for us, okay? If not for me and you, it’s for our little boop.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile that new name, “Boop, huh?” Lexa only shrugged. “It’s cute.” Clarke gave her a short nod, returning to the topic at hand; she wasn’t sure yet, she wasn’t sure if things would be okay once Lexa came out, she wasn’t sure if their peers would still be the way they were once they knew.

So yes, Clarke was worried. But it seemed like Lexa wasn’t. “Here,” She handed Clarke her phone. “Read it, tell me if it’s okay.”

Clarke nodded, taking the phone from Lexa and reading through the note. It was essentially, a coming out letter. Lexa wasn’t one with words, and she didn’t really have much experience with coming out. The closest she had to _actually_ coming out, was to Raven and Octavia and even that was face to face, and well, she didn’t have to say much. She never had to _really_ come out to her parents, all she said to them was _Mom, dad, I’m a girl_ when she was five. It was easy with Clarke, stopping her in the middle of making out to tell her she was trans and then just going back to it. So this was probably the first Lexa had to really, actually, come out on a large scale. So, Clarke read through it, it was precise, to the point, said what Lexa needed to tell them. It was longer than expected though, and Clarke was impressed Lexa had sat there and typed out the whole thing in one go.

“What do you think?” Lexa asked uncertainly after a minute, watching Clarke’s eyes scanning through the words and making some corrections.

Clarke finished reading it before looking up and nodded. “It’s good babe, there were just some typos.” She smiled at her, explaining the corrections. “And here I was thinking you were bad with words.”

“It doesn’t read that great.”

“It reads just fine.” Clarke argued, increasing the font size so Lexa could take screenshots of it. It was going on Instagram and Twitter, and Lexa was debating on putting it on her Snapchat story as well. “Reads really well actually, it’s to the point and you mentioned our…” She thought back to what Lexa had called the baby a moment ago, “Little boop.”

Lexa nodded, taking the phone back from her as she took screenshots of the _letter_ she had just written. Then she opened the apps, one by one, uploading the screenshots and writing a small caption, saying how there was something she wanted to share, something she wanted to tell everyone. And then she finally hit _post_. “It’s done.” Lexa looked at the screen for a moment before locking the phone and setting it face down on the bed. She let out a shaky sigh, now that it was done, Lexa was suddenly worried, something gnawing at the back of her mind that things would go wrong or something bad was going to happen because of her coming out.

“You okay?” Clarke asked her after a moment, noticing the new worried look on her face.

Lexa nodded, mostly to herself before looking up at her girlfriend, “Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” She told her, “It’s just the not knowing, guess I have to wait until at least tomorrow to find out.” But Lexa wasn’t the patient type, she needed to know now, she wanted to know now. She was just about to pick up the phone again, check for notifications – already – but Clarke grabbed her wrist stopping her.

“Nope,” Clarke told her and Lexa only frowned, exaggerating it a little. “You gotta be patient, okay?”

“Patient?” Lexa scoffed, “What’s that?”

“You’re not checking your phone until tomorrow morning,” Clarke told her this time, picking up the phone and holding it away from Lexa’s reach.

“What?!” Lexa exclaimed, “Clarke that’s impossible.” The pout was going to work, the pout always worked. But this time, Clarke just shook her head and got up from the bed. “Where are you going?”

“Putting your phone away.” She replied as she walked over to the empty corner of Lexa’s room, the part that was going to be the baby’s. There were a couple of things there already, other than the stuff Indra and Gustus has surprised them with, there was now a new cardboard box. It was a crib, unassembled at the moment so still in its box, and yes, it was another gift from the Woods – well, Gustus specifically. He went off the other day about how important safety was, and how important it was to get a crib that would be safe and comfortable for the baby, and that it would last more than just the first year. Lexa had only said _okay dad, I got it, I’ll do my research_. But in response, Gustus had shrugged and said he already ordered one and it would be here soon. So Clarke set Lexa’s phone down on the box, making a mental note to tell Lexa they needed to assemble it.

Turning back, Clarke was greeted by the sight of her girlfriend sitting cross legged on the bed, jutting her bottom lip out in a pout. She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at her, that pout was cute, like her lips weren’t irritable as it was. “You’re mean.” Lexa said as Clarke made her way back to her.

“Nope,” Clarke shook her head, crawling back onto the bed and towards the bed, “You need to stay off your phone for at least a few hours,” She told her, stopping once she was across from Lexa. “Staring at the screen isn’t going to make the notifications come any quicker.” Clarke rolled her eyes at her, leaning forward and kissing that pout. “Stop being a baby.”

“What am I supposed to do with my hands for a few hours?” Lexa questioned, “Or look at every five seconds when I get bored?”

“Hmm,” Clarke pretended to think about it, it seemed like she already had an idea. “Me?” She asked her, her finger trailing up along Lexa’s arm and to her shoulders. “Pretty sure you can,” Her voice dropped to a sultry whisper and Lexa couldn’t help but quirk her eyebrows at the sudden change. “Keep your hands busy with me.” Her finger kept moving up, going from her shoulder to her neck and up along her jaw. “For at least a little while.”

Lexa nodded, pretending to think about it too before reaching out to Clarke and bringing her up on her lap. “I think so.” She told her, her arms going up to Clarke’s shoulders and around her neck to keep her close. Well, as close as they could be with the baby between. “You’re not too bad of a distraction,” She joked, smiling at her girlfriend who had her hands on Lexa’s hips.

“Hey,” Clarke gasped, doing her best to look offended before laughing. “You be nice to me, I’m carrying your baby.”

“Of course.” Lexa nodded, biting back a smile, “So what exactly did you have in mind to…distract me?”

“Hmm…” Clarke poked her tongue out, “I was thinking maybe something that requires a lot less clothing.”

“Oh,” Lexa nodded, pretending to just have realized what Clarke was talking about. “Yeah, that sounds good.” She leaned in closer this time, kissing Clarke. It was long and slow, lingered with want and desire and lust. Clarke kissed her back, but it was faster and rougher than Lexa, more impatient and rushed and wanting more. She could feel Lexa smiling into it, smiling against her lips and Clarke took the opportunity to slip her hands under Lexa’s shirt.

That made Lexa gasp, almost jumping as she pulled away mid-kiss as her hands went onto Clarke’s wrists to grab them, “Cold hands, cold hands.”

Clarke giggled at her reaction, pressing her hands back on Lexa’s side and watching her wiggle. “You’re so cute.”

“Your hands are freezing!” Lexa exclaimed, but Clarke was still smiling at her. “Why are they so cold?” Clarke shrugged, pulling her hands out before suddenly placing them on Lexa’s cheeks. “ _Oh my god!_ ” Lexa tried to pull away. “I’m going to make you regret that.” She narrowed her eyes.

“Oh yeah?” Clarke challenged. “How?”

Lexa took a deep breath, thinking for a moment before lowering themselves onto the bed. It happened suddenly, Lexa leaning back to lay down and taking Clarke down with her, but making sure to end up on their sides so Clarke wouldn’t be on her stomach. “I was thinking,” Lexa started. “I’d hold back on the orgasms for a little while.”

“Don’t you dare.” Clarke threatened.

“Or maybe,” Lexa’s tone was innocent. “I don’t let you touch me while I fuck you and bring you close.” Her voice was low now, a playful smile playing on her lips and she brought her lips closer to Clarke’s, ghosting over them. “And every time you do,” She nudged her nose against Clarke’s, watching as her eyes fluttered shut, wanting to close the distance and kiss her. But Lexa pulled back, her voice still measured and calm – despite the growing stiffness in her shorts. “I hold back on the orgasm.”

“No,” Clarke whined, “You’re my favorite thing to touch.” She complained, now was her turn to pout. “Especially when you’re touching _me_ inappropriately.”

“Well,” Lexa brought herself away this time, putting distance between them as she tugged at her waistband, wanting to pull her pants off already. “If you want to come, you’re going to have to keep your hands to yourself.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, two could play at that game, “I’ll keep my hands to myself.” She agreed, “But you can’t touch me with your hands from the waist up.”

“But your boobs.” Lexa sounded upset, frowning at her with her hand outstretched to the aforementioned _boobs_.

Clarke shrugged, bringing herself up slightly to pull her shirt off over her head before tossing it to the floor, “Use your mouth.”

Lexa eyes widened at that, it was still _ridiculous_ how the sight of Clarke naked made her. But the truth was, Clarke was beautiful, the first time she had seen her, the hundredth time she had seen her, it always had the same effect. And it always would. But it was different now, with Clarke pregnant, it was different. Her body was different but in the most amazing way. Lexa didn’t really know how to explain it, but she couldn’t help but stare because _god she is so beautiful_. And not to mention there was that glow from being pregnant, and every time Lexa looked at her stomach, at the bump protruding out, it made her feel so overwhelmed with emotions. It was just…so amazing. It was unreal that there was a person growing inside of Clarke, their baby was in there. Her body was so beautifully different now, and Lexa just wanted to touch every inch of her, kiss every inch of her and show her just how lucky she felt to be with her.

“Baby, stop staring.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she spoke, “Nothing you haven’t seen.”

“Yeah, I know.” Lexa nodded, grabbing the hem of her shirt, removing it too. “But you’re beautiful, I’m never going to get used to it.”

“Hmm,” Clarke hummed in appreciation at the sight in front of her, quirking an eyebrow as she took in Lexa’s shirtless body, yeah, she wasn’t going to get used to this either. “That makes two of us babygirl,”

A whine left her lips this time, Lexa was weak for that word, she was putty in Clarke’s hands every time she called her babygirl. But instead of saying anything, Lexa practically lunged forward, capturing Clarke’s lips in her’s.

.

Waking up the next morning, the first thought on Lexa’s mind was her phone. Usually, it took at least a few minutes for her to stretch and toss around in bed before finally having the energy – or _will_ – to get out of bed. But today, the moment her eyes opened, Lexa was jumping out of her bed, picking up her discarded t-shirt and underwear from last night and putting them on before rushing towards the cardboard box where Clarke had placed her phone last night. Clarke was still fast asleep, they had a long night in all fairness, and Lexa had a feeling they might even be late for school because she didn’t have the heart to wake up her girlfriend. Clarke needed rest, and she needed sleep, and she needed to possibly just stay in bed at home and not in school for a bit longer; Lexa was worried enough about her and the baby as it was.

She did her best to stay quiet, padding across the carpeted floor and towards her phone without waking up Clarke. But Lexa could feel her heart pounding, and she was almost certain it was loud enough to wake up Clarke if she didn’t. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, holding her breath as she reached for it. She wasn’t sure she wanted to pick it up and see any of the notifications. There was a part of her that was terrified and Lexa was almost surprised she fell asleep last night – okay, that was partly Clarke’s fault, she did tire her out and Lexa had no choice but to fall asleep the moment she snuggled up next to her with her arm securely around the baby bump.

Picking it up, Lexa closed her eyes taking a moment before finally looking at the screen. It was flooded with notifications, texts, and comments, and DMs and god, Lexa was so scared they were going to be mostly negative. Pushing past the urge to just read them from the lock screen, Lexa unlocked her phone and tapped on the Instagram icon before finding her post from last night. Her heart sank at the first comment she read, someone from school, someone she didn’t know personally even, accusing her of lying, saying how she hid herself and lied to everyone about who she was. This was what she was afraid of, and there were tears already filling up her eyes as she willed herself to read the next one.

It was a noise that woke Clarke up, blinking the sleep out of her eyes before realizing the sound was of someone crying, soft and quiet, from a few feet away. That’s when her eyes darted open, panic hitting her as she finally placed her girlfriend sitting on the floor with her phone in her hands. She would have jumped out of the bed, leapt to her side but her movements were slightly slower now because of the baby and Clarke was picking up her shirt and throwing it on before lowering herself to the floor by Lexa’s side as fast as she could. Lexa didn’t speak, leaned against Clarke and let her head fall on her shoulder, sniffling and trying to hold back the tears.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry,” Clarke kissed her hair, her arm protectively around Lexa. It could only mean one thing really, that it hadn’t gone well, that the responses to her coming out weren’t positive. Lexa wouldn’t be crying otherwise, Lexa didn’t cry that easily – unless it was about the baby, then she cried a lot and this wasn’t about the baby.

But she shook her head, not moving before shoving her phone into Clarke’s hand, “Read.”

Clarke looked at the screen with a confused look, scrolling through the comments as she read as many of them as she could before realization took over. Lexa wasn’t crying because she was sad; an overwhelming number of those comments were positive, saying how brave Lexa was for coming out, how it didn’t take away from who she was, and how she was still exactly the same person as she was before she had come out. Yes, there were a few negative ones too, but the good ones far outweighed them. “Baby this is amazing.” Lexa nodded against her, not looking up, it was overwhelming. “Are you okay?”

She brought her head up, looking at Clarke with a soft smile before bringing up a hand to brush the tears away, “Yeah, yeah I’m good.” Lexa nodded. “I just…I wasn’t expecting it.” She shrugged, “There are a couple of bad ones and honestly, I was expecting more of that than the good.”

Clarke smiled down at her, tilting her head to kiss her girlfriend, morning breath be damned. “Everyone loves you.” She said once they came away. “You’re like the sweetest, funniest, most amazing person in school, it’s kind of hard not to.”

“You give me too much credit Clarke.” Lexa rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless as she felt the heat creeping up on her cheeks. She fell silent, taking the phone from Clarke before setting it down on the floor so she could hold her hand instead. “Thank you.” She muttered quietly. “I wouldn’t have had the courage to do this without you.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 26 _ **

Things at school were…relatively normal after coming out. There were a few unkind comments and looks, much less than Lexa had expected though; for the most part everyone was…fine with it. It was a little awkward the first couple of days after Lexa posted her coming out letter, people unsure of what to say or how to respond, but it was okay because no one, so far, had misgendered her. There were a couple of people who said they couldn’t believe she _used to be_ a guy, but no one, so far, had called her a guy. She was scared to walk into school that morning, too scared to even walk in through those doors until Clarke took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Things also changed a lot for Clarke since then, suddenly she was back to being half of the school’s favorite couple, suddenly talking behind her back had stopped, suddenly there were no more speculations about her and Lexa’s relationship. There were some apologies though, and Clarke could only nod and accept them because well, it was what it was, there was no point in dragging it any further. There were some questions about the baby too, mostly along the lines of when the baby was due, and Clarke was mostly just glad – and a little surprised – that no one had yet asked Lexa anything insensitive. And god, she was hoping it was going to stay that way.

“Practice first thing this morning?” Clarke asked as they walked towards the school from Lexa’s car.

“Team meeting, not practice.” Lexa answered. “Impromptu one too.” She sounded a little uncertain about it, it was the first time she was seeing the team after coming out.

“You look worried babe.” Clarke commented, taking her hand as they made their way through the parking lot and towards the entrance to the school. “What’s wrong?”

Lexa remained silent for a moment, pushing the door open and holding it for Clarke to enter before speaking, “I haven’t seen the team since I came out.” She told her. “I’m worried this is about me.”

“I’m sure it’s not.” Clarke tried, leading her towards the boys’ locker room. They didn’t need to get dressed for practice or anything, it was a team meeting so Coach Nyko only wanted to talk to them. And that also meant they were meeting in the boys’ locker room – it made sense with Lexa being the only girl on the team, it was open to anyone who wanted to join but so far Lexa was the only girl who didn’t mind getting knocked around according to Clarke. “So far, most people have been cool about it Lex, I’m sure your team will be too.”

Lexa let out a small sigh, nodding at Clarke. It was true, things were good so far in school, minus the few weird looks and comments, most people were fine with it. They walked in silence through the hallways, a couple hi’s and hello’s here and there, Lexa smiling at her peers as she held Clarke’s hand and let her girlfriend lead her towards the locker room. Lexa was nervous, she hadn’t seen the team since coming out and she didn’t know what this was even about. There wasn’t a game coming up, so why would they need to have a meeting? It had to be about her right?

“Breathe,” Clarke ordered, coming to a stop in front of the Lexa’s stop, her hands going up to Lexa’s shoulders. “It’s gonna be fine.” She gently massaged the bridge between her neck and shoulders, Lexa nodding and doing as asked. “This is probably not even about you.”

“Probably,” Lexa pointed out, giving her a worried look. “What if it is?” She asked her reluctantly, she didn’t want to think about it.

“Babe, listen to me.” Clarke told her, “This is your team, they love you, your coach loves you.” She reminded her. “You’re like, the team’s good luck charm. They’ve never lost a game when you’re playing.”

Lexa nodded, trying to listen to what Clarke was saying, “Yeah, yeah.” She nodded to herself, “Good luck charm,” She mumbled, “You’re right, it’ll be okay.”

“Yes.” Clarke gave her a single nod, leaning forward and kissing Lexa on the lips. It was short and sweet, closing their eyes and leaning into it for a second before pulling away. “Go get ‘em babe.”

Lexa flashed her a small smile, nodding at her again, “Get to class, you’re gonna be late.” She told her as she stepped up to the door before pulling it open.

Her heart was pounding as she stepped inside, but Clarke was probably right, this might not even be about her. Walking inside, Lexa took a deep breath, her eyes glued on the floor as she made her way down the narrow _hallway_ – no more than five feet – as it led into the expanse of the locker room.

“Eyes up, Woods.”

Their coach’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts, head snapping up to look up at him. “Long day, coach.”

“It’s first period.” Lincoln commented, drawing her eyes to himself.

“Uh,” Lexa sighed, “Long night.” She shrugged, stepping up to her teammates and sitting down on the bench. “I have a pregnant girlfriend at home Lincoln.” She said lightly, taking her backpack off and dropping it down on the floor. “I don’t get much sleep.” She hadn’t last night, Clarke was up, tossing and turning and unable to get comfortable. She was also achy and sore, so Lexa ended up spending a lot of last night rubbing her back and massaging her legs and just doing whatever she could to make her comfortable. Right now, Lexa was seated on the corner of the front row of the benches, and turned her head back to look at her team, “So, what’s this about?”

“Notice anything new?” Nyko asked, bringing her eyes back to the front.

That’s when Lexa finally noticed, she wasn’t really sure how that wasn’t the first thing her eyes looked at once she walked in here. But here it was, pinned to the wall behind their coach, a pride flag, the familiar blue, pink, and white stripes. Well, it was a new pride flag, the classic rainbow pride flag has always been up in the locker room – she wasn’t the only non-straight person here, and everyone made sure to never make any of the gay or bisexual guys feel awkward in here. But yes, there was a new one now, right underneath it, it was the transgender pride flag.

“Coming out’s not easy.” Artigras said from his spot on the opposite end of the bench to Lexa. “And it was really brave what you did,” He flashed her a smile, the rest of the team nodding and joining in with a chorus of _yes_ and _yeah_.

“So we thought,” Lincoln started, “We’d make it clear where we stand.” He told her.

“And that is, that we love you.” Nyko continued. “I know it’s mostly been good with everyone at school, but I have seen the few…unkind looks and comments.” Lexa nodded at what he was saying, her eyes still looking at the flag, a smile of disbelief on her face. “And we want you to know that the team always has your back.”

“Yeah,” Someone from the back chimed in, Lexa looking back to find Rivo. “You’re still Lexa, and we want you to know that nothing has changed in the way we see you.”

Lexa nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. “Thanks guys,” She muttered quietly, not trusting herself to speak any more than that. It was overwhelming, Lexa was worried that things would change with her team, that they would start to see her as a guy and not a girl anymore. But this was…more than she could’ve ever hoped for.

“No crying in my locker room.” Coach Nyko joked lightly as Lincoln nudged Lexa’s shoulder with his. “Our team’s open to everyone, alright?” He addressed the whole room this time. “It’s a safe space for all my players, and it’s always going to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cute right? everyone in her life is pretty cool with it all. but of course there's going to be some transphobic dicks. also like. how cute are clexa? OH here's lexa's coming out letter if any of y'all wants to read it https://imgur.com/xYm0OaD


	17. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look at how Clarke is doing after the hospital a couple of chapters back. Then we have them talking about baby names - especially what the baby's last name is going to be. The Clexa two year anniversary is also in this chapter so a lot of cute things happening, they both got each other really cute presents (especially Clarke). And the chapter ends on a fun note that includes our favorite duo having some quality alone time that includes very little clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all are not ready for the fluff and cuteness that is this chapter. you're not ready for clexa in this chapter. okay SO. it doesn't start the best coz its clarke's appointment with the doc and she's really tired and all after the hospital scare but its all good its a happy chapter. the conversation with the baby name is Cute. they talk about what last name they want for the kiddo and why. and god. oh god the anniversary scene. clarke's present. nah you're not ready for it. oh oh and the end is a little smutty but it uhhh doesn't last long so dw if you don't wanna read sexy stuff.

**_ WEEK 2 _ ** **_ 6 _ **

They left school early today, about an hour after lunch because they had an appointment with Dr. Tsing. This was the first proper appointment since Clarke’s little scare, and although she had seen her for the ultrasound, this was going to be a more thorough checkup. Clarke could finally leave the class without having to lie about where she was going, and she hoped Lexa could too. But at the same time, she knew what their teachers could be like, it wouldn’t be too surprising if one of them turned around and told Lexa that Clarke could deal with it without her so she couldn’t leave. But then again, Lexa didn’t tend to ask for permission before leaving.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked as they waited for Dr. Tsing in the waiting room, they were a little early. Clarke looked…tired. She had been alright lately; missing school some days and sleeping more though, letting her body relax however she needed to. And this morning had been fine.

Clarke nodded, turning her head to look at her. “Yeah, yeah I’m good.” She gave Lexa a reassuring smile. But truth was, she wasn’t feeling too well right now, she hadn’t since second period, and it was actually good that she had an appointment with her doctor today. There were some things Clarke wanted to talk about, mostly how tired she had been lately.

“You gotta talk to the doc about this.” Lexa told her gently and Clarke gave her a questioning look, not knowing what she meant. “I noticed Clarke, you’ve been more tired than usual the past couple of weeks.” She told her. “Since getting back from the hospital, really.”

“You noticed?” Clarke asked her quietly, she was so sure she was keeping it to herself. There was no point in worrying Lexa with it, it was what it was, she was just tired. Lexa nodded, taking her hand, “I’m okay, I promise.” She leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “I’ve been taking things easy, but yeah, I’m tired.” She paused, feeling as Lexa kissed the top of her head. “Really, really tired.”

That was true, Clarke had been taking it easy, taking care of herself, taking care of their baby. But that didn’t mean Lexa was any less worried about them, she had been since the scare that landed Clarke in the hospital. Lexa was doing her part too, well, she was doing everything she could be really to make things a little easier for Clarke, make her comfortable. The baby was getting big, 26 weeks, almost 7 months, she was definitely getting big now. And that made moving a little difficult, sleeping uncomfortable, and Lexa just wanted to do whatever she could to make sure Clarke and the baby were comfortable.

It wasn’t more than a few minutes till they were called in to the doctor’s office. And it wasn’t long before they were walking out either. Everything looked alright, the baby looked okay and given the circumstances, Clarke did to. Dr. Tsing recommended more rest for Clarke, telling that it was a good idea to take things easy and that it was okay for her to miss school now if she wasn’t feeling up for it. She had also asked about the baby’s movements, if she was kicking or punching and was happy to know that she was as much as expected. Lexa had been counting at nights when they were in, making sure to keep track of it as was recommended at this stage in the pregnancy. Some nights Clarke had a hard time falling asleep with all the movement going on inside her, and Lexa was still in awe every time she felt their baby move.

They were home now, Lexa’s parents still at work as they sat in the living room working through baby names. It was harder than either of them had thought it would be, there were too many names to choose from but at the same time nothing seemed _right_ ; Lexa had the right idea of leaving it till the baby was born to see which one fit her. But they still wanted to narrow it down, possibly down to around three – five at most – so when they saw their little girl, they wouldn’t have to think too much before deciding on one. Apparently, they were working their way from the end to the beginning, because they already had a middle name.

“What about the baby’s last name?” _Nope they had started from the middle_. Lexa asked after a little while. They hadn’t discussed that – Woods, Griffin, or Griffin-Woods, there were some options.

Clarke hadn’t thought about it either, “Oh right,” She put the notepad with the incredibly short list down, “That’s actually a really good question, I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Coz like, we have a couple of options.” Lexa started, “Griffin, Woods, or Griffin-hyphen-Woods.”

Clarke nodded, thinking to herself for a minute. Right now, things with her family weren’t the best, well, with her mom. She had a feeling Abby wouldn’t be coming around any time soon, if ever. And that made Clarke not want to go with just Griffin – maybe Griffin-Woods, but definitely not just Griffin. Not to mention how amazing the Woods have been so far, to her, to the baby, embracing this little thing as their grandkid even before she was born. Wouldn’t it make more sense to give their daughter the family name of the one that actually wanted her, and not the one that thought she was only ruining her mom’s life? _I wish dad was alive_ , Clarke couldn’t help but think, he’d be a lot more supportive, loving this little thing inside her as much as the Woods did. “Not Griffin,” She finally said to Lexa.

“No?” Lexa asked, a little confused.

Clarke shook her head, “I just…don’t think I should name our baby after the half of the family that doesn’t want her.” Her voice was quiet, just above a whisper and Lexa could just about hear it. She was still upset about it, of course she was, things were bad with her mom and they hadn’t even talked since Clarke got back from the hospital.

Lexa only sighed at her girlfriend, a hand going up on Clarke’s back; she had her head down, looking at her feet as she chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry Clarke.” She watched Clarke clench her jaw, shrugging lightly. Lexa could see she was upset, Clarke didn’t talk about it much, talk about her mom or how much this actually upset her, but Lexa knew. She couldn’t imagine it, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like if her mom felt the way Abby did, if she resented this, told her it was a mistake and that she would regret it all her life. “Come here,” Lexa spoke quietly, wrapping her arm around Clarke’s shoulder and pulling her close.

“It’s stupid, I know.” Clarke spoke, resting her head against Lexa. “I should get over it already.”

“No, no,” Lexa shook her head, “It’s not stupid, and it’s okay to take some time to get over it. Actually, you don’t even _have to_ get over it, you’re allowed to be upset about it.” Clarke didn’t respond as Lexa held her close. “I would be if I was in your place. I think I’d be angry actually,” Lexa admitted. “I might still be angry at your mom but whatever.” She muttered quietly, her tone light as Clarke came away.

She gave her a smile, “Woods.” Clarke stated. “Baby’s last name is going to be Woods.”

Lexa returned her smile, “Are you sure?” She asked her nonetheless, “There’s also Griffin-Woods.”

Clarke shook her head, “Woods.” She repeated. “You, and your mom, and your dad have been my family these last few months.” She told her. “Indra has been so amazing that I’m barely feeling the absence of my mom.” Clarke admitted, turning her head away, not wanting Lexa to see the tears welling in her eyes. “And Gus,” She let out a wet laugh, “He reminds me so much of my dad.” Clarke told Lexa, trying to fight the tears from falling. “The way he makes me feel when he hugs me,” Clarke shook her head, taking a breath as a tear rolled down her cheek and she looked up at Lexa, “Lex, I haven’t felt that since I lost my dad.”

Lexa nodded at her, bringing up her hand to brush the tear away, “Yeah, they’re not too bad.” That got a laugh out of Clarke. “They’re pretty great actually.” She leaned forward, kissing Clarke’s forehead. “But they’re right, you are family.” Lexa told her. “We,” She started, her hand going to rest on Clarke’s belly, as she looked down at it. “We’re a family now.” Lexa brought her eyes up again, “And my parents will _always_ make you feel like that, they love you Clarke.” She told her, “They really, really do. And they love the baby.” Lexa smiled. “I hope you know they’re going to spoil her.”

Clarke laughed at that, nodding, “I think that’s what grandparents do so I’ve accepted it.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 27 _ **

Two years. It had been two years since they had gotten together, two years since they had finally given into their feelings and told the other how they really felt. It was Clarke actually, she had pulled Lexa into a bathroom stall at school because she had acting weird around her lately. They had been friends since the start of middle school, they just clicked and back then Lexa was a lot quieter than she was now. She didn’t really have much friends, she didn’t even like to talk to most people – but Clarke does remember her ADHD being worse, well, Lexa had just learned to handle it better now actually.

But yes, it had been two years now. They were friends almost instantly and nothing changed for a long time. But somewhere along the line, feelings started emerging, for both of them, and as time went on, it kept getting harder to keep those feelings in check. And eventually is came out, Clarke pulled Lexa into the school’s bathroom stall and demanded to know what was wrong and why she was ignoring her. Lexa wouldn’t even look at her, let alone tell her what it was because the truth was that she liked Clarke- no, not liked, she _loved_ her, she was _in love_ with her. But she didn’t know how to tell Clarke that without ruining their friendship. Only Lexa hadn’t known that Clarke felt exactly the same way.

So today was their anniversary, they weren’t doing much really because Clarke didn’t have the energy for that. But they were spending it together and that’s what mattered. Lexa had a basket packed for a picnic and ready to go the moment they got out of school, she had found a spot on the outskirts of town that was absolutely perfect for a picnic. Clarke didn’t actually know Lexa had anything planned, but she did have a present for her girlfriend. They spent a good few hours out; Lexa had food, drinks, a blanket, everything to make the day out no short of perfect. It was a beautiful place too, and Clarke wasn’t sure how she never knew about it – it was a clearing by a lake, the grass shaded by the surrounding trees, peaceful and quiet. It helped that it wasn’t the weekend, chances were, this place go really busy during then.

“Baby’s moving,” Clarke commented with a smile as she lay on her side on the blanket. Her hand was holding Lexa’s and Clarke brought it up to her stomach where the movement was coming from. “She’s getting strong.”

Lexa placed her hand flat against Clarke, feeling the thumping from the other side and her eyes widening at it – yeah, she still wasn’t used to it, it still amazed her every time. “Can you tell if she’s punching or kicking?” She asked her.

“Nope, feels the same.” Clarke replied. “But like, the bigger she’s getting, the stronger she’s getting too.” She looked down at her stomach, “It’s almost like she’s already trying to break out.”

“Gotta wait boop.” Lexa added lightly, smiling. “You’re almost there,” She leaned closer, speaking to the baby, “I can’t wait to meet you.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Clarke nodded. “Hey,” She brought her hand up, fingers going to the ends of Lexa’s hair and tangling into it. “Thank you for today.” She told her when Lexa looked up, a soft smile on her face. “I know I haven’t been great the past few days with th-”

“Clarke it’s okay.” Lexa stopped her, returning the smile. It was true, Clarke hadn’t been feeling great lately, the past week or so. And that was also affecting her mood, making her a little cranky and irritable, and sometimes that made her short with Lexa. “You are literally carrying another human being.” She reminded her, “And you’re doing so good baby,” Lexa brought herself up, closer to Clarke and kissing her lightly, “I know you’ve had a rough couple of days, but that’s fine.”

“My hormones are out of it and all over the place.” Clarke tried, looking at her apologetically.

“I know, and it’s not your fault.” Lexa told her lightly, kissing her again. “I’ll put up with it all, don’t worry,” She let out a small laugh, “As cranky and as scary as you get, you won’t scare me away.”

“I can be pretty scary.” Clarke joked.

“Terrifying,” Lexa feigned seriousness before rolling her eyes. “Look, I know it’s not your fault that you’ve been in a bad mood. It’s not anyone’s fault.” She pointed to her stomach then, “Actually it’s her fault.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, she shook her head, bringing her hands up and taking Lexa’s face in them. “You can tell her when she’s here.” She brought Lexa closer to her, kissing her slowly and deeply. Lexa closed her eyes, melting against Clarke as she kissed her back. “I love you so much.”

.

“Babe, I got you something.” Clarke said once they were back home and in bed. It was Friday, so Indra and Gustus were still out – it was date night. Clarke found it really cute that even after so many years of being together, they still had a night set aside that was just the two of them; apparently they hadn’t missed a single date night since getting married – with an exception of when Lexa was a baby. It was nice seeing them, so in love and happy with each other and Clarke hoped her future would look like that too with Lexa.

“You didn’t have to.” Lexa told her, now changed into her pajamas as she went about her skincare routine standing by the dresser.

“I wanted to.” Clarke responded, putting away her own skincare products. She had to make some changes since getting pregnant, her skin was…nothing like it used to be, sometimes Clarke even wondered if she was inhabiting her own body right now with how differently it acted. At first, her skin was horrible and Clarke couldn’t think of any way to get it to behave. Then Lexa took her down to the local lush, and they spent about an hour there, testing products and talking to the person helping them. So now, Clarke was happy to say, her skin was at least presentable. “You got me this,” Clarke hooked her finger on the new chain around her neck, it had a small charm on it, three intertwined hearts engraved onto the face of – one for each of them, her and Lexa and the baby.

“Hmm,” Lexa nodded with a smile, capping the bottle of toner as she looked at Clarke through the mirror in front of her and picked up the moisturizer. “It’s our two year anniversary,” She said opening the container, “Of course I was going to get you something.” Lexa shrugged, dabbing the moisturizer from her hand onto her face before starting to rub it in. “Especially with the baby coming and all.”

“Yes exactly,” Clarke nodded, opening the drawer to the nightstand and pulling out a small envelope. “Come here,” She patted the spot on the bed next to her, watching as Lexa finished up and stepped towards the bed.

“So what did you get me?” Lexa asked as she crawled onto the bed next to Clarke, laying down on her front, propped up on her elbows.

“Something cute,” Clarke handed it to her, “Open it.”

Lexa furrowed her brows out of confusion as she took the sealed envelope from Clarke. She gave her a questioning look, it was plain white, didn’t have anything written on it, and Clarke didn’t say anything. Lexa sat up crossing her legs, and ripped the top of it open, not having the patience to open it carefully before pouring out the contents onto the bed. “Is that a ring?” Lexa questioned, picking it up, completely disregarding the folded paper right under it.

Clarke nodded and Lexa gave her a pointed look, “I’m not proposing to you.” She told her lightly, trying to hide a laugh from escaping.

“Good ‘coz I wanna be the one doing that,” Lexa muttered quietly, looking back up at Clarke for an explanation.

“There’s something else there too,” Clarke nodded at the paper and Lexa picked it up. “Read it.” She watched as Lexa unfolded it carefully, the ring now resting on her knee.

Lexa’s eyes scanned over the first sentence, it was a hand written letter – Clarke wrote it – and Lexa couldn’t help but smile. “Read it to me,” She told her quietly, handing it to her girlfriend. “Please.”

Clarke took it from her hesitantly, “It’s gonna make me cry though.” She told her, pouting, “Writing it made me get all emotional.” Clarke jutted her bottom lip out, exaggerating a frown.

Lexa shook her head, insisting, “Read it to me.”

Clarke sighed, taking a deep breath as she looked at the letter in her hands – she had finished writing it only last night. “Fine.” There were a lot of drafts, a lot of crossing out, and a lot of corrections, before Clarke finally found the right words in the right order to get her feelings out. It was always hard to talk about feelings, and it didn’t help that Clarke was twice as emotional as normal because of the pregnancy so she knew there would be no way that she would be able to say all of this to Lexa – so writing it made more sense. Clarke looked down at it, making a point to not look up until she had read the whole thing. Because she knew that if she looked up at Lexa while reading it, she would start crying.

“This is a promise.

“This ring is a promise, a promise that I will always love you, and I will always be here for you no matter what. This is cheesy and mushy and soft but it’s been two whole years and I still can’t put into words how much I love you or how you make me feel.

“I love you, more than I thought was physically possible to love someone. I told myself before that I would never settle with someone who didn’t make me feel like this – only then, I didn’t even know what this feeling was. Maybe I was a little worried that my expectations were too high and that I wouldn’t actually find someone I’d want to stay with. But god was I wrong, because I found you, and you make me feel so many things, so many things I didn’t even know was possible. I’m going to quote Taylor Swift because this song, and this lyric always reminds me of us, ‘ _And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars. And why I spent my whole life trying to put it into words._ ’

“I didn’t know what love was until I met you. You’re my first love, my first kiss (yes, that kiss back in the seventh grade while playing truth or dare counts), and you’re the mother to our baby. There’s no one else in the world I’d rather want to be with, no one else who could make me feel the way you do. You make me feel safe, loved, and accepted – and I really didn’t know what any of those things felt like before you. Especially since we found out about the baby, I didn’t think you’d want to stay, I didn’t think I’d have anyone really. But here you are.

“You’re the love of my life, and I’m so lucky to have found you, to have found someone who loves me and wants to stay, someone who doesn’t want to give up on me. I still ask myself why someone as amazing as you would want to still be with me, I’m not really long-term relationship material. But somehow you’re still here, and you still love me. And I could’ve never asked for anything more.

“Since I haven’t found a way to put it into words yet, I want to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I’m not big on symbolism, and I know you’re not either, because for the most part…neither of us seem to get it. But I want this ring to be a symbol of us, of my love for you. I promise to love you no matter what and I don’t think I can ever stop, and I promise to be there for you the way you’re always here for me.

“I love you, forever and always

Clarke”

Her voice had been cracking since the second paragraph and Clarke finally raised her eyes, up at Lexa. She could see the slight part in her lips, the tear tracks down her cheeks and the tears still welled in her eyes waiting to spill. Clarke could feel her own tears down her cheeks, it was hard enough writing this, let alone having to read it out loud. She was waiting for Lexa to say something, respond but she looked frozen to her spot. Then she practically leapt forward, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s midsection – but being careful to not be too tight.

“I love you.” Lexa choked out against her, doing her best to speak and not just break down from Clarke just read to her. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Clarke kissed the top of her head, reaching out and picking up the ring from the space on the bed between them. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me Lexa.”

“Even though I got you pregnant?” Lexa asked lightly as she brought herself up and wiped at her eyes.

“Yes,” Clarke let out a choked laugh, “Even though you got me pregnant.” She took Lexa’s hand in her’s, sliding the ring onto her ring finger. “It’s still scary but I got you.” She told her, smiling as she wiped her tears. “And you got me, so we’ll be fine.”

“It’s beautiful.” Lexa commented as she looked down at the ring properly for the first time. It was a toned down golden band with an infinity knot in the middle – it was nothing too flashy, very subtle, and definitely Lexa’s style. Gold and rose gold here her colors, and Lexa tended to like jewelry but she didn’t wear much often because she played football in school. But light, delicate bracelets and necklaces were her thing, even anklets maybe if she was feeling _adventurous_. “I’m never taking it off.” She smiled at Clarke, leaning forward and kissing her.

Clarke kissed back, responding by smiling against her lips. “You’re cute,”

* * *

**_ WEEK 31 _ **

Clarke was half lying on the bed, leaning against the headboard, her legs spread with Lexa’s head between them. Her eyes were closed, cheeks flushed red, the rest of her body covered with a sheen of sweat, and her hands tangled in Lexa’s hair to keep her where she needed her mouth. God, she’d missed this. The past two weeks, Clarke’s sex drive had been very _very_ low, to the point where they couldn’t even kiss for more than three seconds before she had to put an end to it. And Lexa was great about it, she made sure whatever they were doing, Clarke was comfortable and when Clarke woke up today feeling very handsy, Lexa couldn’t help but tease her a little about it.

So it was a good thing that it was the weekend and Lexa could make use of that without having to wait too long. They were in bed now, Clarke’s pants lost somewhere on the floor and Lexa almost naked save for her underwear. It hadn’t been long, a little over five minutes, but Clarke was already getting close. Lexa could feel Clarke’s legs trembling, knees wanting to close as her grip on Lexa’s hair tightened. Lexa’s hands were busy too, one playing between her own legs down her pink lacy boxers and the other pawing at Clarke’s breast under her t-shirt. Honestly, Lexa wasn’t sure who was going to come first; nothing _got her_ as much as touching Clarke and Lexa was a goner since the first swipe of her tongue on her girlfriend.

“Lexa,” Clarke moaned out, her voice higher than she intended, brows furrowed. “More, please.” She told her, her hand coming up from Lexa’s hair and grabbing the wrist of her hand that was playing with her boob. “Fingers.”

“Hmm,” Lexa hummed against her, acknowledging the way Clarke was pushing her hand down. But instead after pulling it out from under her t-shirt, Lexa moved it up to Clarke’s face, her index and middle finger pushing into her mouth, Clarke starting to suck on them almost immediately. Lexa couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips at that, clenching her jaws before bringing her head up just slightly, enough to look at Clarke, “Are you gonna suck me off after I make you come?” She asked her knowingly.

Clarke only nodded enthusiastically, her eyes still closed, “Of course I will,” She spoke breathlessly. “Gonna make you come so many times baby.”

Lexa’s mouth went back to where it was, smiling against Clarke for a moment before retreating her hand from her boxers. It went up to Clarke instead, sliding inside her slowly as Lexa heard her girlfriend let out a breathy moan, tensing up just slightly before relaxing a second later.

But then something changed.

“Oh fuck!” Clarke yelped, almost jumping away from Lexa – not like there was much space.

“Clarke?” Lexa said in a panic, unsure of what had happened suddenly. “What’s wrong, are you okay?” She gave her a confused and concerned look, pulling her fingers out immediately.

Clarke’s eyes were wide, looking down at her stomach as she caught her breath. A couple of long seconds passed before the shock finally went away, and Clarke…burst out in laughter…?

“What?” Lexa still looked equally confused.

“She’s kicking.” Clarke spoke between her laughs, pointing at her belly.

Lexa brought herself up, wiping her mouth and chin of Clarke’s slick before stifling a laugh, “I think she wants attention.” There must have been another kick, or a harder one, because Clarke’s eyes widened again.

“Oh my god, does she know what we were doing?” Clarke gave Lexa a horrified look, her girlfriend throwing her head back and laughing this time, “Lexa that’s not funny!”

Lexa clasped her hand over her mouth, trying to contain herself before finally moving closer to Clarke. “She has no idea what we were doing.” She told her, still smiling. “Probably thought, whatever it was looked like fun and she wanted to join in-” She just managed to finish talking before bursting out laughing again.

Clarke rolled her eyes, unable to stop the soft laugh that bubbled out of her from watching Lexa. “Stop laughing,” She smacked her playfully on the arm and Lexa gave in, nodding before bringing herself closer and kissing Clarke.

It was short and lasted much less than Clarke would’ve wanted it to. But then Lexa was pulling away, her hands going to rest on Clarke’s stomach. “She just wants attention, that’s all.” She said to Clarke.

“Hmm,” Clarke nodded, recalling how Indra had said Lexa was when she was a baby, how she needed constant attention. “She’s definitely your daughter.”

Lexa shrugged sheepishly, lowering herself so her cheek was against the baby bump when she looked up at Clarke, “We both just want your attention,” She told her with a smile, turning her attention to the baby now, “She was mine first, you hear me?” Lexa joked, earning another chuckle from Clarke. “And that makes me her favorite.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless, “Shut up, you dork.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW CUTE WAS THIS???? all of it??? i don't think i have a favorite part. probably the ending with the baby interrupting. but i do love clarke's gift for lexa. and yeah i may have recycled that letter from somewhere else. let me know what you thought. what your favorite scene was. and what you thought of the ending and the name thing and the letter clarke wrote to lexa. also heads up, we're getting close to the baby coming, i'm getting a little bored of writing the pregnancy and wanna get to the little kiddo. i can like. go on and on and on about how much i love clexa in this universe. and how much i love writing them in this universe. and their dynamic. and how they're all domestic. and its all so natural and its just. i'm really enjoying writing this fic so much. way more than i thought i would. ANYWAYS THANKS FOR READING!!!!


	18. Prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's senior prom. Which is a big deal for high school seniors. Lexa was looking forward to it, she was planning on taking Clarke and since she can't, Lexa doesn't really want to go. Clarke feels guilty about it, it feels like Lexa isn't getting to be a teenager because of her. Lexa is quick to reassure her though, this wasn't something that Clarke was responsible for, it's something they both did and it wasn't just Lexa who was "missing out" on being a teenager. There's also more baby talk, Clarke painting, and an unexpected ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter goes through week 32 to 35. quite a bit happening and i had this bit in mind since i started the fic. Prom. because like. there's no way lexa's gonna want to go without clarke. and clarke's gonna feel bad about it because its something people only get to do once and all that. you also get to find out what names they're considering for the kiddo (i already have it chosen) and no its not Madi. remember in the last chapter i mentioned that the baby already had a middle name? yeah, the middle name is Madi. well Madison. so yep.   
> oh and clarke's painting. here's the link https://imgur.com/eTiY9ui in case you wanna see what i had in mind.

**_ WEEK 32 _ **

Clarke felt Lexa put a hand on her knee as Dr. Tsing talked; she had fallen silent, not really responding. She wasn’t doing too well, the baby was fine but Clarke was…weak; she was tired, and struggling, and just weak. Dr. Tsing was saying right now about how she needed more rest, and how now might be the time to take a break from school. Clarke was upset more than anything else, things weren’t all that better since the week she spent in the hospital. And although she had been back in school and getting better, it wasn’t by much. It seemed like, the bigger the baby was getting, the more weeks that passed, the weaker she felt. Clarke could hear Lexa talking to the doctor; it was just noises to her as she took a shaky breath.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” Dr. Tsing tried to reassure them both, Clarke finally looking back at her. “You just need to rest and stay in bed as much as you can.” Clarke nodded this time, not entirely convinced; she was just worried.

She went over a few more things Clarke could expect now that she was getting closer to the due date. Other than the things she was already experiencing, Dr. Tsing gave her a head’s up about how she might feel contractions but they won’t necessarily mean she’s going into labor – Braxton Hicks contractions as Clarke learned they were called, she already knew about them just not what it was called. She zoned out again, knowing Lexa would be paying attention and remembering anything important. Clarke was just more upset than anything else about having to stay home again, things at school had been getting better but she was still having a difficult time getting through the day so this was for the best.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked once they were in her car, about to head back home. “Are you okay?”

Clarke only nodded, looking out the window.

They were supposed to stop by the hardware store for some paint brushes, they had already bought paint for the baby’s side of the room but Lexa somehow managed to forget the brush. “I was thinking we could go down to the mall,” Lexa suggested as she started the car. “Do a bit more baby shopping?” They had more than half the things on their list now, they still needed some more clothes because according to every article online, you never had enough.

Clarke shook her head, taking Lexa by surprise – Clarke never said no to that. Lexa was very soft about all the small and tiny baby things, but it seemed like Clarke was even worse than Lexa, it was adorable. Especially clothes – onesies, socks, hats – Clarke was always happy to go shopping for those. “Can we just go home?”

Lexa nodded, she could hear it in Clarke’s voice, she was upset. “Yeah, of course.” That wasn’t like her, but after her appointment with Dr. Tsing, she had every reason to be upset. Clarke needed rest, a lot of it, her body was struggling more and more the bigger the baby got. There was a potential for things to go wrong if her body was put under too much pressure and they wanted to make sure that wouldn’t happen, that she would be okay, that the baby would be okay. “Hey,” Lexa spoke after a moment, making her way out of the parking lot.

“Hmm?” Clarke turned her head, finally looking at Lexa.

“It’s going to be okay.” Lexa tried. “You got this.”

Clarke let out a small sigh, her hand taking Lexa’s free one. “I don’t know Lex,” She hesitated. “I don’t know what’s wrong…” She shrugged, “…with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Lexa told her immediately. “You’re carrying a baby, there’s something living and growing inside of you; that’s bound to take a toll on your body.”

“Yeah but…” Clarke trailed off, it really felt like there was something wrong with her. She wasn’t the only pregnant person in the world, and not everyone’s body reacted this way – most people’s deal with it a lot better. And Clarke didn’t know why things were so hard for her. “I don’t know why my body is acting like this, why everything feels so hard right now.” She explained, and Lexa only nodded, waiting for her to continue. “Like…I get a couple of bad days, you know? But there’s still like two months till the due date and it feels like my body is just giving up.” She sighed, shaking her head lightly, “It’s stupid, I know, but Lex it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry baby,” Lexa tried. “Everyone’s body reacts to it differently and I know this isn’t ideal, but it’ll be over before you know it.” She flashed her a comforting smile. “Two months, it’s going to fly by, and I’m here. I’m going to do everything I can to keep you comfortable.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of Clarke’s hand, her focus still on the road. “You don’t have to worry about a thing, I’ll take care of it all.”

Clarke watched her for a moment, nodding to what Lexa had just said. She really didn’t know what she would have done if she didn’t have her; back when she had just found out to right now, Clarke couldn’t imagine getting through this on her own. “I love you.” She muttered quietly. Lexa had been nothing but perfect through all of this. She had been caring and understanding and patient and here every second of every day for Clarke no matter what she needed. The next few weeks, the weeks till the baby came, weren’t going to be easy, Clarke knew that but she knew she wouldn’t have to do it alone. She knew she had probably the best partner she could’ve asked for.

* * *

“Lexa?” Clarke looked up from her phone, looking at her girlfriend who was sitting at her desk, (hopefully) studying. Lexa’s head came up from looking at whatever was on the desk, but she was still turned away from Clarke; her desk was against the wall in front of the bed so Lexa had her back to Clarke. “Isn’t senior prom in like…three weeks?”

Lexa nodded, turning around in her swivel chair to look at her girlfriend. “Yep,” She answered with a nod. “Why?”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Lexa, giving her a confused look because what did she mean _why_. “You’re a senior.” She reminded her. Clarke was a little surprised that she hadn’t realized it sooner, hadn’t realized it until Raven mentioned it to her over text right now. But in her defense, she was a little preoccupied lately; like with the baby, and with being pregnant, and getting ready for the baby to come, not to mention dealing with the stress of not really being too well and being stuck at home.

“Okay, and?” Lexa asked, not really sure where Clarke was going with this.

“Aren’t you going?” Clarke asked her this time. It was senior prom, _everyone_ looked forward to it. And yes, Clarke wanted to go with Lexa but that wasn’t really going to happen given the circumstances. But at least she had next year, when she was actually a senior.

“Nope.” Lexa answered easily.

“What?” Clarke questioned, her voice louder than she expected out of surprise. “Why not? It’s _senior prom_.”

Lexa sighed, getting up from her chair and stepping up to the bed. “I don’t want to go.” She shrugged lightly, sitting down by Clarke’s feet. Well, she _had_ wanted to go. Parties and large gatherings, in general, weren’t really her thing, but she wanted to go to prom. Lexa had been looking forward to it since senior year started – as much as she hated to admit that. And well, the whole idea of dress shopping, and asking out her date, and getting ready for the night, and…after the night alone with her date sounded pretty exciting. But she didn’t want to go without Clarke. She was the main reason Lexa wanted to go to prom in the first place and it didn’t feel right going without her – especially when Clarke was stuck in bed like this.

“Why not?” Clarke asked, tilting her head slightly.

“I don’t wanna go without you.” Lexa admitted.

“But babe,” Clarke tried, “It’s senior prom, you only get this once.”

Lexa shrugged, “Yeah but when I thought about prom, everything that I wanted to do, and everything that made me want to go…it had to do with you.” She told her. “And besides, I don’t feel right going out partying when you’re home alone.”

Clarke watched her a moment, a sudden wave of guilt washing over her. “I don’t want you to miss out because of me.” She told her. “I’ve been taking up enough of your life as it is.” Her eyes lowered, looking down at her lap as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Yes, she still felt bad about it; Clarke still felt bad about how much of Lexa’s time she was taking up, how much she needed her, how much of her life she was taking up.

“No, no,” Lexa shook her head, immediately moving closer to Clarke, by her side. “Baby, no.” She placed her hand on her back, noticing the change in Clarke’s behavior. “Hey, Clarke, listen to me please.” She leaned her head against Clarke’s shoulder. “Babe, I’m not missing out on anything because of you.” She tried. “We’re on this really amazing, really exciting, kind of scary, and maybe uncertain adventure.” Lexa started. “And yeah, I know it wasn’t planned and if it was up to us, it wouldn’t have happened for another few years but it’s still really amazing.” She kissed Clarke’s shoulder. “And I wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

“But you’re missing out on being a teenager.” Clarke told her quietly.

“So are you.” Lexa added. “You’re pregnant, Clarke. Because of me.” She reminded her. “So, let’s not do the blame game where we blame ourselves, okay?”

Clarke nodded this time, okay fine, that was true. “Yeah, you’re right.” She looked up this time, more put together this time as Lexa brought herself up too. “But Lexa this is prom, you don’t want to miss this.”

“The only thing I wanted out of prom was to take you, so it wouldn’t be the same without you there.” Lexa told her honestly. “I’d rather stay home with you. Movie, popcorn, blankets, and lots of cuddles.”

“You sure?” Clarke asked her again. “I mean, there’s still time to get stuff together an-”

“I’m sure.” She cut her off. “Prom means nothing to me if you’re not going to be there.” Lexa smiled up at her, eyes soft and reassuring.

“If I manage to go next year, you have to take me.” Clarke told her lightly. _If_ was very important, they had no idea what things would be like with the baby here, especially when she was less than a year old.

“Deal.” Lexa nodded, bringing her hand up and brushing her knuckles against Clarke’s cheek. “Or we’re going to be stuck home with a baby; sleep deprived and possibly covered in baby throw up and pee.”

“Gross, shut up.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile, shaking her head. “Hey,” She grabbed Lexa’s wrist, bringing her hand to her lips, “You’re amazing, you know that?” Clarke asked her, pressing a kiss to the back of Lexa’s fingers, on the ring she had given her for their anniversary.

Lexa smiled back at her, taking her hand out of Clarke’s gentle grip before cupping her face and bringing herself closer for a kiss. “I’m alright.” She said between kisses, smiling against Clarke’s lips. “You’re not too bad yourself.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 33 _ **

Clarke groaned quietly as she pushed herself up on the bed and leaned back against the headboard. It was close to 3am right now and Clarke couldn’t sleep. Actually she didn’t remember the last time she slept through the night. The baby was getting stronger, more active, and every movement felt more prominent than the last. And right now, it was very uncomfortable, almost hurting – shouldn’t she be asleep, did the baby even know what time it was? Clarke sighed, grabbing a pillow and placing it behind her lower back, everything was achy and sore. “Go to sleep boop, please.” She tried, rubbing her hand gently over her growing belly, trying to get her daughter to calm down even just slightly.

Lexa was sound asleep next to her, she had school in the morning after all. And it wasn’t like there was anything she could do to calm the baby down. But god, it was kind of annoying right now, and Clarke just wanted to be able to go to sleep. And with every passing day, she was getting more and more impatient for their daughter to be born.

“Is she keeping you up?” Lexa spoke sleepily from next to Clarke, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Did I wake you?” Clarke asked her instead, giving her an apologetic look.

Lexa shook her head before turning her eyes to Clarke’s stomach. “She did,” She jokingly poked her finger at the baby. “What’s up kid?” Lexa asked, moving to sit up. “Not sleepy?”

“I don’t think so.” Clarke sighed. “She’s moving so much,” She rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn before leaning back against the headboard.

Lexa nodded, placing her hand next to Clarke’s as she continued to rub small circles over her belly. “I’ll take the nights when she’s here.” She told her lightly, “Make up for all of this.” Lexa looked up at Clarke with a small smile. She was planning on doing pretty much everything for at least the first month of the baby being born to give Clarke some peace so she could rest. The nights tended to be long even when the baby wasn’t moving as much; it was hard for Clarke to get comfortable in bed, she needed to pee almost constantly with the baby being against her bladder. So yes, Lexa wanted to make up for it, it was relatively easy for her right now so she could deal with the sleepless nights for at least a while on her own.

Clarke let out a small laugh, nodding nonetheless. “You better,” She brought her hand up to Lexa’s hair, pushing it back and out of her face. “Now get her to sleep, please,” She whined.

“Can’t promise that.” Lexa told her, reaching for the pillow behind Clarke to motion her to lie down again. “But come on, lie down.” She told her. “I’ll sing to her, maybe it’ll calm her down and stop her from moving.”

This had become a normal thing for them, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile every time she heard Lexa sing to their baby. It worked somehow, and Lexa mentioned a few times how this would also work when the baby was born and being fussy, something about how she would recognize the voice and let it soothe her. Lexa’s music taste was a little all over the place, she didn’t have a type so the songs she sang to the baby were…very random according to Clarke. It tended to be a lot of Taylor Swift, a little Ed Sheeran from Clarke’s music library; but it was usually whatever Lexa was listening to that day – like Sleeping at Last, or OneRepublic, or Daughter, or even Hozier. There really was no rhyme or reason for Lexa’s _song choices_. 

* * *

**_ WEEK 34 _ **

“So, I think we’re good with names.” Lexa said to Clarke. She was currently standing a couple of feet away from Lexa at the easel that was set up. Clarke was working on a painting for the baby’s _nursery_ , well, it was going to go on the wall by the crib. It was an oil painting; blues, pinks, and whites – it was a tree, flowers blooming on it. Clarke wasn’t sure what she had in mind when she started it, but this wasn’t it, it kind of…came out of nowhere but it was like the colors called to her. And now that it was done, it looked perfect if she said so herself.

“Mmm hmm,” Clarke hummed, nodding. Lexa was sitting on the desk with a notepad, names crossed out with only three remaining now. It had taken them weeks but they really felt like they had the perfect ones. They didn’t want to pick out _just one_ until they got to see the baby, they wanted to the name to _fit_ her so they had narrowed their options down. “I like all of them to be honest.”

“Me too.” Lexa nodded, getting up and making her way to Clarke. “Are you done?” She asked her, Clarke hadn’t let her see it yet, said she couldn’t until it was finished and Lexa was a little impatient.

“Yeah.” Clarke answered excitedly. “Wanna see?”

“I’ve been waiting to for weeks.” Lexa reminded her, stepping up behind her to take in the still wet painting on the easel. “Wow,” She breathed out as she took it in. The colors were bright but not too loud, there was more _texture_ than Lexa was expecting and although it was mostly blue, she couldn’t understand how Clarke made the flowers stand out like that. “It’s beautiful, Clarke.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, taking in her work and placing a hand on her stomach. “Think she’ll like it?”

“I think she’ll love it.” Lexa answered. “I can’t wait to meet her, Clarke.” Her arms went up around her girlfriend’s waist, holding her from behind before resting her chin on her shoulder.

“Me too.” Clarke breathed. “What do you think of the names we picked out?” She spoke to the baby, Clarke did that a lot more often now. “Charlie, Theo, and Ava.” She listed out the three names they had narrowed it down to.

“Got any preferences, kid?” Lexa asked lightly before pressing a kiss to Clarke’s cheek.

“Oh,” Clarke’s eyes widened for a moment. “Maybe she does.” She shook her head, letting out a small chuckle, “She’s kicking.”

* * *

“Babe, it’s too early.” Clarke spoke from her spot on the bed. Lexa was a few feet away by the baby’s _nursery_ ; which was more complete than not by now and Clarke was a little surprised at how they managed to get everything in her without it looking crammed. She was standing by the small white dresser they had gotten for the baby’s clothes and other things, a bag on it as Lexa went about packing it. “There’s still like a month left till the baby comes.”

“Doesn’t hurt to be early.” Lexa shrugged, looking down at her list of things she needed to put into the hospital bag. “I don’t think we’ll have much time to get things packed when she’s about to come.”

Clarke only sighed, “There’s still a whole month.”

“Yeah, but I’m bored.” Lexa admitted. “And we have everything we need, so might as well pack the hospital bag.”

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, giving in as she pushed herself off the bed. “What do we need?” She asked Lexa, slowly making her way to where she was. Her movements were slower now, the baby was big and still growing and it was throwing off Clarke’s balance almost completely – _where even is my center of gravity at this point?_ And given how Clarke didn’t want to topple over, her steps were slow and measured.

“A lot of things surprisingly.” Lexa answered, picking up the checklist and handing it to Clarke. “More for you than the baby, from the looks of it.” She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “Only a month to go,” Lexa turned to face Clarke this time, “How are you feeling?”

“Scared.” Clarke replied nonchalantly, looking at the list in her hand. “Terrified.” She added, her eyes still on the piece of paper. “Nervous.” Clarke looked up this time, finding Lexa watching her with a concerned look. “But it is what it is, you know?” She added. “I’m trying to not think too much about it.”

“Giving birth or like…after?” Lexa asked her uncertainly, _after_ meaning being a parent.

“Giving birth,” Clarke answered matter-of-factly. “After doesn’t worry me as much, I think we’ve talked about that enough to like…not worry too much.” She nodded, mostly to herself. “I’m not going to be alone for that, we’re gonna be okay.”

“We are.” Lexa agreed.

“But giving birth,” Clarke let out a sigh, shaking her head. “That’s…a big no.” She went back to the paper in her hand after that, speaking before Lexa could say anything else. It wasn’t a secret that Clarke was scared and Lexa knew that, she was a little worried too because every time they talked about the pregnancy, it seemed like the thing Clarke was most worried about was giving birth. Even being a parent and raising a baby felt easier than labor and birth. “We still gotta buy some things, Lex.”

Lexa nodded, looking at Clarke pointing at the maternity pads and nursing bras right underneath it. “We still need some things for the baby too.” Lexa added. “Diapers.” She told her. “Did you know newborn babies go through up to twelve of them in a day?”

Clarke only shook her head, “I will not accept that.” She told Lexa simply. “That is not possible.”

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, it is.” She told her, Clarke still shaking her head, wanting it to not be true. “Little babies poop _a lot_.”

“We’re sharing diaper duty, right?” Clarke asked lightly.

“Yeah, we’re sharing the doody.”

Clarke bit back a smile at the triumphant look on Lexa’s face, shaking her head and letting out a disapproving sigh instead. “You’re impos- _oh!_ ” Clarke yelped instead of finishing her sentence, eyes wide as a hand went on her stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa’s expression changed immediately, watching as Clarke winced, stepping back and towards the chair by the desk. “Clarke, are you okay?”

“Mmm hmm,” It came out strained as she clenched her jaws as she sat down.

“What’s happening?” Lexa asked her, her eyes scanning over her girlfriend who looked uncomfortable and clearly in pain.

“I think it’s those contractions Dr. Tsing was talking about.” Clarke explained, taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes. It wasn’t particularly painful, just uncomfortable really; it felt like her insides had tightened and was staying like that.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked, kneeling in front of Clarke. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” Clarke shook her head, stirring slightly in her seat. “Just feels…really tight around here…?” She tried to explain, hand motioning to her abdomen. “It’s passing though, it’s fine.”

* * *

**_ WEEK 35 _ **

“Are you sure you’re okay with not going?” Clarke asked Lexa as they returned home from the doctor’s appointment. Senior prom was today and instead of getting to be a teenager and enjoying being in high school, Lexa was unlocking the front door with a paper bag filled with diapers and nursing bras and maternity pads. Clarke let out a small sigh as she stepped inside, Lexa close behind locking the door and following Clarke towards their room. Yes, Clarke still felt bad about it, it was senior prom after all, and Lexa did say she was okay with not going – because she didn’t want to go without Clarke anyways. But Clarke still wished she didn’t have to give up on it because of her, if this wasn’t their _situation_ , she would be able to go with Lexa; so yes, Clarke felt like it was because of her.

“I’m sure.” Lexa reassured her with a smile, kissing Clarke on the cheek as they walked through the kitchen and towards the bedroom. “I’m here with you and that’s all that matters.” She added, feeling a small sense of victory when Clarke smiled in response. “Besides,” Lexa started, setting the bag down as she stepped into the bedroom. “It’s been a really good day, and we’re alone till tomorrow.” Her parents were out, visiting a relative that Lexa was glad she didn’t have to go. They were out of state so Indra and Gustus wouldn’t be back till tomorrow evening.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, stepping up towards the crib, “It’s been a pretty good day.” She agreed, her hand going up to smooth out the folded blanket resting on the mattress. For the first time in a while, her visit to Dr. Tsing was a good one – she had appointments every two weeks now. Things were fine, Clarke was doing better and she was physically feeling better than the last time, so staying home from school and resting was definitely helping. “So,” She looked up at Lexa, “What are we doing tonight?”

“Hmm,” Lexa thought about it, but she already had it all planned out. Just because they couldn’t make it to prom, didn’t mean they couldn’t do something special tonight. “I’m going to make us dinner.” She started, Lexa had been shopping for groceries yesterday on her way back from school. “And you can keep me company in the kitchen.” Lexa added. “Then after dinner, I might have a little playlist prepared for us.” She gave her a small smile, “In case you’re…” Lexa shrugged hesitantly, “Up for a dance maybe…”

Clarke nodded, unable to keep the smile from appearing as she stepped up to Lexa, “That sounds great.” She told her, arms going up and snaking around Lexa’s neck. “And can we spend the rest of the day in bed?” Clarke asked her. It was just about noon right now, their appointment was in the morning so Lexa didn’t have to go to school and on the way back, they stopped for some last minute shopping.

“Yes.” Lexa said with a small nod, leaning her head closer to Clarke’s before brushing her nose against Clarke’s. “Maybe some Netflix.” She added.

“Ooh!” Clarke suddenly looked excited, “We should finish _The Good Place_ ,” She told her. “We only have like two episodes left.” They both loved the show and it was a little sad that it was over now. So they didn’t want to fly through the seasons like they had with the previous ones, but take it slow and savor it for as long as they could.

.

Clarke had fallen asleep a little after they finished watching, curled up against Lexa’s side with an arm around her torso to keep her from leaving. And Lexa wasn’t complaining, there weren’t too many places better than in Clarke’s arms by her side. So Lexa stayed, she plugged her headphones into her laptop and started the new season of _F is for Family_ and stayed as still as possible as to not disturb Clarke. She didn’t get much sleep last night, tossing and turning and getting up too many times because she had to pee. And the baby moving didn’t help either, they had both read that the baby could sense light and that meant she’d sleep during the night or when it was dark. But their little one didn’t seem to care much for what time of day it was and Lexa was starting to realize she wouldn’t be getting much sleep once she was born.

About an hour passed when Lexa felt Clarke stirring next to her. Lexa hit pause, turning her gaze to the sleeping girl next to her; Clarke looked distressed, this wasn’t new, it had happened a couple of times by now, the Braxton Hicks contractions waking her up. Lexa put her laptop away, closing it before turning her attention to Clarke, “Hey baby,” She spoke quietly, her hand going up to rub her stomach gently. “You okay there?” Clarke continued to stir, the tiniest whimper leaving her lips before her eyes finally opened. She let out a frustrated groan, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. “Hi,” Lexa spoke, drawing her attention to her.

“Hey,” Clarke replied, forcing a smile. “Cramps,” She complained, and Lexa nodded knowingly. Usually all it took to stop them was Clarke changing positions or moving. “I’m still sleepy,” She added, pushing herself up to sit next to Lexa.

“Go back to sleep once it passes.” Lexa told her, “You’ve only been asleep half an hour.”

Clarke nodded, her brows furrowing slightly at how strong the contraction felt. “Yeah,” So she moved in her place on the bed, sitting more upright and taking a deep breath.

“Hey,” Lexa looked a little worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke nodded, “Just…a little stronger than what I’m used to.” She told her, “Think it’s passing.”

And it did, it went away for a couple of minutes before coming again. Stronger than the last and Clarke widened her eyes in surprise as it washed over her and refused to pass even when she shifted and changed her position. Lexa looked a little worried, it wasn’t like this normally and this was definitely not the first time Clarke had gotten the fake contractions. But then it kept coming, irregularly but still more uncomfortable and noticeable than they felt a couple of days ago. And it only seemed to get progressively stronger as time passed. Neither of them were quite sure what to make of it.

Lexa was sitting behind Clarke now, rubbing her hands over her lower back because it was hurting. It felt like it was starting to settle down when Clarke choked out a pained gasp. “Okay, this isn’t normal.” Lexa finally spoke, shaking her head as she moved away to come in front of Clarke. “It’s lasted longer than it should and it’s not going away.” Clarke looked worried too. “I’m calling Dr. Tsing.” Lexa stated, leaving the bed to pick up her phone from the desk.

“It usually goes away if I move and change positions.” Clarke agreed, her face scrunched up in concern as she moved to get up.

“Yeah,” Lexa muttered. “It’s probably nothing, but it’s better to be safe.” She picked up her phone, unlocking it before calling Dr. Tsing who was already on speed dial. Lexa could see Clarke from the corner of her eyes, taking small steps towards the dresser and leaning against it while Lexa waited for the doctor to answer. “Hi,” She said into the phone as Dr. Tsing answered. “It’s Lexa.” The doctor greeted her, a little uncertain about the call as she had seen them only about three hours ago. “Maybe this is nothing bu-”

“ _Lexa!_ ” Clarke practically screamed, her voice laced with worry and sounding almost scared.

Lexa turned on her heel immediately, her eyes finding Clarke’s ones which were wide in worry. Then Clarke’s eyes shifted down to the floor, a puddle between her legs. Lexa’s jaw dropped, unsure of what to think as she blinked a couple of times to get herself to speak again. “Clarke’s water just broke.” She panicked into the phone. “What do we do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOooooooooooooooOOoooohhhHHHHHH


	19. Labor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's baby time. But it's about 5 weeks too early and that's not really ideal. They're scared, Clarke and Lexa are terrified of things going wrong given how early it is, and they're scared of the baby coming because they thought they had more time to get ready for this. But it seems like their kiddo got a little impatient. So here they are. Labor really isn't fun, giving birth is not fun either, and Clarke doesn't really know how anyone goes through this willingly more than once in their lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooh this is what we've all been waiting for. its finally baby time. but i will give y'all a head's up that its not all sunshine and rainbows rn. clarke is having a kind of hard time with labor. and lexa's really just trying to do whatever she can to keep her comfortable.
> 
>  _ **ALSO **please read****_  
>  i've been meaning to say this like the last two weeks but i keep forgetting. So i've been thinking about turning this into a series. i have a lot of this story i want to tell. like later down the line with clexa going to college and handling that and then becoming actual proper adults and getting married and having more kids. i wanna write a lot more of this universe past high school. so like. would you guys be interested in that? this part is going to the rest of high school for clarke and lexa and graduation and then it'll be done. but like i have more to write. SO would you guys wanna read more of this universe?

**_ WEEK 35 _ **

“Fuck Lexa,” Clarke gasped out. “Why does it hurt so much?”

“You’re doing great baby,” Lexa tried, her hand holding Clarke’s as she stood by her side. She only squeezed Lexa’s hand harder in response, letting out a long groan, “We’re almost there-”

“There is _no_ we in this.” Clarke cut her off, shaking her head as another contraction rolled in causing her to let out another scream.

It had been a long day. And evening. And night. They had gotten to the hospital around 3pm in a panic because this was too early. Dr. Tsing was already here and ready; at first she wanted to see if they could slow it down or delay it because five weeks too early was not ideal. But that wasn’t the case, it wasn’t possible because labor was already established – something Lexa learned today meant that Clarke had already dilated 3cm. So that brought on another wave of panic because they weren’t ready for this, not yet, and not to mention the concern they had for the baby. They had gotten Clarke settled in, reassuring both of them that they were equipped to handle the early birth and that they’d make sure the baby got the best care possible. So far though, the baby was absolutely fine; they were checking up on her heart beat every fifteen minutes and there weren’t any causes for concern.

It had been about ten hours now, ten hours of contractions and screaming and squeezing Lexa’s hand so hard that it would most definitely leave bruises the next day. It wasn’t going too smoothly either, Clarke wasn’t feeling too well; she was hooked up to an IV drip right now and given some mild drugs to help her relax. Her heartrate had spiked, and her temperature was up, and they had to make sure she was stable before progressing any further. Dr. Tsing had recommended getting up and walking around, saying it would help move things along but that was the last thing on Clarke’s mind right now given how much _everything_ hurt. She was getting close though, the last time her doctor had checked, she was 2cm away from starting to push.

But god, had it been a difficult ten hours. Lexa spent most of it trying to keep Clarke calm and telling herself she needed to be strong right now. The first couple of hours were better but the contractions were still quite strong. Lexa tried to keep her busy and distracted, talking to her, showing her animal videos, even playing music (yes, it was the playlist Lexa had made for their pseudo prom night-in) to do her best to keep her girlfriend calm and comfortable. But nothing was really working right now, and that was completely expected given how close Clarke was to actually giving birth. She looked exhausted, a sheen of sweat covering her face, neck, and upper chest as she did her best to keep her breathing steady between screaming in pain. Honestly, the pain medication wasn’t helping at all.

“Hurts too much.” Clarke spoke breathlessly, her eyes tired as she looked up at Lexa.

“I know baby, I know.” Lexa tried. “You’re doing great, okay?” She told her, reaching up with her other hand and wiping the tears away from her cheeks. Lexa wanted to take the pain away, she’d go through it herself if it meant Clarke didn’t have to.

“Why is it taking so long?” She gasped out, squeezing her eyes shut as another contraction hit her and she did her best to stay quiet, too tired right now to even scream.

“Just breathe,” Lexa coached her, “In and out,”

“I know how to breathe Lexa,” Clarke snapped, glaring at her but being cut short as another scream left her.

“Yes, I know you do.” She leaned in and kissed her forehead. “It’ll be over soon.” Lexa tried, she didn’t know what else she could say right now to comfort Clarke or even show support. Lexa was…panicking, and overwhelmed, and really really scared right now. It was difficult to see Clarke in pain, it was scary to know that their daughter was going to be five weeks premature because that meant there was room for a lot of complications, and Lexa wasn’t entirely sure she was completely ready to be a mom just yet – she thought she had another month. She turned her eyes back to Clarke, pulling herself out of her thoughts before picking up the wet washcloth from next to the bed and dabbing at Clarke’s forehead. “Is there anything I can do?” She asked her.

“Tell the kiddo to get out already, maybe?” Clarke joked breathlessly, Lexa responding with a smile at getting Clarke’s mood up even if it was just for a moment. “Until then, get me a drink?”

“Water?” Lexa asked, about to step away to fill her a glass.

“Something sugary. I think I can use a little energy.” Clarke told her instead and Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll check out the vending machine.” She agreed; Dr. Tsing had said Clarke was fine to eat or drink if she wanted to, actually she encouraged it to help keep Clarke’s energy levels up. “Fizzy or non-fizzy?” Lexa asked as she reached the door and opened it to leave.

“Doesn’t matter,” Clarke replied, clenching her jaws as she felt another contraction coming. “Just something cold.”

Lexa nodded, “I’ll be back in a minute.” She gave Clarke a small smile, “Are you going to be okay?”

Stepping out once Clarke nodded and reassured her she’d be fine for a few minutes, Lexa looked around the hallway, unsure of where to even find a vending machine. It was late now, very late so the couple of cafes in the hospital were closed and her best bet was finding a vending machine to get a drink. Lexa walked down the hallway and towards the waiting room, it would make sense for there to be one. She pulled out her phone as she continued with her search, checking her texts for her parents’ reply; Lexa had texted them once they were at the hospital because she couldn’t call them given how phones weren’t allowed in the maternity ward. She had told them that Clarke had gone into labor and how she couldn’t call because she didn’t want to be away from her. Lexa kept up with little updates throughout the day but she hadn’t for the past two or three hours. They had asked if Lexa wanted them to leave right away and come down – they were about five hours away – but Lexa said it was fine for them to start in the morning, everything was under control right now. Besides, it wasn’t like there was anything they could do; she was pretty sure no one else was allowed in the ward with Clarke right now other than herself.

**Dad**

**11:57pm**

Call us if anything changes. Or if you need anything.

**Mom**

**11:58pm**

Take care of Clarke and give her our best. Everything is going to be just fine honey ©©

Lexa smiled at her phone as she finally found what she was looking for. She typed out a quick reply as she approached the vending machine, letting them know everything was going alright and that the baby should be here soon. Pocketing her phone, Lexa pulled out some spare change and counted it, letting out a triumphant _yes_ when she realized she had enough for a bottle of soda. Like most people, she didn’t tend to carry cash around with her and usually vending machines nowadays accepted contactless payment. But it looked like this one wasn’t from this decade and Lexa was just glad it had some caffeine free sports drinks and sodas. She settled for the Sprite, punching the number in and then putting the money in.

.

“Oh, her head’s coming out.” Dr. Tsing said with a small smile, looking up at the two moms from her seat between Clarke’s leg. “I need you to stop pushing now Clarke, okay?”

“Oh god oh god oh god,” Clarke threw her head back, doing as asked and giving the doctor what she hoped looked like a nod.

“Almost there, love.” Lexa tried, reaching up and pushing the sweaty strands of hair out of Clarke’s face.

“Short breaths through your mouth, alright?” The doctor told her, “Just need to give it some for your skin and muscles to relax and stretch.”

It had been over an hour since Lexa had returned with Clarke’s drink to find Dr. Tsing already there and telling them that Clarke was ready to push. Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared, her anxiety had been through the roof since they first got to the hospital and it only seemed to get worse the closer they got to the baby being born. She had thought it wouldn’t take long after that, thinking that a few minutes of pushing would have the baby coming out. But despite all the research Lexa had done, she seemed to have missed the part where this can take up to three hours. If Clarke hadn’t bruised her hand in the first ten hours, she was definitely doing it now.

Clarke was shaking her head as she looked up at Lexa, “Lexa I can’t,” She said in a panic, “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.” Lexa nodded instead, “You’ve done most of it, it’s almost over.” She reminded her, forcing out a smile in an attempt to calm her. “You got this baby.”

Clarke looked scared, her breathing ragged but short as the doctor had asked. She was rightfully tired, but right now she looked worried and afraid, two things Lexa hadn’t seen in her in a while. Well, Clarke was scared when her water broke, and when their doctor told them the baby was coming. But she wasn’t scared through labor; annoyed, in pain, frustrated, irritated, yes but not scared. Not until now. “I can’t,” She shook her head at Lexa. “It hurts too much.” She told her, “Lexa I ca-” But a scream ripped through her, cutting her off; it was low and quiet, almost too tired to be any louder. “Fuck Lexa I’m scared.”

“I know, I know.” Lexa tried to comfort her, “And it’s okay.” Her voice was calm and soothing, and Lexa herself didn’t know how she was doing it. “This is scary I know, but you’re doing so well and you’re almost done.”

“What if something goes wrong?” Clarke’s voice trembled, “With the baby?”

Dr. Tsing had explained what was going to happen after the baby was born due to how early it was. If things went well, Clarke would be able to hold her right away but they would need to take her away a little later because she would need to be taken to the NICU to be put in an incubator. But there was potential for things to not go as smoothly. The biggest concern was the baby’s breathing, and with premature births like this, the baby tended to need a little assistance to breathe for a little while given how the lungs are the last thing to fully develop in the womb. They were already monitoring the baby’s heart rate, a clip attached to the baby’s head which was telling them it was fine now. So once she was born, if it fell or if she wasn’t breathing properly, they would have to take her away immediately, unable to allow Clarke to hold her straight away.

So yes, Clarke had every reason to be scared. Lexa was too. But they had been reassured that whatever happened, they were equipped to handle it and the baby would get everything she needed. It was late so the pediatrician Dr. Tsing had recommended had to be called in, but he was here now, actually he was just entering the room. Clarke was a little calmer now, Lexa somehow still managed to do that, even now given the circumstances. She could feel the pain in her lower body as her skin stretched, Dr. Tsing encouraging her to keep going because the baby’s head was almost completely out. But Clarke was a little too out of it to hear what she was actually saying.

“Hi Clarke.” The new doctor greeted her, stepping up behind Dr. Tsing. “I’m Dr. Monty Green” He told the two moms, giving them a warm smile, Lexa was the only one who returned it. “I know you’re worried but I promise you, your daughter is going to be absolutely fine.”

It wasn’t long after that that the last contraction rolled in, possibly the strongest one all day and Clarke let out something between a sob and a scream. But that was it, then it was over, the feeling of being split open was gone and now replaced by a dull aching instead. Clarke was too tired to have much of a reaction, only falling back into the pillow with a grunt and closing her eyes as she heard Lexa let out a gasp. She opened her eyes only a moment later as a sound filled the room; the smallest and quietest cry Clarke has ever heard, no doubt coming from their baby. Oh god, she was here now, she was really here. It was small and quiet and almost strained, and by the time Clarke managed to look up, Dr. Green was already stepping away with the baby in his arms.

“What’s wrong? Is she okay?” Clarke asked in a panic, her eyes darting between Dr. Tsing and Dr. Green who was now at the back of the room with a nurse.

“She’s going to be fine.” Dr. Tsing tried with a smile, stepping up next to Clarke. “This was expected, she’s having difficulty breathing and her heart rate is lower than we’d like it to be.” She explained to the worried parents. “Dr. Green is the best and he’s going to take care of your little girl.” She gave them a nod.

Clarke was clutching at Lexa’s hand who was now sitting on the edge of the bed next to her, her lips trembling as she watched the other doctor with their daughter. She wanted to hold her, see her at least, because god, it felt like she _needed_ to be close to her. “What’s going to happen now?” Lexa asked instead, the waver in her voice apparent as she did her best to sound steady.

“Now, I have to take her away unfortunately.” Dr. Green answered as he turned around to look at new moms. “You’ll be able to see her as soon as I get her settled in.” He gave them a warm smile, not waiting for a response before letting the nurse open the door for him and rushing out.

Clarke fell into Lexa’s arms, too many emotions, too many feelings, too many thoughts for her to process – not to mention how she felt physically, sore and in pain and more tired than she has ever felt. She didn’t know how to so she just fell into her girlfriend’s arms and let her wrap her arms around her. Lexa held onto her, trying to hold herself together because none of this is what any parent wants but she needed to keep herself in check just a little longer, till she talked to Dr. Tsing. “What happens now?” She asked again, her arms still around Clarke, holding her snug against her.

“Now Dr. Green is going to take your daughter down to the neonatal intensive care unit.” Dr. Tsing answered. “I think it’s only her breathing that she needs help with at the moment but we’re going to need to keep her here for a while.” Lexa nodded, they had already been told that; Clarke and the baby would be here for about 2-4 weeks – even if she didn’t have any problems. “The incubator is going to help keep her surroundings in optimal condition for her, help her get stronger and make up for the time she needed in the womb.”

“When will we be able to see her?” Lexa asked. “And like…how often will we be able to see her?”

“As often as you’d like.” Dr. Tsing told them with a comforting smile, speaking mostly to Lexa. “There are visiting hours, however, 9am till 6pm. But you can go see her tonight after Dr. Green is done.” They made exceptions for new parents, it was important they got to see their baby for the first time relatively soon after birth. “The team down there and Dr. Green will be able to tell you more like when you can hold her or how you can get involved with her care.”

“We can do that?” Lexa asked and the doctor nodded. “Okay, that’s great. Thank you.”

The doctor turned her attention to Clarke this time, who still had her face hidden in Lexa’s chest. “Clarke?” She tried but there was no response. “I promise you everything is going to be just fine.” The doctor told her. “This is nurse Alie, she’s going to help you get cleaned up and changed, okay?”

But Clarke shook her head, muttering a small no. She didn’t really want to be around anyone, especially a stranger. After the day she’d had, after having her baby girl taken away right now, Clarke just wanted to be in Lexa’s arms. “I’m fine.” Clarke said instead, her voice muffled.

Lexa kissed the top of her head, “It’s okay, I got it.” She told the doctor and the nurse standing a couple of steps behind her.

The two women nodded, stepping away and to the door to leave. “Oh right,” Dr. Tsing stopped, turning to Lexa. “Are you planning to breastfeed or formula?”

“Both.” Lexa answered; breastfeeding was what was best but it was good to have the convenience of formula.

The doctor nodded. “Okay, I will let Dr. Green know.” She told them. “He’s probably going to send someone up with a pump so the baby can be fed.”

Lexa nodded, watching as the doctor finally left. She let out a sigh, the room silent and uncharacteristically quiet after the past twelve hours. It was just the two of them now, Lexa had imagined this moment to have included their daughter but she knew that wasn’t going to be the case the moment Clarke’s water broke. “Hey baby.” She spoke quietly, noticing as Clarke’s body shuddered, telling her that her girlfriend was crying. “It’s okay,” Lexa whispered, her voice soft as she gently stroked her hair, listening as Clarke finally let go, letting all the emotions of the day finally pour out. “Everything is going to be okay.” She tried but she could hear Clarke’s muffled sobs. “She’s fine, our baby’s okay.”

“She’d be here with us now if she was.” Clarke argued, finally bringing her head up.

Lexa nodded, agreeing, “She just needs a little extra care right now.” She told her gently. “We can go see her soon.”

Clarke sighed, leaning back against the pillows. “I don’t think I can right now.” She told Lexa reluctantly. “My whole body’s about to shut down, I am so tired. I don’t think I can move.”

Lexa nodded understandingly, she couldn’t imagine what the past twelve hours must have been like for Clarke. She had every reason to be tired after what her body went through. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

It was almost 4am right now, Clarke sound asleep on the bed after being cleaned up and changed into a night dress. Lexa was right next to her, holding her close; she had thought Clarke would want some space right now. But that was the last thing Clarke wanted. She wanted someone close to her, she wanted _Lexa_ close to her; after having her daughter inside her for eight months, Clarke needed contact. Well, she needed her baby girl with her, against her body but they couldn’t really do that right now. So Lexa was here – she had also changed, now wearing a light t-shirt and a pair of jogging shorts – holding Clarke close. She had her head on Lexa’s chest, listening to her heart beat finally lulling her to sleep. Lexa didn’t really want to move either, she never did when Clarke was this close and now she knew how much Clarke needed this. She was upset and she was exhausted and Clarke ended up crying again once they were settled into bed together.

Dr. Green had come in a little after Clarke was settled into bed. He had good news, letting them know that their daughter was doing fine given her circumstances and there was nothing to worry about. He filled them in on everything they needed to know like the baby’s weight and height and telling them they’d talk more in the day once Clarke got some rest. He was nice, Lexa liked him; just something about the way he spoke, the softness in his eyes, in his smile, it made her trust him with her daughter. Dr. Green had asked about the baby’s name because right now the name tag only had the room number on it, the barcode programmed to be connected to Clarke’s. But they hadn’t decided on the name yet, they wouldn’t until they saw her. So Dr. Green settled on Baby Woods for now.

Lexa pulled out her phone, being careful to not wake up Clarke. Unlocking it and tapping on the messaging app, she went onto the groupchat with her parents – that she created only earlier today.

**Lexa**

**3:59am**

Baby Woods is here. 5.7lbs and 14 inches long. She’s okay considering everything. They have her in the NICU right now, she was having trouble breathing right after she was born. But the doctor came to talk to us after she was settled in. Told us she’s doing alright.

**Lexa**

**4:00am**

We haven’t seen her yet. Will get to in the morning. You guys will get pictures as soon as I see her.

**Mom**

**4:02am**

That’s a relief. I was so worried. I’m glad she’s doing okay.

**Dad**

**4:02am**

How’s Clarke? How are you?

**Lexa**

**4:03am**

Clarke’s upset. She’s tired and feeling unwell and just…really upset.

**Lexa**

**4:04am**

And I’m okay. My girls are okay. Nothing out of what they expected so everything’s being taken care of.

**Mom**

**4:05 am**

Can you call us sweetie? We haven’t talked to you since before Clarke went into labor.

**Lexa**

**4:05am**

I’m with Clarke, she’s asleep on my chest. Might wake her if I leave, she said she didn’t want to be alone. I’ll call you in the morning?

**Mom**

**4:06am**

Yeah that’s fine. Take care of Clarke but don’t forget about yourself.

**Dad**

**4:06am**

Try to get some sleep kid. Tomorrow’s a new day.

**Lexa**

**4:07am**

You guys should sleep too. Things are under control here, I’ll see you when you get back.

She put her phone away, turning her attention to Clarke to make sure she was alright before closing her eyes. Things _were_ under control right now, given the circumstances, given everything else that had happened in the past 12+ hours, things were under control. Everything was okay. _Okay_ being a relative term; Lexa was still worried, Dr. Green and Dr. Tsing had both reassured them but it was still difficult not knowing how long things would take to be normal, how long it would take for their baby to be okay. She wanted to see her little girl, wanted to hold her and talk to her and tell her how much she loved her, reassure her that everything was going to be okay. She had half the mind to go down right now because they had been told that it was okay if they wanted to go see her now but at the same time, Lexa didn’t want to wake up Clarke – she’d had a long day, she needed the rest.

Lexa couldn’t imagine what Clarke was going through right now. If she felt like _this_ , so desperate to be close to their baby, she couldn’t imagine what Clarke felt. Their daughter had been a physical part of her for months, Clarke _needed_ to be close to her, to hold her, have her against her skin. And Lexa just hoped that she would be able to do that very soon. Dr. Green hadn’t mentioned that, only that they would talk in the morning when they’d had some rest. And Dr. Tsing had said they would be able to get involved with the baby’s care while she was here so Lexa was hoping it wouldn’t be too long till either of them got to actually hold her.

Lexa was about to put her phone away and drift off to sleep when a thought crossed her mind. _Abby_. Clarke hadn’t spoken to her in months. Abby had called and texted but Clarke didn’t answer them, she didn’t want to. And Lexa wasn’t sure if Clarke would want her to contact Abby, tell her that her granddaughter was born. She let out a small sigh, deciding it was best to wait until talking to Clarke about it because she wasn’t sure how Clarke would feel about Lexa telling her mom. Besides, Lexa wasn’t too keen on having Abby around the baby after what she last heard her saw.

_Octavia and Raven_ , Lexa smiled to herself, they would want to know; they had been there for Clarke and her through this – once they knew. They had been supportive, taking their roles as aunts very seriously already, keeping Clarke’s mood up when she was feeling low and Lexa was really glad that they had friends like them. Actually, Lincoln had mentioned how Octavia had gotten into a fight with someone at school because she heard them say something…negative about Lexa regarding her being trans. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that, yeah, it was like Octavia to do something like that.

**Lexa**

**4:01am**

I know it’s late/early but knowing you, you’re still up. It’s prom night after all.

**Lexa**

**4:02am**

Oh right. It’s prom night. Hope I’m not interrupting anything.

**Octavia**

**4:02am**

Of course I’m up. My guys asleep so nah not interrupting anything

**Octavia**

**4:02am**

What’s up? Why u up

**Lexa**

**4:03am**

I have some news. The baby’s here. She was born about an hour ago, decided to give us heart attacks by coming a lot earlier than expected.

**Octavia**

**4:03am**

WHAT????

**Octavia**

**4:03am**

SHES NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR ANOTHER MONTH!!!!!

**Octavia**

**4:03am**

LEXA

**Octavia**

**4:03am**

WHAT THE HELL

**Octavia**

**4:04am**

IS EVERYTHING OKAY???

**Lexa**

**4:04am**

Yeah yeah. Things are okay. There’s some concerns coz she’s premature but considering…the doctors are happy so there’s nothing to worry about.

**Octavia**

**4:05am**

Okay yeah that’s good.

**Octavia**

**4:05am**

Raven’s out with her new gf and I can’t get a hold of her but we’ll come down in the morning. Or afternoon. Whenevers good for you guys. Just text me the details like the room number and shit and me and Raven will come down.

**Lexa**

**4:06am**

Yeah I’ll let you know after I talk to Clarke

**Octavia**

**4:06am**

Can’t believe you and Clarke actually have a kid now.

**Octavia**

**4:06am**

Get some sleep momma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay two things.  
> #1 is lexa's playlist that she made for clarke. [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2JVdAfd0QEueKefXj4aP4d?si=tj97iAOTQOKRAIdFZY2kwg) if you wanna listen to it.  
> #2 i feel like at least one person is going to tell me how its unrealistic that clarke didn't get to hold the baby after being born. so i'm just gonna put it out there that that's normal in situations like this. my mom didn't get to see my little sister for three whole days after she was born coz she was premature. and they had to take her away to a different hospital that had the facilities she needed and my mom wasn't out of the hospital herself for a day. and then there was stuff with the NICU that no one could see her for another day or two. SO YEAH just putting it out there its not unrealistic.
> 
>  _ **ALSO **please read****_  
>  i've been meaning to say this like the last two weeks but i keep forgetting. So i've been thinking about turning this into a series. i have a lot of this story i want to tell. like later down the line with clexa going to college and handling that and then becoming actual proper adults and getting married and having more kids. i wanna write a lot more of this universe past high school. so like. would you guys be interested in that? this part is going to the rest of high school for clarke and lexa and graduation and then it'll be done. but like i have more to write. SO yeah would you guys wanna read more of this universe?


	20. Momma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after and we finally get to meet the little Clexa baby. Well, Lexa gets to meet her because Clarke is still asleep, she's tired out from everything yesterday and deserves to sleep in. It's a little overwhelming, a little upsetting seeing her little girl like that, but oh wow, Lexa is already so in love with this little girl. She means the whole world to her and so much more and finally getting to meet her is incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its baby time: take 2. this chapter is lexa with the baby coz clarke is still asleep getting all the rest she needs after yesterday. and lexa is soft and mushy and emotional because oh god oh god oh god this is her daughter. but also angsty because its hard seeing the kiddo like that. also a familiar character from the show makes an appearance. 
> 
> ALSO thanks for all the comments on the last chapter. this will now definitely become a series. i have a lot of story left to tell for this universe. and them growing and getting on with their lives with this cutie seems like a fun ride. also like they'll totally have more kid/kids in the future. like wayyyy in the future lol not anytime soon nope.

Lexa found herself waking up from the sunlight streaming into the room through the windows. Blinking the sleep away, her first thought was to draw the curtains so it wouldn’t wake up Clarke too.

She’d had a long night, a very long night and Lexa was going to make sure she got to sleep in as long as she was needed to. She was tired too; not only did Lexa go to sleep at around 5am, the rest of the night (and day) had been an emotional rollercoaster. Her whole body felt tired, like it did the day after an intense practice session or day at the gym. Lexa only sighed, she wasn’t even the one doing anything physical, Clarke was going to be tired when she woke up. She stood by the window for a minute, there wasn’t much of a view, it was just the parking lot. But it was calm and quiet now, so different from what everything had been only hours ago.

But the small moment of peace and quiet was cut short by the sound of her stomach, grumbling and demanding food. Okay, that was fair, it had been a very long time since Lexa had eaten anything. Actually, she hadn’t since lunch yesterday. It was a little too hectic and chaotic for her to be eating and honestly, Lexa hadn’t even noticed. There were more important things going on for her to even acknowledge the fact that she was hungry. Up until now that is. Lexa rubber her eyes, stifling a yawn as she lifted her arm to check the time on her wrist watch. 8:43, it read. That meant it would be visiting hours at the NICU soon and she could go down to see their baby.

Lexa couldn’t help the smile that broke out on her face at just the thought. She didn’t even know she was smiling until a couple of seconds had passed and her cheeks started to hurt. Their baby. Their daughter. She was really here. This was all real. She was a mom now. She had a child. It was a little nerve wracking, a little scary, but it was also really exciting. And honestly, it felt unreal. It was a little difficult to believe that the thing that had been inside of Clarke for eight months was here now. And Lexa could see it. _Her_. Lexa could see her.

It was a little too overwhelming last night to even think about that. With everything going on, Lexa couldn’t even let herself dwell on what it meant now that her daughter was born. She didn’t even get to see her so everything Lexa felt in that moment was mostly fear and worry and anxiety. It didn’t feel quite as real as it did right now. Her mind was clear and all she could see when she closed her eyes was a little baby girl. That was enough motivation for her to get in the bathroom and brush her teeth before changing out of her shorts and into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. She really was glad she packed the hospital bag early.

Lexa made sure she was quiet, not wanting to wake Clarke before slipping out of the room. Her stomach growled again, being her attention back to it and how she needed food. But right now, what Lexa really wanted was to go and see her baby. Turning back to her watch, Lexa realized it had only been ten minutes since she had woken up, meaning the NICU wasn’t open to visitors just yet. So maybe it was a good idea to grab some breakfast before then.

Hospitals were confusing. All the hallways looked the same and the signage was awful. By this point Lexa was certain she was going around in circles when she finally spotted the Starbucks logo. _Huh so they have a Starbucks_ , Lexa smiled to herself, making a note of where she was right now in hopes of returning to get Clarke something from here too. There wasn’t much of a cue as she walked inside, two people in front of her and she almost expected it to be busier given the time. So Lexa waited, still struggling to keep her eyes open from the lack of sleep as she thought about what she wanted to eat. She settled on a blueberry muffin and her usual vanilla latte with oat milk.

It wasn’t long before there were only crumbs of the muffin left and half the coffee gone. As she waited, Lexa pulled out her phone to check the time, nodding as she saw it was past 9am. She didn’t think Clarke would wake up before she got back, Lexa wasn’t sure how long she was even going to be, probably not too long; she just wanted to see her baby girl, she’d come back with Clarke once she was awake. Last sip of the coffee gone, Lexa stood up and cleared her table, throwing the cup and wrapper into the bin before getting herself a glass of water.

_Okay, I need directions_ , reluctantly, Lexa found her way to the help desk on the floor – luckily it was only a few feet away from the Starbucks. It was empty though, there wasn’t anyone behind the desk and Lexa was almost temped to walk away and find her own way but chances were, that would take longer than waiting for someone to return to the desk. She waited impatiently, tapping her fingers on the desk and looked around, hoping someone was going to notice her soon.

“Hi,” A young man in scrubs greeted as he finally approached the desk with a drink in his hand. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Lexa smiled in response, “No problem,” She dismissed it. “Could you tell me where the NICU is?”

The directions were very helpful and no more than a minute later, Lexa was on the third floor standing in front of a frosted glass door that had a sign by the door, reading out _Neonatal intensive care unit_. The door looked locked, so Lexa looked around, finding instructions on wall on the other side of the door; it had the visiting hours, instructions on how to enter, and a small list of _do’s_ and _do not’s_. According to it, she had to press the little green button on the wall and wait for someone to let her in. After which they would instruct her to wash her hands, and roll up her sleeves and take off any jewelry if applicable. So Lexa pressed the button, waiting impatiently as she bounced her leg.

A young woman opened the door and smiled at her, “You must be Baby Woods’ mom.” She said as she gestured Lexa to step inside.

“One of them, yes.” Lexa returned the smile. “Lexa.” She introduced herself.

“I’m Gaia,” She responded, “I’ll been looking after Baby Woods while she’s here.”

Lexa nodded, she looked nice, had soft eyes and a gentle voice. Much like Dr. Green, it seemed like Lexa instantly trusted her with the care of her daughter. “Can I see her?” She looked around, there wasn’t much to see. There was a screen up less than ten feet in front of her, blocking the rest of the unit, presumably until the nurse ensured the visitor was meant to be here and that they were suitable to enter.

“Absolutely.” She answered, “Just wash your hands, up to your forearms.” Gaia instructed, nodding towards the sink. “Warm water so it warms your hands before you can touch the baby.”

Lexa took a shaky breath as she stepped up to the sink and turned it on. Suddenly her heart was pounding in her chest so hard that she could hear it beating in her ears. She was going to get to see her little girl, maybe even get to touch her. It was exciting and it was scary and Lexa was almost nervous about getting to see her. She didn’t know what to expect, not much more than the fact that she was going to be small – smaller than a full term baby at least. She had been mentally preparing herself all morning for that, and for the fact that the baby was going to be in an incubator, possibly hooked up to machines with wires and tubes. Just the thought of that alone was enough to make Lexa scared.

Gaia gave her a few more instruction before leading her inside past the screen. Basic things, like not making too much noise, covering her mouth with something if she had to cough or sneeze. Lexa nodded, listening to her as she followed the nurse inside. It was bright and cold in here, the walls and floors white, there were less babies in here than Lexa had thought. The incubators were spaced generously away from each other, enough to give parents with babies in here some sort of privacy. There were a lot of machines too, and Lexa could feel this aching in her chest at the sight of some of the babies, either in cribs or incubators, connected to one too many of them. It didn’t help that she didn’t know which one was her’s, didn’t know how her daughter was and whether or not she had half a dozen machines keeping her alive.

“Incubator number seven,” Gaia spoke quietly, approaching what Lexa assumed was incubator number seven. “Here we are.” She nodded, standing a feet away from the clear plastic box as she waited for Lexa to approach.

Lexa was frozen to her spot, unable to step any closer, or even bring her eyes up to look at it. She was scared, she was worried, she was _terrified_ of seeing her little girl like this. She had sneaked glances at some of the other babies and the thought of her daughter like that broke her heart.

“I know it’s scary.” Gaia’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, finally looking up to meet the nurse’s eyes. “It’s difficult seeing your baby like this.” She told her softly. “But I will walk you through it all, and I will make sure this little girl gets the best care possible.” Lexa sighed, nodding this time. “Come say hi to your daughter.”

_Daughter_ , Lexa took a shaky breath, taking tentative steps towards the nurse, closer towards where the baby was was. Standing right next to the incubator, Lexa still had her eyes glued to the floor, unsure of how to look up, unsure if she had it in her to hold it together once she saw her. Maybe she should have waited till Clarke was awake to come down with her, but then again, maybe it would be good to get the initial shock over with so she could offer Clarke some support. Finally, Lexa brought her eyes up, looking in through the clear plastic at the smallest baby she’d ever seen. A shaky gasp left her, almost sounding like a quiet sob as Lexa’s eyes found her little girl.

Small, she was small. Lexa knew to expect that but she didn’t quite know what it meant because babies were small even when they were full-term. She was small and a little skinny and her eyes were open as she looked up out to the world. Lexa bit her lip, trying to hide the tremble as she fought the tears from falling. She took in the rest of her, took in the tube taped to her tiny little face that went into her nose, took in the leads with the stickers on her chest that connected to some machines, the IV needle in her small hand, a little pad strapped to her foot. God, like her just being in the incubator wasn’t bad enough.

“She’s okay,” Lexa felt a hand on her back, realizing it was Gaia. “She’s not in any pain.”

Lexa remained silent for a moment, noticing for the first time that the tears had escaped. “All of that…” She started. “It doesn’t look too good.”

“I can explain it all, tell you what every one of these wires and tubes are doing.” The nurse offered, stepping away to stand on the other side of the incubator from Lexa as to see her. “Would that help?”

Lexa continued looking at the baby watching her. She had Clarke’s eyes and it couldn’t help but make her smile. She didn’t look like she was in pain. “Yeah,” She nodded to the nurse. “Please.”

“Okay so,” Gaia pointed at the tube in the baby’s nose. “This is tube is attached to a CPAP machine; a continuous positive airway pressure machine.” She explained. “There’s soft, flexible plastic prongs in her nose that slowly blow air into her.”

“Why?” Lexa looked up, a little panicked – was it because their baby wasn’t breathing on her own? Was it because she couldn’t?

“Her lungs aren’t quite strong enough yet.” Gaia explained. “But she is breathing on her own, the air from the machine helps keep the lungs inflated between breaths and it kind of acts as a reminder for her body to keep breathing.

“So, she’s breathing on her own?” Lexa asked, her eyes back on the little girl.

“Yes.” Gaia answered. “It’s also delivering a slightly higher concentration of oxygen than regular room air.”

Lexa nodded, okay this one wasn’t that bad. “What are the things on her chest?”

“They’re monitoring her vitals.” The nurse told her. “Her heart rate, heart beat, respiratory performance.” Lexa nodded in response. “Then you have the IV needle in her hand, helps keep her fluids up and makes it easier to give her medication or draw blood when we need to without hurting her.”

“Why does the thing on her foot flash?” Lexa wanted to know it all, she wanted to know what was happening with her little girl and that she was okay.

“It shines a light that monitors the oxygen level in her blood.”

“So she’s okay?” Lexa asked quietly, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She was so small and…perfect. Just seeing her was enough to make Lexa cry and it wasn’t only because of the way she was right now. It was this overwhelming feeling in her chest, like when she had first seen her in an ultrasound but ten times more intense.

“She is.” Gaia nodded. “She’s doing really well.”

“That’s good.” Lexa smiled down at her, “Hi baby,” She muttered quietly, “I’m your momma,” The baby seemed to respond, opening and closing her fist with her eyes locked on Lexa’s. She let out a wet laugh at that, fighting the tears.

“She’s very responsive.” Gaia noted. “Lights, sounds, movements.” She told Lexa. “A lot more than we expected.”

“Is that so?” Lexa asked the baby, smiling at her. “Eager to join in on the conversation, huh?” She tore her eyes away, looking at the nurse, “What about feeding?” She asked her. “I know sometimes premature babies can have issues with like,” Lexa thought about it for a moment, trying to remember what she had read, “Sucking and breathing at the same time.”

“So far, she has had no issues with that.” Gaia informed her. “She has gotten through the milk your girlfriend sent down earlier, so her last couple of feeds were formula.”

Lexa nodded, that was good, she was eating, she wasn’t having any difficulty with it either. “You’re so perfect.” Her voice was a whisper, the whole world seemed to fade away when she looked at her daughter. “I love you so much.” Lexa brought up a hand, wiping her face of tears. “I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Gaia waited in silence, letting Lexa have her moment before speaking up, “Would you like to touch her?”

Lexa’s head snapped up, “Can I?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, “Your hands are clean, they’re warm, of course you can touch her.” Gaia told Lexa. “It usually depends on the baby, some babies don’t really like being touched when they’re in here and it stresses them out.”

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.” Lexa interjected, shaking her head slightly because as much as she wanted to feel her little girl, she didn’t want to do anything to stress her out. She seemed to be going through enough as it was.

“You won’t.” The nurse reassured her. “She’s already had contact with me and the nurse working the shift before when we fed her.” She told her. “And she’s responded well to it.” Lexa nodded, relieved. “But she hasn’t been held yet, it’s probably best to let her get settled and get more comfortable with physical interactions before we move onto that.”

Lexa swallowed a lump in her throat, nodding uncertainly as she waited for Gaia to give her more instructions on what to do. She was…nervous. The baby was so small and looked so fragile and Lexa was almost afraid to touch her – what if she hurt her somehow? Her eyes were still glued to her as she stepped away, letting Gaia step in and open one of the little circular _windows_ on the side of the incubator. The baby’s eyes moved to it, detecting the movement almost immediately and Lexa couldn’t help but smile at that. It was a good sign that she was responding so well to her surroundings. “She’s just…so small.” Lexa finally spoke, watching as the nurse reached inside, “I’m a little nervous to get too close to her.” She admitted, paying close attention to Gaia’s actions as the nurse gently ran a finger over the baby’s arm. Her touch was featherlight, slowly running her finger down the baby’s skin. She seemed to react to it, but it was very subtle, blinking and shifting slightly.

“No need to be nervous.” Gaia reassured her, watching as the baby moved to turn on her side and she moved her hand to the little one’s back, stroking gently. “She likes it.” She turned back to Lexa, slowly withdrawing her hand. “It’s comforting.”

Lexa listened as Gaia instructed her on what to do and how. It wasn’t rocket science, it was pretty simple but Lexa still listened intently. Gentle touches, start with just trailing the fingers over her skin with barely-there touches, and slowly increase the pressure. Once she was comfortable with that, Lexa could _hold_ her, place her hand on her back or even her head, hold her hand if the baby wanted to. She just had to be careful to keep her movements slow as to not startle the baby, and Lexa just had to be gentle, that was all. Gaia had asked about the baby’s name, Lexa telling her that they hadn’t decided yet, they had three in mind and were going to decide after seeing her. And honestly, the moment Lexa laid her eyes on her, she had a name in mind. But yes, she was going to wait till Clarke saw her too before deciding.

Right now, Gaia had walked away, telling Lexa she’d only be a few feet away to give her some space with her daughter. But Lexa continued to wait, still uncertain and nervous about getting any closer. A moment passed before Lexa brought herself closer, leaning down slightly before speaking to her little girl. “Hi sweetie,” She said quietly, “I don’t think I know what to even say to you.” Lexa joked lightly, “I mean, you don’t know what I’m saying, do you?” Her eyes were wide and curious, watching as Lexa spoke, and she couldn’t help but smile at the little girl. “Your mommy can’t wait to meet you.” She made a small sound, Lexa’s eyes tearing up at it as she finally reached inside.

“You like it when I talk to you?” Lexa asked her, fighting back the tears from the way this little thing was looking at her. “Well, that’s good.” Her index finger landed gently on the baby’s back, just barely there as Lexa started to make small patterns with it. “I’ve been told I don’t shut up.” She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. The more she talked to her, the more of her skin Lexa felt, the closer she was to her daughter, the harder it got to keep herself from crying. “You’re beautiful,” Her voice trembled, her fingers moving slowly to her daughter’s lower back and her finally reacting to the touch. It was a small cooing sound, followed by a couple of rapid blinks but she looked calm and comfortable. “You have your mommy’s eyes.”

She really did, it was almost like looking into Clarke’s eyes. Lexa watched her, quiet for a moment, her finger trailing along the baby’s back slowly and gently before Lexa finally placed her hand flat against her skin. She made another noise, her tongue poking out and Lexa couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at that. The baby’s hand moved, the one without the IV needle, opening and closing her fist as she watched her momma. Lexa couldn’t quite explain how she was feeling, it was calming and overwhelming, familiar and new, made her heart race but it also soothed her just being close to the baby.

It was hard seeing her like this though, harder than Lexa had thought it would be. Just…everything about it, from the incubator to the breathing machine, it was all too much. She really didn’t expect her first moments with her daughter to be spent like this. All Lexa wanted was for her to be okay, and yes, Gaia told her that she was but it still looked…not great. It just told her that they couldn’t go home, that they couldn’t hold their baby girl, or even be with her constantly. She needed help, needed these machines to keep her comfortable, to keep her alive really. And if that wasn’t difficult to wrap her head around, Lexa really didn’t know what was. If anything, this was one of the hardest things Lexa has had to deal with. There was just something that their baby awakened in her, something she didn’t have a name for. But it made her want to protect her, keep her safe, make her okay, but it was all out of her control right now.

“You’re gonna be okay.” Lexa spoke after a moment, her voice a whisper with her hands on her daughter. She had a hand on the baby’s lower back, another on her head that was covered by a soft hat. “I’m going to make sure nothing happens to you.” Her voice was cracking as she watched her, she looked comfortable with Lexa’s hands on her, steady and unmoving. She was about to fall asleep, her eyes droopy and opening slowly every time she blinked. “I love you so much.”

Lexa left a little after the baby fell asleep, and it was no less than a magical experience to have her fall asleep with Lexa holding her. Well, holding her was a loose term but she did feel closer to her than she thought she would like that. But it was still hard, it was really really hard seeing her like that and not being able to hold her properly or have her fall asleep in her arms. The wires, the tubes, the clear box…Lexa was very close to breaking down right there. Thinking about it till she saw her, till she got to the NICU did nothing to prepare Lexa for what it would be like in person. Her little girl, so small and fragile, having to be all alone like that…it broke her heart. And it would break Clarke’s heart too. She was almost worried about when Clarke went down to see her.

The only thing that was on Lexa’s mind right now was her daughter. And how worried she was, how scared she was, how out of control she felt. She was in the third floor bathroom now, locked in one of the stalls as she finally let everything she was feeling out, and just falling apart. Everything she had been feeling since yesterday, since she started thinking something was wrong because Clarke’s contractions weren’t going away, since getting to the hospital – she had held it in long enough. Lexa didn’t have a choice but to keep herself together, to hold it in and be strong because Clarke needed her. She was feeling everything Lexa was, but also the physical part of going through labor too. And this was the first moment Lexa had alone, to herself, and she couldn’t really help but completely breakdown.

She was worried about the baby, worried about Clarke, worried about how long it would take for their daughter to be okay, worried about what was going to happen with Clarke now. Things were rough with her mom, she’d have to go back to school in September and Clarke would have enough on her plate with the baby as it was. But right now, the hardest part was their daughter. It was seeing her in the way she was, and Lexa wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. She wanted to fix it, she had to find a way to make things better, to make her little girl better. Yes, Gaia said she was fine, and not in any pain but that didn’t mean she was comfortable; the IV needle didn’t look comfortable, neither did the breathing machine tube, she couldn’t move as freely, she couldn’t be held, she had to be on her own. She had to be all alone; babies shouldn’t be all alone. They needed their parents, they needed to be held, they needed contact, and to be comforted.

Lexa let out a long slow breath, calming herself before wiping her eyes and checking the time. It was 10am, Clarke was probably still asleep, god knows she needs it after last night. Lexa shook her head, immediately pulling herself together as she stood up and unlocked the stall door before stepping out. As hard as it was, they had each other, she had Clarke and Clarke had her, and they would get through it together. It wasn’t going to be easy, not in the slightest, but together they could do anything. Lexa nodded to herself, looking at her reflection in the mirror before turning the tap on. _Yeah, yeah everything is going to be okay_. She splashed some water on her face, walking away to get some paper towels. She loved them both so much, Lexa had no idea how any one person could be capable of so much love but Clarke and their daughter meant everything to her.

_I have a daughter_. Lexa smiled to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. She was only eighteen and there was this little girl, so perfect and so small, with Clarke’s eyes that already looked up at her like she was her whole world, her daughter. And god she wouldn’t have it any other way. Another laugh left her lips as she thought about it, thought about how crazy it all was. She wasn’t crying because of how scary and uncertain parenthood at eighteen was. She was crying because her little girl was uncomfortable and weak and sick and needed help to breathe and…stay alive. But she was happy about being a mom, about going on what could only be described as an adventure with Clarke. She loved them both to the ends of the world and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its gaia!!!! her being the flamekeeper on the show made me think she'd be the best fit to be the clexa baby's nurse. coz like. the baby is technically madi but no her name isn't madi (her middle name is). idk it made sense in my head. you gotta wait a little longer till you find out the baby's name. clarke and lexa will need to talk about it after seeing her. also ye the baby's doc is monty. he's just a sweetheart and if i had to pick any character from the show to be a pedeatrician, i'd pick him. 
> 
> SO YEAH soft lexa, sad lexa, anxious lexa. let me know what you thought.


	21. Mommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finally gets to meet their baby. It's hard, seeing her little girl like that is very upsetting. But Lexa's there for her to lean on and as hard as it is, Clarke has a nice moment with her daughter. She's perfect and has Lexa's nose and Clarke can't get over the way her daughter looks up at her girlfriend or the way Lexa looks at their daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby time: take 3? lexa got a chapter with boop so its clarke turn. pretty similar to the last one but it ended up being so so so long. anyways, here's some fluff + slight angst. but its nothing much coz like. nothing bad is happening, right?

Lexa pushed the door to Clarke’s room open softly before stepping inside. The room was dark and silent, telling her that Clarke was still asleep and Lexa did her best to keep her from waking up. Given that Clarke fell asleep close to 4am, she’d only been asleep for six hours now; and that wasn’t close to enough after the day she had had yesterday. Lexa closed the door behind her with a soft click before waking closer to her girlfriend and leaning down, pressing the softest kiss on her forehead. She smiled at her, watching her sleep; she looked peaceful, calm, so different to when she had fallen asleep. Lexa sat down on the chair by her bed, not wanting to move the mattress by sitting on the bed with her.

Quietly, Lexa pulled out her phone, checking through her texts to find a couple from her parents, telling them they were about to start and will be home in a few hours. There were a few texts from her friends too; Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, some guys from the football team – Lincoln must’ve told them. She couldn’t help but smile at it, deciding to reply later as she tapped on the photos app. Lexa got a few pictures of the baby after she fell asleep, peaceful and calm, laying on her side, oblivious of the world around her. She could tell the wires and tubes were bothering her while she was awake, she looked comfortable but her movements were restricted, once she was asleep though, it all melted away. _She has the cutest little face_ , Lexa’s eyes moved up to study Clarke’s sleeping face, looking between her and their daughter, _Yeah, definitely looks like Clarke…not the nose though, I think that’s from me_.

Answering all the texts with…pretty much the same thing – telling them everything was alright given the circumstances and that Clarke was asleep but okay – Lexa went back to the photos, looking through them for one she could post on Instagram. It would wait until Clarke saw her too of course, but Lexa wanted to pick one where you couldn’t see too much of the incubator or the machines she was hooked up to – she didn’t want that to be the center of attention. Certain that she had found the perfect one, she caught Clarke moving from the corner of her eyes. Lexa put the phone away, looking up as Clarke stirred, letting out a sigh before finally beginning to open her eyes.

“Morning mommy.” Lexa said with a smile, watching as Clarke blinked a few times before finding her in the dimness of the room.

“Hey momma.” Clarke replied sleepily, this wasn’t a new thing for them. A lot of mornings since getting pregnant, their greeting to each other have been _hey mommy_ or _hey momma_. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon.” Lexa answered, getting up from her seat to walk over to the window to open the curtains. A nurse had come in a little after Lexa returned with breakfast but Lexa had told them Clarke was still asleep and they left. “How are you feeling?”

“Did you see her?” Clarke asked instead of replying, pushing herself up to sit up but groaning instead.

“Hey, hey,” Lexa rushed to her side, “Take it easy,” She helped her back on the pillow again before grabbing the controller for the bed and pressing the button to raise it. “The bed moves up, you don’t have to.”

Clarke nodded to her, relaxing back. “Did you see her?” She asked again, watching Lexa expectedly.

Lexa nodded, unable to keep herself from smiling, “Yeah, I went in the morning.”

Clarke could feel herself relaxing at Lexa’s expression, telling her that things were alright. “How is she?” She asked her again, doing her best to relax and reel in from the pain that shot through her from just trying to get up. Okay fine, she moved a little too fast, but it might still be worth bringing up with Dr. Tsing when she came to see her.

“She’s good.” Lexa told her honestly, her face soft at the mention of their daughter. “She’s doing really well according to the nurse taking care of her.”

Clarke smiled back this time, nodding slightly as relief washed over her. “What’s it like seeing her there?” She was a little reluctant in asking that, babies in the NICU rarely ever looked like they were completely fine or even comfortable for that matter.

“Scary.” Lexa lowered her eyes. “Upsetting,” She sighed before looking back at Clarke, sitting down on the bed next to her. “God Clarke, there’s so many wires and tubes and she’s in an incubator,” Lexa shook her head, not wanting to worry Clarke but telling her nonetheless. “But she’s okay. She’s awake and she’s moving and she’s breathing on her own and god, she even responds to noise and movement.” Lexa smiled this time, thinking back to the way she was looking at her momma with those big beautiful eyes as Lexa talked to her. “She kept looking at me while I talked to her,” Her eyes were misting over, it was ridiculous how emotional she was through _Clarke’s_ pregnancy, but it seemed like it wasn’t over yet. “I told her how you can’t wait to see her, and she opened and closed her hands like she could understand me.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the look on Lexa’s face, or the softness of her voice as she talked about their baby girl. “She sounds…incredible and amazing and perfect.”

“She is.” Lexa nodded. “She has your eyes by the way.” She added, unable to stop the grin at the way Clarke awed out loud. “She’s…very small.”

“Babies are small Lex.” Clarke reminded her, knowing very well what her girlfriend meant. Being five weeks premature meant their daughter was going to be smaller most babies – smaller than full term babies at least. “Did you get to hold her?” Clarke asked her quietly, she didn’t like the thought of her baby girl being alone, she needed touch and contact and someone to hold her and comfort her because…she was a baby.

“Kind of.” Lexa tried to explain. “I got to through the little windows in the incubator.” She told her. “She likes it when you stroke her back and arms.” Clarke gave her a nod, seemingly calmer than when she had woken up. “Or when you place your hand on the back of her head and back.” Lexa paused for a moment, recalling how it felt to have her fall asleep like that. “She fell asleep with me _holding her_.” She made air quotations around that, it wasn’t really _holding her_ but it was as close as they were going to get for now. “Clarke it was so amazing.” She was sitting next to Clarke now and Clarke leaned against her, her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she listened to her girlfriend talk about their daughter. “She looks like you when she sleeps, and I just stayed there in that awkward position for way too long because I didn’t want to wake her.”

“I can’t wait to see her.” Clarke spoke quietly, her hand going up to take Lexa’s, intertwining their fingers. It was a relief to know that she was alright, that she was actually better than Clarke was expecting. But it was still quite upsetting to not have her here with them. “Think she’s gonna like me?” Clarke joked, turning her head up at Lexa who only let out a small laugh.

“She’s gonna love you.” Lexa answered lightly, “She’s a Woods after all.” She shrugged, “We all seem to love you.” Lexa was about to speak again, but Clarke’s stomach rumbling stopped her. “Someone needs food.”

“I wanna go see her first.” Clarke frowned.

“Yeah your stomach’s going to wake up all the babies in there if you don’t get food first.” Lexa tried instead.

Clarke sighed, giving in, she was hungry. Like, really hungry. Actually Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she ate…a couple of cookies at the start of labor was probably it. “Too late for breakfast though.”

“There’s a Starbucks.” Lexa told her. “I can go get you something.” She said, about to get up. “No coffee though,” She reminded Clarke, “Breastfeeding and all that.”

“Get me decaf or a hot chocolate.” Clarke said instead, watching as Lexa got up.

Lexa nodded, about to walk away when she turned back. “Oh, I almost forgot.” She went to one of the tables by the side of the room. “Baby’s gotten through the milk from last night…morning…I don’t know, from earlier.” She picked up the breast pump and bottle, stepping up to Clarke again. “So she needs more,” Clarke nodded, taking it from her. “Are you gonna be okay with it while I get you food?” Lexa asked, she had pretty much done it for Clarke last night, she was too tired to after all.

“Yeah, I got it.” Clarke nodded. “Hurry up, I wanna go see her.” She waved her away with a smile; for once not worried but excited and looking forward to it. God, the past day had been really stressful.

Lexa was back about fifteen minutes later with a warm sandwich and a decaf hazelnut latte for Clarke – she hadn’t expected it to take so long, but apparently it was lunch time so the queue was very long. Walking into the room, Clarke was stepping out of the bathroom, complaining about the IV drip stand and saying how she didn’t need it anymore because she felt fine. It was good though, to see her up on her feet, but Lexa didn’t want her to overdo anything, she needed to rest and recover after yesterday. She had gotten a call from Dr. Green while she was walking back from Starbucks, telling her that he was at the hospital now and would come up to see her and Clarke soon. But Lexa had told him he didn’t need to, because they were coming down to the NICU to see the baby.

Just as they were about to leave though, there was a knock on the door, opening it to find Dr. Tsing. It was a short visit to check in on Clarke to see how she was doing – both physically and emotionally after yesterday. It was a quick check-up before the doctor nodded, happy with everything and let the new parents go down to see their daughter. Clarke was doing alright, nothing past the expected; including the pain she had felt when she moved too quickly after waking up. After pains were normal, they would last a couple of days and everything else she could expect had been gone over before the baby was born. She also asked Clarke about pumping breast milk, asking if it was causing any pain or discomfort and was happy to know that everything was fine. Dr. Tsing said she’d be down later on to talk to her in more detail, she didn’t want to keep Clarke too long right now, especially considering Clarke seemed okay. She did disconnect the IV drip though, capping the opening of the tube instead of taking the needle out because Clarke might need it again later.

.

Reaching the familiar door to the NICU, Lexa pressed on the buzzer, wondering for a moment how the buzzer worked because it didn’t really make a noise inside. Clarke had asked a bit more about the baby on their way, more specifically about what to expect in the NICU. And Lexa did her best to prepare her for it, it wasn’t easy when she had seen the baby and she just wanted to be there for Clarke. Gaia greeted them both, going over the same things she had with Lexa as they stepped inside. She also asked Clarke how she was doing, how she was feeling, and how she was holding up with her daughter being so far away from her right now. She was nice, very caring from what Clarke could tell and she was very happy with this being the person taking care of her daughter. Gaia updated her on the baby, that she was eating, and doing well, much like she had told Lexa.

Lexa had a hand on Clarke’s lower back as they walked in through the room to where their little girl was. There were more parents here now, some by their baby’s cribs and incubators, some sitting down on the numerous armchairs holding their babies carefully given the wires and tubes attached to them. Clarke couldn’t help but look around, feeling her anxiety pick up at the sight of the other babies, thinking about how their daughter was.

“It’s okay,” Lexa leaned in, whispering into Clarke’s ear at the way her expression changed the further inside they walked. “I promise,” She rubbed her hand reassuringly over her back, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Here we are.” Gaia said as she stepped up to their daughter’s incubator. Much like the other ones, there was quite a bit of space between it and the next baby, giving the parents some privacy for quality alone time with their babies.

Clarke was rooted to her spot a couple of feet away, unsure of how to approach their daughter. Unsure of how to even look at her. She could feel Lexa’s hand on her back, gently nudging her to walk closer. It was…scary. She had seen some of the other babies walking in, seen and heard the machines in action and the thought of her daughter like that was…terrifying and upsetting. “I’m scared.” She admitted, her eyes on the floor much like Lexa’s had been when she came down this morning.

“I know,” Lexa nodded, “I was too.” She kissed the top of Clarke’s head. “But she’s okay Clarke.”

“I’ll give you guys some space, okay?” Gaia spoke, making Lexa look up. “I’ll be close by if you need something.” She looked at Clarke from Lexa. “I can explain all the machines that the baby needs right now if you want, it helps to know what they do.” Clarke didn’t seem to respond, “Or Lexa can if you’d prefer.” Gaia pointed towards the brunette who nodded in response. “I promise you, your daughter is fine.” With that she stepped away, letting Lexa take over and comfort Clarke – this was overwhelming, and very new to most parents, it was normal that she was scared.

Lexa waited till they were alone, “Hey, look at me.” She turned slightly, coming to stand in front of Clarke and taking both her hands in her’s. “I know it’s scary but trust me, everything is okay.” Clarke finally met her eyes uncertainly. “I know it doesn’t feel like it and well…yes, it could be better. But our baby’s not in any pain, she’s strong and she’s doing really well.” Lexa stepped to the side, nodding towards the incubator. “And I think she really wants to meet her mommy.”

Clarke took a deep breath, nodding at Lexa before finally mustering the courage to step forward. “I really wanna meet her too.” She spoke quietly and Lexa smiled, taking her hand and slowly leading her to where their baby was only a couple of feet away. Clarke couldn’t make herself look up, not just yet, she was too scared. She didn’t know what it was like, she didn’t know how she would react to seeing her daughter like this, or how she’d cope now after seeing her but not being able to hold her and be close to her.

“Hi boop,” Lexa said as she looked in through the clear plastic at the baby laying there wide awake. “I missed you.” Her voice was quiet and soft, completely new to anything Clarke had heard before. Lexa’s hand was still on Clarke’s back as she rubbed her thumb waiting for her to look up.

Then Clarke finally brought her eyes up, uncertain and worried, convincing herself that everything was okay. A sharp gasp left her lips as her eyes found what Lexa was talking to. The first thing Clarke noticed was the clear plastic box, quickly followed by the tiny baby inside. She was small, and beautiful and staring up at Lexa with these huge eyes. A small smile crept into her face, but quickly fell as she took in the rest of the scene; the tube in her daughter’s nose, the leads stuck to her chest, the IV needle, whatever the thing on her foot was. Clarke took in a shaky breath, her legs giving out at the emotions that came out from seeing their daughter.

“Oh hey,” Lexa caught her, her arm going around Clarke’s back so she could lean against her. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” She tried, it looked like Clarke was about to collapse – Lexa would be lying if she said she hadn’t felt exactly like this earlier this morning. “She’s okay,” But Clarke was leaning into her, turning in her arms so she could hide her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“She doesn’t look okay.” Clarke said, her voice muffled by Lexa.

“She is,” Lexa tried. “I know it looks scary but she’s okay, she’s not in any pain.” But Clarke didn’t seem to move. “Hey, listen to me.” She spoke softly, giving Clarke some time to settle. “Our daughter is fine, she’s a little small and needed to be a bit more patient before deciding to come out like that,” Lexa joked, feeling Clarke smile against her. “But well, I guess she _is_ my daughter so we can’t expect her to patient.” There was a noise that sounded very close to a laugh. “And the moment you look into those eyes Clarke, everything is going change. I can’t explain it as anything else, but the moment I saw her, it felt like my life changed in an instant.”

Clarke took a deep breath, nodding before finally bringing her head up to look at Lexa, “Yeah, yeah I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Lexa smiled, stepping closer to the incubator again, her hand not leaving Clarke’s lower back in case she needed the support. “Come say hi,”

And Clarke did, she stepped closer next to Lexa and looked down at their daughter. “Hi,” She spoke to the little girl, her voice low as she tried to fight the tears. “Hi sweetie,” This time the baby’s eyes moved to her, curious and big, blue just like her’s. Clarke let out a deep breath, relaxing for the first time since waking up really. “God, you are just perfect, aren’t you?” There were tears welling in her eyes, doing her best to see through them as she felt Lexa’s hand rubbing her back. “So small,” Clarke tore her eyes away, looking at Lexa, studying her face for a moment before turning back to the baby. “You have your momma’s nose.”

“Yeah, I thought so too.” Lexa nodded with a smile, agreeing, unable to contain the overwhelming feeling in her chest from watching Clarke and their daughter.

“You were right,” Clarke said after a moment, she was watching the little girl, watching her moving her hands and letting her eyes wander as she took in the world around her. “Everything melts away when you look at her.” Lexa brought herself closer, pressing a long kiss to Clarke’s temple. “I love you so much boop.” Yeah, they still didn’t have a name. “You’re perfect and I can’t wait to get to hold you.”

“Oh!” Lexa interrupted, “I’ll get Gaia, she’ll let you _hold_ her like I got to.” Air quotes again – it wasn’t really holding her, was it? It was close enough though.

Clarke nodded, her eyes glued to the baby. “Yeah, yeah I’d like that.”

Gaia came over only a moment later, smiling warmly at Clarke and happy to answer any and all questions she had. Her first was about the machines, Clarke wanted to know what all the tubes and wires were for so the nurse went over them much like she had with Lexa. Clarke nodded once she was done, visibly more relieved at knowing what they were for and at knowing how her little girl was doing fine. Lexa stood by her, watching the baby as Clarke listened to Gaia, waving at her and making faces at her, hoping for some sort of reaction. Well, she was responding, she was watching Lexa intently, her fingers wiggling and arms moving slightly, almost like she was asking Lexa to not stop.

“Making faces?” Clarke spoke once she was done talking to Gaia, waiting for the nurse to show her and tell her how she could have some physical contact with her baby. When she had turned around, she was greeted with Lexa sticking her tongue out at the baby watching her momma with so much focus.

“Just trying to hold her attention ‘coz you two might bore her to sleep.” Lexa joked in response, smiling as she took a step back allow Gaia to show her how the baby liked to be approached and touched.

Clarke rolled her eyes, turning her attention to the nurse and watching carefully as she listened to her explained. “Looks like she likes that.” She commented, watching as the baby opened her mouth and blinked, shifting slightly as Gaia trailed her fingers gently along her arm.

“She does,” The nurse nodded, smiling at the baby before slowly withdrawing her hand. Her movements were very slow, not wanting to startle the baby or make her uncomfortable. “Physical touch is very comforting, and it also helps them heal and get better quicker.” She turned to Clarke, telling her. “About a day or two until you get to hold her properly, I would say.” Clarke gave her a short nod. “It’s going to help her a lot. The more time she gets to spend with the two of you, whether you’re holding her or touching her, or even just here with her, it’s going to help her get better a lot quicker than without it.”

“Well, we’re going to be here as often as we can be.” Clarke responded.

“Go on,” Gaia nodded towards the incubator.

Clarke stepped forward, reaching out and waiting for a moment as she watched the baby. She seemed to have already noticed her hand coming inside the incubator and was just waiting. Clarke couldn’t help but smile, still a little scared to actually touch her; she was just so small, Clarke didn’t quite know how to. “Hi cutie.” She spoke to her instead, keeping her voice quiet. “I’ve been waiting to get close to you for so long.” She admitted, “But now that I’m here…I’m a little scared.” Clarke admitted, feeling Lexa kissing her shoulder from behind. “Don’t scream, okay?” She joked, moving her hand closer very slowly until the tips of her fingers came in contact with the baby’s arm and she wiggled just slightly.

Clarke traced patterns onto her arm with her fingertips, waiting a moment before placing her hand on her tummy. The baby gaped at her, eyes big and curious, poking her tongue out for a moment before closing her mouth and Clarke let out a soft laugh. “You’re so precious.”

“She’s perfect,” Lexa said from behind her, smiling down at the baby and watching as Clarke placed her hand gently on her stomach. Just as she was about to speak again, Lexa noticed the familiar man walking towards them, “Dr. Green,” Lexa said instead. “Hi,”

He smiled at the two of them, noticing how Clarke was very much busy with their daughter. “She looks happy.” The doctor spoke to Lexa, nodding towards the baby. “You guys have a name for her yet?”

“Not yet,” Lexa answered, Clarke didn’t seem to hear him, she was a little occupied. “We haven’t had the chance to talk about it yet.”

“Why don’t we leave mommy to it, and I catch you up on how your daughter is doing?” Dr. Green asked, motioning Lexa towards the exit of the NICU so they could talk without disturbing anyone. “I promise, there’s no bad news.” He added quickly, noticing the concerned look on Lexa’s face.

“Yeah, yeah.” Lexa nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. “Clarke, I’m gonna go with Dr. Green, I’ll be back soon, okay?” She asked her girlfriend, who finally tore her eyes away from the baby.

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke nodded, turning to Dr. Green this time, “Hi,”

“Promise I won’t keep her long.”

Lexa leaned closer to Clarke, kissing her cheek before following the doctor out of the unit. It was a relief to know that there was no bad news, so Lexa was actually eager to know what Dr. Green wanted to talk about. Well, she wanted to know how her daughter was doing and what they could expect.

Clarke remained in her spot, this time bringing her other hand up, slowly and gently, as the nurse had instructed. She ran her finger on the back of the baby’s head, coming down to her forehead gently as the baby closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. Just as she was about to place her hand on the back of her head, the baby let out a cry. It was small and shrieky, and almost like a squeak but it sent Clarke into a panic, unsure of what to do or how to react. Every rational thought left her mind, she knew why babies cried but that was given _normal_ circumstances, what if something was wrong? What if she was in pain? What if Clarke had done something to upset her?

“Gaia?” Clarke called in a panic, watching as the nurse calmly but quickly make her way towards her. “What’s wrong, why is she crying?”

“Don’t worry.” Gaia tried to reassure her, taking Clarke’s place as Clarke brought her hands away and let the nurse step in. “She is just fine.” She smiled at the little girl, calmly putting her hand inside and stroking the back of her head. “It’s okay little one, you’re okay.” But the baby kept crying, louder than a second ago but it was still such a small noise that it broke Clarke’s heart, she wanted to do whatever it took to soothe her. “She’s just hungry, that’s all.” Gaia said to Clarke, about to step away. Lexa had handed the milk Clarke had pumped after they came in and she had put it away. “Just keep her company, I’ll be right back with her bottle.”

Clarke was panicking as Gaia left, but a second passed before she realized that her little girl was okay and this was one of those _normal_ things that made baby’s cry. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She spoke to her, trying to soothe her. “Gaia’s gonna be here in a moment sweetie.”

And she was, it was no more than a minute before the nurse was returning, a small bottle and muslin cloth in hand. Clarke had brought in two bottles, and she was actually surprised with uhh…how much milk there was. But that was good, would be when the baby needed to be fed more often because right now the small bottle in Gaia’s hand was only half full.

“Hi sweetheart,” Gaia said to the baby as she approached, Clarke stepping away to let her get closer. Her movements were slow and precise, very much practiced as she set the bottle and cloth down on the shelf under the incubator, and opening the side of the incubator for easier access. Turning the baby on her side and a hand on her back, Gaia reached down again, picking up a pillow from the shelf and placing it behind the baby to keep her on her side. She looked so calm and collected, like she had done this a hundred times before – _okay, she has, probably more than that_ , Clarke thought as she watched the nurse. She was speaking gently to the baby, keeping her movements as slow as possible to not startle or overwhelm her before retrieving the bottle and cloth, and placing the soft cloth under the baby’s cheek. Clarke paid attention, watching how she did what she did, soon enough, she’d need to do it on her own. Actually, Clarke was prepared to, just not in this setting, she was a little afraid of doing the wrong thing because the baby looked so fragile. “Here we go,” Gaia said to the baby, bringing the bottle’s teat to her lips.

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as the baby’s crying stopped the moment she took it in her mouth. Gaia didn’t seem to have to encourage her to take it, just held it to her lips and the baby was opening her mouth for it. Her and Lexa were worried about that, worried about feeding because when she was born, her main problem was her breathing and they knew it could make the suck-and-swallow process harder. But she seemed just fine, her eyes were on Gaia now as she sucked on the bottle very enthusiastically.

“Do you want to feed her?” Gaia’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, her attention still on the baby but talking to Clarke.

Clarke looked a little confused, “What?”

“Do you want to feed her?” Gaia asked again, turning her head to look at Clarke with a smile.

“Wait, you’re seriously asking me?” Clarke looked surprised; her daughter was in an incubator, with half a dozen wires and tubes on her, she didn’t know how she was going to get involved in her care, as her doctor had said. Clarke was too scared to touch her and it seemed like she needed a professional to take care of her, not her, not when she knew just barely what to do.

“Yeah,” Gaia nodded. “It’s important that you and Lexa are involved in her care.” She told her. “But it’s okay if you don’t want to just yet, it is a little intimidating.”

“No, no,” Clarke shook her head. “I…I want to.” She answered. “I just…didn’t think I could. Yet anyways.”

“Here, come on,” Gaia motioned at her to come closer. “All you have to do now is hold the bottle and wait until she’s done.” She told Clarke who nodded. “A bit of it will dribble onto the cloth but that’s okay.” Slowly and gently, she let Clarke take the bottle from her. “She’s awake now, so she’s take most of it.” Gaia stepped away, letting Clarke take her position, watching as the new mom brought her other hand up to rest on the back of the baby’s head. “When she feeds while asleep, half of it ends up on the cloth.” Clarke nodded in response, focusing keenly on the small bottle in her hand that moved ever so slightly with every time her daughter sucked. “It’ll take a little while, I get you a chair and leave you to it until she’s done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU'LL GET THE BABY'S NAME IN THE NEXT CHAPTER I PROMISE. but hey, anyone got any guesses? coz the three names clexa picked out were Theo, Ava, and Charlie. so? points to anyone who can guess the correct name? yes. also thanks for reading.


	22. Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Woods finally gets a name. They love their little girl and miss being around her. Clarke's boobs are big. Lexa's a useless lesbian. And aunty Ray and aunty O make an appearance. It's a nice change from everything, reminding them that after all, they are just teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby's finally got a nameeee. its a nice chapter. its fluffy and there's a lot of talk about the baby. she's doing good. clarke is feeling better. lexa is utterly and uselessly in love with her girlfriend and daughter. there is a small mention of abby though. she doesn't know about theo and its something clarke just realizes. but its a good chapter. and it was fun writing the bit with raven and o.

They were back in Clarke’s room now, Clarke back in her bed with Lexa sitting next to her. They were both in a better mood since having seen their daughter. It was a relief to know that she was okay, that she was actually doing better than they had expected. It was still hard to have to leave her there but they spent close to an hour and they didn’t want to overwhelm the baby; and besides, Clarke needed to lie down, she needed to rest. Lexa was next to her now, Clarke leaning against her chest, the two of them holding hands and Clarke just…trying to get as close to Lexa as possible. She missed her baby girl already, she wanted to be closer to her, needed it, so the most Clarke could get right now was Lexa. And Lexa was happy to oblige.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked her after a moment, one hand holding Clarke’s while the other trailed her fingers along her arm.

Clarke nodded, “I miss her.” She confessed. “I mean, it was great to see her but I just…want to be with her.”

Lexa nodded, “Yeah I know.” She agreed. “We’ll go see her again later today, okay?” Clarke nodded. “Hey,” Lexa started, trying to lighten the mood, “What was it like?” Clarke turned her head to look at her, not moving otherwise as she waited for Lexa to explain. “Seeing her, being with her, getting to touch her?” There was a small smile on her face, watching as Clarke’s eyes lightened at the question.

“It was…magical.” Clarke couldn’t help the smile that broke out on her face at the thought of it. “I don’t know how to explain it, right.” She turned in Lexa’s arms to look up at her. “It was like…finding a part of myself.” She shrugged, unsure of how to explain it. “Like a part of me I didn’t even know I had.” Lexa nodded, it seemed like she knew what Clarke was talking about. “I saw her and I touched her and it was like…I don’t even know Lex, it was this immediate connection and I…fell in love.”

“Yeah I know.” Lexa nodded, her voice soft. “It’s like everything changed the moment I saw her.” The smile didn’t seem to go away as she thought back to it. “You know I thought it would take a little while to…build that bond with her, that connection but,” Lexa shrugged. “It was instant.” She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to keep herself together. “I looked into those eyes and she looked up at me and…” There were tears welling in her eyes, “I fell in love.” She repeated what Clarke had just said. “I mean, I’ve been in love with those eyes for years anyways.”

Clarke bit back her smile, leaning back against Lexa again, the smile fading away slowly. “She’s perfect, isn’t she?”

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked her quietly, noticing the way Clarke’s expression changed.

Clarke shrugged, staying silent for a moment before answering. “It’s hard seeing her like that…” She snuggled up to Lexa, trying to get closer. “I want her here with me. Hell, I wanna be home with her. I wanna hold her and have her close to me and not let her out of my sight for a moment…” She trailed off, not wanting to get too upset.

“But instead she’s stuck over there.” Lexa finished for her and Clarke nodded. “We’ll have her here with us soon, okay?” She tried. “She’s going to be okay and we’re going to go home together before you know it.”

Clarke nodded, taking a deep breath to keep herself together. “Anyways,” She shook her head, bringing herself up to look at Lexa, changing the subject. “We have to talk about something important.” Lexa looked confused, suddenly a little worried by the seriousness in her voice. “Name. Baby Woods needs a name.”

Lexa let out a breath she didn’t now she was holding, nodding out of relief. “Right, yes she does.”

“I think I’m a little torn between two after seeing her.” Clarke admitted.

“One name struck me the moment she looked at me.” Lexa responded.

“Okay good, at least one of us is decisive.” Clarke nodded, “I’m bi, I’ve never made a decision in my life.”

That got a chuckle out of Lexa, “I mean, you’re not wrong.” She joked and Clarke only swatted her lightly on the arm.

“It’ll help if the name you want is one of the ones I want.” Clarke reminded her, Lexa nodding as she waited for Clarke to tell her which ones she had in mind. “Charlie and Theo.” She told her girlfriend, watching as she smiled. “Your face says you agree with me.”

“Theo.” Lexa replied, nodding. “I think Theo is perfect for her.”

“She looks like a Theo.” Clarke agreed. “I don’t know why, but it fits.”

Lexa nodded, smiling if not beaming as she ran the name in her mind, _Theo,_ now her daughter had a name. “Theodosia Madison Woods.” Lexa said to Clarke who smiled back.

“That’s a beautiful name.”

“We should tell Dr. Green she has a name now.” Lexa added.

“Oh right!” Clarke suddenly remembered. “What did he say about her?” She asked. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, yes.” Lexa assured her. “Everything is fine, she’s doing good.”

She filled Clarke in on what the doctor had said and to both their relief, it was mostly just good news. Theo was doing alright, better than they had expected her to be given the circumstances. The biggest issue when she was born was her breathing so everyone had been worried about that. But she was doing better already, she was breathing on her own, she didn’t need too much extra oxygen. And they were expecting to get her off of the machine in a couple of days which was really good to know. She was feeding regularly, she was moving around, and even responding to her surroundings. It was all good news, and after everything lately, they needed that.

.

A little past noon now, Clarke and Lexa were waiting for Indra and Gustus. They were coming over to see Clarke, drop off some things for the two of them because the hospital bag they had packed only had enough last them a day, maybe two. Lexa needed more clothes, so did Clarke, and also some food – given how Clarke was feeling, they figured she’d want things to snack on rather than bigger meals. Clarke wanted to see them too, it had been a really stressful past day, and she really just wanted a hug from either Indra or Gustus. She didn’t want to admit it, but Clarke missed her mom. Okay she missed having her around, but she didn’t really miss Abby personally – not after everything anyways.

“My mom doesn’t know.” Clarke spoke randomly, she was sitting on the bed with a packet of chips in her hand while Lexa sat on the arm chair by the corner of the room with a candy bar.

“What?” Lexa looked up from her phone, they were enjoying the silence in each other’s presence. “Your mom?” She asked and Clarke nodded. “Yeah I umm…was thinking about that last night.” Lexa told her honestly. “I was thinking about texting her or something but…” She shrugged. “I didn’t know how you’d feel about it and honestly…I don’t know how I feel about it.” Lexa pushed herself off the chair, making her way to Clarke who didn’t seem to have anything to say. “Do you wanna call her?”

“Not really.” Clarke answered. “I miss her Lexa.” She finally admitted, not looking at her girlfriend. “I don’t miss the person she’s been to me since I got pregnant.” She tried to explain it, “But I miss my mom, I miss the person she was before all of this.”

Lexa nodded, sitting down next to her. “Give her a chance to explain maybe?” She offered, “A chance to apologize possibly.” She was still upset at Abby, she was mad at her really. Abby had literally said she wanted Clarke to lose the baby, that she wanted her granddaughter to…well, cease to exist – so, quite literally, die. Because at that point, the thing inside Clarke wasn’t just a bundle of cells, it was alive and it was their daughter. But Clarke didn’t know about that, she didn’t know what her mom said that day at the hospital – Clarke had enough reason to be upset at her with her constantly telling Clarke how big of a mistake this was. So Lexa hadn’t told her about that, neither had her friends nor the Woods because honestly, it broke Lexa’s heart to have someone so close to them say that and she didn’t want Clarke to know. It would destroy her to know her own mother wanted their baby girl to…not be here.

“I don’t wanna have to be the one making the first move.” Clarke shrugged. “She’s the mom, it’s not my job.” Lexa nodded in agreement. “I hope she’ll call or text or something when she finds out.”

“How is she going to find out?”

Clarke shrugged, “I don’t know, I mean, the hospital might call her, we’re going to post about it online to let everyone know.” She answered, “She’ll find out one way or another.” Then she paused, thinking back to the last time her and her mom had even been in the same room together. “What happened that day at the hospital?” Clarke finally asked.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked her, knowing very well what incident Clarke was talking about. But well, Clarke didn’t know.

“It felt like something changed that day.” Clarke answered. “My mom became more distant, your parents became more protective.” She added. “What happened?”

“Well, my mom and dad were worried – like me – after what happened and we just all wanted to make sure nothing like that would happen again.” It was only about half true. “I don’t know about your mom though.”

Clarke watched her for a moment, studying her face. “Something happened, didn’t it?” She asked her knowingly. “Something you don’t want to tell me?”

Lexa sighed, it wasn’t easy keeping things from Clarke. “Abby uhh…” She started reluctantly, “Said something that makes me want to make sure Theo is never around her.” Lexa looked away from Clarke as she spoke, there was a coldness in her voice that Clarke had never heard. “Or you, for that matter.”

“What did she say?” Clarke asked, she had a feeling it was more than just _Clarke’s mom causes her a lot of stress so she shouldn’t be around her all the time_. “Lexa?” She tried again, her girlfriend didn’t seem to want to answer.

“It’s not important.” Lexa tried to brush it off. “What’s important is that you and Theo are okay.” The name seemed to roll of her tongue so easily, it felt familiar already. “And that you’re around people who love you and support you and will do so no matter what.”

Clarke finally put away the packet of chips she had in her hand – long forgotten anyways. “Tell me what she said.” Her voice was firmer now, it had to have been something…bad if Lexa didn’t want to tell her. They didn’t keep things from each other, no matter what it was about.

“Clarke,” Lexa sighed, giving her a look asking her to let it go.

“Lexa please.” Clarke tried, ducking her head to look at Lexa who had her eyes lowered. “I want to know.” She told her. “If it was something that bad, I want to know.” Lexa looked up at her this time. “I need to know whether or not I want her to be a part of my daughter’s life.” Lexa still didn’t say anything, “Because it seems like you don’t so I think I deserve to know Lex.”

“It’ll upset you,” She stated. “And after everything, after the past almost 24 hours, I don’t want to upset you.”

Clarke sighed, okay maybe Lexa had a point, at least for now. It had really been one hell of a day and Clarke could do with some positive things rather than negative ones. “Will you tell me later?” She asked instead. “After things are…a bit more settled?”

Lexa nodded, “If you want, then yes I will.” She gave her a small smile. “Just…not now. We don’t need to dwell on the negative.” She pulled out her phone, tapping a couple of times before turning it to Clarke. “Not when our little girl is here.” She handed it to Clarke. “Choose a pic, I wanna tell the world I have a daughter.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, taking the phone from Lexa that was already open to one of the many photos she had taken today.

.

“Lexa,” Clarke stated without looking up. She was currently sitting on the bed with her top off, waiting for Lexa to get her the now-cleaned breast pump and a bottle. It hadn’t been too long since Clarke had last expressed milk for the baby, it was after waking up right before they went to see Theo. But it was only about 5oz and although the baby wasn’t taking much at a time, it wouldn’t get through more than two, maybe three feedings. It seemed like the milk was coming in now though, Clarke’s breasts felt tight and they definitely looked bigger too. She didn’t quite understand how it went from there barely being any to feeling like it was going to burst right now. Clarke had mentioned the lack of milk after waking up to Gaia, and she had reassured that it was perfectly normal. It was going to take a couple of weeks to fall into a routine and pattern with her breast milk.

“Yeah?” Lexa asked, still standing by the table where the pump and bottles had been. By the time she had picked it up and turned back around to look at her girlfriend, Clarke’s top was gone and her…chest was…very distracting. Her eyes were still on her boobs, bigger than she had seen them and Lexa was wondering how that happened so quickly between noon and now.

“You’re staring.” Clarke told her, quirking an eyebrow. It was amusing and Clarke would be lying if she wasn’t flattered. Throughout the entire pregnancy really, especially the earlier weeks before the baby was showing and it felt like to her that she was just putting on weight, Lexa had been amazing. And well, effortlessly so, it wasn’t like Lexa was _trying to_ make her feel better about her body, it was just how it was. Clarke had been worried that the bigger she got because of the baby, it would start to maybe overwhelm Lexa and she’d…not find her as attractive as she used to. But the way she looked at her, and touched her, and kissed her…it really did make Clarke believe when Lexa said she was the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen.

Even now, Lexa was just standing there and staring at her, that look of lust and want in her eyes. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure why even because she looked like a mess right now. After last night, Clarke was tired and she was certain there were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was greasy, not to mention how messy her hair was. The rest of her body was…also not great at the moment, she needed a shower or a bath, Clarke desperately wanted to take a bath and maybe she could soon – she was staying here for a while, until the baby was ready to go home and Dr. Tsing had informed her that they’d move her to a more comfortable room by tomorrow. But yeah, Lexa. Clarke felt like a mess right now, and kind of gross given the amount of sweat and other bodily fluids she has had to deal with since getting to the hospital. But Lexa was looking at her, even now, like she was the most beautiful person on the planet and Clarke could feel the heat creeping up her cheeks.

“Okay, and?” Lexa asked, finally flicking her eyes up to look at Clarke’s face, a smirk on her lips. “What’s your point?”

Clarke let out a small laugh, “Just get over here, you useless lesbian.”

Lexa returned it with another laugh, finally moving and making her way to Clarke’s side. “Want some help?” She asked lightly, Lexa was ready to help out any which way Clarke needed, she just wanted her to rest right now and recover from the past day – if not the past few months.

Clarke only nodded, trying to stifle a yawn as she scooted over on the bed to make room for Lexa to settle in beside her. “You gotta do everything for me for at least the next week.” She said jokingly, leaning back against the pillows as Lexa screwed the bottle onto the pump.

“And I will.” Lexa assured her, leaning in to kiss her cheek before setting the pump against Clarke’s left side. “We really need to get a better one of these.” She said to Clarke, they had a pretty basic one at home, figuring they wouldn’t need to use it as much because Clarke was planning on mostly breast feeding – formula too, but that was more for when Clarke wasn’t around, like late at night when she’s asleep or in the shower or something. But right now, it made sense to get a better pump, the baby would be needing milk and Clarke wouldn’t really be able to feed her – definitely not for a couple of days and even then, it wouldn’t be every time Theo needed to be fed. “I was thinking an electric one, should be easier and a lot quicker.”

“Hmm,” Clarke nodded as she felt the suction from the pump. “How do you do that?” She asked Lexa as she continued to pump, looking up at Clarke this time with a questioning look. “The pumping thing,” She explained. “You did it last night for me and now, and like I can just barely feel anything.” She told her. “I did it this morning and it felt…weird.”

“Did it hurt?” Lexa asked in response, “Because if it did, you need to-”

“Didn’t hurt.” Clarke shook her head. “Just felt weird and not in a nice way.” She shrugged. “So like, I’m gonna make you do this for me.”

“No complains here,” Lexa smirked up at her, “I mean, I get to hold your boobs so…”

Clarke only rolled her eyes, smiling at her girlfriend before they fell into an easy conversation. Lexa continued with what she was doing, the two of them making small talk as she finished with her left breast and moved to the other one. They talked about Theo and they talked about what they were worried about but also what they were looking forward to. Right now, they were mostly worried about how things were; although they had seen the baby and talked to Dr. Green, they were still worried. It was fine now, but there was still a possibility for things to go wrong, for _something_ to happen to Theo. She was so small and frail and needed help to breathe, so yes, there was definitely more than enough reason for them to worry.

It was hard given that it was the first day, they wanted to be closer to their daughter and they wanted to spend more time with her. Although they had been told they could go and see her as often as they liked, Clarke and Lexa didn’t want to overwhelm her, Theo had a lot going on already. Gaia had mentioned that the machines and wires could make babies uncomfortable from time to time because really, it was a little much to have to deal with constantly. So they just wanted her to be comfortable, they didn’t want to be overbearing, as much as Clarke wanted to be closer to her little girl, her comfort mattered more than anything else.

.

It was a close to 3pm right now, Lexa returning to the room Clarke had been moved to after having dropped off some more milk for Theo. The new room was on the same floor as the NICU, it was more comfortable, felt less like a hospital and closer to a hotel room. There were similar rooms down the hallway as well, they were for parents of sick children and babies, ones who needed to stay close or wanted to. Like Clarke needed to – she wanted to too – she needed to be close to Theo, be there to feed her even if she wasn’t physically doing it herself. And after a couple of days, Theo would be needing her moms more often, when they can hold her and be closer to her. It would help her heal quicker, make her feel better, and it would help Clarke and Lexa bond more with her.

Lexa didn’t bother knocking, only put her phone away in her pocket before pushing it open. She was greeted to the sight of her two friends, Octavia sitting on the two-seater couch and Raven at the foot of the bed with Clarke. She knew they were coming over, they had texted Lexa asking when was okay and she had made sure with Clarke that she was okay with visitors. Lexa knew that after the time she’d had, Clarke might have wanted to just be alone. But she wanted to see her friends a little later on in the day, of course. After moving to the new room, she took a shower, got changed and it was enough to make her feel immensely better and more comfortable.

“Hey mommy,” Raven said with a grin as Lexa stepped into the room.

“That’s Clarke.” Lexa responded, not missing a beat as she smiled at her friends.

“Then what are you?” Octavia questioned, stroking an incredible soft looking stuffed dog on her lap. Lexa could only assume it was for Theo given the gift tag tied around its neck with a pink ribbon.

“Momma.” Clarke answered for her, smiling as Lexa stepped up to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead in greeting.

“How’s the kid?” Raven asked the two of them.

“Asleep right now according to the nurse.” Lexa answered. “But yeah, she’s doing good.” She replied honestly, sitting down next to Clarke as her arm went around her automatically.

“That’s good.” Octavia said with a nod, watching as Clarke leaned against Lexa without thinking much about it. “She had us worried coming out like that.” If anything, Clarke and Lexa were a little distracting but in a really cute way. Just as Lexa found her place by her girlfriend’s side, Clarke seemed to take her hand, Lexa taking it as a cue to run her fingers from her free hands along Clarke’s arm. “You two are disgusting.” Octavia joked, shaking her head.

Raven nodded from her spot, “You can’t keep your hands off of each other, it’s making me sick.” She made a gagging motion, Clarke and Lexa both rolling their eyes but doing nothing to disprove them as they snuggled in closer and Lexa kissed her cheek.

“Oh!” Octavia exclaimed, stopping Clarke from responding to Raven. “Name, does the baby have a name yet?”

Lexa nodded, smiling. “Theodosia Madison Woods.” She told them. “Or Theo.”

They stayed for a bit, Lexa and Clarke both happy to have a little break from the stress and tension and just enjoying their friends’ company. Raven and Octavia were happy for their friends, excited to see Theo so it was a little sad that they couldn’t for a while. Lexa did show them pictures – Octavia very confidently concluding that she’s the cutest baby she has ever seen. They had brought presents too, the stuffed toy that Octavia was sitting with, and two small gift bags that were sitting on the table by the side of the room.

“Okay, I have a question.” Clarke spoke, looking at Raven. “How come we haven’t met your new girlfriend yet?” She quirked an eyebrow, Lexa and Octavia turning their eyes to her as well, expecting an answer.

“What girlfriend?” Raven crossed her arms over her chest, smirking at them. Her voice was calm and measured, she hadn’t really mentioned this girlfriend to anyone yet – well, she had told Octavia there was this girl she liked, but her friends knew her well enough by now.

“The one you spent last night with.” Lexa retorted, her voice matching Raven’s as she tried to hide a smirk at the taken aback look on her friend’s face.

“Oooh,” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows, grinning as she looked between the three girls, the normalcy of the conversation very much welcome. “Really?” This was brand new information.

“Yep.” Octavia nodded, ignoring the daggers Raven’s look was throwing her way. “A car picked her up just as me and Lincoln were leaving.” She said to Clarke and Lexa. “A really expensive car, by the way.” She added. “She may be a college student, but girl’s got it going.”

Raven scoffed, it was all true anyways, she didn’t have much to say to get the attention off of herself. “Maybe I just don’t want you three to scare her off.” She said instead.

“I am offended.” Lexa shook her head, stating loudly as a hand went over her heart to feign hurt.

“Yeah, how dare you?” Clarke tried to sound serious, but a laugh interrupted her.

“Come on, tell us.” Octavia spoke, “I only know her name, you haven’t even shown me a picture.”

“Embarrassed?” Lexa quipped jokingly.

“Yeah, is she ugly or something?” Clarke bit back a smile.

“She’s a solid nine.” Raven answered, “So like, hotter than the three of you put together.”

A chorus of gasps answered her, followed by several more lighthearted _how dare you_ ’s and _wow I’m offended_. “Come on,” Clarke reached her arm out towards Raven, “Show us.”

Raven sighed, “Fine,” She gave in, pulling out her phone before looking through her photos for something _appropriate_ of her new girlfriend. “Here,” She handed the phone to Clarke. “But _don’t swipe_.” Raven made sure to tell her and Lexa. “The rest are for my eyes only.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raven and o? how cute was that? loved writing it. like its such a contrast for clarke and lexa. going from their daughter's birth to talking about raven's secret girlfriend. but at the end of the day, they are just teenagers. and that's what i wanted to get across. 
> 
> ALSO NAME. THEO. LITTLE BABY THEO. THEO WOODS. THEODOSIA MADISON WOODS. A PRETTY NAME FOR A PRETTY BABY. [HERE'S A POST FOR THE BABY. ITS CLEXA'S SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ANNOUNCING THEO'S ARRIVAL](https://bottom-lexa.tumblr.com/post/625303251679641600/unexpected-clexa-teen-pregnancy-au-chapter-22)


	23. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandma and grandpa Woods finally pay a visit, so this is definitely a Woods (+ Clarke) family chapter. They're a little upset that they can't see their granddaughter yet, but they did bring over a very special present for little Theo. There's a good bit of Lexa and her parents, a bit of talk about Lexa's past in regards to her being trans - it's all good things, and Lexa just hopes she can be the same for her daughter. And then we finally get to find out what Raven and Octavia got for Theo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a pretty nice chapter. a bit of emotions with getting into lexa's past. but nothing bad i promise.

“How are my girls?”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she heard Indra say, her and Gustus walking into the room with smiles plastered on their faces. Gustus was carrying two shopping bags, and Indra an overnighter – presumably with clothes for Clarke and Lexa. Lexa smiled back at her parents, standing up from her spot on the edge of Clarke’s bed to take the bag from her mom as Gustus approached Clarke.

“Hey mom,” Lexa greeted her, taking the bag from her and setting it down before hugging Indra.

Clarke did the same with Gustus from her spot on the bed, “Hey kid,” He wrapped his arms around Clarke’s shoulder, letting the smaller girl lean into his embrace as her arms went up around him.

They were short hugs, Indra pulling away from Lexa and hugging Clarke, Gustus moving away from Clarke to hug his daughter in greeting.

“So,” Indra started lightly, sitting down on the small couch by the side of the room. “How’s our granddaughter?”

Gustus looked down at the couch his wife was sitting on, examining the space next to her and debating whether or not it was big enough to fit him. Deciding against it, and mentally cursing the size choice of the couch, he leaned against the arm rest instead. “Yeah, and what name did you guys choose?”

“Theo,” Clarke answered with a smile. They had talked over the names with Indra and Gustus, wanting their opinions and even a little advice on – after all, as Lexa put it, they had to name their only kid twice. They had mentioned how they wanted something that was at least a little gender neutral and Lexa’s parents had suggested Charlie. Theo was actually Lexa’s idea, it was very random, to say the least, it had come to mind when she was while listening to _Hamilton_ and _Dear Theodosia_ came on. Theodosia was a little too much to call her all the time – not to mention it would be a mouthful for the baby when she started talking – but they still loved the name, it was beautiful. And Theo fit the bill for being gender-neutral, not to mention it just _sounded adorable_ according to Clarke.

“And she’s doing just fine.” Lexa added. “We’ve been down to see her and she’s doing good.” She couldn’t fight the smile as her mind went back to her daughter, as she thought back to how it felt to finally see her and talk to her and get to touch her.

They wanted to know everything, Indra and Gustus were almost as excited as Clarke and Lexa were about the baby. They were worried too, given how she was premature and currently in the NICU, it made sense to be. They were looking forward to getting to see her, so for now, Lexa showed them pictures. Watching as his parents took the phone from her to get a better look. There were numerous questions about the tubes and wires, asking multiple times whether she was okay or in pain or in any sort of distress. Clarke and Lexa were quick to assure them that everything was fine and that Theo was comfortable – as much as she could be, but they left that part unsaid. Lexa took her time to explain it all to her parents, the machines she needed, what the tubes and wires did. They could see Indra and Gustus looking in the pictures, aww-ing out loud and if they didn’t know any better, they would say they were tearing up. It was their first grandchild after all.

After talking for a while and the Woods parents spilling a few more stories about baby Lexa, Gustus and Lexa left the room to get some lunch for the two girls while Indra stayed with Clarke.

“How are you doing, honey?” Indra asked as she got up from her seat on the couch and made her way towards Clarke’s bed before sitting down by the end of it.

“Oh, you know,” Clarke started with a sigh, “Tired.” She answered. “Yesterday was…rough.”

“Yeah, I never regretted not doing that.” Indra told her, referring to labor and giving birth, lightly shaking her head, Clarke smiling in return. “Are you feeling okay though?” She asked her, “It was over twelve hours and then to have Theo…” Indra trailed off.

“Yeah…” Clarke nodded, taking in a breath to steady herself. “It hasn’t been great.” She admitted, her voice quieter than before. “Last night was…hard and not having Theo close hasn’t been easy.” Her voice wavered and Clarke looked away from Indra to keep herself together. “I just wish I could have her closer to me.”

Indra nodded, moving closer, next to Clarke so she could put her arm around her shoulders. “I can’t imagine.” She told her quietly, letting the younger girl lean against her.

Clarke fell silent, letting Indra hold her. She missed her mom and it really helped having Indra and Gustus around but god…Clarke missed her mom. With all of this, Clarke couldn’t really think of anyone else to be there for her but her mom – she hated to admit it, especially after how things were during the pregnancy but well, she missed her. She missed the way it felt to have her mom hold her, tell her she was okay, make her feel safe. And right now, as Indra held her and kissed the top of her head, Clarke felt so close to that. “Thank you,” She spoke after a moment, her voice quiet as she stayed still, feeling Indra’s hand coming up to run through her hair.

“For what sweetie?” Indra asked her, a little confused as she continued to soothe the young girl.

“For…everything.” Clarke answered, her voice soft and relaxed. “For being so supportive and caring and practically taking me in because of how things were at home with my mom.”

“Clarke, you’re family.” Indra told her simply. “You always have been, way before you got pregnant, way before you and Lexa were having a baby. You make my daughter happy, you have ever since you two met and right after meeting you for the first time, I knew just how important you were to her.” Lexa was never subtle in the way she looked at Clarke, or the way she talked to her, and no one could miss the way her eyes lit up when she talked about Clarke. “And that meant you were just as important to Gustus and I.”

Clarke remained silent for a moment, letting what she had just heard sink in. Then Clarke moved slightly, bringing herself up to be able to look at Indra. “Are you guys upset at me?” She asked her cautiously.

“ _What?_ ” Indra sounded surprised, “Why would we be upset at you?”

“For keeping the baby.” Clarke answered. It was something she thought about quite a bit. It took a while to finally believe it that Lexa didn’t _hate her_ for it and not only was she on board but that she really was okay with it too. But she didn’t know about her parents, what if Indra and Gustus thought this was ruining their daughter’s life – much like how Abby felt about Lexa?

“God no,” Indra shook her head. “Look, I’ll be honest okay?” She started. “No parent wants to know their teenager is having a baby. Obviously, it’s not ideal,” Clarke agreed, nodding at her. “But, it happened, so it is what it is. There is no reason for me and Gustus to be upset about it, that’s not going to achieve anything.” Indra told her. “We’re not upset at you; we were worried, still are for both of you, you and Lexa are just teenagers, not even done with high school.” She gave Clarke a smile, trying to ease her. “That’s why we want to be here for both you. Being mad at you or at Lexa isn’t going to do any good, it’s only going to push you two away. The best thing we can do as parents is be there for you, and support you, and help in any way we can.” She remained silent for a moment, watching as Clarke nodded, finally agreeing. “Have you talked to your mom yet?”

Clarke shook her head, “No, not yet.” She shrugged. “Don’t really know when I will.”

.

“You doing, okay?” Gustus asked Lexa, nudging her shoulder lightly with his as the door to the room closed behind them. It was a stressful situation, the whole pregnancy had been, and it wasn’t really letting up – not with the baby coming so much earlier.

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded with a sigh, “I’m okay.” She told her dad as they walked through the hallway. “Kinda stressed, kinda tired but…it could be worse.”

Gustus nodded at his daughter, she sounded tired and knowing her, Lexa probably didn’t get much sleep considering the fact that the baby was born at three in the morning. “Talk to me,” He said to her casually, “What’s going through your head?” Lexa tended to overthink, keep things locked up in her head and not mention it. But that overwhelmed her, led to her anxiety acting up, making her snappy and irritable; it even led to panic attacks sometimes – that hadn’t happened in a long time though, Lexa was a lot better at dealing with herself now.

“I’m just worried dad.” Lexa admitted with a light shrug. “There’s just so much going through my head right now, and I know it’s probably the same for Clarke, but we haven’t really had the chance to talk.” She rubbed her eyes, continuing to walk, making their way to the elevator.

“Talk about what?” Gustus urged her to continue.

“Everything. Like…we had a plan for when Theo was born, we’d been thinking about it since we knew we were having a kid but…” Lexa trailed off. “We thought we had another month.” She admitted. “I wasn’t ready for it right now, and Clarke wasn’t either. And everything else surrounding Theo being born was just…difficult.” She sounded stressed. Yesterday was scary; Clarke’s health was up and down, at one point they were worried about her fainting. Then Theo was born, and they had to take her away immediately, their little girl was having difficulty breathing, and even now she wasn’t entirely fine, was she?

Gustus listened as they stood in front of the elevator and he pressed the button to go down. “How’s Clarke doing?” He asked, “I know it’s hard for you not having your little girl with you, how is she taking it?”

“Clarke…she’s strong, she’s holding on but she’s really upset.” Lexa told her dad as the two of them waited for the elevator. “I can’t imagine what it must be like for her to be away from Theo right now, hell I can’t stand being away from her.” She shook her head at the thought, they were going to go see her again today. “Other than that, she’s kind of just recovering from last night. It wasn’t…smooth or easy and Clarke needs to rest.”

Gustus nodded as the doors to the elevator slid open, a couple of people getting off before him and Lexa stepped inside. “Let’s go get some food?” He asked his daughter who nodded and he pressed the ground floor button. “There’s a Subway about a block down from here, sound good?”

“Trust me, after the hospital stuff, anything sounds good.” Lexa gave her dad a smile, watching the numbers counting down on the elevator.

They waited in silence for the next few seconds before stepping out of the elevator. Lexa let her dad lead her towards the exit and out of the hospital.

“You said you weren’t ready for it just yet,” Gustus asked as they stepped onto the sidewalk outside the hospital, “Ready for what? Raising a kid?”

“I mean, partly, yeah.” Lexa nodded with a half shrug. “Raising a baby is scary as it is, and me and Clarke are practically just kids ourselves but like…we talked about it, we talked about how we’re going to approach it, and how we’re going to go about raising a baby, and we also talked a lot about…how we’re going to cope with it all.” She continued talking to her dad as they walked. “So I’m as ready for that as I’m going to be, besides it helps that I know I’m not alone.” Lexa smiled at her dad this time, giving him a grateful look. “Like, obviously I have Clarke. But I have you and mom too.” Then her face fell, “That’s more than Clarke can say, you know? Her mom doesn’t even know that Theo’s here.”

Gustus shook his head lightly at that, honestly he wasn’t too sure he wanted Abby anywhere near his granddaughter. But deciding it was best to skip past that right now and not add to Lexa’s (or Clarke’s) stresses, he went back to what they had been talking about, “So what are you most worried about?”

“School.” Lexa told her dad. “Theo was supposed to be here next month, that meant we’d be close summer vacation so I wouldn’t have to worry much about school.” She admitted. “And finals is coming up and…I don’t know what I’m going to do now. Clarke and Theo are going to be at the hospital for two to four weeks and that means I’m staying too. There’s no way I’m leaving Clarke alone for even a day, I really don’t want to.”

Gustus nodded at his daughter, smiling softly as he listened to how she talked about her girlfriend and newborn daughter. It filled him with a sense of pride, just the whole way Lexa had dealt with it all; from the moment Clarke got pregnant, to supporting her through it, and now that the baby was here. It made him happy, made him feel like he did something right raising his daughter. “I’m proud of you, you know that?” Lexa only smiled at him as they finally approached the Subway. “You’ve handled all of this so well, and you haven’t left Clarke’s side for one moment. I know it must have been incredibly overwhelming at times.”

Lexa let out a small laugh, nodding, “You have no idea.” She shrugged again, waiting by the door to finish her conversation with her dad before entering. “But I mean, I love her and I was responsible for it just as much as Clarke was. And honestly…I wouldn’t change a thing, Theo is our little miracle.”

“You’re a good kid.” Gustus placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. “You both are.” He said about Clarke. “And don’t worry about school, me and your mom will call them on Monday, sort something out so you can stay here with Clarke and Theo. At least till exams start.”

.

“I have something for you two.” Indra said after her daughter and husband were back with food. “Well, you three actually.” She corrected herself with a smile at the two girls sitting on the bed. The food was currently waiting on the table at the side of the room for after Indra and Gustus left.

“Oh?” Lexa asked, quirking an eyebrow before her eyes followed her mom as she got up and made her way to one of the bags her and Gustus had brought in. “What is it?”

“Your mom insisted on getting it to you guys today, even though Theo won’t be able to use it for a while. That’s why it took us so long to get here.” Gustus explained, still not telling them what exactly it was. “I had to search through all the boxes in the attic.” He sighed, shaking his head and hiding a smile as his wife returned with what she was looking for from the bag. “You had a lot of things as a little kid Lexa, it took forever.”

“Here,” Indra said as she stepped up to the two of them, placing a folded blanket on the bed between them.

Clarke tilted her head in confusion, looking at the light pink knitted blanket in front of her. “What’s this?” She asked as she picked it up, it was soft and a little worn out with a pattern knitted along the edge.

Realization seemed to dawn on Lexa as she watched Clarke unfold it, “Is this…?” She asked her parents who only nodded. Lexa couldn’t help the smile that broke out on her face, waiting as Clarke finally turned the blanket around to find the name embroidered on one of the corners.

“Aww,” Clarke’s eyes softened as she looked at it, it was a baby blanket with her girlfriend’s name embroidered on the corner of it in a delicate, swishy script font. “This was your’s?” She turned to look at her girlfriend who nodded. “This is so cute,” Clarke turned back to Indra and Gustus, “Thank you so much.”

But then something clicked in her mind, her expression changing to one of slight confusion as she tried to make sense of it. Well, of course Lexa had a baby blanket, that wasn’t the confusing part, it was the name that was on it. Lexa was trans so Clarke would have expected a blue one, with a different name on it – and Clarke would have expected them to not have that one anymore. She wasn’t quite sure about how to ask about that, she was a little curious, she wanted to know but then again this was Lexa’s and that’s all that mattered. No, Clarke didn’t want to know where the _other one_ was, or what her name _was_. Not that, Clarke just wanted to how this blanket, that said Lexa, came to be.

“The name?” Lexa asked knowingly, the smile still in place on her face.

Clarke looked up hesitantly, “Yeah…”

“Right so,” Gustus started from his spot on the couch; he had managed to wiggle his way in there this time, squeezed in next to his wife but Indra didn’t seem too happy about it. “This one was almost five when she told us she was a girl.” Clarke nodded, she knew that bit – it was apparently a week before Lexa’s birthday.

“And it took about a week…?” Indra looked at Gustus for confirmation who nodded, “For us to find a name she liked.”

“And then they got this made.” Lexa continued for them, taking the blanket from Clarke before holding the soft fabric up to her face.

“It was five years late,” Gustus admitted, “But a baby blanket is a special thing, we wanted her to have it even though she wasn’t a baby anymore. Especially because she wouldn’t want to keep the one she had as a baby.”

“And she won’t admit it,” Lexa glared at her mom as she spoke. “But she slept with it till she was ten.”

Lexa scoffed, “I did not.” She tried, but it was true.

She had been so scared to tell her parents, she was just a little kid and had no idea what she was feeling, she didn’t have a name for it, or any way of explaining this _discomfort_. So Lexa did her best, she was nervous and crying before she could even get the words out because it felt like something was _wrong_ with her, something was wrong about the way she felt – none of the kids at school felt like this, so why did she? Her parents had gotten worried, unsure of what it was that had their child so upset and scared. So Indra had held her, told her that her and Gustus loved her no matter what and that she could tell them whatever was going on in her head.

And then Lexa did; she didn’t know she was transgender, she didn’t know what she was feeling was dysphoria when she got called a boy or treated like one. So she said the only thing that made sense to her, she hid against her mom’s side, feeling so small and so scared when she finally told them _I’m a girl, I’m not a boy_. It was like having a weight being lifted off of her, but it was still so scary, she didn’t know how they were going to react. But then all the worry melted away when Indra just hugged her tighter and Gustus joined them. They told Lexa they loved her, and that they always would and they would do whatever they had to to make sure their little girl was happy.

So yes, that baby blanket was a big deal. It had come in the mail and Indra had called her over, told her she had an early birthday present. Lexa was excited and bouncing on her spot as her mom had shown her what it was. Even as a little kid, the meaning of this gift wasn’t lost on her. It meant a lot that her parents did this for her, got this for her, it showed her that they truly _believed her_ when she said she was a girl and that they weren’t just humoring her. Lexa had been a little worried that they wouldn’t take her seriously because she was so young. But of course they did; they had her see a specialist, someone who understood this better and someone Lexa could talk to more openly, Indra had taken her shopping for new clothes, and it was Gustus and her who spent time looking for the right name. “ _Lexa?_ ” He had asked, his daughter nodding enthusiastically, “ _We like that one the best?_ ” “ _Yes._ ” “ _Okay Lexa, let’s go tell mommy_.” So yes, getting a blanket that said Lexa on it instead of her _old name_ , Lexa slept with it till she was ten.

The others could see the way Lexa’s face changed as she thought back to the past, looking down as her eyes misted over. Yes, she was only five then, so she didn’t remember everything about it, but she remembered enough to know how amazing her parents are.

“You okay, Lex?” Clarke asked after a moment, watching how her girlfriend had fallen silent.

Lexa nodded slowly, her thumb stroking the blanket over where her name was. “Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have you guys,” She muttered quietly, fighting back the tears as she looked up at her parents. “You made everything so easy for me.”

“Oh Lex,” Clarke cooed, moving closer to wrap her arms around her girlfriend who was about to cry as Indra and Gustus got up to come do the same.

“Kid, we’re the lucky ones.” Gustus said as his arm went around the three other women, engulfing them all in a bear hug. “We got a daughter as amazing as you.”

.

“What’s on your mind babe?” Clarke asked as they sat together on the bed. It had been a while since Indra and Gustus had left, the two of them were relaxing on the bed together after having lunch. Clarke didn’t have much of an appetite, but Lexa made sure to get her to eat enough to keep her energy up – she needed to eat, especially considering how Clarke was breastfeeding.

Lexa was breaking a part of her cookie, mind very clearly occupied as she looked up at Clarke from the opposite end of the bed. “Hmm?” She looked at her questioningly, not sure what Clarke meant.

“You’ve been a little quiet since your parents left.” Clarke nodded towards the baby blanket on the bed between them, “Since seeing that.” Clarke was sitting by the head of the bed, her legs out in front of her and Lexa was seated on the other end, by the foot of the bed. “Are you okay?”

Lexa nodded slowly, popping the piece of cookie in her mouth. “Yeah, yeah I’m okay.” She told her. “I was just thinking about my parents, and when I was a kid, and now Theo.” Lexa explained with a small smile. “They were great, you know. They’ve always been so supportive of everything and I always knew I had a shoulder to lean on. Well,” She paused. “Two. My mom and dad were both just as great.”

“They are great.” Clarke nodded in agreement.

“Yeah and I just hope…I can be the same for Theo.” Lexa told her uncertainly. “Like this,” She picked up the blanket. “Just all of it, with me being trans, you know?” Lexa continued. “Like, they never made me think for even a moment that there was something wrong with me or I was making it up or anything like that.” Clarke gave her a smile, nodding knowingly. “They were so good about it, they _are_ so good about it. I forget sometimes that I’m _different_ and not like _most girls_ ,” Lexa shrugged lightly, she was only just stating facts, she didn’t sound upset by that. “Or that I’m even trans because I’ve always gotten to just be me.” She pushed her hair back, a small smile on her face as she thought about it. “And it really is only because of my parents.” Lexa moved a little closer, holding her hand out for Clarke to take before continuing, “I just hope I can be half as great as my parents were with me…with Theo.”

“I know you’re going to be.” Clarke stated simply, she didn’t have a single doubt in her mind that Lexa would be a great mom. “You’re gonna be great, I know it.” She told her but Lexa scoffed, not entirely convinced. “Oh please, don’t you roll your eyes at me.” Clarke said sternly, the smile on her face taking away from her tone. “You’re going to be an amazing mom, Lex. Little boop couldn’t have asked for a better momma.”

“Or a better mommy.” Lexa added, a soft look in her eyes as she held Clarke’s hand. “We’re going to love her no matter what, and I think that’s what matters the most.”

Clarke nodded, “Definitely.” She sat up straight, suddenly remembering, “Oh, we haven’t opened the stuff Raven and Octavia got us. Well, got Theo.”

“Yes,” Lexa nodded, remembering since having forgotten about it as she got off the bed to retrieve the two small gift bags. “I’m a little scared, knowing how they are.”

“Yep,” Clarke couldn’t help but agree, “Let’s see.”

Lexa sat back down, handing one of the bags to Clarke to open as she opened the other. “Oh god, Raven?” She couldn’t help but mutter as she held up a onesie. It was white and in large writing, said _Cutest oops ever_. Clarke let out a laugh as she read it, Lexa only shaking her head but amused nonetheless. “Or this, oh my god.” She held up a box, it had a cartoon woman sitting on the toilet.

“What is that?” Clarke asked, taking the box from her. “Oh my god,” She exclaimed as she read the box. “A _momwasher_?”

Lexa snickered, nodding. “Yeah it’s to wash y-”

“I know what it’s for Lexa.” Clarke stopped her with a glare, that only seemed to make her laugh. “Where do you even find that? What do you google to find this? What even makes you think of looking up something like that?” Lexa was laughing at this point, arm around her stomach as the thought of that was making her laugh so hard, it was starting to hurt.

“What did Octavia get?” Lexa finally asked, doing her best to contain herself.

“I’m a little scared to find out now.” Clarke joked, opening the gift bag nonetheless and pulling out a onesie. “Wow,” She shook her head, a chuckle leaving her lips before she turned it around for Lexa to see. It was a gray onesie that read, _Sentenced to nine months, released early for good behavior_.

“That’s funny.” Lexa commented, “And we won’t get weird looks with this one like with Raven’s one.”

“She’s definitely wearing it though,” Clarke interjected, Lexa nodding. “It’s adorable.”

“Yeah, she was a little oops, wasn’t she?”

“The best oops that ever could have been.” Clarke agreed. “But let’s try not to do that again.”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Lexa nodded, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she added, “Not for a good few years at least, right?”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, shooting her a look. “Let me at least get over being pregnant for eight months and giving birth before you bring up any future kids.” She threatened jokingly and Lexa raised her arms in surrender, smiling nonetheless. Clarke reached back into bag, pulling out the second gift, which also happened to be a piece of clothing. “Oh it’s a hat.” She brought it out, there was a label on the inside that had been sewn in, “And it’s handmade.” Clarke noted, “Bellamy made it.”

“Bellamy knits?” That was the most unexpected thing Lexa had heard in a very long time – the pregnancy included. “What?”

“Apparently.” Clarke shrugged, as she looked at it. It was cute, not much to it; it was mostly beige, with a pink circle on the top, and a little peak. It seemed like just a random design but then Lexa started laughing, “What?” Clarke asked her uncertainly.

“It’s a boob.” Lexa gasped out. “The hat,” She took it from Clarke. “Clarke it’s a boob.” Her laugh finally coming down to a giggle, Lexa flattened it and held it over her chest, over one of her boobs to make her point.

“Oh my god.” Clarke’s eyes widened. “I hate them.”

“I love our friends so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> links to the pics of the things raven and o got theo (minus the onesies they're self-explanatory):   
> \- [momwasher](https://imgur.com/MDWkSWa), yeah thats a real thing.   
> \- [the hat](https://imgur.com/undefined) bellamy made.
> 
> OKAY SO how great are lexa's parents??? i love them so much. they're great. and raven and o with their presents? awesome. alsoooo there're some angst coming in a near future chapter so like. heads up.
> 
> thanks for reading. let me know what you thought.


	24. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to be different now. They were parents, they had a baby, they were still teenagers. Things were definitely going to be different now. This is their first night after Theo is born, first night as moms and they can't help but talk about the way their lives were going to change. There are some worries, mostly about Theo being premature than about them being parents now, they are actually excited about that. Theo isn't really well, and everything is still up in the air about what is going to happen. They're worried for their little girl, and a little visit the next afternoon proves exactly why they had every reason to be worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did someone say domestic clexa??? because theres a bit of that this chapter. then its them going to sleep together and talking about theo and how they're worried because oof who wouldn't be. we move onto the next day; morning, then afternoon. then uhhh something happens.

The new bed was a lot more comfortable than the last one. For one, it wasn’t a hospital bed now, it was a small double bed and that made it much easier for the two of them to fit into the bed together. Lexa’s bed at home was slightly bigger, it was an actual double bed so it was more comfortable than this but Clarke was in no way complaining after last night. They were still wide awake, it was a well past 9pm right now and they were sitting on the bed together. Lexa behind Clarke, as she brushed her hair while Clarke sat without a top on with the breast pump as she went about expressing more milk for the baby. Clarke had been advised to try doing it every 2-3 hours because that’s how often newborn babies tended to feed – but they were feeding Theo every other hour because she was so small and not really taking much at a time so well, it kind of worked out the same.

“Everything is going to be so different now, aren’t they?” Clarke spoke absentmindedly as Lexa continued to brush her hair.

“Very.” Lexa nodded. “I have to say though,” She started, “I’m kind of excited.”

“Me too.” It didn’t take long for Clarke to agree, nodding to her girlfriend. “I mean, it is still scary, especially given the circumstances of Theo deciding to come out like that, but other than that, I’m excited.”

“We have a kid.” Lexa stated plainly.

“We _have_ a kid.” Clarke nodded, her tone mirroring Lexa’s.

“We’re moms.”

“We _are_ moms.”

“That is so weird, that feels so weird to say.” Lexa couldn’t help the laugh that left her lips, Clarke joining in as she thought about it too. It was kind of insane, “How did that even happen? How did we become moms?”

Clarke chuckled, shrugging, “I have no idea.” She told her lightly, noticing Lexa put the hair brush away before starting to braid her hair. “I mean, I have some idea.” She started teasingly, “It kind of started with us alone. And in bed. And naked. And there was a lot of kissing an-”

“I remember,” Lexa stopped her, the tips of her ears starting to heart up at thought of it. “I was there.” She leaned closer, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s bare shoulder as her hands continued working on her hair. “Can’t believe that led to this, huh?”

“I have a small confession.” Clarke said in response. “I don’t actually remember…when we…uhh…” She trailed off uncertainly. “Conceived.” Lexa snickered in response. “I mean, I remember the…time frame.” Clarke told her. “But we kinda…did it…a good few times around then. So I have no idea when exactly we…conceived Theo.”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Lexa shrugged, removing the hair tie from around her wrist before tying the end of Clarke’s braid. “Just for the record though, we should definitely change condom brands like for…when we…you know.”

“Yes.” Clarke agreed. “But,” A small giggle bubbled out of her, “It’s going to be a while till that.” Well, the obvious one being how there was a baby now, a baby who would be sleeping and staying in the same room as them. But it wasn’t only that, it was Clarke too. She had _just_ given birth – okay yesterday – and she didn’t particularly want…anything down there…right away.

“Yeah,” Lexa’s arms went around Clarke’s waist, pulling herself closer before resting her chin on her shoulder. “We’re parents now.”

.

“What do we do now?” Clarke asked once they were in bed. It was a little later now, the lights out and the two of them in bed together. Clarke was snuggled against Lexa, her head on Lexa’s chest as Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair. They were both tired, it had been a really long day; not physically – for Lexa at least – but definitely emotionally and mentally, so an early night sounded really good. It was only about ten thirty but Clarke was struggling to keep her eyes open, between recovering from giving birth, dealing with having her daughter away, and expressing breast milk, she was exhausted.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked gently.

“I mean, we had a plan for when Theo was born.” Clarke answered. “But that wasn’t supposed to be till next month.” Lexa nodded at that. “So how are we going to make this work till you’re off school?”

“Well,” Lexa sighed, “My parents are going to talk to the school so I can get some time off. Which means I’m going to spending the next two to four weeks here with you and Theo.”

“What about finals week Lex?” Clarke asked her, turning her head to look at her girlfriend. She had been exempted from them this year, the school had agreed it was only fair given the fact that she was having a baby so close to finals week – and also given how Clarke wasn’t physically well enough to be attending school. They would instead give her a final grade calculated based off of her grades on tests and assignments from the rest of the year.

“Starts next week.” Lexa muttered. She was _half_ ready for them, there was just a lot going on in her life right now. And yes, Clarke had ensured no matter what was happening that it wouldn’t interfere with Lexa’s studies. But it was hard to keep her mind on algebra or freaking Shakespeare when her pregnant girlfriend was having a difficult time health-wise. “Not like, this Monday, but the Monday after that.”

“You need to study.” Clarke reminded her.

“Eh,” Lexa dismissed it. “I have studied, that’s the last thing on my mind right now, Clarke.” She told her seriously. “With Theo being here, and being like that, I’m not really worried about anything other than her.”

“Baby go home tomorrow.” Clarke told her, continuing before Lexa could interrupt. “Just to get your books and stuff, I’m not asking you to leave.” She added. “I know you’re not gonna be able to pay attention if you’re away from us.” Clarke leaned her head up, kissing Lexa’s jaw. “And I don’t want you gone either.”

“We’ll figure things out.” Lexa tried to comfort her. “I’ll be gone for a couple of hours just for my exams but that’s all.” She told her. “And the rest…we’re going to be just fine.”

“It’s only a month too early right?” Clarke huffed out a laugh, “We can just move our schedule.”

Lexa nodded, “I’ll ace my exams, don’t worry.” She told Clarke, she knew Clarke was worried about that, this was important after all but Lexa was pretty confident it would be just fine – at least it would be enough for her to go to the college she wanted. “You’re already worried about Theo, you don’t need to worry about this.”

“We really have a kid now, huh?” Clarke wondered yet again. It felt unreal to think that they had a _baby_ ; they had a living being that they had created, that they would have to look after, that they were already so in love with. But just yesterday she was still inside Clarke. And now they could see her and touch her and talk to her and it was all…kind of crazy. “A little human being. That we created.”

“And she’s so perfect.” Lexa noted.

“I’m worried though,” Lexa seemed to agree, nodding. “It’s so hard seeing her like that, Lex.” Clarke let out a shaky breath, Lexa tightening her arm around her girlfriend. “She’s so small. And she looks so fragile. And I’m so scared something is going to go wrong.”

Lexa kissed her shoulder, she was worried about the same thing, there was still so much that could go wrong. “She’s okay.” She told Clarke nonetheless. “She’s our girl, she’s strong.”

“Yeah but there’s so much out of our control.” Clarke sighed, “I just want to keep her safe.”

“Me too.” Lexa agreed. “But right now it feels like we can’t, right?” Clarke hummed in response. “Yeah, but we’re going to be here with her every moment of every day.” Lexa tried. “Maybe not right next to her, but we’re here and we will be.”

“She’ll be okay, right?” Clarke turned around in Lexa’s arms, looking up at her with worried eyes. She knew Lexa didn’t know, she knew there wasn’t anything Lexa could say to reassure her because really, she knew as much as Clarke did. “Lexa I am so scared.” Her eyes welled with tears, everything she had been trying to hide and ignore all day hitting her right now. Clarke kept trying to tell herself that everything would be fine, that Theo would be fine, after seeing her daughter twice and touching her and getting to not have enough time with her, Clarke did her best to see the bright side, see that she was doing alright. But god, Clarke was so scared, those machines were scary, the tube in her nose was scary, the incubator was scary, the NICU was scary. And now, in the darkness of the room, just the two of them with the rest of the world having fallen away, Clarke could finally allow herself to feel all of this – but all at once, it was overwhelming.

Lexa nodded, not entirely certain herself; but if anything, today was a good sign. “She will be.” She kissed Clarke’s forehead. “She’ll be just fine.”

“What if something goes wrong?” Clarke finally voiced her biggest fear. Today had been fine, but it wasn’t when Theo was born and there was still a possibility for things to go wrong. “What if something happens to her?”

Lexa was worried about the same thing, just because it had been a good day didn’t mean it guaranteed everything would be fine. “I don’t know Clarke.” She told her honestly. “I’m worried too, and I know I shouldn’t be after seeing her and talking to Dr. Green but it’s…”

“Out of our control.” Clarke finished as Lexa trailed off.

Lexa nodded reluctantly, pulling Clarke closer and letting her rest her head on her chest. “Whatever happens, we’re going to be okay. All three of us. We got each other,” She kissed the top of Clarke’s head, feeling her nod against her. “So whatever is thrown our way, we’re going to deal with it together.”

* * *

They had been to see Theo in the morning, spending close to an hour with her. She was happy to see her moms, watching them with big curious eyes and listening to everything that Lexa said. Clarke was a bit more comfortable touching her than Lexa was, she was still a little afraid of hurting her or doing something to make her uncomfortable – she was so small. So Lexa took to talking to her more, her voice soft and gentle, sometimes making faces to see Theo watching her intently. Clarke was less of a talker, much like when she was pregnant with Theo, she liked touching her and stroking her back, and it looked like Theo liked it too, relaxing against Clarke’s touch and cooing at them. It put their minds at ease seeing her like that, awake and responsive to her parents. She looked like she was doing good.

It was well past 2pm right now, Clarke and Lexa sitting in the room and sitting in a comfortable silence on their phones and just relaxing. They had lunch a little while ago, Clarke managing to stomach an entire meal rather than just a few bites like yesterday; she was feeling a lot better today, there were still some random pangs of pain, she had seen Dr. Tsing after they got back from seeing Theo and nothing was out of the expected so Clarke had nothing to worry about – about herself anyways. Lexa was supposed to go home this morning, get her books so she could get some studying done before next week. But she didn’t, she wanted to stay back when Dr. Tsing came to see Clarke to ensure everything with her girlfriend at least was okay. Besides, her parents were coming over later today and she’d ask them to grab her backpack.

“Hey Clarke,” Lexa started, looking up from her phone. She was seated at the foot of the bed, opposite to Clarke with her legs stretched out towards Clarke. “Hey?” She called her again, half a second later at not getting a response, gently kicking Clarke’s side.

“Hmm?” Clarke looked up from her own phone, things finally felt calm right now.

“Why is a koala not a bear?” She asked her with a straight face.

“Koalas are bears, what are you talking about?” Clarke gave her a confused look, unsure of what her girlfriend was asking. “They’re called koala bears, babe.”

“No,” Lexa shook her head, “They’re not classed as bears.” Clarke continued to watch her, uncertain of where this conversation was even headed. “Why?”

“I…don’t know…?”

“They don’t have the _koala-fications_.” Lexa answered with a blank expression, her face lighting up in a grin the moment the words left her mouth.

Clarke grabbed the pillow from her side, throwing it straight at Lexa’s face. That only made her laugh, catching the pillow before it could hit her as Lexa threw her head back. “Why are you like this?”

“Come on!” Lexa insisted, still laughing, “It’s funny!”

“It’s not.” Clarke tried to keep her face straight, but it was hard when Lexa was laughing. It was infectious, the way her whole face lit up when she laughed, the sound bubbling out of her, Clarke couldn’t help but allow a giggle to get past her lips. “It’s awful, you’re awf-”

Before Clarke could finish, there was a knock on the door. They weren’t expecting anyone, Lexa’s parents weren’t coming for a few hours, they had dropped off milk for Theo when they went to see her so she wouldn’t need more for a while – so they had no idea who it could be. They shared an uncertain look with each other, Lexa and pulling her legs to herself before standing up and calling out, “Come in,”

The door opened, revealing a nurse the two of them had seen in the NICU. They hadn’t caught his name, he didn’t tend to be around Theo, she wasn’t one of his patients. There were three nurses who were assigned to their daughter; Gaia, Niylah, or Miles depending on who’s shift it was.

“Hi, I’m Nathan.” He said as he stepped inside the room, the door remaining partially open behind him. The two girls gave him a nod in greeting, “I’m one of the nurses in the NICU.”

“Is everything okay?” Lexa was the first to ask, there seemed to be an uneasy look on his face. They had never spoken to him before, Gaia was on her shift now so if it was anything to do with Theo, they would expect to see her.

The nurse hesitated for a moment, “I think you should take a seat first.” Nathan asked politely.

“Why?” Lexa froze on her spot, she could immediately feel her heart pounding in her chest.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke’s voice mirrored how Lexa was feeling, there was a tremble there and a sick feeling was growing in the pit of her stomach. She reached up, grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling her down to sit on the edge of the bed. “What’s happening?”

“Is Theo okay?” Lexa asked, now seated as the two of them waited.

“Dr. Green with her right now.” Nathan started, the two moms furrowing their brows and asking what that meant. “Theo stopped breathing.”

“What?” Clarke exclaimed, the sick feeling in her stomach only growing.

“No, no, we just saw her.” Lexa’s voice was quieter, scared and uncertain, almost in disbelief of what she was hearing – they had seen her only a few hours ago.

“It happened unexpected,” Nathan told them calmly. “Dr. Green and Gaia are with her right now, they sent me down to let you know they’re going to have to put her on the ventilator.” She wasn’t his patient, Nathan didn’t know much about how it happened or what went wrong.

“Why?” Lexa got out, “What happened?”

“She was breathing fine when we saw her this morning.” Clarke added, her hands visibly trembling, one still holding Lexa’s arm. “Even yesterday, she was breathing on her own.”

“Yes,” He agreed, “I’m really sorry, I don’t know what exactly happened. But it is under control now.”

Lexa had her hand clasped over her mouth, eyes misting over as she let the words sink in. Theo wasn’t breathing, her little girl _wasn’t breathing_. Something went wrong, and she stopped breathing, and they couldn’t get her to breathe on her own so they were having to put her on the ventilator. But god, she was so small, and Lexa couldn’t help but wonder how they would even do that. Theo was _tiny_ , her mouth was tiny, and just the thought of her having a tube down her throat just so she could breathe was bringing Lexa on the brink of having a breakdown. No, no, that couldn’t be. She had to be okay, the image of having seen Theo in the incubator with the CPAP machine’s tube in her nose was bad enough.

Clarke was rubbing her forehead with her free hand. “Under control,” She repeated what the nurse had just said to them, her voice smaller. “What’s under control, what happened?”

“I am really sorry,” He apologized, “I don’t know, the people who do are tending to Theo right now and they didn’t really have the opportunity to fill me in.” Nathan told her. “Dr. Green will be with you as soon as everything has been taken care of. He’ll be able to tell you everything.”

“Clarke.” Lexa turned to look at her, the panic evident in her eyes, anxiety dripping from her voice.

Clarke was looking at Lexa, mirroring her expression as she tried to find something to say to her girlfriend. But nothing came to mind, nothing that would reassure her, but Theo had to be okay, she _had to_. She turned her eyes back up to the nurse, “Can we see her?”

“Not right now,” He answered apologetically, it didn’t seem like he had any good news for the parents. “They’re getting her ready for the ventilator, so it’ll be about ten to fifteen minutes.”

“Fuck,” Lexa muttered, letting her head falling into her hands, a soft and quiet sob coming out of her. It only looked like she was taking in a shaky breath as she tried to block out the rest of the world around her. This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t be happening; it was all suddenly too overwhelming and all Lexa wanted was to disappear. She hasn’t felt like this in a long time, her heartbeat picking up, her breathing growing rapid and almost like she couldn’t get oxygen into her lungs. Not even when Theo was born and taken away did Lexa feel like this, she wasn’t as scared as she was right now. Because at least she was breathing then, she was having difficulty with it but _Theo was breathing_.

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, still not letting go off Lexa. “Can someone please come get us when we can see her?”

Nathan gave her a nod, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

“Lexa,” Clarke breathed out, bringing herself up to get closer to her girlfriend. “Fuck Lex,” She hugged her from behind, she was hunched over with her head in her hands. Clarke’s voice was low, her eyes teary as she placed her cheek against the back of Lexa’s shoulder. She let out a shaky breath, the tears now falling. “What’s happening to our little girl?”

“I don’t know, Clarke.” Lexa managed to speak, her voice small and upset. “I don’t know.” She sucked in another shaky breath, shaking her head as she tried to breathe – it felt like a panic attack was brewing, god, it had been a really long time since that last happened. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Come here, come here,” Clarke pulled her up, her hands on her sides as she brought Lexa up. She knew exactly how Lexa was feeling, she was feeling it too; it felt like their whole world was falling from beneath their feet. But somehow, by some miracle, Clarke was holding it a little bit better. “I got you.” She managed to speak to Lexa, who had fallen into her arms and against her chest. Clarke wrapped her arms around her, holding her close to her as Lexa let out a quiet sob. “I know, I know.” Clarke told her. This was scary, this was scarier than when Theo was born, she was breathing back then, she wasn’t now.

“What if something happens?” Lexa got out between swallow breaths, “Clarke I can’t control this.”

“I know.” Clarke closed her eyes, trying to fight back the tears because…god, today had been fine, they had all been doing just fine, Theo was fine. “Lexa, baby,” Clarke could notice her breathing, she knew her long enough to know what Lexa’s panic attacks looked like. “I need you to breathe, okay?” She tried to tell her, doing her best to pull herself together enough to help her girlfriend. Lexa had been there for her through it all, through the hardest parts but she didn’t look like she could keep herself together right now and Clarke knew she had to. Especially given the fact that Lexa was having a panic attack right now, Clarke knew she had to help her get through it.

“I can’t.” Lexa gasped out. “Clarke what if something happens to Theo?” She said instead, she didn’t care about herself right now, all she cared about was their little girl.

“Come here,” Clarke laid back down on the bed, pulling Lexa down with her. “We have to hope for the best baby.” She told her, ignoring her own tears as they continued to fall. “Like you said, Theo’s our kid, she’s strong. She’s going to be okay.”

Another sob left Lexa, clinging onto Clarke because she was the closest to Theo right now. Clarke continued to hold her, stroking her hair to try and calm both herself and Lexa. She didn’t want to think about what was happening in the NICU right now, didn’t want to think about the doctors drugging up their daughter so they can put a tube down her throat. Clarke closed her eyes, holding onto Lexa much like she had the night Theo was born and taken away. She did her best to calm Lexa and bring her down from the panic attack – she had every reason for having one right now – Clarke had one hand stroking Lexa’s hair, the other hand trailing along her arm to soothe her. She didn’t have much to say, she didn’t trust herself to without crying.

A long few minutes passed before Lexa finally spoke up, her breathing returning to normal. “What do we do?”

Clarke continued to mindlessly move her fingers along Lexa’s arm. “We wait.” She told her. “There’s nothing else we can do.”

“I can’t wait.” Lexa let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m not patient, you know that.”

“I know.” Clarke told her. “But that’s all we _can_ do; we hope for the best and we wait.”

Lexa shook her head, moving to get up and out of Clarke’s arms. “I have to go down there.” She told her, about to get up from the bed.

“We can’t see her right now.” Clarke reminded her. “They won’t let us in.” She grabbed Lexa’s arm, stopping her from getting up. “Baby just sit down.” She sounded exhausted herself, broken and shattered and completely uncertain of what was to come.

“But she needs us.” Lexa responded, her lips trembling. “Theo isn’t okay Clarke, she needs her moms.”

“She does.” Clarke wanted nothing more than to be by her side right now, hold her little hand and tell her she was going to be okay, that she wasn’t alone. “And we’ll be right there by her side the moment we can, okay?” Lexa only watched her uncertainly. “We’ll sit there with her and hold her tiny hand and be there with her.” She was tearing up again, god, she was so scared.

Lexa gave in, nodding as she stopped trying to get up. “Yeah, yeah okay.” She told her. “Clarke I’m scared.” She spoke calmly this time. “I have…never been this scared in my life.”

Clarke nodded, letting out a sigh. “I know.” She felt it too, this was terrifying. “She’s going to be okay Lexa, she has to be.”

Lexa nodded, moving further into the bed and closer to Clarke. The best they could do right now was comfort each other. “She has to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	25. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right after the last chapter. We find out what happened to Theo and what's happening now. It's mostly how Clarke and Lexa are dealing with this. It's not easy, it's very hard and they feel helpless because all they can do is stand on the sidelines and watch and wait for things to change. Things haven't been easy, not for a while and they really thought it was starting to settle down, so this hit hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry about not updating last week. i didn't have wifi coz we moved house. and then i was busy with unpacking and putting furniture together and trips to ikea all week. and also the wifi still sucks coz we have this shitty temp thing until we get the proper one. anyways. new chapter's up now. its. kind of a sad chapter. i teared up and almost cried in a couple of scenes while writing it and then while editing it too. things are just hard rn for clarke and lexa and they don't really know how to deal with it. like. they're just kids themselves.

Dr. Green had come in about fifteen after the nurse had left, coming in to tell them about what had happened. He came into the room to find the two moms trying to comfort each other after getting the bad news and he didn’t seem to have much to say to make things better. It was something quite common with premature babies, especially ones who showed signs of breathing problems when they were born – more specifically, it was that they showed symptoms of respiratory distress syndrome. The problem was with the lack of a fluid in her lungs, surfactant. It was what kept the airways open and if there isn’t enough, it made it difficult for the baby to keep the lungs inflated.

But given the fact that Theo was born only five weeks early, the risk of her surfactant being so low that it caused something like this was very small. So when Theo started having problems with her breathing today, the first thing they had to do was check her surfactant levels – which came back dangerously low but by then they were already prepping her for the ventilator. Clarke and Lexa wanted to know what would happen now, what they were doing to help her, to treat her, to _fix_ this. They were going ahead with surfactant replacement therapy, where they would be using the ventilator tube to deliver artificial surfactant to her lungs. It was a very effective treatment, but it was something babies tended to need right after being born, it was rare for something like this to happen over twenty-four hours later. Other than the effectiveness of the treatment, the only other good news Dr. Green had was that he expected Theo to only need the ventilator for no more than 2-3 days. Which, according to Clarke and Lexa, was way too long; especially when things were fine just hours ago.

They were in the NICU now, Gaia had pulled up two chairs for them so they could stay with Theo for as long as they wanted. Lexa had her hand on Clarke’s knee, neither of them sure of what they were feeling. Clarke had her hand in the incubator, carefully holding Theo’s hand as tears refused to stop rolling down her cheeks. It was…hard seeing her like this, seeing a machine breathing for her, seeing a tube down her throat, another tube in her nose to feed her – it was hard, and Clarke wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. Things had been so hard, since the start of the pregnancy really; Clarke wasn’t physically well for a lot of it, labor was difficult, and then Theo was born but they had to take her away immediately. But it felt like things were settling in, getting better, when they saw Theo yesterday and even earlier today; yes, she was in the NICU and needed some extra help but she was doing okay, the doctor and nurses said she was doing better than they had expected.

Lexa hadn’t said anything since Dr. Green had come to talk to them, honestly, she hadn’t talked much to him either. She didn’t think she could speak right now without crying, the tears hadn’t stopped anyways. It was all a lot, everything was a lot. She felt similar to how Clarke did, none of this whole journey had been easy; Clarke hadn’t been well, Theo was born too early, she was taken away from them after she was born, and now this. This was…worse than anything else so far, Lexa had never been as scared as she was when the nurse told them what had happened, told them that their daughter had _stopped breathing_. Even now, she was scared, there was no guarantee that Theo would be okay – if she could go from being responsive and active to not being able to breathe, there was no guarantee for anything anymore.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Clarke finally spoke, her voice quiet and resigned.

Lexa’s eyes moved up from Theo to look at her girlfriend, her chest tight and a lump in her throat. “I don’t either.”

Clarke’s lips trembled as she turned her head to look at Lexa, eyes sad and tired, red rims around them from crying. “Why is this happening to us?” She couldn’t help but ask, “To her?” She fought back the tears, taking a deep breath to hold back the sob that wanted to escape.

Lexa only brought herself closer, shifting on her chair before placing her arm around Clarke’s shoulder. “I don’t know.” She told her, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s hair as she placed her head against Lexa. “It’s not fair.” Lexa muttered, her eyes going back to Theo, watching the mechanical rise and fall of her chest.

Clarke shook her head against Lexa, “It’s not.” There was a tremble in her voice, sounding like she was crying again. “Especially on her.” Clarke swallowed down the sob that wanted to escape. “She’s a little angel, what did she do to deserve this?”

“I’d go through it if it meant she didn’t have to.” Lexa said honestly, anything to make her daughter okay, anything to ensure she wouldn’t have to suffer. She furrowed her brows and clenched her jaws, trying to fight whatever she was feeling right now; Lexa didn’t know, all she knew was that it was too much. “I’d walk through hell for you, Theo.”

They spent over two hours there, sitting with Theo and just keeping her company. Gaia had come over to feed her, which was a lot different now than the first day when Clarke got to do it. Theo had a feeding tube now because of the ventilator and although Gaia had said the tube didn’t cause her any discomfort, Clarke couldn’t help but grimace at the thought of the feeding tube going up and through her nose. Back in the room now, Clarke was in bed with Lexa close by her side. They held each other, did what they could to be of comfort but it was difficult right now when there was a machine having to breathe for their baby. They would have stayed longer, but Clarke needed to lay down, she was still recovering from the birth and her body was still healing.

“You should sleep for a while.” Lexa said to Clarke.

Clarke shook her head, “I need to take milk down for Theo,” Gaia had said there was only enough left for another two feeds. But god, she was exhausted, too tired to get up and get the bottle and pump let alone do that now.

“Want me to do it?” Lexa asked lightly, already moving to get up.

Clarke gave her a small nod, watching as Lexa got up, stepping away to get the things she needed. “Thanks.”

.

Clarke was asleep now, it took her no more than ten minutes for her to fall asleep. Lexa had gone down to the NICU right after she had fallen asleep to drop off the milk and get an update on Theo. She was okay, no change since they left her a while ago but right now that was a good thing, it was too soon for things to be getting better but there was always a chance of things getting worse. Walking back to the room, Lexa was tired too, exhausted really; her emotions were a mess, her thoughts were all over the place, and right now, Lexa was ready to collapse on the bed and just pass out next to Clarke.

Lexa quietly closed the door behind her, Clarke was still asleep; the room was dim with the curtains pulled and the lights out and Lexa couldn’t help but yawn. She rubbed her eyes as she sat down on the edge of the bed by Clarke’s side and watched her. She still looked concerned, there was a crease between her eyebrows, lines on her forehead, and a worried look on her face. Lexa reached out, brushing away a strand of hair from her forehead before softly caressing her cheek. Clarke let out a small sigh at the gentle contact, relaxing into her hand and Lexa only sat there and watched.

Things hadn’t been easy, not for a long time and it wasn’t fair on Clarke, it had been harder for her than for Lexa and she knew that. Sure, it was hard watching Clarke struggle while she was pregnant, and it was worrying when she was having a hard time during labor. And there were definitely some things that they were both going through; dealing with everything surrounding Theo right now, accepting that they were going to be parents at such a young age, knowing that their lives were going to be completely different now. But god, Clarke had so much more to deal with; first off, there was her mom, Clarke was very much upset about that and she really didn’t need that right now, she was still healing from the birth and there were afterpains and bleeding and Clarke was trying to appear strong when Lexa knew she wasn’t feeling great physically.

Lexa rubbed her forehead with her other hand, it really was a lot right now; she was worried about Theo, about Clarke, about Abby, god even about school – but Theo was at the forefront of her mind right now, with Clarke a little behind, nothing else was as important as them right now. For now, things were stable, Theo was stable and that was the best possible thing right now so maybe Lexa could allow herself to relax for a few minutes. Gently pulling her hand away from Clarke’s face – and listening to her let out a disapproving noise – Lexa checked the time on her watch, a little past 3pm, her parents were supposed to come over a couple of hours later. Lexa wasn’t too keen on seeing anyone right now, not even her parents; they would have questions and they’d be worried, and Lexa wasn’t in the mood to answer anything now.

She pulled out her phone, tapping on the messaging app before typing out a quick text to her parents. Lexa didn’t offer much of an explanation, only asked them to come over later tonight rather than now – actually she wasn’t sure she wanted to be around anyone other than just Clarke and Theo today – only telling them that they were tired and needed some time to themselves. And they did. Lexa thought she would always want to be around her parents, especially when things were difficult because her parents were always there for her to lean on and support her. But right now, Lexa just…wanted to be alone – minus Clarke and Theo. She was upset and her chest felt tight, there were tears stinging the back of her eyes and all she wanted right now was to hold Clarke and Theo close and never let them go, protect them from the world.

Lexa was crying before she realized it, quiet sobs escaping her lips as she let her head fall in her hands.

“Lexa?” Clarke muttered as the soft noise woke her, looking around for her girlfriend. “Hey,” She was sitting up quickly at the sight, scooting closer to Lexa. “Baby, what’s wrong?” She placed a hand on her back, rubbing comfortingly. But Lexa didn’t answer, she didn’t seem to even hear Clarke. So she hugged her instead, arms going around Lexa’s waist and pressing herself to her back. “I know.” Tears threatened to fall again, feeling as Lexa grabbed her forearm that was encircled to her front. “We’ll be okay.” Clarke told her quietly, resting her cheek on Lexa’s shoulder.

“I’m scared.” Lexa finally spoke, her voice trembling.

“Me too.” Clarke nodded. “We just have to stay strong, okay?” She tried, there was a quiver in Lexa’s jaw. “Theo’s going to pull through.” Clarke kissed her shoulder. “There is no alternative, alright? She’s going to be okay.”

Lexa nodded, “There’s no alternative.” She repeated. “Yeah, she’s going to be okay.” She leaned back against Clarke, “Clarke, I need her to be okay.” Lexa could just barely get the sentence out, a small cry sputtering out.

“Me too baby, me too.” Clarke only held her tighter. “We need her and she knows that.” She wasn’t sure who she was trying to comfort at this point, herself or Lexa. “You said it yourself Lexa, Theo’s strong, she’s our girl. She’s going to be okay, she’ll get through this.”

Lexa nodded, trying to listen to what Clarke was saying, trying to let it convince her. She just held onto Clarke’s arms, leaning into her and doing her best to keep herself together.

“Hey,” Clarke started after a moment. “Weren’t your parents supposed to come over a little later?”

Lexa nodded, “I asked them not to.” She answered, receiving a confused _what_ from Clarke, it was unlike Lexa to do that. “I just…really want to be alone with you.” She explained. “I don’t want to be around anyone else, not even my parents.” That felt so weird to say because this was probably the first time Lexa didn’t want her parents to comfort her. “Everything is a lot and-” Her voice trembled and she had to pause. “I can’t take anymore, can’t take anyone else right now. I just…” Lexa turned her head, nuzzling into Clarke’s neck. “Need you, need to be with you and with Theo. Can’t deal with anything else.”

“We can just tune out the rest of the world.” Clarke told her with a nod. “Nothing else matters, okay?” She told her, Lexa was overwhelmed, very much so and Clarke wanted the same thing right now, to tune out everything else and just focus on their little family for now. “Just the three of us.”

Lexa nodded, “I’m sorry I woke you up.” She apologized quietly. “You need to rest, I should’ve been quieter.”

Clarke shook her head, dismissing it. “Don’t worry about it, we can nap together.” She told her. “I think we both need some rest right now.”

.

“No mom, we’re okay,” Lexa spoke into the phone later that evening, Clarke was still in the NICU right now seeing Theo. She was in there too but stepped out to talk to her parents. “We just…want to be alone for a bit.” She explained. Her parents were worried, they were scared after finding out what happened with Theo. They wanted to come over right away, be with the girls, be there for them but also be closer to Theo – they knew there wasn’t anything they could do but there was something about being closer that gave some form of comfort. “It’s been a really long day and…mom I’m scared.” She admitted. “But I’m just…overwhelmed and want to be alone, I’m really sorry.”

“No, no honey, you don’t have to be sorry.” Indra reassured her. “It is a lot, we’re worried too but we can’t imagine what you and Clarke are going through.”

“Yeah,” Gustus joined in. “If you guys need to be alone, that’s completely fine.” He told her. “But we’re here if you need anything, okay? Even if it’s just to drop off some food or snacks.”

“Thanks dad.” Lexa said with a small smile as the door to the NICU opened and Clarke stepped out. “I gotta go, I’ll talk to you guys later.” Hanging up, she turned to Clarke, “Hey,”

“Hey.” Clarke stepped up to her, her arm going around Lexa’s waist as she leaned against her.

“Everything okay?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah.” Clarke nodded. “No change since you stepped out, she’s okay.”

“Wanna get some food?” Lexa asked, already leading them towards the elevator. They hadn’t eaten all day, and it was just 6pm, so it was about the right time to get some dinner.

“Too tired.” Clarke shook her head, she didn’t have much of an appetite at the moment.

“Mmm nope.” Lexa tried, “You need to eat, we’ve barely had anything all day.”

“I don’t feel like eating.”

Lexa let out a sigh, continuing to walk towards the elevator, “Think of it this way, okay?” She started. “You need to feed Theo, right? And that means you need to be able to express breastmilk. Which means, you need to keep the uhh supply going.” Lexa went on, trying to come up with some coherent reason behind why Clarke needed to eat even if she didn’t feel like it right now. “Which you can’t do if you’re not eating enough.” They stood in front of the elevator now, Lexa pressing the button. “So if you don’t feel like eating for yourself, do it for Theo.”

.

Clarke was quick to fall asleep once they got into bed, Lexa having helped Clarke pump more breastmilk before that and putting it away in the mini fridge they had in the room for that very purpose. Lexa was in bed with Clarke, still wide awake as she held her; Clarke’s face was pressed into her chest, hand grabbing her shirt to keep her close. Lexa was worried, she was scared, she was anxious, she didn’t know what was going to happen now. And if anything, seeing Theo only made her feel worse. She looked even smaller than she had the first day, more fragile, more frail, like the slightest movement was going to break her. Lexa just wanted to be with her, wanted to protect her and keep her safe – well, she knew there wasn’t anything she could do right now but it was still hard to be away. She wanted to be closer to her baby girl, wanted to make sure she was okay.

A whimper escaped Clarke’s lips, the noise pulling Lexa out of her thoughts. She looked distressed and bothered and all Lexa could do was hold her a little bit tighter. “ _Theo_ ,” Lexa’s chest tightened at the hurt sound of Clarke’s voice.

“She’s okay,” Lexa muttered quietly, trying to soothe her. “Theo’s okay.” But there was another whimper and that made tears well in Lexa’s eyes. “It’s okay baby,” Lexa tried, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. The whimpers only kept growing though, sounding more like soft cries now as Lexa only held her and did her best to soothe her.

“Lexa,” Clarke finally stirred awake, voice trembling.

“I know, I know.” Lexa nodded, already knowing what made her wake up.

“I’m worried about her,” Clarke spoke against Lexa, letting her girlfriend hold her while Clarke pressed her face into her chest. “Lexa what if she doesn’t-?”

“Nope,” Lexa stopped her. “Don’t say that, okay?” She tried. “She has to be okay, she has make it through this.” Lexa took in a shaky breath, “Like you said, there is no alternative.”

“I feel so helpless.” Clarke sighed, calming down slightly as she spoke this time. “I feel like I’m not doing enough as her mom because she’s all the way over there and there’s nothing I can do to make things better for her.”

“I know.” Lexa felt the same way, but there really wasn’t anything they could do. “All we can do is wait, okay?” She tried. “I know that’s not a lot and it feels like we should be doing more but the nurses and doctors are taking care of her and we can go see her in the morning again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was sad huh? things aren't going to great atm for our favorite trio. but all hope is not lost, theo is responding to the treatment afterall and we just have to hold on and see what happens. thank you so much reading and i'm sorry (lol not) about the little cliffhanger with the last chapter. i thought we needed a little angst. again apparently coz nothing about the pregnancy has been easy for them. welp anyways. thank you for reading, please let me know what you thought.


	26. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a very tense chapter. A certain parent finally shows up and it gets pretty heated. It's not very nice because we all know how Abby can be about the whole trans thing. Lexa isn't too bothered by it, what Abby says to her isn't worth getting upset over. But she really is ready to throw hands because of what Abby says about Theo and to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. well abby finally shows up. that's it really. that's this whole chapter. and lmao y'all better buckle up this is a Ride. also TW for transphobia and misgendering

Today was the second day that Theo had been on the ventilator. Okay, that wasn’t too long, but to Clarke and Lexa it felt like it had been forever because every time they saw their daughter, it hurt a little bit more. There wasn’t much change since yesterday, only that Theo was responding well to the treatment and…that was it really. They were feeding her every hour, keeping a close eye on her, Clarke and Lexa were spending as much time with her as possible. The nurses and Dr. Jackson had been encouraging of it, emphasizing the importance of physical contact because it would help Theo heal faster and also offer some sort of comfort even though she was unconscious.

Indra and Gustus were over right now, seeing the girls for the first time since they’d found about Theo. It was later on in the evening now, a little past 8pm as Clarke and Lexa sat on the bed together and the Woods parents on the couch. They were worried, a little relieved now to know that things were better today than they were yesterday – but not by much, all they had to go by was that Theo was stable. They had brought over some food, mostly snacks and drinks, and they were doing their best to keep Clarke and Lexa’s minds off of worrying about their daughter. Gustus had called the school, told them about how Lexa couldn’t come in for class but she would still make it in for her finals. Well, they weren’t sure about it anymore, not given the circumstances because there was no way Lexa would be able to focus on anything when her daughter was in this condition.

“She’s going to be okay.” Indra tried to comfort them, “She’s a Woods, right?”

Clarke nodded, giving Indra a small smile as she leaned further against Lexa. They were half lying in bed, Lexa’s arm around Clarke’s shoulder and her leaning against her. “Definitely.” Clarke agreed. “I think the only reason I’m even slightly calm is because Theo has half her momma’s genes.” She nodded at Lexa, “And I know this one can pull through anything.”

“Our girl’s strong, we just have to keep telling ourselves that, I think.” Lexa added with a sigh. “At least we have each other to lean on.”

Her parents nodded, Gustus opening his mouth to speak when the door to the room abruptly opened. It turned all their attention towards it, uncertain and confused by who it could have been. It was a little late, Dr. Jackson wasn’t here now and they weren’t expecting any of the NICU nurses, Clarke had taken down milk for Theo last time her and Lexa went to see her and that was enough for her till next morning so. Besides, whoever it was should have at least knocked. Unless it was another emergency, but…then again, the last nurse had still knocked. So yes, this was surprising and very much unexpected.

The person who walked inside was even more of a surprise and quite possibly the last person any of them expected to see here right now. It was Abby.

“Knocking is a thing.” Clarke spoke before anyone else even had the chance to comprehend what was happening but somehow Clarke managed to push past the shock and speak.

“Abby?” Lexa was quick to follow up, very much suspicious of who she was looking at. “What are you doing here?”

“Well it seems like no one thought to tell me my daughter had her baby.” Abby answered resentfully, not even acknowledging the Woods parents.

“Well, I mean you haven’t been much of a mom to me the past few months.” Clarke shrugged, “Not since I found out I was pregnant actually.” She pretended to remind her. “So I didn’t think you’d want to know.”

“I mean, I didn’t really want you to know.” Lexa quipped from her spot next to Clarke. “I don’t want my kid anywhere near you.”

Clarke seemed to already know that, but she still didn’t know why exactly that was. Lexa had said she would tell her what happened that day at the hospital but she didn’t want to until things had calmed down or at least gotten slightly better for them because Clarke had enough going on and didn’t need that too. “We have a lot going on right now mom.” Clarke finally spoke with a sigh, “Whatever you have to say is going to have to wait.” She told her, Lexa giving a short nod in agreement. “I can’t deal with you right now.”

“I know,” Abby told her, “I know Theo is in the NICU and I know she’s on the ventilator.” There was a coldness in her voice, like she sounded angry and pissed off at something. There was no ounce of compassion or sympathy there, no warmth even and that made Lexa shoot her a dirty look. “I warned you, you should have not had the baby.”

Clarke groaned out loud, head falling back against Lexa and closing her eyes for a moment. “Can you leave? Please?” She asked her, finally opening her eyes. “I don’t need some bullshit _I told you so._ This is not how _I told you so_ ’s work anyways, nothing bad happened, nothing I regret happened so you can’t say _I told you so_.”

“It’s probably best you leave Abby.” Indra spoke from her spot, speaking coldly. “The girls don’t need this right now.”

Abby rolled her eyes, turning her attention to Indra. “I’m trying to have a conversation with my daughter, please stay out of this.” 

“No mom, you’re just…?” Clarke thought about it, “Telling me off again for having our baby, this isn’t a conversation.” She let her head fall on Lexa’s shoulder, no doubt tired by her mom’s behavior even though she hasn’t heard from her in so long. If any part of her missed Abby, it was gone the moment she opened her mouth. “And with everything else going on with Theo, I don’t want to hear this. _Again_.”

“Maybe this is just the universe showing you why you should have listened to me.”

“Oh my god,” Clarke sat up straight, for a moment feeling like there was no one else in the room but just her mom. “Are you serious right now?”

“Yes,” Abby nodded. “When half of a child is _that_ , what else can you expect?” A chorus of _excuse me_ and _what did you just say_ broke out from the two girls as well as Lexa’s parents. “It’s wrong, Clarke. I warned you about that and things like that never turn out alright.”

“There is nothing _wrong_ about any of this.” Clarke could feel the anger slowly growing inside her. Not entirely sure what it was mostly due to, her mom referring to Lexa like that, calling their baby wrong, or saying this is what they _deserved_. “Mom, please.” There was a slight waver in her voice. “There is a lot going on right now and I can’t deal with you too.” She tried to tell her. “I can’t, Lexa can’t, we can’t do this right now.”

The conversation…escalated a little from there. It seemed like everything Abby was holding back on the past couple of months finally came out. Or maybe this was what she was planning all along. But this really wasn’t the best time for it, not given the circumstances; Clarke would have preferred to not have to do this at all but the least she could have wanted was to do this in private with her mom. It was…embarrassing. The way her mom kept constantly misgendering Lexa, telling them how big of a mistake it was to have Theo. It got even worse when Abby said all the problems surrounding Theo right now was their fault; partly because of how young they were, and mostly because of the fact that Lexa was trans. She was convinced that there was something _wrong_ and _unnatural_ about Lexa so of course something bad was going to happen to their daughter.

Clarke wanted to disappear, she wanted the Earth to open up and swallow her. Lexa was her whole world – in addition to Theo now – and hearing someone speaking about her like that was very upsetting. Clarke didn’t just sit there and take it, no she argued with Abby, yelled at her even – but kept her voice at a reasonable level given that this was a hospital after all – and all Clarke wanted was for her to shut up. This was her mom, this was her mom talking about her girlfriend, about the love of her life, the mother to her kid; and maybe it wouldn’t have felt as bad if this was a stranger but the fact that this was her _mother,_ Clarke wasn’t sure how to handle the range of emotions that came with it.

“How can you expect a normal baby when the dad is a freak like that?” Abby spat out, glancing at Lexa briefly.

That was the last straw, Clarke wasn’t entirely sure how Indra and Gustus sat there through the rest of it, they seem to be letting Clarke handle it and a part of her was grateful for it – it would only be more humiliating if her mom started going at Indra and Gustus too. But the moment that last sentence left Abby’s lips, it was met by a very sharp smacking noise. It made the other three people in the room gasp audibly because no one was expecting Indra to slap Abby right across the face. She was standing only a couple of feet away from Abby anyways and closed the distance before anyone could even realize it. It was effective though, it did what Indra wanted, it finally _finally_ shut up Abby. Lexa’s eyes had widened at it, Clarke unsure of what had just happened, and Gustus looked completely unaffected by it somehow.

“How dare yo-”

“Get out!” Clarke cut her mom off from speaking to Indra, a slight tremble in her lower lip as she glared at Abby. “Just get out.”

Abby snapped her eyes back to Clarke, the shock dissipating for a moment. “You can’t make me leave, you’re still a minor and I’m your mother.”

“You’re no one to me.” Clarke fought back the tears, “You definitely haven’t been a mother to me lately. And maybe there was some shred of hope left until you came in here today and…” She shook her head, unsure of what to even call this whole _debacle_. “You’re no one to me,” She settled, sounding defeated. “You’re definitely not my mom.”

“I think you should leave, Abby.” Lexa spoke from next to Clarke. At this point, it didn’t hurt her as much as it made her angry. And anger wasn’t really something Lexa felt that often. She wasn’t too upset by what Abby had said to her because this was Abby and according to Lexa she was _full of bullshit_ , so it wasn’t worth getting upset up over that. But it made her angry, it annoyed her and pissed her off. Ever since that moment at the hospital where Abby had said she wanted Clarke to lose the baby, Lexa knew it was in her best interest to not take her seriously. It didn’t get to her, listening to Abby speak like this today, it only made her angry and if anything, it made her want to physically push Abby out of the room. If it was someone else, even if it would have been someone at school who Lexa didn’t know personally that misgendered her, it would have hurt and it would have upset her. But for some reason, Lexa only felt annoyed when Abby spoke.

Abby opened her mouth to speak, to object but Clarke stopped her. “Get out!” She yelled, her whole body shaking out of what could only be rage.

“Oh hey,” Lexa tried to calm her, placing a hand on her back and the other going to grab Clarke’s arm to keep her on the bed. “It’s alright,” She whispered into Clarke’s ear, slowly pulling her back and doing her best to soothe Clarke; she was very visibly trembling, and Lexa was more worried about her than anything else. “Come here,” She put her arm around Clarke, holding her closer against her chest and trying to calm her. Lexa had never seen Clarke like this; it didn’t happen too often that her feelings took over like this, Clarke was good at handling her emotions. But she was trembling and her breathing was shallow and Lexa couldn’t care about Abby right now. “I got you, it’s okay.” Her voice was still a whisper, letting her parents take over with Abby while she held Clarke. Lexa kept her arms tight around Clarke, a little extra pressure to keep her grounded and attempt to block her out from the rest of the world.

“You either leave right now, or I’m calling security.” Gustus finally spoke up, the coldness in his voice surprising the other women in the room.

Abby let out a huff, finally resigning as she turned on her heel to leave the room. Reaching the door and turning the knob, she turned back to them, “You should have never had this baby.” She said to Lexa who was still busy trying to soothe Clarke. “You’re both going to fuck her up the way you’ve just fucked up your lives.” Lexa rolled her eyes, Abby now turning to the Woods parents. “And you two are going to fuck her up the same way you fucked up your son.”

This time Gustus got up from his seat, slowly making his way to stand in front of Abby, towering over her by over a feet. “Say one more thing about my daughter.” He started in a threateningly low voice. “And you see how that goes.” But that didn’t seem to be enough because Abby opened her mouth to speak again. “Leave.” Gustus spoke sternly, “I don’t want to see you near either of the girls again because it will not go down well.” Gustus reached past behind her, turning the doorknob and pushing it open. “Now get out. Leave my girls alone.”

Abby stepped out this time, not having much of a choice this time because Gustus had her cornered with nowhere to go other than out the door. With one last scowl, Abby finally left, slamming the door behind her and allowing the Woods parents to turn their attention to the two girls on the bed. “I’m okay.” Lexa spoke before her parents could ask, and honestly, she was surprised by it herself but _really_ she was okay, she felt fine. Lexa wasn’t upset by what Abby said to her; yes she was upset about the rest of it, how she behaved with Clarke, how she spoke about Theo, she was angry about it all but she wasn’t personally upset at what Abby said to her. “Really, don’t worry about me.” She held on a little tighter to Clarke who was clearly crying into her chest. Lexa nodded towards Clarke instead, giving a look to her parents to try and tell them she was more worried about her.

“Clarke, honey,” Indra started, stepping closer to her and reaching out.

But Clarke shook her head, “I’m sorry.” She spoke quietly, her voice muffled against Lexa. “I’m so sorry.” Clarke apologized between soft sobs, she didn’t know what else she could do to make up for everything her mom did and said just minutes ago.

“No, no, baby no.” Lexa told her. “You didn’t do anything.”

“That wasn’t you.” Indra tried.

“It was _my_ mom,” Clarke brought her head up and looked at Lexa. “Lexa I am so sorry. Please-” She was about to ask her to forgive her, ask her if she _could_ ever forgive her after that, explain to her that what her mom said wasn’t how Clarke felt and she never saw Lexa as anything other than a girl, anything other than her girlfriend, other than Theo’s mom. That was never an issue with them, but Clarke couldn’t help but feel like she needed to reiterate that how her mom felt wasn’t how _she_ felt.

“No, no,” Lexa stopped her. “You had nothing to do with all of _that_.” She tried to tell her.

The tears were streaming down her cheeks, looking up at Lexa pleadingly and wanting to just keep apologizing because this felt like her fault. _Well isn’t it?_ She couldn’t help but wonder. This was _her_ mom after all, and Clarke was the one who had gotten pregnant, and Lexa wouldn’t have to listen to all of that and go through all of this if it wasn’t for her. It almost scared Clarke because she couldn’t help but wonder what if something like this eventually made Lexa leave her; honestly after everything Abby had said and insinuated today, she wouldn’t blame Lexa for getting up and walking out. Clarke’s forehead fell against Lexa’s chest, “Please don’t leave. I need you.”

“Oh baby no,” Lexa kissed the top of her head. “I’m not going anywhere.” She turned her head up to look at her parents, tears stinging her own eyes from the way Clarke’s voice sounded. “Can you give us a minute, please?” This felt like a private moment, something they needed to talk about on their own and Lexa didn’t have much to say to her parents anyways.

“Of course,” Gustus gave a small nod, placing his hand on his wife’s lower back to lead her out of the room. “We’ll head out, give you guys some space okay?”

Indra nodded, “Call us if you need anything.” She added as she let her husband walk her out to the room.

Lexa gave them a grateful nod, “Thanks,” She gave a small smile, “We’ll probably see you tomorrow.”

She waited till her parents left and the door closed behind them. Lexa turned her attention back to Clarke, she was clinging to Lexa, her hand grabbing her shirt in an attempt to keep her here because after everything Clarke was worried Lexa was going to leave – she couldn’t blame her if she did. “I’m so sorry Lexa.” Clarke said again. “What my mom said, that’s not how I feel you know that, I’d never-”

“Clarke I know.” Lexa stopped her. “You are not your mom.” She told her calmly. “I don’t care about what she said to me, I only care about what she said to you and about Theo.”

Clarke let out a sigh which came out half as a whimper. “I don’t know what to do.” She shook her head. “Lexa everything is out of control and I don’t know what to do and I can feel myself spiraling and my mom showing up like this was just-” A small cry left her lips, cutting her off.

“I know, I know.” Lexa comforted her, leaning her cheek against the top of Clarke’s head. “Your mom couldn’t have shown up at a worse time, but she doesn’t matter, okay?” She tried to tell. “I’m not mad at you for what she said.” Lexa knew that’s what Clarke was thinking. “I couldn’t care less about what she said to me or about me, she’s not important enough.” She took in a deep breath, calming her own nerves. “All that’s important to me right now is you and Theo, and I’m not letting Abby come anywhere near either of you. Not now. Not until you want to see her again.”

“I don’t.” Clarke responded immediately. “She’s not my mom anymore, she means nothing to me.” She shook her head against Lexa. “Like it wasn’t bad enough how she dealt with me during the pregnancy, now she had to come in here and…be like _that_ to you.” Clarke looked up at Lexa again, “I am so sorry about that Lexa, I didn’t know what else I could have said or done.”

“It’s not your fault.” Lexa told her again, “You’re not Abby.” Lexa made sure to not say _your mom_ , if she was in Clarke’s place she wouldn’t want that to be her mother either.

“Yeah but…” Clarke trailed off. “It’s not fair on you to have to listen to that crap. None of that’s true, you’re Theo’s mom, you’re my girlfriend. What my mom said doesn’t mean anything.”

Lexa nodded, “I know. You and your mom are separate people. You’re not responsible for what she said or the way she acted.” She sighed, “She’s the adult here, it’s not your responsibility..”

Clarke paused for a moment, “Tell me what she said.” Lexa gave her a questioning look. “That day at the hospital, back in February. Tell me what she said.”

“Clarke.”

“Please?”

“Now is probably the worst time for that, you don’t need this right now babe.” Lexa tried. “She’s not important, okay? What’s important is us, and Theo, and we don’t need to worry about someone who only wants what’s bad for us.”

“Just tell me.” Clarke let out an exasperated sigh. “I need to know.”

“Do you really want to know?” Lexa asked her worryingly. “You’re mad at her already, what’s this going to do?”

“Was it about Theo?” Clarke asked instead.

“Yes.”

“Then I want to know.”

Lexa sighed, thinking it through before hesitantly speaking. “Abby might have…said she…wanted you to…lose the baby.”

“ _What?!_ ”

Lexa nodded hesitantly, “I didn’t want you to know.” She said quietly.

“How the fu-”

“Baby, calm down.” Lexa rubbed her hand over Clarke’s arm. “She’s not getting anywhere near our little girl.”

“No, she is not!” Clarke practically yelled out, “She’s getting nowhere near any of us like what the actual fuck? She actually said that?” Lexa nodded reluctantly, it was hard to be honest about this. Clarke let out a sigh, her face falling, suddenly calming down. “She’s dead to me for all I care. I don’t have a mom, I don’t need one like that.”

“You still have a family Clarke.” Lexa told her gently, holding her close and kissing the top of her head. “My parents love you like you’re their own. And besides, you have a daughter and a girlfriend; both of whom that love you and would never leave your side. We love you to the end of the universe and back.”

“You and Theo are all that matter to me.” Clarke relaxed against Lexa. “You’re my whole world.”

Lexa gave her a small smile, “And you’re mine.” Her voice wavered, tears misting over her eyes. “You and Theo, you two mean everything to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also a little update here. i'm gonna be updating the fic every other week rather than every week. (same with Hollow Stars if you're reading that it'll be this fic one week, and Hollow Stars the other). i've been really busy lately and i'm gonna keep getting busier because i'm off to uni in about two weeks. and i really really really enjoy writing these fics so i don't want to half ass the chapters and rush to get out stuff i'm not happy with. so yep. updates every other week now, hope that's cool i just wanna make sure i'm getting stuff out i would read myself.
> 
> ALSO THIS CHAPTER i wasn't planning on this. i completely forgot about abby (lmao sorry) so this chapter was initially going to be different so i had to put this in. it was about time abby showed up again. i promise the next chapter is a happy one. let me know what you thought, leave me a comment and i will see y'all soon.


	27. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally a bit of good news for our favorite moms. Baby Theo is doing better, a lot better, and for once they are happy and relaxed and not worried about her health. They also have a very important first moment with their little girl, it's cute and heartwarming and according to Clarke and Lexa, it's no short of perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update, i know. and i am very sorry. there's been some pretty darn important and drastic changes in my life. i moved out, i started uni, i'm getting into everything and settling in so i'd been so so so busy. BUT ANYWAYS this chapter is a little extra long to make up for it all. its also a fluffy chapter with a really cute baby theo moment that i was dying to write.

The past four days had been stressful to say the very least. Abby was here yesterday, Theo had been on the ventilator for three days now, and Clarke and Lexa were certain they didn’t have a single moment of peace this whole time. It had been hard, it had been incredibly difficult, things were tense, they didn’t know much about how Theo was doing – she was taking well to the treatment but that was all they knew. They hated seeing her there, seeing her like that, hooked up to all those wires and tubes and needing _so much_ help to just…be alive. Thinking about it made it worse, Theo wasn’t in any pain but well, she wasn’t entirely comfortable either.

Dr. Green had said most of the effects of it would come after Theo got off the ventilator; they would do their best to keep her comfortable but she would need her moms more than before. Physical contact would be the biggest thing, Theo hadn’t had much of that, well she hadn’t had the chance for much of it just yet, but she would need it after she woke up. Theo’s nurses were preparing them for it, showing Clarke and Lexa how they would hold her, teaching them more about _kangaroo care_ , how to care for her, how to pick up on cues from Theo about how she’s feeling – whether she wants to be held, or left alone, and how to pick up on what Theo wanted. Just preparing them for the best way to help their daughter by paying attention to what _she_ wanted. They wanted Clarke and Lexa to be able to lead with caring for Theo after she woke up, she would respond much better to them than anyone else.

Indra and Gustus had been over a couple of times, but it was very much clear that the girls wanted some space to themselves. They were perfectly happy with giving them just that, they were going through a lot, and Clarke had the added extra of dealing with her mom too. Clarke and Lexa really just wanted to be with each other, they were the only ones who knew what the other was going through. Indra and Gustus didn’t stick around for long the times they had come over, hugs for Clarke and Lexa as well as some snacks. They had a feeling neither of them would be in the mood to go down to get food so some chips and candy, some cereal bars – protein ones for Lexa, obviously – and a few instant ramen pots were more than welcome. The hugs were the best part, Gustus and Indra gave amazing hugs – Abby wasn’t the best at them, she was too cold, too stiff, and Clarke had really missed proper hugs since Jake passed.

They were sitting on the bed together right now, their typical position of Clarke against the headboard and Lexa by the foot of the bed with her legs outstretched. They used to sit like this in Lexa’s bed too, Clarke with her legs outstretched and on Lexa’s lap while she was pregnant because Lexa would always absentmindedly massage her feet. They were just relaxing right now, they had seen Theo a few hours ago; there was some good news, she was doing really well, and they were hoping to take her off the ventilator very soon. So yes, they were relaxing right now, they were even in the mood to get some actual, proper lunch; Theo was getting better, she was getting stronger so it felt like it was only a matter of time before they got to see those beautiful blue eyes again.

“I’m feeling good.” Clarke said to Lexa with a small smile, almost feeling…a little scared to admit it, she didn’t want to jinx it. “It feels like things might finally be getting better.”

Lexa returned the smile. “Yeah, I’m feeling that too.” She told her. “Theo’s getting better.”

“I wanna hold her,” Clarke said with an exaggerated frown, jutting her lips out.

“Soon.” Lexa rolled her eyes at Clarke’s expression, smiling at the cuteness of it, nonetheless. “If her nurses trying to get us prepared is anything to go by, it should be soon.”

“You’re doing the whole kangaroo care thing though,” Clarke pointed out, “I’m too cold, and we gotta keep her warm.” Clarke’s body was naturally cold, colder than the average person’s. There was nothing wrong that caused it, and it didn’t really have any negative effects on Clarke, just that she got cold more easily. So she didn’t want to be the one doing the skin-to-skin contact with Theo, instead of sharing her body heat with her daughter, she’d be stealing it from her, according to Clarke.

“Oh yeah,” Lexa nodded, “You’re an icicle.” She teased jokingly. “I don’t know how I share a bed with you.”

Clarke let out an exaggerated gasp, hand going over her heart as her eyes widened. Her dramatic antic got a laugh out of Lexa and she had to suppress the smile that was threatening to break out at that. “How _dare_ you?” She joked, doing her best to keep her voice serious and biting back a grin. “What am I supposed to do without my personal body heater?”

Lexa mirrored her faux-offended look, “Is that all I am to you? A glorified body heater?”

Before Clarke could reply, there was a knock on the door. She quirked an eyebrow at Lexa questioningly before calling out, “Come in.” They weren’t expecting anyone right now, and unexpected knocks on the door haven’t fared well lately.

“Hi,” They heard as the door opened and their daughter’s doctor stepped inside. His lips were slightly curled up, an almost smile on his face and a light spark in his eyes, enough to tell the moms that he possibly had some good news.

“Hi,” Lexa greeted, watching expectedly and waiting for him to say why he was here. It happened every time; every time Dr. Green or one of Theo’s nurses came to the room or even crossed paths with Lexa somewhere in the hospital, her heartrate picked up. Right now, it seemed like the doctor was in a good mood, as in not here to give them more bad news so Lexa couldn’t really understand why she was reacting the same way. _Must be a reflex now_.

“Everything okay?” Clarke couldn’t help but ask, she was similar to Lexa when someone from Theo’s care team showed up.

“Yes,” Dr. Green said with a short nod, closing the door being him and stepping into the room. “Better than okay actually.” Clarke and Lexa seemed to perk up at that, listening intently and waiting impatiently. “Theo is off the ventilator and stable.” He could see Clarke and Lexa’s eyes widening and expressions changing as he continued to speak to them and tell them about Theo. “She is mostly breathing on her own right now, so we have her on the CPAP machine again.”

“Oh my god.” Clarke breathed out.

“That’s amazing,” Lexa added, her face breaking into the biggest smile. “How is she, how is she doing?”

“Can we see her?” Clarke asked.

“She’s doing good, her lungs are strong, they took well to the treatment.” Dr. Green answered. “We’re monitoring her very closely, and yes, you will be able to see her as soon as you want.”

“That’s amazing, thank you so much Dr. Green.”

“She’s not awake at the moment,” He informed them. “It will take a couple of hours for the sedatives to wear off, but yeah, you will see those baby blues again in no time.”

She really did have beautiful eyes, everyone who had seen her so far had commented on it; the nurses, Dr. Green, Dr. Tsing, even a couple of parents who had seen her while walking past. He left a couple of minutes later, more details on Theo and how she was and what was next, but all in all it was good. They were relieved to say the least, sitting on the bed with smiles of disbelief on their face as the doctor left. It was almost a little difficult to believe it right now; given how things had been, and how quickly they went bad, it felt like if they got their hopes up for even a moment, it would just be shot right down.

“This isn’t a dream, right?” Clarke finally spoke, turning to look at Lexa. “Our baby girl is actually okay?”

There was a soft look in Lexa’s eyes as she nodded. “Yeah, yeah she is.” She moved on the bed, getting closer to Clarke until she was close enough to grab her hands. “Clarke I still can’t believe we have a daughter.” Lexa admitted, unable to keep the smile from breaking out. “I know it’s been five days since we had her but I still can’t believe it.” She let out a sigh before continuing, “And the last couple of days have been so hard, I know. But it seems like that’s finally over.”

“We’ll take her home soon.” Clarke told her. “Hopefully. It’s scary to think about that in case something goes wrong. Again.” She frowned, lowering her head to look away from Lexa for a moment. “Nothing else is going to happen to her, right?” Clarke asked quietly, her eyes still on their joined hands. “I can’t take any more of that Lex.” Her voice was just a whisper right now, eyes filling with tears at the thought of something happening to their baby yet again. Things hadn’t been easy, far from it, and the universe could finally cut them some slack. “I need things to be okay, I need it to finally get better.”

“They will.” Lexa told her, giving a sad smile. Clarke had every reason to feel that way, Lexa felt it too. Everything had been a lot, for months, and they could use a break from it all – all three of them, they deserved a break. “Things are getting better,” She told her. “We’re going to see her soon, then we’re going to get to hold her. And before you know it, we’re going to take her home, and everything is going to be okay.”

“You really think so?” Clarke turned back to look at her. “I’m starting to think my mom’s… _vibes_ have passed over to me,” She really didn’t have any other way to put it, it just felt like this was Clarke’s fault, everything her mom said was true and she was the reason everything was going wrong. “And I’m the reason things are being like this.”

“God no,” Lexa shook her head before leaning in and kissing Clarke’s forehead. “Your mom is wrong, about it all – you, me, Theo, all of it.” She told her confidently, Abby wasn’t coming anywhere near her daughter or girlfriend, not after everything she had done and said. Besides, Clarke was turning eighteen in exactly ten days and after that, Abby would have no hold on her. “It’s not your fault, it never was.” Lexa told her honestly. “Things have been hard, I know. And it’s not fair, especially on you Clarke.” It was true, she had it the hardest, the pregnancy and her mom and then the birth and then Theo. “But it’ll all turn around. The moment we get to hold our little miracle, things are going to turn around and start to get better.”

Clarke finally nodded, giving Lexa a smile. She always knew what to say to make her feel better, to get her mind to quiet down and actually believe things would be okay. “I can’t wait for that.” She couldn’t, she couldn’t wait to hold her, feel Theo against her, feel her tiny heartbeat. “Can’t wait till we can spend every moment with our little boop.”

.

“I love you,” Lexa said to Theo from the other side of the incubator’s glass. She was sound asleep, no doubt still from the sedatives but they were here with her now. Clarke with her hand in the incubator and fingers wrapped loosely around Theo’s tiny little ankle – she just wanted some sort of contact with her. Lexa was right there with her, a massive smile on her face that wouldn’t go away as she spoke to Theo. She did that while Theo had been on the ventilator too, Lexa wasn’t sure whether or not she could even hear her but she hoped it would provide some comfort to her little girl. “I love you so much.” She then turned her eyes to Clarke, “Both of you.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, turning her head to Lexa and kissing her. There was only a couple of inches between, Lexa’s face right next to Clarke’s and it didn’t take much more than just turning her head to capture her lips. It was slow and soft, just like how they were both feeling right now in this moment. Things were calm and peaceful and they just wanted to soak in it; their little family all together, Theo was finally okay – getting better, at least – and they were here with her. “I love _you_.” Clarke muttered quietly as she pulled away, Lexa still smiling with her eyes locked on Clarke’s. “Look at us,” A small laugh bubbled out of her, looking back at Theo. “We’re parents,” It still felt crazy to say that, how the _hell_ were they parents? They were still just kids themselves, but oh if Theo wasn’t the greatest thing that ever happened to them. “We have a baby.”

“We’re a family.” Lexa nodded, “It’s still so crazy that we made this little one.” Clarke rolled her eyes at the way Lexa put it, smiling nonetheless. “That’s right, Theo.” Lexa looked back at her daughter, doing that little voice she did only when talking to Theo. “We made you,” Her voice was small and cheery, nodding at her enthusiastically. “Me and your mommy, we made you.”

Clarke playfully smacked her on the arm, shutting her up. “She’s a little young for that talk Lexa.” It was funny and there was no harm in it given how 1) Theo was asleep, and 2) Theo was too young to understand anything they said to her, let alone that. “Don’t mind her Theo,” She spoke to their sleeping daughter this time. “Your momma’s like that, you learn to tune it out eventually.”

“Nah, you like it when I talk to you, don’t you boop?” Apparently so because just as Lexa asked, Theo stirred. Her head turned to the side, legs kicking just slightly, and fingers twitching.

“Oh my god!” Clarke exclaimed at her reaction. “Lexa she’s moving, is she waking up?” Lexa grinned at Clarke before turning to Theo and watching her gently stirring. “Babe, babe keep talking.”

“Told you she likes it when I talk to her.” Lexa turned back to Theo, her voice dropping to what it was when talking to her daughter a moment ago. “That’s right, I know you do. And that’s a good thing because I don’t shut up.”

“She really doesn’t.” Clarke added with a smile, Theo’s eyes fluttering, about to open. “But I’ll make sure she keeps quiet long enough to let you sleep baby, maybe not right now though. We haven’t seen you awake in days, and you waking up today would be really great.”

The rest of the day had gone quite well. Theo woke up a couple of minutes later, still drowsy and sleepy and not quite responsive but that was normal right now given the drugs still in her system. They stayed with her for about another hour until Theo fell asleep again; it was also time for her to be fed, she wasn’t doing that on her own yet, not for at least a couple more days so she still had the feeding tube. Clarke didn’t want to be here for that, sure, she knew this wasn’t causing Theo any pain or discomfort. Actually, it was the opposite, it would be more difficult and uncomfortable for her to feed from a bottle.

They were actually calm and relaxed today, first time in a while because their little girl was finally alright. She really was, there weren’t any causes for concern the rest of the day, nothing was out of what was expected, namely Theo sleeping more. But that was fine, she needed the rest, it was good that she was sleeping because that would only help her heal faster. The hardest part was leaving her for the day, they just wanted to be with her, be closer to her, and well, it was only a matter of time until they got to take her home with them. Oh right, about that, they hadn’t really had the time to prepare anything at the house for Theo’s arrival – they thought they had another month.

“Lexa,” Clarke spoke up, breaking the silence. “I just realized something.”

“What?” Lexa gave her a confused look. She was seated on the couch with a book, studying for the first time since Theo was born, but well, finals _were_ coming up after all.

“Babe we have nothing prepared at home for Theo.” She told her. “We thought we had another month, like even her crib isn’t made.” It was _built_ and _assembled_ but that was it, there was a mattress – still in its packaging – in it, and a couple of packages of blankets sitting in the corner of it.

Lexa closed the book, nodding slowly as she realized. “Her baby swing hasn’t been assembled. I think her clothes and diapers and all that are still in the shopping bags.”

“We don’t even have a space for her clothes yet.” Clarke remembered. “We even bought that divider for the underwear drawer, but we didn’t get around to moving our things into the same one.” Technically, one drawer from the dresser was more than enough for Theo’s clothes now. They had a shelf in their closet for her towels and blankets and sheets for her crib, but no place for her clothes yet. Clarke and Lexa were planning on moving their underwear into the same drawer, hence the divider, and then they’d have an empty on for Theo’s clothes and whatever else because apparently you couldn’t have enough for baby things – not just clothes.

“There’s still so many things we need to do.” Lexa set the book down, pulling out her phone instead and tapping on the notes app. “I’ll ask my parents for a couple of things and I’ll make a list of the rest.” She was already typing as she spoke. “We have a couple of weeks till we’re back home and maybe I’ll go down a couple of days to get some of the things sorted out.” Lexa looked back up, giving Clarke a smile that said _I got this, don’t worry_. “Not right away, but like, after Theo is doing better and we don’t have things to worry about.”

“What about baby proofing, when do we need to do that?” Clarke asked. Not right away, definitely, Theo couldn’t even hold her head up on her own. “Not now, right?”

“Not just yet, no. But like…before she starts crawling or standing or moving in anyway.”

A small smile came on Clarke’s face as she thought about the reality of it all. “We’re going to take her home soon, won’t we? It’s insane.”

“It really is.”

* * *

They were both smiling as they walked into the NICU in the morning, almost certain this was the first time that happened since Theo was born. It was good, things were good, Theo was okay and all they wanted was to see her again. They walked past the other cots and incubators as they approached their daughter. But the sound of crying was the first to greet them and it definitely wasn’t one of the other babies, it was Theo. She was screeching and screaming at the top of her lungs and Gaia was there trying to comfort her. It was a tiny cry, almost sounded strained and it immediately worried Clarke and Lexa, making them pick up their pace and rush towards her. The crying couldn’t help with her lungs right now, and why was she even crying? Was she okay?

“What’s wrong?” Lexa couldn’t help but be concerned. Theo was wriggling around, kicking her legs and crying uncontrollably. “Is she okay?”

“Oh yes,” Gaia told them calmly, they really had no idea how Gaia stayed so calm in moments like this. “She’s a little irritated and uncomfortable from everything lately.” She told them honestly, turning to look up at them this time. “But perfect timing, I was just about to send someone up for you.” This was the perfect opportunity for some skin-to-skin care, it would comfort Theo. “She’s been crying for a couple of minutes and I can’t get her to stop.”

“What’s wrong? Is she in pain?” Clarke asked this time, actually, Gaia _had_ just explained why she was crying.

“She’s just not comfortable right now. The tubes and wires, and the drugs are still in her system which is making her cranky.”

“What can we do?” Lexa asked.

“I need one of you to take your shirt off.” Gaia said nonchalantly, turning back to Theo and cooing at her.

“What?” “Huh?” The moms looked equally confused.

“You’re going to hold Theo. That’s the only thing that can comfort her right now.” Gaia explained.

“Wait what?” Lexa asked, taken aback by it. They weren’t expecting it for a couple of days at the very least. “Now?” She asked past the tiny strained crying.

“Yes, now.” Gaia answered. “We don’t want her to get out of breath, and skin to skin contact will help calm her down.”

“Oh my god.” Clarke’s eyes widened as she looked at Lexa. “Lex!”

“Right, right.” Lexa rushed to reach for the button of her shirt. “Wait, like, now? I just take it off?”

“Yes.” Gaia nodded, “Right now. She doesn’t want me holding her, I’ve tried and it only annoyed her. But she could really use one of her moms right now.”

“Right, okay.” She didn’t think twice about it, her hands flying to the buttons of her shirt and undoing them as Gaia called out to someone to get the _kangaroo chair_. “Everything?” Lexa asked as she finished with the shirt, asking about her bra.

“Yes.” Gaia told her, “If that’s okay of course, we’ll get you two a blanket once you have her on you to cover up.”

_Well this wasn’t unexpected at all_. Lexa thought to herself as she let Clarke help her get out of her shirt. She was frazzled and rushing and _this_ close to getting tangled up in the fabric. Her heart was pounding and Theo was still screaming and Lexa just wanted to do whatever she could to make it stop. It broke her heart, hearing her crying and screaming crushed her and Lexa didn’t even think twice about practically undressing in front of strangers. Well, no one was looking and she wouldn’t be the first mom here without a top on, besides this was for Theo so she couldn’t be bothered by it. Right now, all that mattered was comforting her little girl because she shouldn’t be crying like this, it would only put more strain on her. And she needed to be kept warm, if she was out of the incubator, she needed Lexa’s body heat – definitely not something Clarke could do, it was actually a little funny how easily she _stole_ Lexa’s body heat.

“Are you okay with this?” Clarke asked her quietly, leaning into her ear as she folded the shirt and draped it over her arm. It wasn’t a secret to Clarke that Lexa had _some_ issues with her body, with some parts more than others – her chest being one of them. And she was a lot better about it now than before Lexa was on hormones, but Clarke just wanted to make sure she was comfortable with this.

“Yeah, yeah.” Lexa nodded certainly. “I’m okay with it.” She smiled at Clarke. “It’s for her, I’m okay with anything.” Gaia moved to pick up Theo from the incubator, there seemed to be a reclined chair right behind Lexa – she wasn’t even sure when it got there. “Hi Theo,” She said to the baby as Gaia picked her up, Theo continuing to wriggle and scream in her arms.

“Take a seat,” Gaia nodded towards the chair, “Look at you, you’re getting strong, aren’t you?” She spoke gently to Theo, the other nurse – who Lexa could only assume was the one who brought the chair over – stepped up to help with Theo’s wires and tubes as Gaia gently moved closer towards Lexa, not wanting anything to tug or pull and hurt the baby. “It’s okay sweetheart, we’re going to your momma now, yes we are.” She was really good with her, it amazed Clarke and Lexa the way she handled Theo calmly even when she was kicking and screaming.

“Oh god,” Lexa let out a panicked breath, shaking out her hands and trying to get the nerves under control as Gaia approached her. “I’m really going to hold her.” She said to Clarke. “Wow this is actually happening.”

“Just relax, you’ll be fine.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile at that, maybe this was something she had been looking forward to for a very long time. Actually, since the first or second ultrasound, when she saw little Theo inside her, she was flooded with these images of Lexa holding their daughter, kissing her little head, cuddling with her. So yes, Clarke really _really_ wanted to see her girlfriend holding their daughter. “Look at how tiny she is,” Clarke’s eyes teared up as she watched Gaia start to set Theo down on Lexa.

“Okay, Lexa just relax.” Gaia said as she set her Theo down on Lexa’s chest. She was still there holding her, Lexa’s arms on the armrest to give space to let the nurse put the baby down. Theo was still wriggling around, screeching but Lexa would be lying if she said she didn’t make the cutest face when it was all scrunched up like that. “Bring this arm around,” Theo was securely laying on Lexa’s chest and Gaia kept one hand on her to keep her in place while grabbing Lexa’s left arm. “Under Theo’s little bum to hold her up.” She guided Lexa’s arm until it was where it needed to be. “And this one,” Gaia moved her other arm, “On her upper back and under her head to support it.” She moved a couple of tubes out of the way. “And there you go, you’ve got her.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked stiffly, remaining unmoving. She didn’t want to move or do something wrong.

“Yes, I’m absolutely sure.” Gaia reassured, standing up straight. “Look just relax, Theo is perfectly safe in your arms.” She let out a small laugh, “You don’t have to be so stiff, there’s no way you can hurt her.”

“I’m very clumsy.” Lexa told her. “I wouldn’t be so certain.”

“She’s safe, she’s in her mom’s arms, she’s safer there than anywhere else.”

“Relax, Lex.” Clarke told her what the nurse was saying, moving back behind Lexa and rubbing her shoulders to loosen her up. “Don’t need to be so tense, like Gaia said, Theo’s safe.”

Lexa took a deep breath, Theo still crying and wriggling in her arms, almost like she was trying to break free. “It doesn’t look like she wants to be here.” She said to the nurse, her arms still around the little girl exactly where Gaia had put them.

“She does, just give her a moment.” Gaia explained, draping a soft thin blanket over Lexa and Theo. “She just needs to register the change, I don’t think she has yet.” She told them, Theo would need a minute, she was still crying and if anything, she probably didn’t even know she had been passed from Gaia to Lexa. “Why don’t you try talking to her.”

Lexa was too frozen right now to do anything, it felt unreal and like even one tiny move would hurt Theo. “Hey boop.” Clarke spoke instead when Lexa seemed to stay rigid and silent – yeah, she would be just as terrified if their little girl was laying on her chest right now. The wires and tubes only made it scarier, Clarke couldn’t actually imagine holding Theo like this and she was glad Lexa could step up. Well, this was the agreement anyways, but even if they hadn’t talked about it, there was no way Clarke could muster up the courage to hold Theo. “Your momma’s got you, okay?” She spoke quietly, her hands still on Lexa’s neck gently massaging to relax her.

“I’ll give you two some space, alright?” Gaia asked, Clarke nodding before she stepped away. She would be close by but the baby was overwhelmed and irritated as it was, she wanted to give her some space to take in the new _set-up_. It was the best thing for her right now, they thought they’d have to wait a couple more days before being ready for something like this. But given how Theo was feeling right now, she needed to be comforted and no one could do that as well as one of her moms. “I’ll be close by, call me if you need anything.”

Clarke continued to speak to Theo, her voice soft and gentle and Lexa finally joining in. It took about a minute before Theo began to calm down; the screeching and crying started to die down, turning into little whimpers. This was crazy, this was downright insane that she was here right now holding her daughter; Theo’s skin against Lexa’s, she could feel her tiny heart beating against her. Eventually Lexa relaxed, her arms around Theo not as stiff but softening as they molded around her daughter. Before Lexa knew it, her eyes were tearing up, finally realizing what was actually happening.

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed out quietly, looking up at her girlfriend who was sitting down on the armrest of Lexa’s chair. “She’s so perfect, I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I know,” Clarke nodded, “What’s it like, holding her?”

“Crazy.” Lexa stated. “I can’t believe I’m holding her. She’s so small and her skin’s so soft and,” She sighed, dipping her head to brush her lips on the top of Theo’s head. “I love you.” Theo wasn’t wriggling around as much, she had settled against Lexa, her crying quietening too. “That’s right sweetie, you’re okay. I got you.”

“This is beautiful.” Clarke stood up gently, careful not to move her daughter and girlfriend before taking a step in front Lexa and pulling out her phone.

“Clarke,” Lexa scoffed, but she was smiling. This was a perfect moment, it was a _first_ moment, this was actually their first _first moment_ , she wanted to capture it too. This was the first time Theo was being held by one of them, this was the first time Lexa was holding Theo, and they hadn’t had any other moments like this yet.

“Oh hush,” She held the phone up, finding her daughter and girlfriend on the screen before capturing it. “This is perfect, I want to remember it.”

Lexa made small circles on Theo’s back with her thumb, “I love you.” She said again, Clarke returning to her previous spot and kissing Lexa’s temple. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Lexa added before looking up at Clarke, “Thank you,”

“For what?”

“Everything.” Lexa shrugged lightly, not wanting to move Theo, she was a lot calmer now. “For this one.” She nodded towards the baby on top of her. “Despite _everything else_ , this is the greatest thing I’ve ever done and well, it wouldn’t have happened without you.” They couldn’t really go over the whole thing about being teenage moms and the unexpected – and unwanted – pregnancy. Theo wasn’t unwanted, not for a moment, but the pregnancy definitely was. It wasn’t planned, of course it wasn’t, if it had gone according to plan, they would’ve had Theo in about a decade; but sometimes things just…happened, and they turned out to be incredible. They loved Theo from the moment they decided to keep the baby; and well, at this point, they couldn’t imagine their lives without this precious little thing. “She’s our little miracle.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” Clarke pouted, those were definitely not tears running down her cheeks, nope, absolutely not.

“ _Going to_?” Lexa teased, looking up at her. “So those aren’t tears?”

“These aren’t?” Clarke reached up, brushing away the tears escaping Lexa’s eyes.

“Happy ones.” Lexa smiled back and Theo made a cooing sound which caught her attention. “Oh hello,” She said to her with the same smile. “Someone’s in a better mood, huh? Yes you are.” Theo was looking up at Lexa with those perfect blue. “God you have your mommy’s eyes, they’re so beautiful.”

Clarke couldn’t fight off the smile, it was actually starting to hurt her cheeks but she couldn’t complain. “Nope, she’s got nothing on me. They’re blue like mine but her one’s are breathtaking.” Clarke wasn’t wrong, they really were breathtaking. “She looks like you.” She commented, the nose was very obvious from the start but now that Theo was next to Lexa, it was even more obvious how much this little one looked like her momma. “Just like you when you were a baby.” She had seen pictures of Lexa as a baby and it was _uncanny_ how much they looked alike. “Need another pic, hold on.” Clarke pulled out her phone again, Lexa rolling her eyes before Clarke clicked another photo, this time getting a closer shot of both their faces. “I’m sending this to your parents, I want to know what they think.”

“Nah I don’t think so,” Lexa turned to Theo. “You’re way cuter than I was. Yes you are, you’re the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen, aren’t you?”

“So she’s just a better version of you two?” Gaia popped in behind them, speaking before they could even realize she was here.

“Absolutely.” Clarke nodded. “She’s perfect.”

“She looks happy.” Gaia commented, giving Lexa a pointed look for being so nervous. “You two seem to have it under control.”

“Feels pretty natural, to be honest.” Lexa admitted. “Like she was always meant to be here, right next to me.”

That brought more tears to Clarke’s eyes, unable to help it. It looked like that too, it looked like the most natural thing ever, like this is where Theo belonged. No part of Clarke regretted not being able to hold Theo today, she would eventually and seeing Lexa with Theo…it warmed her heart, it made her tear up, it made her fall even more in love with her girlfriend. “You’re such a sap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdjfasdklflkdsjfjs ahhhhhhh!!!!!! right???? how cute??? i love them. i love this little family. anyways, thank you for reading, thank you for waiting for the update, the next one will be on time (updates are every other week now not every week anymore), i'm 95% sure of that. but ayyy look they're happy and had a cute moment and i love these three so so so much.   
> YES RIGHT thank you for reading, let me know what you thought.


	28. Nursing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another important first moment with Theo and her moms. She's doing a lot better, so Clexa is finally getting to relax and actually enjoy all of this. It had been nothing but heartache and anxiety since she was born, so its a really good feeling to know their little girl is getting better and stronger. There's also a visit from the new aunts, Raven and Octavia. Raven has some concerns following graduation and there's a heartfelt moment between her and Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think the chapter title gives away what the important first moment is this time. its a cute chapter. good things happening. theo's getting better. clarke and lexa and more chilled out. and they're finally getting to embrace this new thing. which is??? that they're parents?? its still crazy. also O and Raven visit. lexa and raven have a cute moment i love them. i love their friends. anyways. good things your way with this chapter. also lexa??? so soft with theo.

Yesterday was no short of magical, it was quite simply perfect. Lexa got to hold Theo, Clarke got to see her two loves together, and she had gotten some great pictures to remember it. They had stayed with their little girl for over an hour, until she settled and relaxed, and then eventually fell asleep on Lexa. That made them both cry, _again_ , her face smushed against Lexa’s chest, eyes closed, peacefully asleep. Ever since then, Lexa had had this…aching to be closer to her, to feel her skin against her’s, to hold her. It changed again from the looks of things, that closeness she felt with Theo, it changed yet again. Every time Lexa thought she couldn’t love this little thing anymore, feel closer to her anymore, it changed.

Today had been exactly one week since Theo was born, their little girl was a week old. She was getting better and they were getting closer and closer to having her with them, to taking her home. It was a good feeling, finally seeing Theo getting better and seeing her get stronger, it was a really good feeling. They were spending more time with her, seeing her more often, and Theo’s doctor and nurses were counting on them getting more skin-to-skin contact, or just some more physical contact – maybe with Clarke next time. After Theo got off the feeding tube, they were going to try breastfeeding and Clarke was very much looking forward to that – Theo would most definitely be clothed to keep her warm.

“Our daughter is a little miracle.” Lexa said as she looked through the photos on Clarke’s phone from yesterday.

“Say that again.” Clarke asked giddily, she still couldn’t get over how it sounded when either of them said _my_ or _our daughter_.

“Our. Daughter,” Lexa started, enunciating carefully, her smile wide and unfaltering. “Theo. Is. A. Miracle.”

A small laugh bubbled out of Clarke, a small and _happy_ noise that made Lexa’s smile only grow wider. They were both in a good mood today, it was hard not to be. There weren’t too many points since Theo was born where they were both happy and cheerful and at ease, or even feeling anything that wasn’t anxiety. But things were finally settling down now, and they were finally getting to _enjoy_ the fact that they had a baby, that they were going to be parents now. Sure, it was still daunting and terrifying to _be parents_ and _have a baby_ but it was still amazing and unreal and incredible that they had a little girl, someone they created, someone who was so perfect and amazing and oh god, Theo was…all theirs. “She really is, isn’t she?”

“I think it’s just really sunk in that we have a baby.” Lexa told her. “And I guess I’m really looking forward to being a mom.” Lexa got up from her seat on the couch, moving to come sit next to Clarke. “It’s still scary but I mean,” She shrugged, holding her phone out to show a photo of Theo. It was from yesterday, her on Lexa’s chest with those bright blue eyes looking up at her momma like she was her whole world. “Look at that face,” Lexa said to Clarke. “And those eyes, how hard can it be?”

“Pfft,” Clarke scoffed, “Easy peasy. She’s tiny, and there’s two of us, we outnumber her. What’s the worst she can do to?”

“Hmm, let’s see.” Lexa spoke, feigning seriousness. “Pee all over us, get puke over all our clothes, keep us all night,” She counted on her fingers, “Make us forget what sleep is, the list goes on and on, we’ll probably never have another set of clean clothes for the next decade or so.”

“We’re a team, we got this.” Clarke then paused, tilting her head slightly. “Actually, Theo’s part of the team now.”

“Team Woods.” It was a given at this point that Clarke was an honorary Woods; Indra and Gustus treated her like family, she never really felt out of place at the Woods household. And maybe Clarke had made up her mind that when they got married, which they seemed to have decided without actually talking about it – well, Lexa did make that comment about wanting to be the one to propose – she’d be taking the Woods name.

Clarke’s smile widened, leaning over and kissing Lexa’s cheek. “That’s adorable.”

“Oh my god!” Lexa exclaimed suddenly. “Clarke we should get jerseys made that say Team Woods on it.”

“Our birthday year as the number on the back?” Clarke suggested.

“That’s perfect.” She tapped on the Google Chrome app on Clarke’s phone. Her one was charging on the other side of the room, nearly dead because she forgot to charge it last night, and the only reason Clarke’s phone even had Chrome was because of Lexa – Clarke preferred Safari, Lexa on the other hand couldn’t stand it for some reason. “Theo’s going to need a onesie though, right?”

“Yes, one of the tiny baby ones. Oh!” Clarke suddenly remembered. “We need to get more onesies for Theo. The regular newborn ones aren’t going to fit her just yet.”

* * *

“Good morning Mommies,” Maya greeted as she let the two of them into the NICU. “How are we doing today?” They had all been very good about it since they got to the hospital, Clarke and Lexa had both actually expected at least a couple of ignorant questions. In a perfect world, everyone in the medical field would be trained to respectfully handle and deal patients and family members of patients who were transgender or in same-sex relationships. But this wasn’t a perfect world, and there were ignorant people around, even doctors and nurses, and Clarke and Lexa’s situation was very much unconventional. So they wanted to be prepared, but everyone had been great so far; the nurses, the doctors, they call referred to Lexa as Theo’s mom the same way did with Clarke.

“We are doing good.” Clarke replied with a smile, following Maya further into the NICU to where Theo was – it didn’t feel as daunting now to walk through here.

“Theo’s doing better so we’re doing great.” Lexa added with a grin. “I’m still riding the high from getting to hold her the other day.”

“If that wasn’t the purest thing I’d ever seen, I don’t know what was.” Clarke nudged Lexa’s shoulder as they continued walking.

“Well,” Maya started as they came to stood by Theo’s incubator, Lexa immediately leaning down to greet her little girl with a small wave and smiling when Theo’s eyes moved to look at her. “I might have another _first_ for you two today.”

“Oh?” Clarke raised her eyebrows, Lexa straightening up too to look at Maya. They had mentioned how Lexa holding Theo was their first _first_ moment with their daughter and Theo’s medical team was determined to give them many more of those, to give them all the firsts parents with a full term baby would get by the time they left the hospital.

“So, Theo doesn’t need the feeding tube anymore.” Maya started. “And she’s been bottle fed earlier this morning. It’s almost feeding time again, and we think now is the perfect time to try breastfeeding.” Clarke looked very much surprised, eyes wide, and mouth slightly open. “If you’re up for it.”

Lexa looked at Clarke excitedly, smiling. “What do you think?”

“Yes,” Clarke nodded as soon as the question sunk in. “Absolutely. Oh my god, that would be amazing. Are you sure?”

“She’s ready.” Maya nodded, “We’ve been talking about it; Dr. Green, Theo’s other nurses, she’s ready if you are mommy.”

Clarke was smiling, not even quite realizing it as she nodded at Maya again. “Yes, oh my god, yes let’s do it.”

“I know you run a little cold.” Maya noted.

“Like a cute little turtle.” Lexa quipped, grabbing Clarke’s arm to prove her point. “Freezing.”

“I’m not that cold.” Clarke rolled her eyes before pointing at Lexa. “She thinks turtles are cute.”

Maya couldn’t help but smile at them, shaking her head nonetheless. “So we have to keep Theo warm and can’t really do skin to skin.” She told them, going back to her original point. “I’ll get her dressed while you get settled in, Nathan will get you seated in an armchairs in one of the family areas and give you some pointers on what to do.” They had already shown Clarke how to breastfeed, even given her some pamphlets with information and instructions on it, they had gone over it multiple times with different positions, so Clarke was as prepared as she was going to be to do this.

“Are you going to put clothes on her?” Lexa asked, a quiet giggle escaping her lips. So far, the only thing they had seen Theo wearing were her nappies and not much else. It was the best way to expose her to the warmth in the incubator as well as the light on her skin. Her skin was very sensitive now too, and wearing clothes could irritate it so just the diaper was enough. It gave Theo more room to move around too, let her develop those skills which was very important given how premature she was, it would help strengthen her muscles. “Like more than just her nappies?”

“Yes,” Maya nodded, “A onesie, a hat.” She could see the excited look on Lexa’s face. “Oh and socks.”

For some reason, the thought of Theo in teeny tiny clothes was very cute. “Socks?” Lexa had to hold back on actually squealing out of excitement. “I’m sorry that is very exciting. You actually have clothes _that_ small?” She nodded at Theo.

“A lot smaller too.” Maya nodded, “I’ll be right back with them.”

“She’s going to put clothes of Theo.” Lexa excitedly turned to look at Clarke. “Little clothes on little Theo.” Clarke giggled at the excitement in her eyes, watching as Lexa leaned down to speak to Theo. “You’re gonna wear clothes, yes you are.”

“You’re a dork.” Clarke rolled her eyes. But then she tore her eyes away from her girlfriend and to the nurse approaching her. He led her away from the incubator and towards one of the family areas; the NICU was actually very nice, bigger than you’d expect but quite a lot of the space was family areas for the parents to spend time with their babies who were here. Clarke and Lexa hadn’t gotten the chance for much of that, Theo couldn’t be out of the incubator for too long and the longest they had her out of it was when Lexa got to hold her. The family areas were small individual spaces; rug, armchair, a small day bed even, soft lights, it was actually very welcoming and comforting.

“Here we are,” Maya said as she walked back up to Lexa, a couple of pieces of clothes in her hand. “Look at this Lexa,” She held up the onesie to show.

“Oh my god,” Lexa exclaimed quietly, her voice a little too high as she pursed her lips and tried to contain herself. She stepped away from the incubator, letting Maya get in closer to Theo. “That is adorable,” Lexa said as she watched the nurse unlatch the top of the incubator before opening it. “I’m gonna go wait with Clarke or I’ll just keep distracting you.”

It was a couple more minutes before Maya came over to the waiting moms with Theo cradled in her arms; one of the nurses was right behind her rolling with the machines that was connected to Theo. Clarke was seated on one the armchair, a pillow on her lap, her hoodie and t-shirt off. instead she had Lexa’s shirt on, unbuttoned – Lexa had a t-shirt on underneath so it was fine. They hadn’t come in expecting this, so Clarke was wearing a t-shirt and zip hoodie; neither of which were good for nursing, the zipper could hurt Theo and the t-shirt well, it didn’t have an opening in the front. So Lexa didn’t mind letting Clarke borrow her shirt.

“Look who’s here,” Maya said quietly, Lexa gasping at the sight of Theo now dressed. “All dressed up, and ready for her-” She stopped abruptly uncertainly, looking at Clarke, “Mommy or momma, I seem to forget who’s who.”

“Mommy,” Clarke answered with a smile.

“And momma,” Maya pointed at Lexa nodding and making a mental note, hoping to remember it next time. “I will remember that.” Then she turned to Lexa, who looked like she was bursting to say something, “You okay momma?”

“She looks so cute.” Lexa was grinning right now, she was seated on the small day bed. “I thought the onesie was the cutest thing but it’s really the socks.” They were _so tiny_ , how could they even make ones so small. Lexa was actually losing her mind.

“Is mommy ready?” Maya asked smiling, the hat was really cute too.

“Yes, I am.” Clarke nodded, “The hat is…I can’t handle it. She’s adorable.” She couldn’t believe she was about to not only hold Theo but also get to breastfeed her. It was something Clarke had been wanting to do for a long time, she had been looking forward to it even before Theo was born; to her, that was the most intimate way to bond with her daughter. And Clarke was a little upset that she didn’t get to do it right after Theo was born, there were a lot of things they didn’t get to do when she was born but this was the one thing she was looking forward to the most. “God, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

“The number of tutorials I’ve watched with her has been too many.” Lexa shook her head. She was excited too, about as much as she was when she got to hold Theo.

“Okay so,” Maya started, approaching Clarke, “We’re going to do the football hold.” She told her. “It’s especially good for premature babies and mom’s with bigger chests.”

“Tell me about it,” Lexa said jokingly with an eyebrow wiggle.

Clarke rolled her eyes, choosing to ignore it. “Which side are we doing?”

“Did you pump milk this morning?” Maya asked instead and Clarke nodded, it was a couple of hours, first thing after waking up. “Which side?”

“Right side.”

“So we will go with the left.” With that, Maya gave Clarke a couple more bits of information, mainly where to put her arms and how to hold Theo before she placed the baby in Clarke’s arm.

It was her left arm, Theo’s back on Clarke’s forearm and her head in Clarke’s hand. Her mouth was facing Clarke’s left breast, Theo looking at her mommy with big curious eyes. “Oh hi there, sweetie.” Clarke was already tearing up, it was unreal being able to hold her right now. “She seems hungry.” Clarke pointed out, Theo was opening her mouth and making a sucking motion. She was, Maya gave a couple more pointers to Clarke; how to get Theo to latch on properly, how it should feel when she was feeding, and what to do when Theo was done. Once satisfied with the way Clarke was holding Theo and checking once again to make sure Theo was latched onto Clarke properly, Maya placed a soft cloth under Theo’s cheek to catch any spills.

“How you doing there mommy?” Lexa asked after about a minute. They were both quiet, Clarke completely and utterly enamored by the little girl in her arm.

Clarke finally looked up, tearing her eyes away from Theo to look at Lexa. “I’m doing great.” She said to her, the softest smile on her face and eyes a little misty. “She’s so perfect Lexa.”

“I know.” Lexa nodded, getting up and moving closer to Clarke and Theo. “She’s so small and beautiful and perfect,” She stood next to Clarke, her hand coming up and her finger tracing along Theo’s forehead. It made her eyes flutter for a moment, her sucking not faltering for even a moment. “You feeling okay?” Lexa asked Clarke gently, it was overwhelming when she got to hold Theo, it was a lot at once and Lexa would be lying if she said she didn’t cry again later that night at the thought of it – happy tears definitely though.

“A little overwhelmed, not going to lie.” Clarke admitted, eyes going back to Theo and watching Lexa’s finger tracing down the side of her face. “How is she so perfect?” She questioned quietly.

“Can you believe that came out of you?” Lexa asked, watching Clarke expectedly for a reaction.

“I would smack you for saying that if I had a free hand.” Theo was on her left arm, but her right hand was holding her breast and keeping it in Theo’s mouth. “But I’m too happy right now to tell you off.”

“She’ll get used to it.” Lexa said in regards to Theo, “Yes you will,”

“This feels so weird.” Clarke admitted. “Not the breastfeeding,” She added quickly, looking up at Lexa. Pumping milk was a little uncomfortable when she had started but it was fine now, it was perfectly comfortable and Theo feeding felt a little different to that, but it didn’t feel weird. “Just being able to hold her and have her here.” She shook her head slightly. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long, Lex.” Lexa smiled at her. “It feels unreal and…I kind of just want to stay like this forever.”

“We’ll get to very soon.” Lexa responded, leaning down and kissing Clarke’s temple.

“I…haven’t felt like this Lex, ever.” Clarke said honestly. “I’ve never felt what I’m feeling right now.” Her eyes welled with tears, she really couldn’t believe it. Her little girl was in her arms, against her while she was nursing her. It hasn’t felt as real as it did right now, it felt real when Theo was born, when she saw her for the first time, when she held her little hand, but right now in this moment, it was…like something had changed. Yet again. Theo seemed to have that effect on both of them, the more time they got to spend with her, the more of her they got to see, the more they fell in love with her.

“Yeah I know.” Lexa nodded. “It changes when you get to hold her the first time. And have her look up at you with those big blues.”

“I don’t wanna let her go.” Clarke watched Theo. “I never want to leave her side.” She let out a small sigh. “I don’t know how to explain this, I look at her and I see her look up at me, and…I’m starstruck. She’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen an-” Her throat was closing up as more tears stung her eyes, threatening to spill. “I’m sorry,” She sighed, trying to pull herself together. “It’s a lot and everything with Theo has been a lot and I’ve been anxious for who knows how long but now that I’m holding her…”

“Everything’s just melting away, right?” Lexa finished for her.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, “Baby wipe my eyes for me,” She brought her head up, turning to Lexa. “I can’t hold it in,” Lexa let out a chuckle, reaching up and brushing the tears away.

“You can’t make your mommy cry.” Lexa faked seriousness, looking Theo. “We’re not having that, Theo.”

“What, are you going to be the strict parent?” Clarke asked knowingly, this was as serious as Lexa was going to get. “The who tells her off?”

“God no,” Lexa laughed, “I could never say anything to that little face.”

“I’m not doing it either.” Clarke quickly added. “I can’t be the bad guy with her.”

“So who’s going to tell her off when she does something she’s not supposed to?” Lexa questioned.

“Not me babe.” Clarke shook her head. “I can’t imagine needing to tell her off about anything.”

“What could you ever do, huh?” Lexa asked Theo. “You’re so perfect, I can’t imagine us telling you off for anything.”

“You’re our perfect little girl.”

* * *

Raven and Octavia were over today, it had been a while since they had last seen Clarke and Lexa. And that was before the scare with Theo; they knew about what happened, they’d been in contact with Lexa regularly for updates and they were both very worried when they found out Theo had been put on the ventilator. Not only them actually, Lincoln too, and through him the entire football team knew something had something, so it seemed like Theo had a lot of well-wishers right now. Raven and Octavia had wanted to come over to see them straight away, see how they were doing, offer some support, be there for her, but Clarke and Lexa had wanted time alone which they understood. They had missed them, they had been missing having them at school, especially Clarke because she had been gone for much longer than Lexa. But at least they’d had Lexa around, so the past week had been boring with half their friend group gone.

“How’s school?” Lexa asked as Raven and Octavia sat down on the couch. She was on the bed with Clarke, arm around her girlfriend’s shoulder.

Clarke was a little tired right now; they had been down to Theo a couple of hours ago, she needed to be fed, and an hour after that Clarke had pumped more breast milk; it was more tiring than she had thought originally, made her sleepy after a couple of feedings. Theo was fed every hour, full term newborns tended to be fed every other hour when they were the same age, but Theo was smaller and couldn’t feed as much at once so they split it into every hour. Clarke was feeding her more often now too, they couldn’t have her out of the incubator too often so it was only about twice a day that Clarke got to nurse her, the rest were still bottle feeds.

“Boring.” Raven answered. “I miss you two.”

“Yeah classes are boring when no one walks in to kiss their girlfriend in the middle of it.” Octavia noted, laughing at the memory. Lexa used to do that on the regular, walk into class either right before it started, or right before it ended to go say hi to Clarke, maybe hug her or kiss her cheek.

“It’s true.” Raven nodded. “No one makes me want to barf over lunch.” She paused, pointing between Clarke and Lexa. “Because you know, you two-”

“Made out constantly.” Octavia finished for her.

“We did not.” Clarke argued. “Not constantly.”

“Constantly.” Raven nodded instead.

Lexa rolled her eyes, an idea sparking in her mind, so she reached up and took Clarke’s chin between her fingers before tilting her head towards her. Clarke only smiled, letting Lexa guide her lips to her’s before kissing her. It was slow and lazy, Clarke could tell it was Lexa just proving a point to Raven and Octavia, actually she was proving _their_ point. But Clarke went with it, smiling as she kissed Lexa back, they took their time, the sound of their lips the only noise in the room. It wasn’t long before Lexa’s hand went up into Clarke’s hair, mussing it up as she felt her girlfriend slip her tongue int her mouth.

“Oh my god, stop it!” Octavia exclaimed, “You’re going to end up making another baby.”

“You guys are gross I don’t miss you anymore.” Raven made a face, scoffing sarcastically.

Lexa pulled away smiling, and Clarke lowered her head to hide the redness that had crept up her cheeks. She was catching her breath, a little hot and bothered because okay it had been a while since something like that. Any other situation, Clarke would have pounced on Lexa – any other situation being she hadn’t given birth nine days ago, they weren’t in a hospital, _and_ their friends weren’t here. “You okay?” Lexa nudged her with her elbow, the smile still plastered on her face, her tongue poking out between her teeth.

“Are you?” Clarke looked at her questioningly, raising an eyebrow.

Lexa gave half a shrug, turning to their friends finally. “Anyways, where were we?”

It was nice having them here, a lot more baby talk than last time because they finally had more pictures of Theo and more things to tell them about her. Aunty O and Aunty Ray couldn’t wait to meet her and maybe they had brought more presents with them this time; it was a teddy bear and some baby toys. Raven seemed a little stressed out about finals week and even more so about graduation, she seemed more nervous than she was letting on. Lexa eventually stepped out with her, asking if she was okay because senior year was difficult and then there was the uncertainty of moving out and going to college. Raven hadn’t said much, just an offhanded comment about being worried about finishing high school and Lexa kind of picked it up from there.

“I’ve never seen you nervous.” Lexa said as they walked into the Starbucks at the hospital. It slowly becoming her favorite place here – save for Clarke’s room and the NICU because Theo was there. After Theo got out of there though, Lexa never wanted to set foot in another NICU. “What’s up?”

“I got into MIT.” Raven said as they stood in the queue for coffee.

“Oh my god!” Lexa exclaimed, possibly a little louder than expected, a few eyes turning to her. But this was exciting, this was very exciting, she was very happy for Raven. “Raven that’s amazing! Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

Raven sighed, “I’m kinda scared about moving that far away.”

“Scared?” Lexa looked surprised, “Raven Rayes does not get scared.” She turned to the barista for a moment, placing her order. “Tall vanilla latte please.”

She waited until the two of them had their drink and had sat down together. “I’m gonna be all alone.” Raven admitted. “I’ve always had Octavia, you know? Since kindergarten we’ve been best friend and I can’t really imagine my life without her.”

“You’ll still see her.” Lexa told her. “It’s not like you’ll be gone forever.”

“I don’t know about that.” Raven shrugged. “I don’t really have a reason to come back, I mean I’m practically estranged from my mom, my dad is nonexistent, you and Clarke are going to be gone next year, Octavia too probably.”

“We’re all still here next year.” Lexa reminded with a small smile.

“Yeah and well…I’m kinda worried you’re all just going to forget about me.”

“No,” Lexa shook her head, “We would never.”

“I know you wouldn’t want to.” Raven stopped her. “But once the distance comes in, and when I see you guys like twice a year _at most_ , it’ll be easy to forget and move on.”

“What about your girlfriend? Where’s she?” Lexa asked, “Anya, right?”

Raven nodded, “Yep, she’s actually in Boston.” A small smile crept on her face. “At least I’ll be closer to her.”

“That’s great, how far is that from MIT?”

“Only about an hour.”

“I didn’t even know you guys were long distance.” Lexa tried to remember but she hadn’t really heard much about this new girlfriend. “Actually now that I think about it, I know nothing about her.”

“Yeah you and Clarke got busy with a baby, that’s not my fault.” Raven let out a small laugh. “It’s gonna be weird being away from you guys, you know? I’ve known you and Clarke forever too, and not having Clarke in school for this long has been weird as hell. And now you’re not in school either ‘coz of little Theo, and I can’t help but think about how much worse it’s going to be after graduation. At least now I have Octavia.”

“You’ll have us too,” Lexa reassured her. “Me and Clarke. And Theo is going to need her Aunty Ray.”

“I’ve decided it’s going to be Ray-Ray,” Raven waved it off, “We’re dropping the aunt, I’m not that old.”

“There we go.” Lexa smiled. “Look Raven, you’re one of my best friends. And there’s no way I’m going to forget you once you move away, Clarke isn’t either. I know you say there’s not much for you back here, but we’re here, we’re like family.” She sighed, “I don’t have any siblings, you and Octavia are as close to that as I have. And my kid needs her aunts, both of them.” She told her. “We can’t replace you. I know moving so far away from everything you’ve ever known is scary, but we’ll always be here for you, family doesn’t leave. Me and Clarke and Octavia are only going to be a phone call or text away, whenever you need us.”

“Thanks Lex,” Raven nodded, looking down and trying to ignore the tears welling in her eyes from listening to Lexa. “What about you, what’s happening with college? I haven’t heard you talk about applications even.”

“Oh right,” Lexa hadn’t told anyone other than Clarke and her family that she wasn’t going this year. So she hadn’t applied this year either – she could have and then deferred her entry – she was going to same the time as Clarke. Lexa had talked to Polis University though about it though, they were keeping her in their files, they were very impressed with her on the football team and overall school record, so they really want her, even if it was next year. And well…Lexa hadn’t decided what she wanted to study just yet, so things had actually worked out pretty well. “I’m not going this year. With Theo and all, I don’t want to leave. So me and Clarke are going next year.”

“That’s a good plan.” Raven nodded. “I was wondering about that actually, I didn’t think you’d want to leave that little thing.”

“Yep, no way I’m leaving my girls.” Lexa smiled, “I hate being away from Theo now and she’s like a couple hundred feet away. Gonna spend some time with my new family, be a full time mom with no distractions, wait till the kiddo is a little older, then we all leave together.”

“You and Clarke going to the same place?”

“Same-ish.” Lexa answered. “I’m almost completely guaranteed a place at Polis and that’s Clarke’s second choice. Her first is Arkadia which is in the same town as Polis.”

“Sounds perfect.” Raven nodded. “How’s it gonna work with the kid?”

“We’ll make it work.” Lexa smiled, “We’re going to get a place together because we can’t live on campus, and gotta miss some parties but I don’t mind that if I get to spend that time with Theo. Think I prefer it actually.”

“God,” Raven shook her head, “I can’t believe you and Clarke are parents now.” She huffed out a laugh, “This little human being. That you two _made_. How the hell did that happen?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, smiling and holding back on a laugh, “Tell me about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are good with them. they're happy and getting settled into what is their new life. they have a baby, they're parents, and this little thing is the best thing that's ever happened to them. we're putting a brake on the angst. but welp look out for next week's hollow stars update lol.


	29. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are settling down now, Theo is doing better with every passing day, Clarke and Lexa aren't as stressed out, and it really looks like things are getting better. Lexa has her exams coming up pretty soon, and Clarke has been trying to get her to study, which kind of leads to them being domestic and cute and we catch a glimpse at how things might be now that they're parents. There's also another cute scene with Lexa and Theo, they get to see more of her now, they get to do more with her now too and that's very much exciting. So far, everyone at the hospital has been pretty great at being mindful of their "situation". But apparently that doesn't extend to the other parents there, because they seem to have some questions as to how Lexa is related to Theo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right so. the first half of this chapter is really cute. with clexa being playful and themselves and lexa being a dork. and the second half starts of cute with lexa and theo. but then someone kinda says the wrong thing to lexa. so tw misgendering and tw dysphoria.

It really felt like they had been at the hospital forever now, it had only been ten days but it definitely felt like a lot longer. Maybe that was because they had a lot going on since the very first day, and it only kept getting more chaotic. But it was starting to calm down now, things were starting to get better, falling into some sort of routine. They got see Theo more often now, Clarke got to feed her twice a day, Lexa got to hold her for more skin-to-skin contact from time to time – actually it had been almost once every day now, since Clarke started to nurse Theo. They felt more involved with Theo, more involved in caring for her even if it was just getting to hold her and feed her a couple of times a day.

Theo had been taken off the CPAP machine today, her lungs were stronger now, she was healing, the time she was spending with her moms was definitely helping. According to Theo’s nurses, she was falling more into a routine too; the first week or so, Theo’s sleeping and feeding schedules were kind of all over the place, namely her sleeping, but it was getting more regular now. Theo used to be fed every hour before in small amounts, but then they slowly phased it into a bit more once every other hour, and now she was feeding once every two hours – same as a full term newborn. Another related development was Theo’s weight gain; she was getting bigger and had definitely made progress since the day she was born. That also meant she was getting stronger, she was retaining her own body heat more – that’s why she could spend more time with her moms now.

Indra and Gustus had been over to see Clarke and Lexa earlier today, set of clean clothes for both the girls – Lexa was running low on that – some more food too. They spent a good few hours with them, it was nice to see the girls relaxed and…unburdened; they got to hear about Theo, see more pictures, and well, they couldn’t quite wait to see their granddaughter. Gustus and Indra had mentioned how they were getting some work done around the house to prepare for the little one’s arrival. Namely, Indra had gotten a small dresser in Lexa’s – and Clarke’s, and also Theo’s now – bedroom for Theo’s clothes and blankets and towels and everything else. They had made room for her in their closet but Theo’s grandparents figured she’d need more space as she kept getting older so it only made sense to get her a dresser.

Lexa was spending more time studying now, much to her dismay really, but Clarke was insistent, she did need to study given how exam week started in a couple of days. Clarke was making sure she was getting at least a couple of hours worth of revision in every day – Lexa had been working hard all year, her grades were actually better this year than the rest of high school and Clarke didn’t want her final grades to come down because of the stress of the past couple of weeks. It had been stressful, it had been a lot, but things were settling down now, they had a lot less to worry about given how well Theo was doing and the rate at which she was getting better.

“Hey,” Lexa threw a popcorn at Clarke from her spot on the couch. Clarke was on the bed, sitting against the headboard, a book in her hands – she was only on the first few pages of _If I Was Your Girl_ – and Lexa was supposed to be studying. It was a little later on in the night now, they had a pretty good day really, but Clarke was tired; Theo wasn’t feeding as often but she was just as much as before if not more, and Clarke was settling into a routine with pumping milk. But she was doing it more often now, there seemed to be uhh…more _production_ , as she called it, which was a good thing from what she had been told – _it’s to keep up with Theo_ as Dr. Green had put it. But it was quite tiring, it seemed to drain her out so Clarke was looking forward to crawling under the covers with Lexa tonight. “Clarke.”

“Hi,” Clarke looked up from her book just as another popcorn hit her square on the nose. “Stop playing with your food.” She looked clearly surprised as the words left her lips, taken aback as she scoffed, “Wow I really am a mom.”

That got a laugh out of Lexa, who took that as her cue to throw another popcorn at her girlfriend. “Such a mom.” The next popcorn was thrown up in the air instead, Lexa catching it in her mouth before chewing. “So I’m going to be the fun mom.”

“Don’t talk with food in your mo-” Clarke stopped herself, “ _Wow_ ,” She tilted her head, Lexa laughing from across the room. “Since when did I start sounding like such a mom?”

“Since way before Theo.” Lexa stated. “You’re the mom friend.” She told her, “You always have been.”

“Really?”

Lexa nodded, “Yeah totally.” She told her. “You’re more worried about Octavia’s grades than anyone else, you stop Raven from blowing things up or at least make sure she’s wearing safety equipment when she does it, you actually stay on top of _my_ homework, you always make sure I’m wearing something warm when training in the winter.” Lexa shrugged, “I can keep going on and on, you’re the mom friend.”

“Guess I’m more prepared for Theo than I thought.” Lexa nodded, standing up and making her way to the bed to sit next to Clarke. “I mean, with friends like you guys, of course I had practice.”

“Rude,” Lexa playfully shoved her on the bed, pushing her away to make room for herself. “We’re not that bad.”

“No, of course not.” Clarke pretended to resist, not moving from her spot and watching Lexa pout at her. “You are just amazing, and a _completely_ responsible adult.”

Lexa shook her head slowly, Clarke finally moving and letting Lexa sit down next to her. “Rude,” She repeated.

“What?” Clarke laughed, “I’m being serious.” But the laugh gave it away. “You can _totally_ take care of yourself.” Lexa’s laugh was one of Clarke’s favorite sounds, and she would keep spewing nonsense just to listen to it a bit longer. “No but seriously,” Clarke started, “It is true that you can’t take care of yourself,” Lexa narrowed her eyes, jokingly glaring at her. “But you’re pretty good at taking care of others.” It was true, Lexa was more responsible than you’d think, just not when it came to herself. She was good with leading her team, she cared about her friends, and that’s not even mentioning how Lexa had been since Clarke got pregnant.

“You’re probably right.” Lexa nodded, taking the book from Clarke’s hand to a quiet protest. “My team would be lost without me.” She said proudly, a small chuckle leaving her lips. “So would you,” She nudged her shoulder.

“Now who’s being rude?” Clarke questioned, trying to take the book back from Lexa. “Give me my book babe.”

“No,” Lexa pouted, leaning forward and kissing Clarke instead. “Pay attention to me,”

Clarke kissed her back, bringing her hand up to Lexa’s neck and pulling her closer. “Needy,” She said into the kiss, not stopping as Lexa set the book down between them.

“You knew what you were signing up for,” Lexa shrugged, pulling away to catch her breath – Clarke kissed her harder than she was expecting, sucking all the air out of her apparently. “I need a lot of attention.” She kissed her on the lips, a smaller and quicker one this time.

“Some things never change.” Clarke kissed her again, softer this time, she didn’t mind giving her that attention. “But I was reading,” She did her best to sound serious, but the smile crept in.

“God,” Lexa threw her head back laughing, “Stop being such a mom.”

* * *

Lexa was sitting in the NICU for the second time today, the first time she had been down was this morning with Clarke. It was a little past 3pm right now, Clarke in her room taking a nap; she hadn’t slept too well last night, it wasn’t for any particular reason, it was just one of those nights. So Lexa was here with Theo now, it was skin-to-skin time – Lexa’s favorite time of day – and she was getting settled into the chair waiting for Theo’s nurse to bring her over to her. It really was the best part of her day, they got to see Theo a lot more often now, spend more time with her and as great as it all was, none of it compared to how it felt to have her against her skin.

“Hi momma,” Gaia said softly as she approached Lexa with Theo in her arms. “Look who’s here.”

“Hi Theo,” Lexa’s face broke into a smile at the sight of her daughter, leaning back into the chair and waiting for Gaia to set her down.

“I think she looks forward to this as much as you do.” Gaia said as she gently set the baby down on Lexa’s bare chest.

“Do you now?” Lexa asked Theo, arms coming up instinctively to hold her. She was a lot more comfortable holding her now, it was practically intuitive now, the moment she felt Theo on her she knew what to do. And by this point, Lexa also knew the little things Theo liked; like the way she liked to be held, the position she liked to be in, how she liked Lexa to talk to her even.

Theo made a cooing noise in response, making Gaia laugh. “That sounded like a yes to me.” Lexa nodded, still smiling as Gaia brought up a blanket and draped it over Theo and her mom. “I’m going to bring you a bottle in a few minutes, it’s almost her feeding time.”

Lexa’s eyes widened slightly as she looked at Theo excitedly, this was new, she hadn’t gotten to do that yet. “Are you hungry?” Theo moved her arm slightly, “Yes you are cutie.” She leaned down, brushing the top of the baby’s head with her nose. “You’re the most perfect thing ever,” Lexa said quietly, taking in a deep breath. Theo had that newborn baby smell, and Lexa was hoping she would for at least a while because it was one of the best things in the world, it brought a smile to Lexa’s face every time. “So Theo,” Lexa started, almost like she was having a serious conversation with the little girl. “You know how you like it when I talk to you?”

She wasn’t expecting a reply, not from her ten day old daughter at least, but Theo moved her head slightly, looking up at her momma making Lexa laugh softly. “Maybe I could start reading to you,” It was good to talk to the baby, but Lexa was never big on reading, it was just too many words and not enough pictures. “And with those little baby books, maybe I’ll actually get through it.” There was a reason most of the books on Lexa’s bookshelf were graphic novels and comic books, big chunks of texts were hard to get through without her mind wandering off somewhere else. Pictures helped, and even the bright cartoon animals on baby books would be enough to hold her attention long enough.

Gaia had returned about ten minutes later with a warmed bottle of formula for Theo. This was new for Lexa, she had to change her position with Theo, which made her wiggle a little bit because she wasn’t used to laying like that in her momma’s arm. But she settled down quickly enough, her eyes locking onto Lexa’s making her calm down almost immediately. And Lexa would be lying if she said it wasn’t a little scary to move her without Gaia’s helping – she decided supervising was enough, if Theo wasn’t premature, Clarke and Lexa would need to be doing all this on their own. It was a little different, usually Theo was on Lexa’s front but right now she was cradled in her arm while her other hand held the bottle. It was the little things like this, feeding her and holding her and getting to spend time with this little one for no reason other than just company, it made all the stress and worry of the earlier days all worth it.

Theo being here in the NICU hadn’t been easy, it had been difficult to really connect with her, in the earlier days they didn’t really get to do the _normal_ parent things. Like holding her, feeding her, spending time with her unless it had a _reason_ , hell they didn’t even get to see her right after she was being born. But it was getting better now, they got to do a lot more with her now, and it was helping them bond. Well, they always felt connected to Theo, since the moment she was born – even before that really – but they couldn’t really know how Theo felt, especially since she was taken away from her moms when she was born. She was doing really well with Clarke and Lexa, the more time she spent with them, the more comfortable she seemed to get. And it felt…more real now, more normal now, they felt more like parents. Theo’s team wanted them to be more involved with her care, they were hoping they could phase Clarke and Lexa into doing more mundane things, like helping bathe her, change her, and dress her.

“She’s beautiful.”

Lexa heard a voice a while later, she was actually going to leave a few minutes later. Theo was back on her front after feeding, Lexa even got to burp her – it made her laugh, she wouldn’t deny that. She turned her head to the voice, looking up to find a woman a couple of feet away. “Thank you,” She replied with a smile, it was one of the other moms. “She really is.”

“Is she your’s?” The woman asked, “I’m so sorry, I’ve seen you in here a few times but you’re so young.” She backtracked immediately, Lexa only shaking her head that it was fine. “I’m really sorry I don’t want to offend you.”

“No, no, not at all.” Lexa brushed it off, smiling down at Theo before replying. “But yes, she is mine.”

The other woman smiled, she was on her way out but couldn’t help but stop. “How old is she?”

“Ten days today.” Lexa turned her eyes to Theo for a moment, “Can you believe that? Ten whole days boop.”

The stranger let out a small laugh, “You two are absolutely precious.” She said to Lexa. “But I must say, you look great for someone who gave birth only ten days ago.”

Right, that was the awkward bit. Lexa looked a little uncertain, thinking about how to answer, “Uh…” She started quietly. “No, that’s not me, it was my girlfriend who gave birth.” She told her tentatively. “Who also looks great.”

“Oh,” There was a weirdness in her voice this time, and suddenly the whole tone of the conversation was turned upside down. “Wait, so how is she your daughter?” She looked at Lexa confused, and Lexa could practically see the gears in her head turning as she tried to make sense of what she had just heard.

Lexa let out a quiet sigh, clenching her jaws and keeping herself from rolling her eyes. Instead she looked down at Theo again, unsure of how to reply to this lady. So Lexa just looked at her daughter, _her daughter_ , Theo was her’s, and maybe this was the first time she had thought about how people on the outside might see them but Theo was her’s, this little perfect bundle in her arms, was all her’s. Well, that was her answer then, “She just is.” Lexa shrugged lightly, she didn’t want to say too much to someone who was practically a stranger. “I’m her mom, and she’s my daughter.” No one was owed much more explanation than just that, Theo was her daughter and that was it.

The woman – who still hadn’t really introduced herself – nodded slowly, like she had realized something. “Oh so you’re her father.”

Lexa shifted uncomfortably in her seat, Theo making a small unhappy noise – it was at Lexa moving, but it could have easily been at the statement. She was…worried about this, she dreaded this actually, Lexa dreaded this word; she dreaded it from the moment Clarke said she might be pregnant, from the moment they scheduled an appointment with Dr. Tsing, when she came out to the school, when she told their friends, since the very start Lexa has dreaded being even _thought_ of as Theo’s father. But it had been so good so far, everyone so far had been great and Lexa hasn’t had to deal with it. It seemed good, the hospital and Theo’s medical team definitely knew their situation and they never made the mistake of calling Lexa Theo’s father. And well…the feeling that came with this wasn’t great.

But before she could reply, Nathan was rushing towards them, namely to the other lady. “Becca!” He called out to her. “Can I steal you away for a minute I need you to take a look at something?” He didn’t give her a chance to reply, only walked up to her and gently grabbed her arm. Nathan looked over his shoulder as they were walking away, whispering quietly, “Sorry Lexa.”

Lexa had a feeling she didn’t need to look at anything, she had a feeling Nathan heard and…came to her rescue. Whatever it was, Lexa was more than happy for the intrusion. She went back to paying attention to Theo, taking in a deep breath to steady her nerves before lowering her head to get closer to the baby. Theo was calm and resting on Lexa’s front, her head tilting up slightly as she felt her momma’s nose brushing against her. There was a sick feeling in Lexa’s stomach, she almost felt nauseous and was suddenly overwhelmed. This was stupid, this was a stranger who knew nothing about her and Clarke’s and Theo’s situation. But maybe that was it, maybe it was the fact that this was someone who didn’t know anything at all and the first thing they thought was _father_.

“Hey momma,”

Lexa looked up at the familiar voice a couple of minutes later, the smile and excitement from earlier all but gone from Lexa. It was Gaia, walking closer to the two of them. Lexa had been sitting in silence with Theo, her fingers making small patterns on Theo’s back under the blanket, nose nudging at the soft tufts of hair on the top of her head. “Oh, hi Gaia.”

“Do you want to stay with her a bit longer today?” She asked, Nathan had mentioned to her what had happened. They did about half an hour everyday, Theo could retain her body heat longer now so it was fine, but she could stay for a bit longer today if Lexa wanted.

Lexa watched her for a moment before nodding slowly, “Yeah, if that’s okay for Theo I think I could use a little extra time with this one.”

“Extra ten minutes?” Gaia asked, “Is that okay?”

“That’d be great Gaia,” Lexa gave her a thankful smile, “Thank you.”

She was about to step away when she stopped, placing her hand on Lexa’s shoulder, “You’re her mom, Lexa.” Gaia told her. “Just as much as Clarke is.” She squeezed her shoulder gently, “I’m sorry about that.”

.

Lexa was lucky, she knew she was – more so than a lot of transgender people – she passed, she had supportive parents, she had supportive friends, she didn’t get misgendered. Right now she wasn’t quite sure why what some stranger said upset her as much as it did. Maybe it was because of the fact that Lexa didn’t get misgendered, not often, not much at all really. She always had a feminine face with softer features, she had a smaller frame and build so Lexa passed – she didn’t love the concept of passing but she did pass, and yes, she was happy that she did. So this didn’t happen often, people didn’t misgender her often; she had always gotten to present as herself, as a girl, and that made things a lot easier as she grew up, it never made anyone assume she was anything other than a girl. That seemed to mean that Lexa wasn’t entirely equipped to handle the range of emotions and feelings that came with what happened a little while ago in the NICU.

But dysphoria wasn’t a foreign concept to her, it was very very familiar. Just not in this context. It tended to be physical, more so before she got on hormones, it was a lot better now but Lexa didn’t really have issues with social dysphoria. Her parents were always supportive, she was always their daughter, so as she grew up people assumed that too, so Lexa never really…learned how to deal with being misgendered. She was worried about this when she came out at school and told them about Clarke being pregnant, but that went well too. So this was new, it was a very new feeling and she didn’t like it, she didn’t like how it made her feel, and she didn’t like not knowing how to handle it. It brought on this heavy and queasy feeling at the pit of her stomach, made her skin crawl, left a bad feeling in her mouth.

The last time someone misgendered her, the only time she could remember really until she came out to her parents, was Abby when Clarke told her they were having a baby. That didn’t upset her, it bothered her a lot, but it didn’t upset her like this. Because before that, Abby referred to her as a girl, as Clarke’s girlfriend, so the only reason she did misgender Lexa was to upset her. And Lexa knew that, so it annoyed her and irritated her, maybe even angered her to some extent but it didn’t upset her. Abby only did it out of spite, to hurt her, to hurt Clarke, so Lexa didn’t get dysphoric over it.

She made her way down the hospital hallways quietly, lost in her thoughts as she let her legs mindlessly carry her back to Clarke’s room. Lexa didn’t even notice she was back, she opened the door and walked inside, a clearly bothered look on her face. Clarke could see something was wrong the moment she walked inside, Lexa looked upset and lost almost, there was a quiver in her lips, eyes glazed over. Lexa didn’t even notice it when Clarke got up from the bed and made her way to her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug. Clarke didn’t say anything, only held her for a moment, waiting until Lexa’s arms came up around her waist to hug her back. She didn’t know what it was, or what it even could be, Clarke could assume it wasn’t about Theo because then Lexa would be much more present and alert, panicky if anything.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked after a moment, noticing how she wasn’t moving away or saying anything. “Why are you upset baby?”

“Uhh…” Lexa started uncertainly, slowly bringing herself up and out of Clarke’s arms. Well, not entirely, there was a little more distance between them now but Clarke still had her arms loosely around Lexa. “One of the moms down there, she…” Lexa trailed off, eyebrows knitting together as she looked down at the floor. “She called me Theo’s dad.” She could hear her voice cracking at the end of the sentence, and Lexa cleared her throat to try and hide it. “And I don’t know why that got to me so much…but I just,” Lexa sighed, letting her shoulders slump, “I feel awful.”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” Clarke’s hands came up to rest on Lexa’s shoulder before leaning in to kiss her forehead. She has seen Lexa at her worst, dysphoria-wise; Lexa’s teenage years, when she started going through puberty and her body was changing in ways she didn’t want it to, they had been the worst. So Clarke had sat through many nights holding a crying Lexa, only back then Clarke didn’t really know what was wrong and the most she could do was hold her and comfort her and offer her company. Back when they were friends, and even the start of their relationship, Clarke didn’t know Lexa was transgender but that didn’t stop her from seeing when she was struggling. Lexa wasn’t good at hiding her feelings, especially when she wasn’t feeling well. And puberty wasn’t easy because well, as Lexa put it, it was the wrong puberty; so when Lexa had locked herself away in her room because everything about her body felt wrong, and wouldn’t even let her parents in, Clarke was the only one who could get through to her.

They had gotten together when Clarke was fifteen and Lexa sixteen, they had been friends for years before that, and Clarke didn’t know Lexa was transgender up until a year into their relationship – when they got intimate for the first time. So up until then, Clarke didn’t know why Lexa was upset or what she was struggling with, all she knew was that her best friend – later girlfriend – was upset and she was the only one who seemed to be able to calm her down. So this wasn’t new to Clarke, seeing her upset like this, seeing her dysphoric, it wasn’t new. But it had been a while since it had been bad, Lexa didn’t get dysphoric much, so it was upsetting to see her like this now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clarke finally asked, leading her further into the room and towards the bed to sit down.

Lexa only shook her head, sighing as she let Clarke lead her to the bed. “Not really.” Clarke sat down, pulling Lexa down to sit next to her. “I just…feel pathetic and really low and I all I want right now,” She looked up at Clarke, her voice quiet and low, “Is to be in bed. Preferably with you holding me.”

Clarke gave her a smile, nodding at her, “Yeah, I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(( poor bby. also this was a cool way to get a look into like lexa's past-ish. like her teenage years. the trans thing doesn't come up that often in the fic because well, she's in a good place and its not something that's constantly on her mind anymore. so yeah. anyways. thanks for reading, leave me a comment, let me know what you thought.


	30. Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're spending more times with baby, Theo gets to see her moms for most of the day now. And as they spend more time with her, they also get to do more things with her. More typical parent things like changing her and feeding her and Lexa is really good with Theo. They both are, they're getting the hang of things, they feel more like parents and they definitely feel more equipped to handle Theo. Lexa has exams coming up very soon though, so she's been spending some time studying. But she's not really happy about the fact that she has to be away from Clarke and Theo for most of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the chapter titles are one word and i couldn't have this one be "maternal instincts" or either one of the two words. so its just instincts. otherwise it would be maternal instincts. anyways. after the last one, this is a cute chapter. they're good with the baby, they're good at handling her. and lexa especially is really really good with theo. so yeah happy chapter, get ready for some fluffy woods family time. hope that makes up for this chapter not being as long as most, its a bit on the short side. but hey, over 3k.

“Oh,” Lexa said in surprise as she scrunched up her nose. They were in the NICU with Theo, she was spending more time out of the incubator and with her moms, they got to spend most of their days here with her now. That was good, it was very good, because it meant she was getting closer and closer to not needing to be in the incubator, which meant she was getting closer to leaving the NICU, and therefore, closer to finally being able to go home. Lexa was holding Theo right now, they were on the day bed in one of the family areas, sitting up with Theo cradled in her arm and Clarke sitting next to the two of them.

“What?” Clarke gave her a confused look.

“You can’t smell that?” Lexa quirked her eyebrow, then nodded at Theo. “I think she needs a change.” She picked up the baby gently, making sure to support her head as she held her back up to Clarke.

“Oh,” Clarke said as she got a sniff of her diaper. “Wow, that’s…”

“A big smell for a tiny person?” Lexa offered with a chuckle, bringing Theo back to her previous position. “You’re stinky.” She said to Theo, bringing up her free hand and softly tapping her nose. “Yes you are, very stinky.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “I’ll get Gaia.”

“Please.” Lexa nodded as Clarke got up, “She smells _really_ bad.”

Clarke scoffed, “Don’t be mean to her.” She stood up slowly, not wanting to move the bed too much and disturb the baby. Clarke brushed her fingers against the pad of Theo’s foot receiving a small squeal from the baby as she left. Theo was a lot more vocal now, she squealed and cooed, made small mumbling noises – but they were yet to see her smile or hear her laugh. She moved around quite a bit too, a lot more responsive, when her moms talked to her, or maybe caressed her hair, or tickled her feet.

Clarke walked away, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Theo and Lexa. It made her smile, Lexa was still talking to Theo, who was looking at her momma like she knew exactly what she was talking about. It was cute, it her favorite thing to look at, Lexa holding their daughter, it warmed her heart and never failed to make her smile. All the problems they had faced at the start of the pregnancy, then everything else through it, and all the hardship when Theo was born, it all faded away when she saw their daughter with her girlfriend. It made everything right, like there was not a single worry in the world, like there could never be. How could there be when there was something as perfect as Theo in their lives, or when the love of her life was holding their daughter and looking at her like that?

Clarke approached Gaia at the nurse’s station, telling her she was almost entirely certain that Theo had pooped and needed her diaper changed. Gaia nodded, grabbing a few things before following Clarke back to the family area. But instead of taking Theo from Lexa, she set down a fold-out changing table and asked Lexa (or Clarke) to do it instead. It was another step in phasing them into Theo’s care, given how they were spending more time with the baby and how they were getting more comfortable with her, it only made more sense to have them do more as well, get them more used to taking care of Theo for when they got to take her home.

“Lexa can take poop duty.” Clarke smirked, watching as Lexa got up with Theo in her arm and stepped up to the changing table. “At least till we get home.”

“I agreed to that,” Lexa sighed, “It was supposed to be all of the first week, so Clarke could rest and stuff after giving birth but since we’re here I thought why not.”

“Well aren’t you two well-coordinated.” Gaia said as she laid a blanket down on the changing matt. “Do you have a schedule ready for night duty too?” She joked as she gestured for Lexa to set Theo down.

“Not yet,” Lexa replied, very carefully putting Theo down. This part still scared her, she was always worried about accidentally hurting Theo while putting her down. Picking her up was much easier, Lexa felt more comfortable moving her as well, like when she held her up to Clarke – but putting her down still made her nervous. It didn’t help much that Theo wiggled when being put down, she wanted to be in her momma’s arms and definitely protested when they had to lay her back down in her tiny little bed. “But we’ll split it up over the summer.” She said smiling down at Theo, who made a noise that sounded very much unimpressed. “And once school starts, I’ll take the nights so Clarke can sleep through to the night and wake up in the morning for class.”

“You put a lot of thought into that.” Clarke gave her a surprised look, she hadn’t thought about it all that much yet. But she knew it would be difficult come September because she would have to go back to school, that too without Lexa. And as if that wasn’t hard enough, she’d also have the added pressure of raising a baby while getting through her senior year. She hated the thought of being away from her little girl for hours every day, having to be at school while Theo was home, and she’d have to be without her mommy too. But at least Lexa would be home with her, Theo would still get to spend her day with one of her moms, and that was enough to comfort Clarke, her two girls would be together, neither of them would be alone.

“Of course I have, someone’s gotta take care of you.” Lexa shrugged, Clarke was right, she was better at taking care of others than herself. She turned to Gaia. “So…I actually have to do this? On my own?”

“Don’t want to?” Gaia asked lightly.

“No, no, I do.” Lexa answered. “I’m just…a little uncertain because,” She exaggerated a shrug, “She’s so tiny and I haven’t done much with her. I’m still scared to move her around, and the tubes and stuff kinda scare me even more.”

“You got this,” Gaia assured, “I’ve seen you pick her up and put her down, and I see how you are with her, Theo’s in good hands.” Lexa nodded, albeit uncertainly as Gaia set down a plastic basket with supplies. “Do you know how to change her?”

Lexa nodded, “Yeah I think so.” She answered. “If it’s the same as changing her if she was home with us, then yes I do.”

“It’s exactly the same.” Gaia told her. “Diapers, wipes, and nappy cream are in the basket.” She explained. “Think you got this on your own, or do you want me to stay?”

“I got it, yep.” Lexa said with a nod. “Only a dirty diaper nothing I can’t handle.”

Satisfied with that, Gaia walked off very much certain that Lexa had things under control. Her and Clarke were better with the baby than she had expected – or any of the other nurses, really. They were young, they were just teenagers, and taking care of a baby was a big deal – they had honestly seen fully grown parents having a much harder time with their newborn baby than these two very young moms. There was a certain ease in the way Lexa especially handled Theo, the way she picked her up, the way she held her, talked to her, if you didn’t know, you wouldn’t say this was the first time she was doing this. Lexa seemed to just naturally know what to do with her daughter.

Clarke was great too, she was a bit more hesitant given how small Theo was, but she was getting more and more comfortable around the baby. She was quite possibly the calmest mom Gaia had dealt with in a while, moms freaked out when their babies cried, especially down here when things were already so scary, and Clarke did too the first time, but that was the extent of it. Now, it seemed like Clarke knew exactly what to do when Theo was upset, she picked up on it all very quickly, Theo’s cues on when she was hungry, or irritated, or wanted to be comforted by one of her moms. She was actually very good at getting Theo to calm down, within a couple of minutes, Clarke had it all under control and Theo was alright again.

Lexa waited a moment before finally deciding to get to it as Clarke went about looking through the little basket of supplies to see what was in there. Stepping up to Theo, Lexa smiled down at her, grabbing her feet in both hands loosely. “Hey cutie.” She moved her legs slightly, moving them back and forth to exercise her legs for a moment and hearing Theo make a cooing noise. Setting them back down, she undid the buttons on her onesie and lifted it up over her tummy. Lexa was very much tempted to lean down and blow raspberries into her tummy in hopes of some more cute noises. But the diaper needed to go before that, it really did smell bad and Lexa was still questioning how this tiny thing made such a big smell.

Theo seemed to know this, seemed to know that this meant she was about to get changed and like most other babies she took that as her cue to protest. She kicked her legs slightly, a frown coming on her face that made her momma laugh. Her mobility was getting better, she was getting stronger, and it actually caught both Clarke and Lexa off guard when she started kicking her legs. “Someone doesn’t want to get changed.” Clarke commented, coming to stand by her head. It almost made her laugh how Theo seemed to know what was about to happen, how she didn’t want it to happen, and how she was kicking her legs at Lexa to stop her.

“No one does,” Lexa said fake-seriously to Clarke before turning to look down and undoing the tapes on either sides of the nappy before slowly and carefully taking it off. “Wow Theo,” She brought it away, and Clarke handed her a plastic bag to put it in. “That does not look pretty.” Lexa tied the bag closed, no one needed to know what was in there before Clarke took it from her and handed her the pack of wet wipes instead. “You made a big poop.” She told the baby cheerfully, “Yes you did, you made a really big poop.”

“Lexa,” Clarke stopped her, stifling a laugh. “Hurry up, she doesn’t look happy.”

Nope, she did not. If the look on Theo’s face was anything to go by, she was getting very close to crying. It only got worse when Lexa went to wipe her and the cold coming in contact with her skin made her let out a sound that could only be described as a very unhappy whine. “I’m sorry boop,” Lexa apologized, very much meaning it.

“Momma’s not being very nice, is she?” Clarke asked, drawing the baby’s attention to her in hopes of keeping it there until Lexa was done. “No?” Theo hummed irritably, making them both laugh because it did sound like she was agreeing to Clarke. “Lexa stop being mean to your daughter.” Clarke spoke past the laugh, turning her attention back to Theo to keep her distracted long enough for Lexa to clean her. “What a meanie, right Theo?”

“Don’t talk about me like that.” Lexa scoffed, discarding the wipes in another plastic bag before setting it aside. “I’m right here and I can hear you.” She put the bag away, squeezing some hand sanitizer onto her hands before very gently poking Theo’s exposed tummy, “You too missy, stop agreeing with your mommy.”

“Look at her already taking my side,” Clarke smiled triumphantly, Theo now looking between them, all but forgotten that she wanted to cry. “Got your work cut out for you momma.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes at Clarke as she went about applying nappy cream to Theo’s bum. “Look at those buns of steel.” She looked back at Theo, “You hitting the gym Theo? Or is it all that milk?” The seriousness of her voice made Clarke giggle, and Theo seemed to have calmed down enough now to stop kicking. “If it’s the gym, I need your workout routine boop.” She smiled at her, “But if it’s the milk, then kudos to mommy, huh?”

“You’re a dork.” Clarke stated matter-of-factly. “Huge dork.”

“Guilty.” Lexa shrugged.

“Don’t pass that on to the kid, Lex.” She told her, clearly joking but doing her best to sound serious.

“Jokes on you, I already have.” Lexa practically declared, but then her eyes widened, looking back down. “Oh no,”

Clarke picked up on what Lexa was looking at, and that Theo peeing over Lexa’s hand and subsequently onto her t-shirt as well. “Oh no,” But it sounded very different to Lexa’s as her hand came up to cover her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

“But I just-” Lexa let out a defeated sigh, she had just finished cleaning her up, and applying the nappy cream, the new diaper was only seconds away but it seemed like Theo had other plans. “Theo why?” But the baby only made another sound, poking her tongue out and looking very amused with herself this time.

“Yep,” Clarke nodded, unable to stop herself from giggling. “You’re definitely on nappy duty.” A look came on her face then, like she had just realized something. “Doody duty, Lex.”

“Now who’s the dork?” Lexa asked, raising her eyebrows before shaking her head at her daughter. “Theo needs to be changed now, she got her onesie wet.” She looked at her this time, “If you don’t like being changed, you can’t do things like that, that just means I have to change you.”

.

They were back in Clarke’s room now, a little late into the evening with Clarke sitting on the bed with a book while Lexa sat on the couch supposedly studying. Exam week started tomorrow and with everything that had been going on the past couple of weeks, Lexa hadn’t gotten the chance to study. Well, she was too stressed to, and then she was too busy to because they were getting to spend more time with Theo. But as of the last couple of days, Clarke had been doing her best to get Lexa to study for at least a couple of hours in the day. She didn’t want her to fall behind, and Lexa had been working hard all year, so Clarke didn’t want a couple of weeks out of the entire year to dictate how well she did in her final year of school.

Looking up from her book, Clarke found Lexa looking at her phone, her book set aside on the couch, completely forgotten. “You should be studying.” She shot her an unimpressed look – Lexa seemed to have been right about her being the mom friend.

“I’m done for the night.” Lexa shrugged, looking up at her from her phone. 

“It’s been thirty minutes babe.” Clarke reminded her.

“No,” Lexa looked at her watch, “It’s been thirty- _eight_ minutes.”

“Baby your first exams are tomorrow.”

“And I will ace them,” Lexa flashed her a comforting smile, she was quite confident about it; it was psychology – if Lexa had to pick a favorite, that would be it – and AP US history – one of the two AP classes Lexa was taking. “Trust me.” She waited until Clarke sighed and gave in, nodding. “How’s the book?”

“I’m on page eight-nine.” Clarke answered, she was reading _If I was your Girl_. “So far so good, I’m not even a hundred pages in though but I do wanna keep reading.” There was a scrap piece of paper on the nightstand and Clarke put it in the book to keep her place before closing it. “You ready for tomorrow?”

Lexa gave her a nod, pocketing her phone as she stood up and made her way towards her. “I don’t wanna go tomorrow.” She sighed, Lexa really didn’t want to be away for most of the day. “I don’t want to be away from you and Theo.”

“It’s not going to be long.” Clarke sat up straight, moving over for Lexa to sit down next to her on the bed. “Only a couple of hours, right?”

“Nope, not tomorrow.” Lexa shook her head, exaggerating a frown. “Psychology’s at nine but then I’m free until the history one at…one.” She got to do her exams alone in a room with a teacher, which in most cases would be nerve-wracking but it was so that Lexa could get up and walk around the room or even take a break to chat with the teacher if she needed to. ADHD and exams didn’t go too well, and although Lexa was a lot better with it now, it was still next to impossible to get herself to pay attention and sit still _and_ be productive for such a long stretch of time – it was her definition of hell, especially if she had to do it in a classroom full of other students. So Lexa ended up with about half an hour extra on top of the allocated exam time to make up for that. “I won’t be done till three thirty.”

Clarke pouted, “But that’s so long.” She exaggerated her frown, “What am I going to do here without you?” The hospital was boring, it was really boring, and there wasn’t much to do here. Clarke was certain the only thing that kept her from going insane out of boredom was the fact that Lexa was here keeping her company. It was a little better nowadays then the earlier days, getting to spend time with Theo did make things a lot better – a lot more entertaining, Clarke could spend hours just watching her do absolutely nothing.

“Survive a few hours without me?” Lexa asked jokingly with a grin, nudging her side with her elbow. “You’ll be fine.” She kissed her temple, “Spend the time with Theo, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

“But I’ll be alone with her.” Clarke argued, she hadn’t been with her without Lexa yet. And that was a little scary, Lexa was great with Theo, and she seemed to have a really good handle on things with her. Clarke was still a little uncertain, sure she was good with the baby and knew what to do when Theo cried, but apart from that Clarke’s maternal instincts were still developing – which was perfectly fine, this was still very new, they had only been parents for all of twelve days. Lexa on the other hand though, seemed like she had done all of this before, she was so good with Theo; she knew what she liked, how she liked to be held, how she liked to be talked to, she seemed to know what Theo needed at any given moment. “And I’m not as good with her as you are.”

“What?” Lexa scoffed, “You’re great with her.”

“Yeah, I mean,” Clarke shrugged, “I’m better with her than I thought I would be, and it is still early.” She admitted, it really was daunting leading up to the birth, Clarke was worried she wasn’t going to be a good mom, worried that she wouldn’t know what Theo needed, worried that she wouldn’t be able to bond with her daughter. But all of that was alright now, she wasn’t worried about any of those things anymore, but at the same time, Clarke knew she needed a bit more _practice_ to get those maternal instincts and skills on point. “But I’m still a little uncertain with a lot of things.” She looked up at Lexa, “And I can usually just turn to you and be like _what do I do_ and you always have an answer.”

“You know…” Lexa started uncertainly, “I was a little worried about that all through the pregnancy, since finding out we were having a baby to be honest.” She really was, she was worried that she wouldn’t have those _mom instincts_ or that _motherly touch_ or even that bond with her daughter because…of her role in _making_ Theo. Clarke looked at her questioningly, Lexa had mentioned once that she was worried about not being good enough of a mother to their baby. “I mean like…you had nine months _with_ her.” She started, putting emphasis on the _with_. “And on top of that…” Lexa didn’t want to admit this part, but she sighed and looked away. “Okay this part, I know it’s not true and I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was worried about it.” She spoke quickly, refusing to look up at Clarke. “I was worried I wouldn’t really have any mommy instincts or even be able to bond with her like you would because…I’m trans, because I’m not biologically female, I thought I wouldn’t know what to do or how to act because it would be wired in me to not.”

“Aww baby,” Clarke brought her hand up, cupping her cheek and bringing her face closer to her’s to kiss her cheek. “Well, I’m glad you know that’s not true, because it’s not.” She repeated. “You are very much a mom to Theo, no less than I am.” Lexa gave her a smile this time, nodding. “But yeah, you’re great with her. Its honestly like you’ve done all of this before and know exactly what to do.” Clarke told her. “Like babe, she looks at you and you know what she needs, I have no idea how you do it. You’re like the baby whisperer.”

Lexa shrugged lightly, it was very comforting to know that really, she seemed to have things under control with Theo. It was daunting at first but that seemed to just be the nerves because now that it had settled, it was like second nature to know what her daughter needed. “Theo’s pretty easy.”

“Definitely does not get that from you.” Clarke quipped, not missing a beat.

Lexa gasped, clutching at her chest to feign hurt, “Rude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aren't they cute? aren't they all cute? aren't they great moms? also isnt theo adorable? def a handful, she did pee on her momma. and clarke is having fun with it all. also also also lexaaaaa bby was worried at the start of it all that she wouldn't be a Mom or be able to bond with her and know what to do because she wouldn't have those mom instincts. but asdfljsdkf she's so good with theo. anyways. thanks for reading, let me know what you thought.


	31. Exams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's exam week for Lexa. Which unfortunately means having to be away from her girlfriend and daughter for a few hours every day. So there's a very cute scene with Clarke and Theo spending some alone time together. And then it's Clarke's birthday, no, it's not how she would have expected to celebrate but it's still good, she's got Lexa, she's got her friends, Lexa's parents, all the people who matter to her. Things are just very different now and Clarke and Lexa have a little talk about that, about how things are going to be like now, about the things they're looking forward to, things they're still worried about, and well, all in all, they're both very excited about what the future holds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter runs through exam week. you get clarke and theo spending some alone time and its all really cute. then there's of course clexa goodness. clarke's bday, where we get a visit from theo's aunts and grandparents. clexa talk about the future a bit. and it wraps up with exam week ending and clarke being v proud of her girlfriend.

“Yeah, I know.” Clarke cooed down at Theo, who was very happily sucking away at her breast. Theo seemed to have a preference between formula in a bottle and her mommy – the bottle was great and all but she never seemed remotely enthusiastic about it unless she was very hungry, her mommy on the other hand, Theo was always happy about that. Lexa had a theory about that, something about how she was her daughter after all, so _of course_ she liked the boobs better. “I miss your momma too.” Theo had one hand on Clarke’s breast, eyes moving up to look at her mommy, she didn’t look all that interested in what she was saying but more so with what was in her mouth. Clarke shook her head with a small smile, “You are so much like her, Theo. She also has no idea what I’m saying when these are out.” Theo hummed, almost like she was agreeing and this time Clarke let out a small laugh – yeah, definitely Lexa’s daughter.

Lexa had left this morning even before Clarke had woken up, she had left a note saying she didn’t want to wake her up because she needed to rest, and that she was going to miss her and Theo. Clarke also woke up to a text on her phone, telling her that Lexa was about to go in for her first exam and that she’d call her after, between then and her next exam to check in on her and Theo. They tended to go down to the NICU together first thing in the morning, Clarke to feed Theo and Lexa to spend with with her girls and make silly faces at her daughter. But Clarke was alone in going down there today, so it was a little different.

They were getting Clarke to breastfeed Theo more times in the day now; she was fed around eight times, and they tried to get Clarke to nurse about three of those times. The rest were either formula or breastmilk that Clarke had pumped – it was recommended she did that every two hours, it helped with the _production_. Clarke liked this time she got to spend with Theo, it helped them bond, it was _their_ time, and Clarke had to admit there weren’t too many things better than how she felt when her daughter fell asleep on her chest while feeding.

She couldn’t do skin to skin with Theo, not yet anyways, that tended to be Lexa’s job because the baby still couldn’t retain her body heat especially when Clarke’s body temperature was colder than average. And Lexa was warm, Theo liked laying on her chest, listening to Lexa talk to her, it was their thing; that was Lexa’s alone time with Theo. And this was Clarke’s. They both really liked the fact that they already had specific things they got to do with Theo, specific ways they got to bond with their daughter and spend time with her. Clarke loved the feeling of having her in her arms, Theo looking up at her with her hand resting on her chest, every now and cooing at her or making small noises even while feeding when Clarke talked to her.

“So tell me,” Clarke started jokingly, “How is your day going?” She reached down, readjusting the cloth under Theo’s cheek to catch the drips. “Enjoying your breakfast?”

“So you and Lexa have the same sense of humor, huh?” Maya said as she walked up to the two of them.

Clarke chuckled, nodding, “She just rubbed off on me,” She told her. “I used to be a lot better before she came along.”

“Where is Theo’s other mom today, anyways?” Maya asked, tilting her head slightly. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here without her.”

“Back in school.” Clarke replied with a sigh. “It’s exam week, she won’t be back till after three today.” She looked down at Theo, “I think she misses her.”

“That’s got to be hard.” Maya commented, “So she’s off all week?”

“Unfortunately.” Clarke nodded. “But most days is only for a couple of hours. It’s just a long day today.” She lowered her voice, muttering quietly, “And I already miss her terribly.”

“You two make a cute couple.” Maya told her, Clarke giving a small smile in response.

“So, how is this little one doing?” Clarke asked about Theo. “She seems to be getting better.”

“She is.” The nurse nodded, “She’s doing really well, and you and Lexa spending more time her is making a huge difference.” She added. “Theo’s feeding more at a time now, so she’s gaining weight steadily, it’s making it easier for her to retain her body temperature for longer.” Clarke nodded, happy with the progress her daughter was making. “Another day or two, and we should be able to get rid of all these pesky tubes and wires.”

“Really?” Clarke asked in pleasant surprise. “Oh, that’s great.” She turned her eyes to look at Theo, “You hear that baby? You’re gonna be free, yes you are.”

“Yeah, she’s stable, and we’ll still monitor her vitals regularly but it’s important to take the machines away.” Maya answered. “It’ll allow her more freedom of movement, get her arms and legs moving. She’s not restricted now, but she definitely feels like it.” Clarke nodded, letting her continue. “And then we can get you and Lexa to do some exercises with her, move her arms and legs around, help strengthen her and get those motor skills going.”

“That’s great,” Clarke smiled softly, it really was, it meant her daughter was closer to leaving the NICU, leaving the hospital. “That’s so great Maya, it means she’s getting closer to getting out of here.”

“You must be getting impatient to take her home.”

“We really are.” Clarke nodded. “Her grandparents have everything set up and ready for their granddaughter and they can’t wait to get her home.”

“They haven’t met her yet, have they?” Maya asked, one of the harder parts about having babies in the NICU was that most of the family didn’t get to meet them until they were well enough to leave. Sometimes it wasn’t for long, only about a week or two, but when babies were premature or very sick, they were here much longer. Like Theo had been here for almost two weeks now, she would be for about another week too, so it would be some time before she got to meet the rest of the family.

“Nope,” Clarke shook her head. “They’ve only seen pictures and me and Lexa have pretty much talked their ears off about her.” She ran a finger over the side of Theo’s face as Theo released her nipple from her mouth – telling her mommy she was done. “My friends can’t wait to meet her either, they’ve appointed themselves as her aunts.” Clarke added, slowly bringing her up to cradle her in her arm instead. She wiped her mouth gently, Theo sticking her tongue out to lick the cloth, making her mom laugh.

Maya couldn’t help but smile at the baby, watching Clarke with her. There was an ease in her movements now, she was a lot more comfortable with holding and moving Theo. “So Theo’s already got a lot of people waiting for her, huh?”

“Yeah, she’s gonna get spoiled.” Clarke took a small breath, looking back at her daughter with a soft look before picking her up and holding her upright against her front with Theo’s chin on her shoulder. Clarke had one hand supporting her head and neck, the other rubbing her back to burp her. Yeah, her and Lexa were definitely getting better with things like this, they weren’t as nervous about accidentally hurting her, they were starting to feel like they knew what they were doing. “You’ve got so many people who love you, Theo.” She did, she had her moms, her grandparents, her _aunts_. But it also made Clarke think about her mom, no she didn’t want Abby anywhere near Theo – or herself for that matter – but she missed having a mom, and she couldn’t help but wonder how things could have been if Abby had been… _different_ about this whole thing.

“It’s impossible not to.” Maya said with a smile, “With that face and those eyes, she’s going to have everyone wrapped around her tiny finger.”

“I think she already does.”

* * *

It had been a good day today, Lexa was only one day off being done with exams – and high school for that matter. She only had one exam in the morning, which meant she was back at the hospital to her girls by noon. Clarke was greeted with some good news when she went into the NICU this morning. As Maya had mentioned a couple of days ago, they had taken away all the machines from Theo, she was happy and free in the incubator, moving her arms and legs much more than Clarke had seen before. For the first time she looked like a normal baby, how Clarke had expected to see her when she was born, and she couldn’t help but tear up at the thought of that. As good as the last few days had been, seeing Theo with all the tubes and wires was upsetting; they were just another reminder of how things had been, of how Theo couldn’t go home, of how she couldn’t be with her moms, of how she hadn’t met the rest of family yet, of how at one point she couldn’t breathe on her own.

Theo’s motor skills were developing slower than usual because of the machines, it didn’t hurt or anything like that but it was still restrictive and she felt uncomfortable to move around too much. So she looked happier today, it seemed like being able to move around without the fear of tugging on anything was doing her good. Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she watched Theo, thinking about how she couldn’t wait to tell Lexa about it. She’d be over the moon to know that all Theo needed in the NICU now was the incubator, to know that she was that much closer to finally being able to go home.

They couldn’t wait, they really couldn’t, it had been over two weeks now; Theo’s things were waiting for her back home, her grandparents were waiting for her, Octavia and Raven couldn’t wait to meet her. And things really seemed on the up now, they were getting closer and closer to having things go back to normal – actually, it wasn’t _back to normal_ , this was all going to be new, this was going to be a new normal, something they have never experienced before. That was scary, that was a really scary thought, things would never be how they used to be before Theo. But after everything else, right now they were both just excited to start their new life; they were looking forward to how things were going to be now. They had a daughter, and to Clarke it was still the craziest thing she had ever heard, they had a baby, a little girl, they were parents and maybe it was as magical as it was scary.

Lexa also had a short day at school today, she only had one exam so she was back around noon. On top of it all, it was Clarke’s birthday today, her eighteenth birthday. No, this wasn’t how she expected to spend her birthday, if you asked her last year Clarke would have expected to have celebrated it with a party, or out with her friends, or just doing something that was typical of a teenager. But today was anything but, she was at the hospital with her newborn baby, somewhere she had been for over two weeks now. She was a mom now, she had a daughter, a partner, a lot more to life than what she expected to at eighteen, a lot more responsibilities too. And if Clarke was being honest, she wouldn’t change a thing.

It was a little past 5pm right now, Clarke sitting on the bed with Lexa, a paper plate with a slice of cake between the two of them – Lexa fighting Clarke’s fork and making her question why they didn’t just get separate plates. Lexa’s parents were here – the ones who brought the cake – Raven and Octavia too, with Lincoln on the way. Clarke wasn’t expecting it, she wasn’t expecting anyone but Lexa came back from school saying how their friends were coming later and so were her parents so to expect cake. It was her birthday after all, and a big one at that, they wanted to make it as special as they could despite the circumstances.

“Alright well,” Gustus started as him and Indra began to get up. “We’re going to get going.”

Indra nodded, “Give you kids some alone time.”

Clarke and Lexa smiled at them nodding, “Thank you guys so much,” Clarke said to them as they stepped up closer to her.

“Of course honey,” Indra leaned down, hugging Clarke. “Happy birthday.”

“We’ll see you guys later, okay?” Gustus pressed a kiss to Lexa’s forehead, then hugged Clarke. “Nice seeing you two.” He said to Raven and Octavia who waved him and Indra goodbye before they finally walked out of the room.

“Isn’t it boring here?” Raven asked once the door closed behind the Woods parents. “Like what do you even do in a hospital?”

“God, you have no idea.” Clarke sighed, “We get to see Theo more now though, so that’s at least something.”

“When can we meet her anyways?” Octavia asked with a frown. “It’s been over two weeks, how can we be aunts if we can’t even meet our niece?”

“You’ll meet her soon, hopefully.” Lexa answered. “They’ll move her to this room once she doesn’t need the incubator anymore and then it’ll be a couple more days before we can take her home.” She added. “But you’ll be able to see her once she’s here with us.”

“Oh!” Raven exclaimed suddenly. “Are you going to be home by graduation?” She asked Lexa, Clarke wouldn’t want to miss Lexa’s graduation and Lexa wasn’t sure how she’d feel about celebrating without her girlfriend and daughter.

“Oh yeah, we should be home by then.” Clarke nodded. “I don’t wanna miss this one’s big day.” She smiled up at Lexa then turned to Raven. “Or your’s.” She told her. “Don’t think I forgot.”

“When is graduation, by the way?” Octavia asked, looking around the room.

“The twelfth.” Lexa answered, thinking to herself before turning to Clarke. “Yeah we should be home by then, right?”

Clarke nodded, “Yeah, Dr. Green said four weeks at most.” Four weeks from when Theo was born, and they were over two weeks in already.

Before anyone could speak, there was a knock on the door, Lincoln’s voice calling out to say it was him before stepping inside. “Hello moms.” He greeted as he stepped in, making a beeline for Octavia.

“Hello thing that sucks on my best friend’s face.” Clarke replied jokingly, watching as they two of them kissed.

It was nice having them here, it had been a while since Clarke hung out with them all. Raven and Octavia had visited, but this was the first time Clarke was seeing Lincoln in a while. Clarke missed this, she missed her friends, she missed spending time with them and feeling like a normal teenager. It would be different when she hung out with them next, Theo would be there after they left the hospital, there would be things they couldn’t do together anymore because of that; Clarke couldn’t really stay out till late, there hadn’t been parties for a while anyways and it didn’t seem like there would be. But again, the more Clarke thought about it, the more she realized how she wouldn’t change anything about it.

.

“Do you realize how different our lives are going to be now?” Clarke asked Lexa once they were in bed for the night.

“More different than they have been the past two weeks?” Lexa asked, “Or the eight months before that?”

“Yeah,” Clarke turned in Lexa’s arms, resting her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“No, we already have a baby.” Lexa joked, grinning at her. “We’ve had one for sixteen days now.”

“Smartass.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “No I mean…it was strange having Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln over today.”

“Oh yeah?” Lexa questioned.

“Yeah, I mean, for one, we’re at a hospital.” She stated. “And it’s going to be different when we hang out with them after.” Clarke explained. “I mean we haven’t been going to parties or staying out late anyways, but now staying in is going to be different too.”

Lexa nodded, the ghost of a smile on her lips at the thought of it. “Does that worry you?” She asked her carefully, it was a lot, it really was. After all, they were just teenagers, they used to have lives that were so different before all of this. Clarke especially, she liked her social life, she liked the parties and the late nights with her friends, she liked dragging Lexa out well past a reasonable bedtime. So if Clarke felt…maybe a little upset about it, it was completely understandable, this really was a big change to what she was used to.

“That’s the weird part, Lex.” Clarke shook her head, “It doesn’t worry me at all.” She brought herself up, propping herself on her elbow. “I’m excited more than anything else.”

The smile that lit up Lexa’s face was enough to light up the entire room, “Yeah I am too.”

“I didn’t think I’d be this excited. When I found out I was pregnant, I really didn’t think I was going to be excited at all when the baby came.” Clarke admitted, getting a little teary at the thought of it. “It was really scary at the start and yeah, maybe I’ll miss some of the things we used to do but I’m so excited about our new life with Theo.”

Lexa brought her head up, kissing Clarke on the lips and smiling against it. “Nights in with our little girl?” Lexa started. “Lying between us, making those cute little noises?”

“Looking up at us with those eyes?” Clarke added.

“Refusing to sleep?” Lexa quirked an eyebrow and Clarke let out a huff of laughter before nodding. “Days in with her?”

Clarke sighed, letting her head fall back on Lexa’s shoulder. “Days _out_ with her?” She asked instead. “Taking her on walks? Picnics at the park?”

“I’ll take her on my morning runs.” Lexa told her; she tended to go on runs in the mornings every weekend, and almost every day during school holidays. She liked running, but she also liked her sleep, so there was no way Lexa would willingly wake up early enough to go on a run before class in the morning. “And you can read to her.” She added. “Paint with her once she’s a little older.”

Clarke watched her for a moment, her eyes soft as she smiled. “You’ve thought about this a lot, huh?”

“Like you haven’t?” Lexa retorted, also smiling.

“Oh I have.” Clarke nodded, taking in a deep breath. “At first it used to make me anxious and overwhelmed.” She admitted. “But now I think about it, I think about her, I think about us, and it…fills me with this sense of comfort. Like…what could go wrong?”

“She’s our little miracle, isn’t she?” Lexa asked, she knew exactly what Clarke meant. She used to get anxious and panicky when she thought about the fact that they were going to have a baby, and that she was going to be a parent, and how she was going to responsible for another human being. But now it was the complete opposite. Now she thought about Theo, thought about their life together, and all Lexa felt was this warmth in her chest.

“Yeah, she is.” Clarke sniffled, trying to pull the tears back into her eyes as they spilled onto Lexa’s shirt. “How can it not be exciting and amazing when she’s…so perfect?” She breathed out.

“I know.” Lexa nodded. “I can’t wait to take her home. There’s so many things I can’t wait to do with her.”

“Yeah, me too.” Clarke tilted her head up, kissing Lexa’s jaw. “Not gonna lie, it’s still scary.”

“Oh it’s definitely scary.”

“But I’m excited to have a daughter.” Clarke nodded. “It still feels weird to say that.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Lexa asked, shaking her head. “I can’t say it with a straight face, because it sounds so crazy.” She let out a small laugh. “We have a daughter. We’re moms.” She shook her head, scoffing. “What the hell, huh? How did that happen?”

“Tell me about it.”

* * *

“And I am officially done with high school.” Clarke heard as the door to the room opened and Lexa walked inside. It was the last day of exams, Lexa had two today, so it was a little later on in the day now but she was finally done.

“Still got graduation.” Clarke reminded her, smiling as Lexa walked up to her and kissed her in greeting.

“Like I said,” Lexa disregarded what Clarke just said, “I am officially done with high school.” She dropped her backpack on the floor by the foot of the bed before sitting down. “And now I get to spend a whole year doing absolutely nothing.” She joked.

“Of course,” Clarke nodded seriously, “Other than, say, taking care of our daughter.”

“Yeah,” Lexa waved it off, “But that’s gonna be easy.” She gave Clarke a playful smile, “It’s not like that’s a full time job or anything, she’s only just a tiny human being.”

“Who smiled today, by the way.” Clarke did her best to sound calm and keep the excitement out of her voice, but this was the first time Theo smiled.

“What?!” Lexa exclaimed. “She smiled? She…she smiled for the first time?” Her eyes softened, they had been trying to get her to smile for days now, but Theo seemed reluctant. She rewarded them with noises instead, cooing and humming, blowing raspberries, sticking her tongue out at them maybe.

Clarke nodded, already pulling out her phone to show Lexa the few pictures she managed to get. “Tickled her tummy while changing her diaper and she smiled.” She told her. “Which was very quickly followed by a squeal of disapproval.” Clarke shook her head slightly, “I don’t think she likes being tickled very much,” She finally found the pictures she was looking for, “Here look, I managed to get her to smile again and got a couple of pictures.” Clarke handed the phone to her girlfriend, now open to a blurry photo of Theo. “But they’re not very clear,” She explained. “Theo doesn’t really stay still.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the way Lexa’s eyes lit up as she looked at the photos of their daughter. “Your daughter after all, right?”

Lexa nodded absentmindedly, all her focus on the small screen in her hands. “Right.” She tore her eyes away a moment later, after having looked through the five pictures Clarke had taken, and back at Clarke, “I’m going to be the one to make her laugh, just saying.” Lexa told her jokingly.

“It’s not a competition, you know?” Clarke matched her tone, quirking an eyebrow.

“Maybe,” Lexa settled, “But I’m the funny one.” She shrugged, looking back at the phone in her hand which was opened to the clearest picture Clarke had taken. Lexa let out a small breath, a small smile coming on her face as she looked at those eyes – they weren’t too different from the ones right in front of her – forgetting for a moment what her and Clarke were even taking about. “She’s so perfect.”

“Yeah she is.” Clarke nodded, “She gets that bit from you, you know? The whole _being perfect_ thing.”

Lexa turned her eyes away, trying to suppress a smile as she felt the heat creeping up her cheeks and to the tips of her ears.

“Look at your ears.” Clarke loved teasing her about it, Lexa blushing ended up with her ears hot and red more so than her cheeks. “They’re already red.” She reached forward, gently pinching her ear with the tip of her fingers. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at the way tried to Lexa wiggle out of her grip, “It’s so easy to make you blush, all I had to do was call you perfect.”

“Leave me alone,” Lexa muttered, trying to push Clarke’s hand away. “My ears are very sensitive.”

That only made Clarke laugh more, “And it’s adorable.”

Lexa pouted at her, “I’m not _adorable_.”

“Yes, you are.” Clarke argued, the pout only proving her point. She reached out again, hand going behind Lexa’s ear this time and tickling the sensitive skin. It made her squirm and giggle – involuntarily – practically jumping back and away from Clarke but there wasn’t much space left on the end of the bed. “See, adorable.”

“Mean.” Lexa shook her head, Clarke finally letting her go. “I don’t like being tickled.” That wasn’t entirely true, it wasn’t that Lexa hated it, it was that it made her giggle. And she didn’t like to giggle, it wasn’t even an actual laugh and Lexa seemed to have no control over it when she was tickled. And well, maybe Clarke liked to take advantage of it, saying how her giggle was adorable – and it really was, it was small and cute and it never failed to make Clarke’s heart melt.

“Like your daughter.” Clarke pointed out, yet another similarity. “I wonder if Theo’s ticklish there too, she’s already practically a mini you.” She held out her hand to her this time, “Now come on, wash up, we’ll get some food, and then we can go down to see tiny-you.” Lexa nodded, yawning as she closed her eyes for a moment. “But maybe you should probably take a nap.” Clarke said watching her, “I don’t think you got much sleep last night.”

“I did not, no.” Lexa agreed, lying back on the bed. She was laying horizontally, only her upper body on the bed with the rest of her sticking out.

“Did you sleep at all?” Clarke asked as she thought back to last night, she was worried about her exams today. It was the last two, today was the last day of exams, and it just so happened to be the two Lexa _despised_ the most – math and chemistry. It was a little odd that they fell on the same day, and Lexa was nervous about it, she wasn’t too sure about how well she’d do.

Lexa very begrudgingly took math and chemistry, because she didn’t have much of a choice. There was no escaping math, or at least some form of it – algebra, pre-calc, calc, something depending on how much you liked numbers – and she needed to take one science at least. Physics was a definitive no – because of all the math – and biology really wasn’t Lexa’s thing, she couldn’t put her finger on it, she just didn’t like it, so that left her with chemistry. And well, Lexa wasn’t too great at it, the only reason she was passing with decent grades was Raven. She had been helping her with it all year; being the rocket-scientist she was aspiring to be, she was taking all the AP science classes, so helping Lexa with stuff she did in her junior year wasn’t too hard.

So Lexa spent most of the night on the couch, she couldn’t sleep and she didn’t want to be tossing and turning in that tiny bed all night and disturbing Clarke. She needed to sleep, she needed the rest – according to Lexa it really had been less than three weeks since Clarke gave birth, and that meant she needed to rest and take things easy. If they had gone home right after Theo was born, Lexa would have made sure to do pretty much everything around the house so Clarke could just stay in bed and rest and recover for at least the first month. It had been a little easier to do that being in the hospital; Clarke was stuck pretty much in one room and so Lexa could make sure she stayed in bed, took things easy, and got enough rest.

“I did.” Lexa forced out, doing her best to sound as convincing as possible. But Clarke could see right through that and shot her a look, “Fine, I didn’t.”

Clarke sighed, moving closer to Lexa by the end of the bed. “Babe, that’s not good.”

“I know.” Lexa nodded, yawning again and closing her eyes as Clarke brought her hand up to run through her hair. Her fingers were soft and gentle against her scalp, making it a little difficult to keep her eyes open. “I was worried about today, and every hour I was like ‘if I fall asleep now, I’ll get this-many-hours of sleep’.” She explained, “And before I knew it, I had to be in class in an hour.”

“Okay well, you need sleep.” Clarke told her matter-of-factly. “Maybe some food first, though.” She added.

“Eh,” Lexa shrugged. “I had lunch I’m not hungry.” She said to Clarke. “Could definitely use some sleep though.”

“I think you deserve all the sleep you can get after this week, babe.” Clarke gave her a soft smile, fingers still running through Lexa’s hair. “You’ve worked really hard. I’m proud of you.” She told her. “I know it’s been less than ideal, but you’ve really put in the work and I couldn’t be prouder.”

Lexa smiled up at her in response. “Now we wait to know how many of the exams I failed.”

“Zero,” Clarke stated confidently, Lexa was nowhere near failing any of her subjects but exams really weren’t her thing, she tended to work really hard on assignments and tests throughout the year to keep her grades up because she knew exams wouldn’t go quite as well. But she wasn’t going to fail anything, Clarke knew that for a fact. “You’ve passed them all, and with more than decent grades.”

“We’ll see.” Lexa stifled another yawn, okay fine, she was tired. “Now come on,” Lexa said, about to get up. “I wanna see Theo, I’ve missed her. I can take a nap later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww they're so cute. i love them. they're adorable. and yeah, things are getting better for them, theo's doing really well, clexa are doing good, lexa's done with high school and now she's got some time to spend with her daughter without having to worry about anything else. also them talking about the future?? how cute is that?? lexa's really thought about it and she can't wait to get theo home coz there's so much she wants to do with her and its all just as;dlfjskdjfdfsfsdf ANYWAYS thanks for reading, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought.


	32. Motherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theo is finally being moved out of the NICU and into the room with her moms. So we get to see their first night together. Also grandma and grandpa Woods stop by to see their granddaughter for the first time - and they obviously have presents. Clarke and Lexa seem to be settling into motherhood pretty well, but they have to give Theo some credit, she's been pretty easy so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING LAST WEEK. i got my weeks confused and updated hollow stars instead. i also had that one's chapter ready but not this for some reason. so anyways. this is a v cute chapter with our favorite girls. theo is finally out of the nicu. and also the chapter ends with her going home.

“We’ve got a new Woods moving in with you two today,” Dr. Green said with a smile as he stepped into Clarke’s room.

Theo was finally being moved out of the NICU and into the room with Clarke – and Lexa – which also meant she was only a few days from being able to go home. Clarke and Lexa were in the room right now, getting things sorted and ready for their new addition to join them; Clarke had spent _18 very long days_ in here as she kept saying – Lexa had too for the most part too – so it was very much _their_ room right now. There were things all around the place; phone and laptop chargers, clothes definitely not folded on a chair in the corner of the room, food and snacks strewn all over the place to name a few things, so they needed to tidy around and make some room for Theo’s things.

They had been working all morning really, they knew since yesterday that Theo was going to be joining them. They were excited, they were _very_ excited to finally have her here with them, to have her with them constantly rather than getting to see her only a couple of hours every day. It was a little nerve wracking though, a little scary, up until this point, they had _supervision_ when they were with Theo, or when they were taking care of her – that took some of the pressure away. But now they were going to be on their own for the most part, Theo’s medical team were still only a call away if they needed anything, but she was going to be with them now, Theo’s first _point of contact_ would be her moms.

But the excitement outweighed all of that; they were going to see her all day every day now, every second of every day, something both Clarke and Lexa had been looking forward to since even before Theo was born. Lexa wanted to see her more than just a couple of hours a day, wanted to have more skin-to-skin time with her than just half an hour, she just wanted her daughter closer to her. Clarke wanted it too, wanted to be able to see her daughter whenever she wanted to, be able hold her, be there to comfort her when she was being fussy or crying or upset for one reason or another.

“And when is miss Theo moving in?” Lexa asked with a playful smile as she finished clearing out the table for Theo’s things.

“In a few minutes.” The doctor replied, “Gaia is getting her ready to move out of her last place, her lease is expired.” He joked back. “I think she’ll prefer it here.”

“She’ll have better roommates.” Lexa shrugged. “We don’t cry all the time or poop our pants.”

Clarke let out a chuckle, gently smacking Lexa’s arm with her hand. “And I apologize for _whatever_ my girlfriend is.” She told Dr. Green, doing her best to sound seriously despite the smile she was fighting. “She doesn’t have the best sense of humor.”

Lexa gasped very audibly, looking at Clarke with wide eyes, “I am very funny, thank you very much.”

“Alright, so I can see you two are all set for baby Woods,” He said, looking around the room and the moms nodded. “And I’m pretty sure we’ve covered almost everything already, so there shouldn’t be anything you guys can’t handle.”

“Fingers crossed,” Lexa quipped, holding up her hand with her fingers crossed.

The doctor smiled at her, “She’s doing great, there’s no causes for concern, so you two are good.” He reassured them. “There is one thing though,” He started as Clarke took a seat on the bed and Lexa joined her. “Are you planning on having visitors?”

They both nodded before Lexa answered, “Just my parents,” They knew it was best to limit visitors for a while, at least till they were home and even then they’d be better off waiting about a week or so before having anyone came over to see Theo. As well as she was doing, her immune system was still developing, it was weaker than a full-term baby’s at this age and having contact with more people meant more chances of her catching something. “But don’t worry, we’ll make sure they wash their hands and warm them up before getting anywhere near Theo.”

“Perfect,” He gave them a thumbs up, “If you need anything or have any questions, we’re all still right here.” That really was the whole point of these couple of days where Theo would be _rooming in_ with her parents, gave them the chance to take over completely but still have a safety net if they needed it. Most of the time, parents didn’t, but it was peace of mind, it gave them a bit more confidence. It was still daunting after having their babies in the NICU, it was still scary and more nerve wracking because well, the babies were still small, and after having seen them _like that_ parents tended to be a bit more cautious worried about accidentally doing something wrong. “Theo’s nurses and I are still going to be checking up on her regularly, so you’re not going to be alone.”

“We’re very excited.” Clarke told him with a soft smile. “It’ll be nice to finally have her here with us.”

“And in about three to four days, you’ll be taking her home.”

.

It wasn’t more than ten minutes after Dr. Green left that Gaia was bringing Theo into the room. Theo was in a clear bassinette with a pink blanket, dressed in a white onesie and hat as well as socks. But she was also sound asleep, so Lexa was quick to turn the main lights off, replacing it with the floor lamp instead. Gaia had said the light wasn’t going to bother her, she was used to sleeping in the NICU during the day with the lights on. But they wanted to make her comfortable, keep the room quiet and dim while she slept, give her as long as she wanted without anything bothering her and waking her up.

She had been asleep for about an hour and a half now, Clarke and Lexa sitting on the bed and just watching her. It was next to impossible to take their eyes off of her, she wasn’t even doing anything, Theo was just sleeping but it was still the most interesting thing to look at. She was perfect, Clarke and Lexa couldn’t help but smile every time they so much as looked at her, they still couldn’t quite believe this was their little girl, that this was their daughter and she was here with them. Theo was perfect in every sense of the word, from the way her eyes fluttered in her sleep, to the way her chest rose and fell with every breath; you could see both her moms when you looked at her, eyes, nose, chin, and well, after the past eighteen very long days, having her here with them felt amazing.

“So, is she just going to sleep?” Lexa finally asked Clarke, reaching into Theo’s bed and gently running her finger over her arm.

“She’s an infant Lexa, they don’t do much.” Clarke told her with a smile, shaking her head. “Even if she was awake, what would she be doing right now?”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “It’d be more fun.”

“I think we’re supposed to take advantage of her sleeping,” Clarke noted, remembering how almost every article and book she had read said that they should be sleeping when the baby does so they’d have the energy to keep up with her when she was awake. “Sleep, and rest, so we can keep up when she’s awake.”

“Yeah, but I’m not sleepy. Or tired” Lexa told her, “I’m a little too excited, to be honest.” She couldn’t help but smile, moving up and closer to Theo to readjust her blanket. It was absolutely fine, it was tucked nice and snug right under her chest, with her arms free, and no chance of it getting over her head. But Lexa wanted to be on the safer side, she also wanted to do _something_ , she was getting antsy, and it did look like the left side was coming lose from under the mattress. “It’s nice to be able to see her whenever we want to,” Lexa sighed, “Have her finally here with us.”

“I know,” Clarke smiled as Lexa sat back and she wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist. “I really can’t explain the relief I feel, Lex.” She told her honestly, leaning her head against her shoulder. “It’s like a weight has finally been lifted off my shoulders.”

Lexa nodded, “Tell me about it.” She leaned her cheek against the top of Clarke’s head. “It feels like I can breathe for the first time since…” She sighed, it had been stressful, it had been really stressful, not just since Theo had been born but well before that too. “February,”

“February?” Clarke questioned, turning her head to look at her.

“When you ended up in the hospital.” Lexa explained. “I don’t think there was a moment since then I wasn’t worried.” She finally admitted, it had been difficult, Lexa would be lying if she said it hadn’t.

“It’s been a rough ride, hasn’t it?” Clarke asked, relaxing against her again.

“It really has.” Lexa nodded. “But the hard part’s over now, right?” Her voice was quiet and soft, looking at Theo as she spoke. “We have this little thing in our lives, and she’s finally okay, she’s finally with us.” A smile tugged at her lips, “It all feels worth it when I look at her.”

“I know, right?” Clarke asked her, her cheeks hurting from how wide she was smiling right now at the thought of it. “Our baby is finally here with us, I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting for this,” She nodded towards the basin, “How long I’ve been waiting to just watch her sleep, and do the most mundane of things.”

Before either of them could say anything else, Theo started to stir, moving her arms and kicking her legs under the blanket just slightly. Lexa straightened up, moving closer to her and placing her hand on Theo to comfort her when she let out a small whine and her eyes flutter open. She blinked a few times, making small disgruntled noises as she looked at the person in front of her before finally letting out a very small cry. “Aww, baby.” Lexa cooed as she stood up to pick her up. “It’s okay, sweetie, I got you.” She gently picked up the crying baby, cradling her in her arms with ease even as Theo moved around in discontent. “You’re okay.”

Clarke only watched the two of them with a soft look in her eyes, Lexa slowly pacing the room with Theo in her arm, talking to her softly and trying to soothe her. No, this wasn’t the first time she had seen Lexa with Theo, or seen her comforting her when she was crying – although that hadn’t happened too many times – but this was different, this time it was very different. They were alone now, just the three of them, in their room, in their little sanctuary, no one else around them, no nurses, no doctors, no bright lights even. This was just them, and it was very different seeing Lexa now with their daughter. “Motherhood looks good on you, Lex.”

“Yeah?” Lexa turned her eyes to Clarke, gently bouncing Theo who was starting to calm down now. “I think so too.” She looked back at the baby in her arm, smiling at her, “Yes, I do.” Theo’s crying had stopped by now, but she was still frowning as she looked up at her momma, “Are you calming down finally, cranky pants?” Lexa asked her playfully, “Or are you just grumpy after waking up like your mommy?” Theo made a small noise, humming as she waved her hand. “Yeah, she’s grumpy too in the morning.” Lexa glanced over at Clarke as she spoke, receiving a glare. “Very grumpy.”

“Don’t listen to her, Theo.” Clarke said as she got up from her spot, walking up to her girlfriend and daughter. “She’s just being mean to me.” Nevertheless, she smiled up at Lexa, slipping an arm around her waist and resting her chin on her shoulder to look at Theo. “Look at where you are baby,” She said to the baby who moved her eyes to Clarke from Lexa. “You’re staying with your momma and me now.”

“Yeah,” Lexa spoke softly, moving the baby in her arm so she was more upright. “I spent the whole morning cleaning for you,” She told her, stepping away from Clarke as she went giving Theo a tour of the room. “That’s your bottles and formula,” She stood in front of the table, pointing with her free hand before lowering her head so it was next to Theo’s and gently nudged her nose against the baby’s temple. “And mommy’s good stuff is in the fridge over there,” Lexa brushed a kiss to her skin, speaking quietly like she was sharing a secret with her. “But you can get it straight from the source most of the time now,” She turned around to face Clarke again, settling Theo back to lay down in her arms. She seemed to have long forgotten why she was crying, now calm and very intently looking around and listening to her moms.

“You’re impossible,” Clarke shook her head, a small laugh escaping her lips. “Bring her here,” She told her instead, “I think she’s had enough of a tour of this room.”

“Yeah, I think I’ve covered everything.” Lexa nodded seriously, “And I think she’s getting hungry.” Theo had been fed while she was asleep but that was only a little while after she had been moved to the room, so that was over an hour and a half ago. And Lexa knew what to look out for, she knew the cues by now that meant Theo was hungry. “We’re going to mommy, yes we are.” Yeah, she seemed a little restless, moving around more so than she was even a couple of minutes ago, the unhappy look starting to return to her face.

Clarke nodded, unbuttoning the shirt she was wearing as Lexa made her way back to the bed to her. “Yeah, it’s about lunch time for her.” She said as she waited for Lexa to put Theo down in her arms. “Come here, sweetie.”

.

Gustus and Indra had come over later on in the day, showing up with more presents – it was only fair given that this was the first time they were meeting their granddaughter – a couple of soft toys, a blanket, a pack of socks, only to have Clarke and Lexa remind them that Theo would be home in a few days. They stayed for a couple of hours, Theo instantly taking a liking to both her grandma and grandpa – and Clarke was almost entirely certain that she saw Gustus tear up when he held Theo for the first time. Okay, maybe Clarke teared up a bit too, seeing how happy they both were to finally meet her, to see them talk to her and coo at her and hold her, she couldn’t help but think how it might be if her dad was still alive. Gustus made her feel very close to how Jake did, and seeing him with Theo made her wonder what her dad would have been like with his granddaughter.

They really had been amazing, not for a moment did they make Clarke feel bad about it, make her feel like she was tying their daughter down – yeah, maybe Clarke still felt that sometimes, felt a little guilty about it because what if Lexa regretted it five, ten, fifteen years down the line. But then again, the moment she looked Lexa, looked at Theo, looked at her little family, every worry left her mind. Lexa looked so happy with Theo, the spark in her eyes, the smile constantly on her face, how could Clarke be worried when this is what her future held? Indra and Gustus were just as amazing, Clarke felt like she was part of the family, they loved their granddaughter from the moment they knew about her, she could see it in their eyes when they looked at her. Everything was okay, everything was no less than perfect.

“What are you thinking?” Lexa asked Clarke quietly, they were in bed now, the lights out and Theo sound asleep in her little bassinette next to their bed. Clarke was laying in Lexa’s arms, neither of them having much to say right now, they just wanted to enjoy the silence, enjoying each other’s company – and Theo was asleep anyways, they didn’t want to bother her.

“I’m happy,” Clarke answered absentmindedly.

“Yeah?” Lexa asked her, softly smiling as she kissed her forehead.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, turning slightly to look Lexa. “It was nice seeing your parents today. It was nice seeing them with Theo.” She smiled as she thought about it. “I’m glad she has a family who loves her so much.”

Lexa nodded, furrowing her brows slightly when she heard the slight crack in her voice. “Are you okay?” Clarke did say she was happy only a moment ago.

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke nodded. “I have you, I have Theo, I have Indra and Gustus, I’m happy.”

“But?” Lexa couldn’t help but question at that, seeing how Clarke’s eyes were misted over even in the dark. “I can tell when there’s something on your mind, Clarke.”

Clarke sighed, yeah there was no getting past Lexa. “My mom,” She finally told her. “I am happy Lex, I really really am. When I look at Theo, or you, or the two of you together, I can’t _not_ be happy.” Lexa gave her a smile, nodding and letting her continue. “But I miss my mom, well it’s weird…I don’t miss _her_ so much as…I miss having a mom.” Clarke snuggled in closer to Lexa. “And your parents make me feel right at home, I know they love me and I love them too.” She sighed. “But it makes me miss…my parents.” Clarke closed her eyes, feeling the tears starting to come. “Is that dumb?”

“No,” Lexa shook her head. “Not at all.” She told her. “Feelings are weird, you can be happy and still upset about some other things. It’s not dumb at all.”

“Time heals all wounds and all that, right?” Clarke chuckled, shaking her head as she looked up at Lexa. “Guess all I need is some time. And until then, I have a pretty great family to lean on.”

“You do,” Lexa smiled at her, leaning down and kissing her softly. “Right by your side through everythin-” Before she could finish, Theo’s small cry rang out, drawing their eyes to the noise. “And that’s my cue.” Lexa said with a small sigh, untangling herself from Clarke before getting up and making her way a couple of steps away to where the baby. “Come here, Theo.” She picked her up gently, “What’s wrong, sweetie?” She asked her quietly, settling her in her arm. “Are you hungry?”

“I’ll get a bottle,” As much as Clarke loved breastfeeding her, it did take some effort and right now she was a little tired – not to mention how her nipples were starting to get chapped and she had applied some balm to it just before getting into bed. “But I got it,” She said as she got off the bed herself, clumsily making her way to the mini fridge to get a bottle. “It’ll be warmed by the time you calm her down.” Clarke told her as she turned the bottle warmer on and put it in, watching as Lexa gently bounced on her legs and spoke to Theo to calm her down.

* * *

“Good morning my little angel,” Lexa said as she smiled down at Theo, looking up at her momma with sleepy eyes. She had just woken up, only a couple of minutes ago and was still stretching out her arms and legs. “How did you sleep?” She asked gently, reaching to the baby and running her finger along the side of Theo’s face, watching as she stuck her tongue out in response. “Let’s go to mommy, you must be hungry.” Lexa slowly picked her up, placing a soft kiss to her temple before pressing her nose to Theo’s neck and inhaling deeply, “You smell so good, Theo.”

“She does, doesn’t she?” Clarke asked as Lexa gently bounced Theo in her arms, watching as the baby replied with a smile to her momma. “Babies smell the best.”

“They do.” Lexa nodded, her eyes still on Theo, “Yes you do, but not when you need a change though,” She swung the baby from side to side slowly; they had learned over the last couple of days of having her here in the room with them that Theo liked to be moved around. Whether it was swinging her in her arms, or bouncing her, or even just walking around the room with her, Theo seemed to love it; the bouncing and swinging was almost always guaranteed to get her to smile. “And you have the most perfect little smile,” She stepped up to Clarke who was settled in bed, waiting to feed their daughter. “Let’s go to mommy now,” Lexa turned her eyes up to Clarke with a smile, very slowly and carefully moving Theo from her arms to Clarke’s.

“Are you hungry sweetheart?” Clarke asked as she positioned Theo in her arm and holding her to her side, they had tried other positions since the first time but the _football hold_ seemed to be the one both Theo and Clarke preferred the most. “You only got up once last night.” Theo looked up at her mommy, watching her speak with all her attention, almost not noticing it when Clarke brought her breast closer to Theo’s mouth and she took it almost automatically.

“I got up to feed her again,” Lexa told her with a smile, “But even that was a long time ago.” Theo was good at night; they’ve had her for only three nights now, but they were starting to get an idea of what she was like at night. Theo woke up twice, the second night she didn’t even cry the second time she woke up, only made a few unhappy noises to let at least one of her moms know she was awake – and hungry. “She’s really good at night.” Lexa commented as she sat down on the foot of the bed and watched Clarke with Theo. “I’m hoping it will stay like that when we get home too.”

“I’m not holding my breath on that.” Clarke shook her head lightly as Theo’s hand came up to rest on her mom’s boob making Lexa laugh at the small action. “But it would be great if she made things a tiny bit easier.”

“We’ll find out soon enough.” Lexa reminded her, “That’s right Theo,” She moved over closer to the two of them until she was close enough to run her finger along the few strands of Theo’s hair. “We’re going home today,” She looked up at Clarke with a smile, “In a couple of hours, actually.”

“Can’t believe we’re finally taking her home.” Clarke replied with a small sigh, it really had been a long few weeks.

Lexa nodded, moving to lay down across the bed a little away from her girlfriend and daughter. Theo may have slept well last night, but Lexa hadn’t, it was more to do with the excitement of the next day than anything else. They were finally taking her home, their little girl was going home with them today. And there was a lot to that, most of their things had been packed away the previous night, but there were still some of Theo’s things that needed to be put away, Theo needed to be dressed in more than just her bodysuit – but thankfully it was the middle of summer so they didn’t have to worry about keeping her warm –, she needed to be set up in the car seat which Lexa was a little nervous about given how complicated the whole thing was. It was already in the backseat of her car, Lexa had done it a few days ago because she knew it would take a while and she had to make sure she got it in properly.

It was just approaching noon when they finally left the hospital room, all the paperwork had been filled out, they’d talked to Dr. Green and even said goodbye to the nurses who looked after their daughter in the NICU. Theo was very comfortably lying in the detachable part of her car seat – helped with space management really, and it was convenient being able to put her in the seat before clipping it onto the base in the car. Lexa had her diaper bag slung on one shoulder, the other hand holding the baby carrier – no, she wasn’t going to let Clarke carry anything, sure it had been three weeks now, but Lexa was still determined to not let Clarke do anything that could put pressure on her body. The rest of their things were already packed in the car, and Lexa’s parents had even offered to come by and help or even pick them up. But Lexa had her car here, so it really didn’t make much sense to have them come pick them up.

The drive back home wasn’t long, Theo had fallen asleep about five minutes in from the calming motion of the car. Clarke had opted to sit in the back with her, just to keep her company because they seemed to had forgotten the mirror for Theo’s seat that would allow them to see her from the front. They made light conversation on the way back, both of them excited to get their daughter home, to finally have her in her bed and in their room and with her own things. Indra and Gustus had gone on a small shopping trip to pick up some last-minute supplies for the baby, formula and diapers mainly because Clarke and Lexa only bought one pack of diapers before Theo decided it was time to come out.

“We can unload the car later,” Clarke said as she got out of the car, Lexa opening the door on the other side to get Theo. “I’m dying to get home.”

“Miss the bed?” Lexa asked knowingly as she unclipped the seat from the base and carefully picked it up and out of the car.

“And the decent water pressure in the shower.” Clarke added lightly, going to grab the diaper bag but Lexa reaching it before her and giving her disapproving look. “That bag’s not even heavy.”

“Yeah, and I got it.” Lexa said as she slung it over her shoulder and pushed the door closed with her hip. “Oh shit,” The door was a little loud, causing Theo to make a face in her sleep and stir uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, don’t wake up.”

“Don’t swear around her.” Clarke couldn’t help but grin, they were both certain it was going to be Clarke who swore in front of the baby first.

“She’s asleep, it doesn’t count.” Lexa shrugged lightly, pressing the key fob to lock the door as they both finally walked the small distance over to the front door.

“Finally home, huh?” Clarke asked as she rang the doorbell, waiting for either Indra or Gustus to answer.

The smile wouldn’t go away from Lexa’s face as she looked from her girlfriend to her daughter. She looked so peaceful and calm, bundled in her blanket and not a worry in the world. She was at ease with her moms, and although Theo didn’t know it, Lexa told herself it was because she trusted them and felt comfortable with them. Clarke brushed it off, saying she was only three weeks old but Lexa believed it, she felt like they were doing something right. It was still scary and uncertain, Lexa didn’t think she’d have a baby at this age when she was only just starting to figure herself out. But then she looked at Theo, saw that look in her face, and all the worry melted away, made her feel like she was doing things right, that she had a handle on it all because her little girl, _her daughter_ , was happy and safe with her. “Welcome home, boop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they?????? cute??????? ugh
> 
> thanks for reading, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought.


	33. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update on part two.

Just posted the first chapter for part 2. I know it should have been yesterday but I didn't have a great day so it's up today and I hope you guys will continue on with the story with the second part and stick around to see how Clarke and Lexa deal with the baby and what their life is now.

You can read [_**part 2 here**_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28309551/chapters/69366093) and please leave me kudos and comments with what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you're liking the story so far. hit me up on bottom-lexa on tumblr if you have any questions or just wanna talk about the fic.


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